Ressentiment
by Sunmin4530
Summary: Severus Snape is an unusual boy, with unusual life. An accident in an abandoned room with Sirius Black turns his life upside down. Warning: Mpreg, Non/con, angst, M/M, Bottom!Snape, I'm not a native English speaker, complete.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, nor do I make money out of writing this. This is purely for my entertainment.**

**Warnings: I'm not a native English speaker, so my grammar and spelling may fail, this is un-beta'd fiction. And this piece may contain violence, non-con, sexual intercourse (I hope), verbal uses that children under 18 shouldn't be reading. Bottom!Snape, slow progress on relationship, mpreg, slight AU, OC.**

* * *

He had it all planned. He was prepared. He can make this work.

Severus Snape took a deep breath as he stepped into the Great Hall. His slender form covered with shabby black robes that made him look like a overgrown bat, his usual lank hair and pale—almost sallow face—was usual as always. But there was something different; the change was so subtle that no one could notice. The Slytherin boy has changed; He was not the same person as before the summer break. Something has happened, and it changed him in many ways.

* * *

The Spinner's End was dark, gloomy place even in the balmy summer days. Inside the run-down house was Severus Snape. He was an unusual boy in many ways. For one thing, he disliked summer break as it meant that he has to come back the place where he was forced to call home. This was understandable, though. But there's more.

Severus Snape was a wizard.

There's a school called Hogwarts that only accepts magically gifted children to train them to become wizards and witches in England. No one knows precisely where the building is, but there is a station with train that carries students to the school.

Every year when the new term begins, Severus would meet Lily Evans, a charming young witch with deep red hair and vivid green eyes, and they aboard onto the train and go back to the school. She was his only friend he ever had, until they were no longer friends.

He made a mistake in his fifth year and they never made up afterward.

He begged for forgiveness to her. He even stayed outside of her dormitory all night for several days to show his sincerity in his words, however, the girl didn't forgive him. It was the end, and he'd lost the one thing that was truly amazing in his life.

Now he was all alone. Alone in his school, in his House.

The only place where he wasn't was this tattered old place, except, if you can call the man who beats you in regular basis a father.

Before, Snape had Lily to anticipate during summer as her home was within walking distance and she used to pay him visits. Now, he had nothing. Nothing but smelly old house with dirty bedroom and a drunken father who keeps yelling at him for more booze. As if they could buy one with money that does not exist. The man seemed to be toned down a bit since his wife had passed a year ago. But still, he was nasty and even nastier when drunk.

With his mother gone and no more Lily to expect, this school year was terrible. More than terrible, even for Severus Snape.

Severus shuddered to recall the accident in the abandoned room just before the Break.

It happened few weeks before the vacation. He got lost in a dark corridor next to the dungeon area. It was Peeves, the wretched thing made him take the wrong turn when he was heading to his dorm. And there, a strange dim light came from a corner in the end of a corridor. Severus should have thought better but something was there, it lured him to come.

He got to the wall where the light came and went inside the place to find a boy there. Sirius Black was there lying relaxed in what looked like a chaise longue. The ridiculously beautiful boy was elegant even in his resting form. Severus tried to get out of that place immediately. But the boy caught him.

He rather not recall what happened after.

All that he could say was he tried to get his revenge. He did not want anyone to know what happened, but he couldn't let the monster walk away from his crime. However, he couldn't do anything to match what the boy had caused him. Instead, he received detentions and deduction of house point and another reminder of how just world is not a fair place.

But that was not all. Severus spat once more before flushing down yellowy gunk from the toilet. The boy sighed as he heaved himself up. He felt his legs shaking and his head pounding. At first, Severus thought he caught stomach bug or something. However, the sickness gotten worse and he tried to find out what was wrong with him.

In one of the hot, humid summer night in the Spinner's End, Severus discovered a horrifying truth.

Severus Snape was pregnant. He was 16, and has no means of making earnings, and hasn't even got out of school yet but he was pregnant. He didn't know wizards can get knocked up and he has absolutely no ideas as to how he did, but there was no denying that he was. One thing was for sure, the other father of the child is none other than Sirius Black.

As if he didn't give him enough trouble, Black gave him a bastard that Severus had no idea what to do with.

However, time was unrelenting and Severus had to come to a conclusion: he will keep this baby. He will give birth to it and raise it.

It would be more difficult than anything he has ever endured, the boy was sure of it, but he couldn't abort the pregnancy. He simply couldn't.

So Severus plotted a plan to secure his unborn child. He was due on April, which means that he will have time to recover for his N.E.W.T. He will need to find a career and a place to raise the child, as the Spinner's End was no place for children, evidently.

And he can't be a Death Eater.

It pained him to give up the only thing he so desired that it cost him the love of his life. His thirst for recognition, sense of belongings, security and power. The promise of all this was what kept him going till now. But no more. Severus expect neither the Dark Lord nor his peers to appreciate abominations such as this: male pregnancy. Completely out of nature, this was. Even for a wizard.

However, he shall have one thing that he craved even more than what the Dark Lord promised. Something to call his own. A child to call his and his only. He did not realize how much he wanted such affection for he thought Lily was the one. Never did he envision himself attached to an unborn child. Attached enough to give up everything.

Severus made his mind and he shall have this child.

And that is how the boy's seventh year began.


	2. Chapter 2

The first day of Hogwarts was pretty much usual as always. —The feast, the Sorting, flocks of students and Dumbledore.

"─Welcome to Hogwarts, and to returning students, welcome back." The white bearded wizard started to give speech as always, twinkle in his blue eyes. Dumbledore gave notices about new banned objects and prohibited areas and then he announced a new Defense Against the Dark Art teacher, who rose from his seat and bowed slightly. Then the tall wizard named the new Head boys and girls from each House.

When the headmaster named Lily, Severus involuntarily gave wince as if the name gave him a blow. He chewed on his lower lip and dug his lead low, staring at the shiny silver plate. After a while, he looked up to see if he can leave, Severus unintentionally caught the black hair boy from across. Sirius Black, oblivious to what was going on with him, sitting in the Gryffindor table with his mates and laughing.

A hot blinding hatred bubbled inside him. How dare he laugh when he put Severus' life in hell.

Severus let out a sight and tried to focus on his meal. He had to eat a lot, which was important for the expectant mother. Or father.

This whole incident was weird on its own, but adds to that, the boy remembered nothing about it at all. Severus couldn't believe that the Gryffindor had forgotten about the night at first, but when everytime he hinted about it, Black stared at him as if he was lost his mind. In the end, Severus had to conclude he really did not remember a second in that room.

Feeling disgusted, Severus put down his fork with unnecessary force.

* * *

Giving birth to a child is not an easy task

There are so many things that Severus needed to prepare for the child and labour. A place to deliver the child and to raise it, a person he could trust the child, and so on and on, there are too many to consider.

But first thing first, Severus figured he needed to find a place before anything else. He already decided to go back to the place where everything started. It may not be a pleasant place for him but he couldn't think of anywhere else inside this castle that he could hide a child within. Though he sensed that it was irrational of him to go back to there.

After the unpacking his loads in the dormitory, Severus got outside the dungeon and traced back the corridor where Peeves shoved him in. With some luck the boy was able to find the hallway alright. But the question was how he can reopen it. He drew his wand out, wondering if it help, and tap the tip on the rugged wall and surprisingly, the entrance glided opened smoothly.

He went inside to find the place rather small and empty. There was that chaise longue he remembered and there were few wooden stools here and there with one tea table. He imagined the place to be more …. Severus shook his head, trying to dispel the memory away. It did not matter, this place is going to look very different now that he was here.

"Scourgify." Severus said, waving his wand.

The dust bunnies in the room disappeared as his cast cleaning charms. He wanted the place to be neat and tidy, fit for child delivering. As he cast the charms, Severus narrowed his eyes to observe the room. It was rather triangular, with only three walls. There were no decorations he can see, nor hearth, just the chaise longue and the tea table set.

What on heaven's name is this place?

Severus furrowed his brows.

Could this place has anything to do with is conception?

He lowered his wand and looked at his watch. It was late, he had to go back. Severus stared at the place as if the answer would spring in front of him. Eventually, he made his path to the dungeon.

* * *

It felt like yesterday when he got into that train and met his buddies. But now Sirius was Seventh year and this will be the last year he will ever be here as a student. That notion made Sirius feel a little bit maudlin. Last year as student means he won't be in this stinking dungeon for doing this tedious work of brewing Forgetfulness Potion. He should be pleased with the idea but still, somehow he felt that he will miss it when all this is over.

"Moony, how do you crush Valerian sprigs?" The raven haired asked, stirring the mix in his cauldron.

"...You don't, you chop them to small pieces." Remus stared at his friend with the look of disapproval. Sirius was really brilliant when he had to, but other times like this one, he seemed so ... Peter-ish.

"So how was your summer?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, nice, I guess. Mr. Potter brought us Snake Pit, you know, it was quite fun." Sirius answered chopping the sprigs into pieces. He did enjoy that game, even though his first reaction to the present was polite gratitude disguising indifference.

The black haired put all the chopped Valerian Sprigs into the boiling cauldron, he turned to Remus. "How was yours? I remember you telling me you had a few visitors?"

"Oh, yeah, that. My mum's side of the family. Hand me the berries, would you? It was Ok, same as usual." The brown haired boy smiled weakly. Sirius have known that his friend enjoys being with his family but having them for a longer period than few weeks means there'd be some complications. So he didn't press further, and handed Remus the ingredient.

"Did you hear what Peter's been doing? He went to some adventure with his cousins and got himself a serious injury. He's been boasting about it all night. As if broken fingers take count as being cool."

They both laughed. Remus did notice that his chubby little fellow's been looking more smug than usual. As if he'd done something awesome. The brown hair quickly smacked his lips tight to stifle laugh as Slughorn turned his gaze.

But it wasn't only the professor who heard them giggling. Severus looked up from his nearly done potion and found the two of the marauders trying and failing to stifle giggling. His brows immediately furrowed with disdain. He barely swallowed down the urge to hex the boy.

How can he not remember it? After all, it was him who forced the incident. Or maybe that despicable wretch is trying to play innocent. Severus thought as he ground his ingredient with unnecessary force. Though he knew it was unlikely case, as Black should've started doing something, if he was that malice enough to force himself upon someone like Severus. Like, following him or taunting him, or do whatever he does to his targets to humiliate them. The skinny boy scooped up the powdered ingredient and poured it into the cauldron. The content gave small spiraling fume and turned bright orange when it supposed to be scarlet red. The frown on the Slytherin boy's brows deepened.

What went wrong with it?

And then the laughter came back, Severus looked up, Sirius Black was laughing gingerly as if not to draw attention, holding mistletoe berries. It was then the Slytherin realized that he forgotten to add nine bright red berries into his potion. He cursed himself under his breath and hastily removed the content to start over. Though he knew he wouldn't be able to finish it on time.

* * *

The rest of the day went as expected, mundane and usual. Severus carried his books and headed towards the Great Hall for supper but there were students flooding out of their classrooms to get into the Hall, as well. It was too crowded for the pregnant boy to squeeze in, so Severus decided to wait a while.

His belly didn't swell just yet, but it was going to get bigger. It was going to get harder for him to walk through the crowds. Severus sighed as he stepped out of the room. And there, he saw a very familiar deep red haired girl.

Lily Evans.

He felt his throat choked and gasped. He hadn't forgotten about her, but he didn't expect to see her so soon.

The girl was the same, beautiful as he remembered.

Apparently, the redhead heard him gasping and turned her head towards him. Severus, for a foolish moment, thought she would smile at him. However, when she realized that it was him, she immediately turned her gaze. He felt a sharp pang in his chest at that. She didn't forgive him. She meant what she said, it was over.

The frustrated boy hung his head low, as if the sight of the red pained him. But when he tried to wait until she was out of sight, he heard another familiar voice. He looked up to find James sodding Potter approaching Lily.

"Hey, Evans. Here you were!" Potter grinned as he slung his arm around her shoulder.

Although Severus and Lily were no longer friends, that doesn't mean he was okay with that thing getting near her. The Slytherin boy frowned, as though to will him away from her with his glare.

"Hey, listen, I have something to ask. Why don't you─"

"No." Lily cut in before he could finish.

"B-but, you didn't even hear what I was about to say─" The bespectacled boy looked dumbfounded.

"I don't care, get your arm off of me." She said flatly.

And the discouraged boy looked as if he was frozen on the spot. Clearly, he didn't think she would be that hostile. Severus couldn't stifle his small grin. Even if she was not with him, she still had her wit not to get near that prat. He was grateful at the girl's wisdom.

"What the hell are you laughing at, Snivellus?" A voice woke the Slytherin from his thoughts. Severus looked up, and there was Black, the cause of his misery, with annoyance evident in his face.

"Nothing." Severus answered, his face returning to usual frown.

"Why don't you wipe that creepy face off and poke your greasy nose elsewhere, then?" Black spat, shooting contemptuous glare at him.

A sharp stab of anger hit the Slytherin boy at the vile comment. His eyes shot up at the mean boy to say something but no sound came out. The tall boy turned his back and slung an arm across Potter's shoulder to drag him towards the Great Hall. Severus stared at Black disappearing into the Hall with incredulous look.

What did he do to deserve it? What the fuck was wrong with him? Why Black, of all people, was the one who put Severus life in utter misery? Didn't he just have enough torturing him during last six years?

Suddenly, Severus was reminded that it was Black's child that he was carrying. It was Black's child that Severus was giving up on everything he held desired.

The newly awakened notion of the other parent's identity weighed him down heavily. It felt as if there's a lump of lead inside his belly.

Severus shook his head, and swore. No, this child was not his. This child belonged to him and him only. The boy doesn't know. He'll never tell, he won't believe it even if he does. This child was Severus'.

The pregnant boy repeated the words in his mind as if to convince himself of it, to shake out of the horrible idea of carrying his bully's child. But he couldn't get his appetite long after he arrived in the Great Hall for supper. He couldn't get his mind out of whom the child belong to.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus went to the library when he got the time. He found 'Hogwarts: A History' along with some books about abnormal conceptions. It was the one that describes the school and its history the best. He sat down and skimmed through the book but after half an hour of reading, he found no mention about hidden place in the castle, except the myth of Slytherin and his chamber. For a moment, he contemplated that the place might be the chamber due to its proximity to the dungeon. But the place was too small for Slytherin to leave a monster.

Frustrated, Severus put the book aside.

He opened the one called_ The Studies on Uncanny Cases of Conception_, he found out that there are other ways for women to conceive a child, which does not involve intercourse. However, they were so extremely difficult and rare that it is impractical.

There were cases about a woman implanting an embryo from a donor to her womb, but most of them failed because the series of charms and potions involved in the procedures were quite elaborate. Fascinating as they were, they were not what the Slytherin boy was looking for.

Severus perked up when he finally got into the category _Male Conception_, and buried his nose deeper in concentration.

According to the book, there are not many records about male pregnancy, but the few left showed that the relatively common method is using potion. A very complicated potion that is made of extremely rare and thus expensive ingredients can make men conceive a child. It is so rare and exorbitant that not many people dare to try, barring pureblood families who wish to continue their lineage without involving Muggles, but there aren't suitable brides.

This was interesting to the potion-nerd. Severus was distracted momentarily, his brows furrowed in concentration.

The formula seemed quite complex even in his eyes, but Severus loved a challenge. He jotted the recipe and ingredients in his parchment, which he brought for finding his condition. Severus resumed to the task at hand and looked for other methods such as charms or curses, or charmed rooms. He couldn't find a record about a place that makes people get knocked up in this book either, though he found a highly intricate charm and a curse that forces men carry a dark creature's offspring. Severus frowned.

This can't be it, he never took a sip of anything like potion called _Concipere_ nor was he attacked by Black with charms that were too elaborate for the marauder to perform it.

Sighing, Severus closed the book. Instead, he opened another one to look for how to take care of him and the child. It described what would happen to the pregnant men, and it was not quite different with how things are for women. Though there were few things that are different. Nursing a child, for instance, would be difficult as men are not designed to carry a child. However, Concipere potion can make men lactate while a charm cannot.

Since the pregnant boy couldn't determine what was used for his conception, the boy decided that he'd need to prepare formula.

Also, women naturally possess a birth canal but men don't. Though, the book ensured that both the charm and the potion should develop the passage as the pregnancy continues. By the time of delivery, Severus would have a birth canal so he needn't worry about that.

Apart from these, the rest was pretty much the same as he read about women's pregnancy. Morning sickness, for example, was to be gone by 12 weeks of pregnancy though some last til the end of pregnancy. Severus couldn't tell whether the morning sickness will be gone as he already passed the twelfth week. But there are other problems. Fatigue, Swelling, dizziness and back pain and occasional contractions, etc. All of them sounded horrible to Severus.

It seemed, at the very least, a relief that Severus chose few classes he needed to become a Potioneer, thinking that it would be beneficial to have extra hour to practice the Dark Arts.

At that, the Slytherin boy gave a snort.

Dark Arts. It was something that fascinated him the most. It felt so strange that it no longer captivated his mind so strongly. The boy thought that it was the answer to his life, his escape, his weapon. But now, it was replaced by the thought of his child in his belly. Severus' hand stroked his lower abdomen absentmindedly. Could he bring this child safely to life? Could he do it without anyone knowing? Could he... love the child as he should, when it made him give up everything he held valuable. He didn't know.

His bravery wavered a little as he thought of the rest of the school days to continue disguising his condition. It seemed so long. Only seven months, Severus told himself as he stared at the book but not really looking. Only seven months. He tried to get his grip and leave. But it was when the bell rang when the black haired boy snapped out of a series of worries and went to class.

The Slytherin boy returned to the place after the supper, attempting to furnish it. The place was dark with little lights and even less furniture. Severus mentally noted that he should bring more candles and lamps. The three stone walls were radiating cold air, just like the dungeon and the only furniture in the place was unsuitable for children.

Severus contemplated his options: he could conjure up items, which was easy and efficient but it was unwise. Even magic was not omnipotent, Severus was not sure that the bed for the baby would be sturdy enough or durable enough. Buying items also would be quick and easy but that wasn't even an option for the pregnant boy. He simply didn't have money for that. Transfiguring articles would be plausible idea since there were few things already in the place. Though, he might need to sneak into a storage room for extra furniture to change it.

Severus raised his wand and waved it towards the table and the cherry brown wood turned into a crib that looked like a giant lira. Both sides of the crib curved elegantly. The Slytherin waved the wand again at the stools and it turned into a changing table near the bed. Severus moved the two items right side of the wall so he can place them near the entrance. He remembered from the book that it is convenient for the mothers to place the crib near the entrance as it will help them rush to their children if needed.

"Hmph."

Severus stared at the crib once more and turned around to see a chaise longue. He needed a bed for himself as he was going to spend many days in here. The chaise longue seemed perfect for the task. But then... it was that sofa on which everything occurred. It was that sofa on which Black took him against his will. Black. His tormentor. The father of his child. The boy who treats him like a vermin. An insect to squash and kill.

'_Why don't you wipe that creepy face off and poke your greasy nose elsewhere, then?_'

Severus gritted his teeth, remembering what the marauder said to him before dinner.

How dare he say such a thing to him? Him, who is forced to carry a child that made him give up his desires.

He couldn't abort the child, even when he had the chance. He will deliver this child and raise it, Severus was absolute on that. It was not the child's fault that Black was its father but that doesn't mean Severus should forgive the boy also. He attacked Severus, and then he completely forgotten about it. Or maybe he's just ignoring it pretending it never happened. Whatever the case, he was not taking responsibility. The bastard still treats Severus like shite.

The Slytherin couldn't swallow the fact that the boy who raped him still runs free. He should be paid for that. He should be suffering consequences. But no one will help him.

Severus stared blankly at chaise longue laid before him. A long and elegantly carved with mahogany wood was covered in dark cherry red velvet, that reminded the Gryffindor burgundy red. That irritatingly rich colour reminded the Slytherin boy of a certain Gryffindor. Severus brows creased. He could feel the magic filled the air dangerously.

Before the enraged boy knew it, the chaise longue turned to shreds.

Severus screwed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply. When he reopened his eyes, the dark orbs were calm with cold rage that aimed at only one person. He can't do it. The Slytherin coolly admitted to himself. He can't raise the child knowing that the monster was walking around without suffering any consequences. He should be punished. He should get what he deserves. And if no one's going to do that for Severus, he will do it on his own.

* * *

"What's up with the git?"

"Huh?"

"Snape, he's staring at you." James said.

"What?" Bemused, Sirius looked up to see Snivellus. Across the Great Hall was Snape, sallow face curtained by lanky black hair. But unlike what James said, he was boring his plate. Sirius turned his head to the other marauder next to him and said, "No, he's stuffing his giant nose onto his plate."

"No, no, really, he is!" James craned his head to take another look at Snape. But to his dismay, the said Slytherin was staring his plate eating mashed potato. The Gryffindor boy furrowed his brows incredulously.

"He always stare at us, mate, why do you bother?" Sirius asked, taking a spoonful of potato.

"I dunno, but he's been kinda weird for weeks now." James ruffled his head casually and took a sandwich.

"Weird how?" It was Remus.

"Like, staring at Padfoot in intense way!" James exclaimed.

"So? That prick always do that, watching every fucking move we make. Trying to get us into troubles, typical Snivellus poking his greasy nose at everywhere." Sirius answered as though explaining a very simple fact to a 8 year-old. But James seemed unconvinced as he continued, "Yeah, I know, but he's not doing that. He's just staring!"

"What do you mean, he's just staring?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow.

"I mean, he's like, I dunno, he's just stare and do nothing."

At that, Remus blew an exasperated sigh and said, "James, stop it. You are a Head Boy now for Merlin's sake, do you still feel like bullying other students?"

"NO! No, it's not that, he's─"

"Come to think of it, Snivelly's been sick for a month now." Peter, who's been busy consuming everything on the table, interjected.

Every head automatically turned to the small, plum boy with watery eyes. Sirius raised an eyebrow, intrigued at how Wormy knew something about Snape. "Sick?" The smallest boy gave a nod and took a gulp of pumpkin juice, evidently enjoying the attention.

"Yup, sick. They say Snivelly's been off in every classes and he's failing potions."

"How do you know that?" Remus asked frowning.

"Oh, I heard Professor Slughorn scolding him for messing up Draught of Living Death." Peter grinned nastily.

"And you thought he is sick because he failed one potion?" The werewolf looked at him disapprovingly.

"No, many many potions! And he's been puking his gut out for a month now, and the Slytherins are avoiding him trying not to catch whatever he caught!" Peter finished proudly.

The disapproving look on Remus intensified, he looked rather disturbed about how Wormtail looked pleased at the news. "And why do you sound so happy about the news? It's not nice─"

"Yeah, Wormy, it's not that interesting, I mean, who wants to talk about Snape?" James hurriedly interjected and waved a hand dismissively to Peter. He knew how Remus hates talking about other people's businesses with malicious purpose. He could hear about Wormtail's story later.

Peter looked disappointed but one glance at Remus, he shut his mouth. Remus smoothed his brows to look neutral, and simply said, "I don't see any oddness about Snape, so why don't you let it go?"

And then, they ate pretending that the conversation never happened.

But not everyone was off with the topic. Sirius contemplated what he heard. It intrigued him, a little annoyingly, but he was interested in knowing what ailed our poor little Snivellus that made him fail brewing a potion. No, multiple potions. He has been preoccupied with a girl he's been seeing lately, perhaps too preoccupied. He missed taking notices about Snivellus.

Sirius grinned mischievously. He didn't give enough attention to Snivelly for so long. Perhaps it was time that he should.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus had to admit, he was stupid to think he could actually go through pregnancy without getting anyone's help. It was a disaster every morning to wake himself and it was a fiasco to get ready for class. His morning sickness did not subside even after the thirteenth week and the sporadic dizziness attacking him without warning was unbearable. He read about female pregnancy and he read about male pregnancy but he failed to notice that sometimes books may have excluded an exceptional case.

He was now in the thirteenth week, second trimester, which both cases of pregnancy indicated that it is the most energetic period of the pregnancy. Alas, it was not the case for Severus Snape.

He felt weak, and constantly agitated. As if his whole body was reforming itself to accommodate the child. But his body was not strong enough for the change.

He couldn't concentrate on classes and he couldn't stay alert enough that he often forgotten about his homework. And there were a lot of homework. He is failing at potions, for heaven's sake! A week ago, one of the professors gave him a detention for not paying attention to classes and chided him a big time. It was humiliating.

Not to mention that he couldn't do anything to Black for the whole month!

His plan for the revenge was forced to hold for the time being, as he could not get himself properly function.

Severus gave out a loud sigh.

It was maddening, seeing the boy in front of him but not able to strike him. How many times he had stared at the boy wishing that he was dead.

He couldn't get enough sleep either. He hasn't been sleeping since last term, come to think of it. Whether he was awake or asleep, there were moments when the memory of the night when all this happened hits him. The night when Black forced himself upon him.

Severus still can remember vividly.

The forcible hands pinning down him on the sofa, the muscled thighs spreading his legs wide open, the puffs of hot breaths and sweats, all of them told him that it was not a nightmare. It really did happen, and he was the one who is suffering the result of it. When Black, the Golden boy of Gryffindor, strides the castle as if he was a king.

It made him sick. Literally.

He hadn't returned to the nursery after the night when he broke the chaise longue. He hadn't mended it, nor did he clean the debris away. He couldn't return. It was bad enough that he has to relive the scene in his dorm room, he couldn't trust himself when he was on the scene again.

Why the fuck did he thought that the place was perfect for the baby?

For fuck's sake, why?

It was that place in which the assumedly possessed Gryffindor raped him. Why did he want to return to the place in the first place?

But he didn't know anywhere else, and he couldn't stay too much in his dorm either. Already some students were asking him why doesn't he going to see Madame Pomfrey, which was telling something, as no one ever speaks him for anything. He never had a friend besides Lily Evans. Those soon-to-be death eaters weren't exactly friends, they never spoke to him for private conversation. Severus Snape had always been alone, even with the "gang of Slytherin".

When he returned to the castle, Severus made himself clear that he no longer wish to continue their path with them. It was no surprise when Severus found himself completely alone afterwards. They, however, taken him aback by not retaliating him for his betrayal. Perhaps they thought a low, filthy half-blood wasn't worth their time.

Severus snorted.

But maybe it was better this way. It was safer for the child.

In any case, he needed a place to seclude himself from the rest, and hide his pregnancy. He needed to return to the place. So Severus made his way to the storage room in third floor. He wanted to resume his task decorating the nursery room for the baby as well as himself. He needed blankets and pillows, both for him and the baby and a desk and a chair for studying.

Severus arrived at the storage room that keeps various bedding and furniture for students. He opened the door and got inside. In the storage, there were shelves with piles of blankets and pillows on one side and various articles on the other. The place seemed quite large, but clean and neatly organized. The Slytherin assumed it was under protective charms and cleaning charms. He wondered if it was cast with Anti-Theft Charm. That would complicate things.

Luckily, when Severus pulled one of the blankets from the shelves, he didn't notice any alarm setting off. It was blue with bronze trims around it. Apparently, it was for Ravenclaw. Severus put it where it was and searched the room for something else.

As he looked around the place, he noticed that the storage was bigger than he imagined initially. It took a while until he found something he was looking for. White bed sheets with pillows and cushions. The Slytheirn boy reached out to take one of each but stopped when he saw some round objects that sparkle blue from the corner of his eyes. Severus turned to look at it, and nearly jumped in surprise at what they were.

"Is Master needing an extra blanket?"

It was a house-elf, with gigantic blue eyes and bat-like ears and a rather huge nose. The elf was crouching down in the shadow and it put both of its hands on its head as if to protect itself from harm. Severus didn't reply, instead, he took a closer look at the creature. It was wearing a supposedly pillow case but Severus couldn't tell by the way it was ragged and old. He never saw a house-elf before, and frankly speaking it looked quite unattractive.

"Is Master needing an extra blanket?" The elf repeated when Severus said nothing.

Severus startled to see that the elf had an enormous scar on its forehead. It was no longer bleeding, but it looked fresh. "What happened to your head?" It came out before he could stop it. Severus bit his bottom lip at how stupid that sound. Of course it was beaten by someone, it was a house-elf! Everybody treats it like a sandbag.

But the elf didn't seem hurt by the callous question, or rather, it seemed quite surprised that he had asked. "Is Master worrying about Mimny? Mimny is a bad elf, Mimny had to be punished."

So the thing had a name. Severus looked down at it curiously. "What did you do?"

"Mimny failed to serve masters, young masters, Mimny had to be punished." Its squeaky voice got even higher and crack. Evidently, the creature was bullied by students.

Severus furrowed his brows but cleared his throat and said, "I need a bed sheet and a pillow, and a desk with a chair. Go and find them, Mimny." He never once gave orders to someone, or something. It felt weird and awkward. But the elf gave no attention, instead, it lifted its body and replied rather enthusiastically, "Yes, I is doing what Master says."

Then it took off somewhere and returned only a few seconds later with exactly what he told.

"Is Master pleased with them?" The house-elf asked.

Amazed at how efficient and effective the elf was, Severus answered, "Yes."

The elf beamed.

"Is Master needing something else?"

Then something in Severus's brain clicked. This was it. It was what he needed! A helper, who would obey at him at no cost. Severus ran through his mind about the plan, he needed someone to help him with taking care of the child once its born, but he also needed a help during pregnancy. And the house-elf would be perfect for the job.

"Yes, as a matter of a fact. I do need your help. Will you help me, Mimny?"

"Yes, Mimny helps, Mimny like serving humans."

Severus lips twitched into slight grin, which was unusual for him. "I need you to carry this to a secret chamber that I will show you now. But be careful, I want no one to know about it."

Mimny gave an enthusiastic nod.

"Sir, what is this place, sir?" Mimny asked, in a timid but curious voice.

Severus glanced down at the elf, carrying shrunken objects in its tiny but calloused hands. It was small, even for a house-elf, not that the Slytherin boy ever seen one before. However, he was told that a house-elf height is about that of a human child. Mimny was a few inches smaller and a bit more thinner.

"A nursery." Severus replied, wincing at the unfamiliar word. He may be a soon-to-be father, but the very word felt so foreign in his tongue.

"A nursery?" The elf repeated, eyes opening wider.

The Slytherin stood still, waiting for the elf to look around.

"Is there going to a baby master or miss in this room, Master Snape?"

Severus visibly flinched at the inevitable question blurted out from Mimny. If he was going to use this creature for his benefit, he needed to confide some secrets to it. After all, this elf was going to nurse the child when he will be attending classes at least for two to three months. The black haired boy drew a deep breath and exhaled with determination.

"Yes, there will be a child in this room." Upon hearing the word child, the elf's whole feature brightened as though the very news was a pure blessing to it. Mimny opened its mouth but Severus hold up his hand to stop it. "Before I tell you the truth, I want you to swear something to me."

"What does Master want Mimny to swear?" The elf asked, its bat-like ears drooping down and its eyes suddenly filled with fears.

"I have a secret that I do not want to share with anyone in this castle. It is an extremely personal matter and I do not anyone involved in this, not even the headmaster(Mimny made a funny choking sound at that) nor any staff in this institution. This means you will not repeat what I'm about to tell, nor will you share what I'm about to ask you to do. Is that understood?" Severus felt himself shaking a little. The first thing came to his mind when he realized that he was pregnant was that he cannot anyone know about the most unusual conception. He had not heard of men getting knocked up before and all those books about male conception repeatedly emphasized that it was unnatural and out of ordinary practices even for the desperate pureblood family. He admitted to himself that he was rather frightened of what will happen if the secret gets out.

Thankfully, the elf nodded despite its fear for something horrible. The Slytherin boy assumed that it was scared that he might beat it or ask it to do something terrible. The timidness of the elf momentarily made him doubt his decision. It was so small, so timid. When he brought it here, he thought what happened to the elf was irrelevant but seeing as it affects the creature's demeanor, Severus couldn't help wonder maybe he chose the wrong house-elf to help him. Perhaps he should find something more obedient but less cowardly.

"Whatever Master Snape wants from Mimny, I is happy to serve." The squeaking, croaked voice said in an oddly determined way. The pitch black eyes stared at it. He gave a nod, grasping courage left of him and pushing away doubts. He cannot go back, he already shown the nursery to Mimny. He had chosen it.

"I am pregnant." Severus confessed.

The look on the elf's face was priceless. Its huge eyes were now looked as if they were about to pop out of its head and the mouth dropped open and its ears were perked up high as they can go. Frankly, it would have been funny, if it wasn't for the dire circumstances.

Severus cleared his throat, and calmly repeated the word. "I am pregnant with a child for four months now. I'm due on April, and I need someone to take care of the baby while I attend classes for the remaining school days. And I need you, Mimny, to babysit my child until I graduate." The pregnant boy spoke quietly but sternly. He paused to give time to let the information sink in.

"I… also require aids during pregnancy. I-I'm experiencing, erm, complications…. I cannot concentrate fully on studies nor can I abandon my education. So, I need you to….. help me get through it." He felt his cheeks burning hot. The Slytherin stared down at his shoes, avoiding eye contact. It was by far more embarrassing than he ever thought it could be.

Here he was, standing before a house-elf, confessing the most personal secret to it. Moreover, he practically begged it to help him.

Mimny, however, did not look distressed as he was. On the contrary, the elf looked as if it just witnessed something akin to a miracle.

"Ohhh, Master Snape! Sir is a very good boy, asking Mimny to help him! Of course, Master Snape, Mimny will help you. Mimny is very glad that Mimny met Master Snape in the storage room! Worry not, sir, Mimny will do it!" It looked positively over-excited, which made Severus uncomfortable. He creased his brows, disliking its overwhelmingly obedient attitude.

"Thank you." Nonetheless, he felt relieved. He now had a house-elf to aide him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Severus Snape was definitely acting weird,_ Sirius thought.

The Gryffindor narrowed his eyes scrunching up his face in deep concentration. He stared at the black haired boy with shabby old clothes sitting across the classroom. The Slytherin boy was scribbling down on his parchment, hunched up and burying his ugly nose in the paper. The boy never looked up to see him, but somehow, Sirius could tell that he knew he was watching. Every now and then, the ugly Slytherin twitched uncomfortably as if to escape from the stare.

Snape was acting weird and Sirius did not like it. The greasy git has never been attractive to him, but lately, he caught Sirius' interest. Ever since James and Peter spoke about Snivellus' out-of-ordinary behaviours, the marauder wanted to discover the truth behind it. What was it that made the greasy oddball throw up in morning? What was it that hindered the potion-nerd to focus on his favorite subject? What made that boy stare at Sirius like he wants to strike him down, but never comes near him? Severus Snape was an oddball from the beginning but it was unlike him to stay away from the Marauders and never cast a single hex. He thought Snape disliked Prongs and him?

_Maybe he grew out of his hatred_, _maybe he just realized it was not worth his time to spend on chasing us_. Naive little Moony told him when he voiced his questions. Perhaps it is time that we stop our routine with him, too. The werewolf attempted to dissuade Sirius from keeping prying eyes on the Slytherin boy.

It did not work, though.

One thing he learned from his experience is that Snivelly is an obsessive little twat. He never "grows out of his hatred". He never gives up. He learned that when he saw the greasy git crouching on the Gryffindor Tower's dormitory entrance. He was absolutely determined to get his girl back, even though the redhead out-stubborned him eventually. The pure obsessiveness of the Slytherin only rivaled to those of very few. Therefore, Sirius was sure that the boy haven't gave up on getting his revenge on them.

Then what could possibly prevent Snivellus from attacking the Marauders? Was he sick? How much sick? He knew that things were better off without the greasy nose poking at every business they make. But the morbid curiosity, an innate weakness of almighty Sirius Black, hindered him from enjoying the freedom. He couldn't just shut his mind off of the boy, he wanted to know what was going on.

He didn't necessarily feel guilty for the boy, him being ill was better for him, after all. But he was going to find out about what the fuck is going on that slimy little scumbag. What if the boy was sick because he finally became a death eater and You-know-who planted him with curses that spread about in the school? What if the boy was an experimental subject to a highly contagious poison? Sirius Black shook his head in disapproval. All are vermin, those who want to serve You-know-who. He cannot let those vermin to deteriorate his beloved Hogwarts.

* * *

Mimny, the house-elf, proved to be a highly efficient and effective servant to Severus. She(it was she, Mimny told him) was quick to notice whenever Severus feels uncomfortable and always able to help him in any way possible. The pregnant boy never spoke about his discomfort out loud, as he was not accustomed to have someone taking care of him. But she didn't need to be told to take care of him, she was very enthusiastic about the whole task. At first, Severus was rather bewildered at how eager she was to aid him. Eventually, such bewilderment turned into deep gratification. He had to admit it to himself that he was enjoying being made fuss of. No one in his life ever been such caring to him, not even his late mother, nor Lily Evans. Not that he wanted Lily to serve him like he was a king or something, but really, Mimny was extremely attentive when no one else hadn't been. He began to appreciate the small creature's company.

* * *

He fixed the damn chaise longue once he returned to the nursery. However, he quickly transfigured it into a bed with emerald green sheets and dark green coloured pillows. Severus still sleeps in the dormitory but he felt safer when there was no one to question him. Three months of pregnancy was easy to hid, but his belly was growing and growing and hiding the bulge from his roommates was a challenge. So he began to stay more often and sometimes, when he overworks himself with studies and past the curfew, he spends the night there. Mimny sneak out from her duty once in a while to bring him snacks and ask for his regard, leaving him only when she was certain he was okay.

One Friday night, Severus felt asleep in the nursery after working on his homework. It was a particularly chilly night but the Slytherin charmed the whole room so that it can stay in perfect condition. He drifted to a dreamless sleep.

Someone was here, Severus could feel the intruder's warm breath over him. He felt something heavy was weighing him down and a warm, almost hot hand came to trail down his arm. When it reached the black haired boy's hand, it gently lifted Severus' hand towards the headboard. The intruder's hand grabbed another of his hand and joined the two limbs. Severus sleepily acknowledged that he couldn't move them.

_Wait, why can't he move them?_

Severus tried to open his eyes but he couldn't. Those hands were back, and this time they removed the covers from the Slytherin's sleeping form and began to peel off the garments. Severus felt himself panicking now, but he still couldn't move himself. Then he felt the heave weight was upon him. Severus could tell that it was stark naked as he was. Now those strong hands were maneuvering his still form so that the intruder can nestle himself between the defenseless boy's legs. Something felt scalding hot against his perineum, Severus acknowledged with a shock. A puff of hot breath ghosted over him and with one thrust, the intruder was inside him. Severus cried out in pain. He screwed his eyes shut and sobbed, he wretched and thrust desperately to free himself but it only made things worst. Severus begged, whimpering and crying. The intruder was relentless. He began to thrust inside even harder.

"Master Snape! Wake up, Master Snape! You must wake up!"

Shrieking voice startled him. Only an inch away, there were electric blue coloured eyes, glistening with unshed tears. Severus gasped, drawing much needed air into his lungs. He clutched his abdomen, suddenly registering that it was convulsing madly.

"Master Snape, you must breathe!" Mimny shrieked again, completely scared. He panted hard and tried to ease himself with the pain. Pain? Oh Merlin. He swiftly raised himself up and pushed away the duvet, checking himself under. He was wearing his school trousers which felt damp against his legs. Severus hastily got up and removed them with trembling hands.

No, please no, Severus prayed.

When he shrugged out of the black garment, he could not find the trace of miscarriage, though there were a few streaks of red between his legs. Severus mentally sighed in relief. "Why did Master Snape bleed?", asked the scared elf.

"Hmm?"

"Blood, sir, why did you bleed?"

"Oh. It…. I don't know. I believe it happened because of the birth canal being created." Though, he was unsure that the birth canal should be developed so soon. The elf closed her mouth and looked uncertain.

"Master Snape should be in medical care…." Whispered the elf.

"What?" The Slytherin was taken aback at the statement, not a question.

"Master Snape should be in medical care, Master needs somebody knows." Mimny appeared to be squeezing every ounce of courage she had to make that statement clear.

Silence fell after that. Severus couldn't blame her, really. It was scaring the hell out of him, too. The whole pregnancy thing. But he couldn't risk disclosure. Not even for the medical care. He sighed, but said nothing. Mimny was looking dejected. But she did not push further. Perhaps she was respecting his choice, or maybe the creature reminded of its place not to question its master. Though Severus was not her Master, but humans were above them. That was very clear.

"What made Master Snape so scared?", the high voice of the elf asked softly.

Severus contemplated an answer, wondering for a moment whether to confide one more secret to the elf. But all he said was, "A nightmare."

Mimny didn't push him, instead, she cleaned the sheet and his trousers with a snap of her fingers and tugged him back to his bed.

"Is Master want Mimny to stay?"

"No, Mimny, you may leave."

With a pop, the she-elf was gone.

Severus sighed, covering his face with both of his hands.

Sirius Black. I was dreaming about Sirius Black. He raped me. He raped me. I want him to suffer. I want him to be in agony, I want him to beg for mercy, I want to hear him screaming in despair. As I did to him.

A scalding liquid leaked out of his palms. Severus tried to stifle his sobs but the sound escaped from him. He can still remember the hands, the heat of the boy who killed the last dignity of him. The red, burning organ thrusting inside of him, ripping him apart was vivid in his mind. He felt weak. He felt dirty. He felt impotent. Powerless. Powerless against the boy who tormented him for six years. The nightmare that visits him every night was unbearable. It kept reminded him of whose child he was carrying.

Somewhere in his heart, deep inside of it, whispered its disappointment when he saw the red between his legs. He quickly hid it, buried it deeply to avoid accusation of the conscience. But as soon as the memory of the night came back, it wiggled its way out making its presence known._ You were sorry, weren't you? You were sorry that the child hadn't_— No, no, this is not Sirius Black's, it is _his_, Severus Snape's, and his alone. He will love this child, he will love this child, he will love this child.

Severus chanted until he felt asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius Black was an unusual boy in many ways. For one thing, the boy was born from the most prominent pureblood family, the House of Black, in the wizard's society but he was not proud of it. He loathed his family and unlike those fanatic pureblood manias, Sirius loved to explore what Muggles are like. He was a Gryffindor, the valiant lion, when his entire family belonged to the snakes.

Moreover, Sirius was exceptionally beautiful boy, with lustrous black hair and a pair of icy blue-grey eyes, and a boy with effortless elegance. Girls were swooning over his feet but he seldom took them seriously, for he revelled in conquering those who stuck their nose up.

For a boy who just entered adulthood, he was extraordinarily talented and quick-witted, too. He was the best Seeker in the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the Golden boy who can get away with everything, the Marauder who roams the Forbidden Forest with the werewolf, the most loyal friend to whom he considered brothers in arm. All in all, Sirius Black was a mighty fine specimen.

However, the boy had many faults in his character. While he did not feel proud of being the eldest son of the House of Black, he himself was extremely arrogant. He was reckless as well. The rebellious boy went against everything that his family hold valuable, breaking rules and wrecking havoc and creating mayhems. Sirius was impetuous and heedless, he was not afraid of doing dangerous things. He was also short-tempered when angered, and absolutely vile towards those he does not appreciate.

The one particular person whom he does not appreciate was the boy named Severus Snape, the greasy git who stalks them with a very bad intention. Sirius and Snape's mutual hatred goes all the way back to the first day of Hogwarts. It was that very first meeting in the train made Sirius decide whether he likes the boy or not. He never changed his opinion of the greasy haired boy in all six years. He never will, because that boy was obnoxious little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts. A downright lost cause, the soon-to-be Death Eater, a freak with no hopes of returning to normal.

But lately, there was something about the greasy git that intrigued Sirius. The boy was oddly different. The first time he noticed was before the summer breaks, when the Slytherin's hostility grew impossibly stronger. The git was repelled after receiving loads of detentions and point deductions. Sirius ignored the increase in Snape's hostility after spending his summer in the Potter's. However, he learned that the greasy haired boy kept on glaring at him, his eyes filled with spites.

Now Sirius knew for a fact that Snape hates him. But what fueled that hatred and why? He hadn't done anything since the 'M-word' incident in the Fifth year. Sirius and James were struck with a series of verbal onslaughts from Lily Evans afterwards, who made James swore never to bully again, which means Sirius was not to bully again as well. Although he hadn't truly meant what he said to his friend, he honestly did not touch the single hair of that greasy hair since then. So what made Snape go against him so?

In addition to the heightened level of loathing, the Slytherin also displayed some unusual behaviors. For instance, he stopped stalking the Marauders for good. This was not to be taken lightly, as the boy was so determined to get them all expelled from school ever since they started to fight each other. Moreover, the greasy git was failing miserably at most of his school works. By failing, he meant failing for Snape, though. The potion-nerd used to get a perfect grade at his beloved potion classes, but no more. And finally, the boy appeared to be sick, and he's been sick since the first day of return. This was the most interesting part, what ailed him and why he isn't getting better?

"Keep staring at him and you'll burn a hole in his head.", said a familiar voice from behind.

Sirius jumped, looking over his shoulder to see James grinning at him.

"Any luck on finding out what is so wrong about the greasy git or are you finally realizing that he's growing on you?" The bespectacled boy gave a pat on his shoulder as he sat down next to him in the library desk.

"Shut up, Prongs." Sirius scoffed.

Few days spying on the git and the other marauder gave up on helping him. After Sirius heard James and Peter talking about Snape being weird, they tried to figure out what was wrong with the Slytherin. However, all they found out was the fact that that said Slytherin was a meticulously mundane person who eats very little and do nothing but study and read all day. This got Prongs and Wormtail bored to death and eventually had them fallen from the quest.

However, Sirius was not to be deterred.

In was mid October, but the most Seventh years were spending their time in the library. In honouring such convention, the Marauders working on their school works in the library with parchments scattered across the long table. Though, it was not the case for Sirius Black. The moment he settled himself in his spot, he has been observing the greasy haired boy who was currently buried his head in a gigantic book. That seemed usual, but Sirius knew instinctively there was something.

"Oh, for the…. Sirius, just quit it.", said Moony across the table, looking up from his parchment. "I thought you were here for the school work? Leave the guy alone." The brown haired boy chastised, frowning.

"Leave him, Moony. He's been like that since I've told him about how Snape staring at him, completely besotted by the boy. We should respect his choice of boys, now, shouldn't we?" Said James, in a mock seriousness, but the twitch in his lips was betraying his amusement.

Remus had to give a chuckle at that.

"So, how's your new crush doing? Still look sick? Wanna do something to make him feel better?" The bespectacled boy continued, mischievous grin wide on his face. Remus and Peter tried to stifle their laughs, both of their hands covering their mouths.

Sirius groaned, tearing his eyes off of the Slytherin boy to glare at his friends. "Give me some slack, will you? You are the one telling me he's been staring at me weirdly, I just want to find out why."

But the three marauders continued to giggle.

"I know, but he'd stopped doing that hadn't he?" Finally, James suppressed laughs and asked. "Mate, that prat is a complete nutter, why do you care?"

"Just leave me alone." Sirius turned his gaze towards the boy, who was now scribbling something down on his parchment.

* * *

Male conception was rarest occurrence and there were very few records about it. Severus sought records of birth canal developments but the first material he read about it was practically all that he could get. It only said that the passage way will develop but did not elaborated on when and how. Which was worrying, as Severus couldn't tell whether there was something wrong with the baby or not.

On female pregnancy books, however, there were notes about bleeding through vagina in early pregnancy. Some cases were normal, some were not. Severus didn't know which he belonged, but he could see that serious problems would led to miscarriage and judging by the way he was still very pregnant, it might've been nothing. Pains were gone completely, he no longer felt odd around his stomach.

'Master Snape should be in medical care…..'

Severus recalled the soft spoken voice from the night before. The poor elf was spooked, utterly shocked at the sight of blood. He knew that it would be better if there was someone who was an expert on male conceptions, guiding him through. But he couldn't risk disclosure, not to anyone. Severus was an intelligent student of potion arts, which was an intimate branch of study with Herbology and Healing Magic. With some researches, he could make it through without anyone knowing about the truth. He didn't know why and what was he so afraid of people knowing that he is pregnant, but something told him, inexplicable as it was, that he should never speak about this to anyone.

After the free period was over, Severus packed up his belongings and headed to his next class: Defense Against the Dark Arts. As much as he preferred not to attend the class with the Gryffindors, he was compelled to take the class. Severus walked down the hall connected to the Defense Against the Dark Arts Tower from the training grounds tower.

When he got to the Classroom 3C, the hall was already filled with students waiting for the teacher, chattering out loud. Severus stood in a corner, attempting to go unnoticed, as always. The Gryffindors side was particularly noisy, laughing at something. He glanced at them through a curtain of black hair. There, in the centre of attentions, were the Marauders enjoying themselves. The pregnant boy felt immediately disturbed at the happy look on the particular marauder. The black haired boy was leaning against the wall, ridiculously handsome. He was frowning, but seemed amused nonetheless. He seemed so happy, surrounded by his friends.

_Happiness_ was not something he deserves. A dark, gloomy feeling bloomed inside Severus' mind.

What did Severus need to give back some of his misery to that boy?

Severus remembered, perfectly clear, that cursing the boy with dark magics was inadequate as well as ineffective. Something of a physical pain was simply not enough. To make him suffer, Severus needed to employ something else.

"Sirius, mate, we'd support you, whatever decision you made!"

"Oh bugger off, will you?"

Something that could crash the boy completely from inside. Something that could unhinge the boy. Lost, perhaps? Losing his precious little friends, Severus thought darkly, and losing them for his own faults would deteriorate the boy. He just needed to know how.

"Enter, everyone.", the dark brown haired wizard, their new Defense Against the Dark Arts called out from inside, as the door swung open magically.

Everyone crowded inside.

He could figure out how, in time. Severus swore.

* * *

Severus had his dinner alone, as usual, and was about to leave the Great Hall earlier than the others. However, when he rose to his feet, a wave of dizziness hit him and he staggered. A strong hand held him in the arm from behind, preventing him from falling to the floor. Startled, Severus turned to look.

"_Black_?"

The tall, black haired boy named Regulus Black was holding him, his piercing blue eyes staring down at him. Completely taken aback at the sight of the unexpected figure, Severus tried to move his way out of the boy's grasp. However, it was stupid thing to do, as another wave of dizziness made him stagger even more.

Damn it, Severus muttered to himself.

The hand on his arm gripped even firmer.

"You alright, Snape?", Regulus asked, his tone nonchalant.

Feeling rather uneasy with the unforeseen figure helping him, Severus tried to steady himself. Murmuring "'m fine", he made to free his arm from the firm hand. He and Regulus Black were never been close with each other, even when Severus was trying to associate with the soon-to-be Death Eaters. He thought he would never get to talk to any of them since he openly stated his decision to withdraw from their future. With what happened between Severus and his older brother, it was doubly uncomfortable to be with Black.

"You don't look fine, have you seen yourself in the mirror?" Regulus sneered, still not letting him go.

Funnily enough, despite the fact that the both Blacks despise each other, two were very similar in that they both are arrogant and condescending.

Suppressing a scowl, Severus repeated more sternly this time, "I'm fine." And he pulled his arm out of the taller boy's grip.

Regulus stared him without a change in his feature, but somehow Severus can tell that he was annoyed.

_Did Regulus Black just muttered, 'stubborn little thing' or was he imagining things?_

Couldn't determine what prompted the handsome Slytherin's strange behavior, Severus made to walk away from him, hoping that the boy will leave him be. But the Slytherin seeker strode his way beside Severus, and he did something utterly inappropriate: he slung his arm around Severus' shoulder and pulled him close to his body.

"Wh-what are you doing?", stammered Severus.

"You need help."

_Yes, but why are _you_ helping me?_

Unspoken question hung around the air. Severus stared warily at the figure beside him. Unable to shrug the boy off himself, Severus was forced to leave the Great Hall, half surrounded by the other Slytherin. When they made it to outside of the Great Hall and half way through the hall, a sneering voice from behind came to stir the awkward atmosphere.

"Ahh, you two lovebirds are heading down to the snake pit?"

It was the other Black, mischief and mockery glinting in his eyes. Severus rolled his eyes. Severus was already feeling uneasy with the inappropriately close Black holding him tight, the last thing he wanted was another Black on his back.

"Jealous, brother? I thought you dislike Snape?" was the calmly responded Regulus Black.

The curl of the older Black's lip wavered, breaking the contemptuous atmosphere. "Well, brother, I simply do not wish to have my baby brother hanging with that slime, that's all.", said Black mimicking the younger.

"I decide whom I hang out with, Sirius." Regulus stated.

Black glowered. "Snivellus, get your greasy arse off my brother, and you, little brother, do not speak to me in that tone." Abandoning casual mischievousness, Sirius Black commanded.

Severus' frown got even deeper. How dare he?

"Do not tell me what to do.", he said blatantly, in sync with Regulus.

He glanced up, feeling awkward. Regulus Black appeared to be offended, as well. Everyone in the school knew for a fact that two Blacks were on the rough patch with each other every since the older Black ran out of their house. But why he was in the middle of the brotherly fights was beyond Severus. Although he wanted the Gryffindor to suffer, he wasn't ready to confront him just yet. Suddenly, Severus was getting conscious of the growing bump in is belly. He cringed, and tried to move himself from the other Slytherin, afraid he might notice the unusualness.

But Regulus Black kept his grip tight around his shoulder.

"I see that your...", the younger Black paused, "brothers-in-arms are missing. You should go fetch them and leave me alone." Regulus drawled, clearly dismissing the older Black..

Severus was surprised to find hostility in his voice, but he was even more shocked to find the hurt in Sirius Black's face. Secretly, Severus felt a perverse joy at the sight of whom he badly wanted to inflict pain get hurt.

"Don't, Regulus.", warned Sirius, his expression dark.

"Don't, what?" The younger brother asked.

When the older Black didn't elaborate, Regulus turned his back from him, dragging dumbfounded Severus along with him. Silence felt over them afterward. The taller boy took him to the hospital wing without a word, much to Severus' annoyance and surprise. They entered the hospital room and Regulus called out the Matron.

"He needs care. He's been unwell for quite a while, Madame Pomfrey."

"Oh? How so?" Madame Pomfrey raised her eyebrow, questioningly. She looked attentively at Severus, scrutinizing his features for the signs of illness.

Internally panicking, Severus shoved Regulus with his elbow and hastily said, "I'm fine, Madame Pomfrey, I'm—".

But the moment he tried to release himself, he felt queasy again. Trust his body to act in the most inopportune timing. The Matron put her cool hand in his forehead and commented, "you are little warm, dear. Here, why don't you lie down."

With the unwanted help from Black and the Matron, he laid himself on one of the neatly prepared beds.

"How do you feel, dizzy? Is there anything else?" asked Madame Pomfrey.

Severus stared at Regulus, who stared sternly back at him. What was he playing at? Severus didn't know. But he couldn't risk for anything so he said, hoping she'll believe him, "There isn't, Madame. I'm alright, now."

For some reasons, that seemed to make Regulus Black unhappy, as his blank expression turned into somewhat irritated. Dreading she might want to check him further, Severus remained silent and the Matron searched his face for a moment. But when she opened her mouth, she simply stated, "Well, I don't see anything wrong with you, dear, unless you're not telling me something."

At that, Severus falsely confirmed that there wasn't such thing and Madame Pomfrey gave him a phial of potion for the queasiness, which he took reluctantly but did not drink. He and Regulus, after that, got out of the Hospital Wing and headed down to the dungeon, silently. When they were underground, Severus tried to escape from the unexpected, unwanted company of Regulus Black. However, the younger Slytherin was quick to catch him before he fled.

"Where are you going?"

Fidgeting uncomfortably under the inspection, Severus retorted, "none of your business, Black."

Evidently, the boy didn't like his response.

"It is my business when a student is roaming around the castle in the middle of a night."

Right, he forgot Regulus Black was appointed as Prefect last year.

"It isn't, the curfew's few hours later." Severus countered.

At first, the Slytherin felt relieved to see that Regulus could find no logical comebacks for that one. He waited for a while and then made to leave, but Regulus' voice held him back.

"Why did you leave us?"

He whipped around, facing the younger Slytherin. The taller boy was looking at Severus, his expression unreadable. Severus involuntarily swallowed, tensing up as the boy closed the distance between them. Alas, it was inevitable after all.

"Why did you leave us?", the boy repeated. "You seemed to desire what the Dark Lord offers us." He added.

"Don't you want them anymore?"

Severus remained silent. He couldn't deny it, he did want everything the Dark Lord promised. But there was a complication, which he could not get rid of. He stared back at the younger boy warily. He didn't wish to counter the boy for fear of exposing himself or damaging the child.

The two Slytherin stood facing each other for a while, until the silence was broke by the other Slytherin boy.

"Don't be late."

With that, Regulus turned and left the wary Slytherin in the corridor. Severus watched the boy leave, puzzlement clear in his eyes.

Weird, no, more than weird.

He felt himself still tensed. He didn't know why the boy was acting as such, and was very cautious as to what that boy might be thinking. Did he want retaliation for the betrayal? Did he want to hurt Severus for leaving them?

Severus bit his bottom lip in frustration and tentatively took a step towards the nursery.

* * *

**A/N**

Hi, I'm back! I finished this chapter as promised.

Um... recent review suggested that I'm dragging this out. Guilty as charged, I am stalling this. Sorry.. Guess I should have plotted this out more thoroughly. o_o I appreciate your suggestion, by the way, I like the idea. Thank you.

I was actually wondering whether I should put Regulus in this or not, I decided I should. What do you think? Or you might be thinking, "I said Sirius needs to be confronting Severus, not his brother!" lol But that isn't what I've planned to do so just yet. So, you have to wait a bit more, sorry again.

If you are still reading this, you're an angel dear.

Bless you all, those who read and follow and favorite and reviewing this story! Thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

Death is always around us. But sometimes, you can feel it creeping up to your neck.

Hogwarts was the safest place in the world, they say. But even inside that perfect fortress, protected by the most powerful wizard of all, students can no longer ignore what was going in the world.

"Alright, Lily?", a blond haired girl named Julie asked, gently placing her hand in the redhead's shoulder.

Mary was one of Lily's best friends, she was sorted into Gryffindor and they listened to classes together always. But she's gone, now. Her entire family was perished beneath the rumbles and shreds of what was their home once. It was the Death Eater's work. The redhead remembered that her parents were so-called blood traitors. Julie, the girl who told Lily about the reason why Mary had not returned from her short trip to her house becaused of her mother's illness, said taht they were in the wrong place in the wrong timing with wrong people.

Lily could feel her fingers getting cold and her body shaking. Julie stared at her, tears welled up in her eyes, trying to comfort her as well as herself.

"I'm so sorry."

Lily bit her lip and nodded stiffly.

This was not the first, nor the second time. The Daily Prophet announces dead or missing person in nearly every week, sometimes more often. It reminded everyone of what was going on out there: war.

Hogwarts is a school and the Headmaster wanted his students to play and laugh as well as learn. They did, successfully managed to distract themselves from the reality. During such mundane routine, however, someone goes missing and the truth they've been avoiding hits back. Under the surface of false pretense, all of them knew they weren't safe. Only those indifferent of such knowledge were the Slytherins. No, not indifferent. They just knew they weren't in danger.

_Slytherin_, the very word made Lily shiver. Those spiteful, loathsome little snakes knew they were safe because they belong to Him.

Once, Lily had a Slytherin as a friend. She thought that not all of them were like that, at least not her Sev. The blasted Sorting Hat had put him in the snake pit, but she had firmly believed that he was different with the rest of them. He was her friend, who just happened to be one of Slytherin, she used to tell herself with the lie. But she was wrong; the boy had darkness inside him that she could not help. She tried, she honestly did. She didn't want her dear friend to give in to the darkness that his miserable family gave him. She didn't want her friend to be consumed by it. She tried to pull him out of it, persuaded him, threatened him, begged him even, but then the boy finally succumbed to his desire. He gave up on Lily. So she let him go, let go of the tie she's been holding so desperately. All of her friends told her she had done the right thing, he deserved it, and he did not deserve Lily.

She knew that. But she was not happy about it.

The moment she and Severus Snape met each other, when he told Tuny that she was not a freak but a witch. They came a long way from the first meeting when they thought they'd be together forever. It felt like severing an arm from her body, cutting the tie between her and Sev—No, he was no longer Sev to her, Snape, Lily mentally corrected herself.

Time likes this, when something horrible comes up, she couldn't help herself thinking about the boy. He had chosen his path, which was filled with mortal dangers and evil, the one where he might not survive.

Lily wondered, absently listening to Julie and other Gryffindors comforting her, whether Severus Snape has fully engaged himself with the dark forces. Did he finally offer himself to the dark forces? To _You-Know-Who_? The redhead balled her fists in her laps. She felt cold, dreads filling up in her minds. Did she really lose him to where he may never get back?

* * *

It was one morning that professors started to lighten up the morbid atmosphere among the students. Already there had been several students leaving the school, everyone was finding it harder to pretend nothing has happened. Right before the students lift their spoon, the Headmaster rose from his seat and spoke.

"Ah, before we start our breakfast, I'd like to make a few announcements:"

Professor Dumbledore clasped his hands as he look around the students' table. He was wearing a plum coloured robes that were embroidered with gold and silver threads, and a pointy hat that matched the colour. His long white beard safely tucked into his golden belt, his eyes twinkled behind the half-moon spectacles.

"First, students will be allowed to take a trip to Hogsmeade this weekend, as usual. Do remember that only those with permission can participate in the trip."

Some of the students breathed a sigh of relief at the news.

"The next announcement would be something special, I myself is quite looking forward to it. I'm sure you already aware that the Halloween is nearing to only a fortnight from today? Well, after having a long conversation with the teaching staff, I have decided to open a masquerade ball at the holiday."

The Great Hall was literally filled with exclaims from astonished albeit excited students. _A masquerade ball? At this time of year?_ Severus looked up from his meal, his mouth hung open. Trust Albus Dumbledore to do outrageous at inopportune timing.

"The party shall proceed after the usual Halloween feast is over and when the students under sixth years are safely tucked into their beds."

That gave some youngsters a huge disappointment. Severus could see some of the younger students making the pouty face.

"All students above sixth years shall join the ball and enjoy themselves throughout the night, before the clock strikes twelve. Do wear something creative, we shall be picking one students from each houses for the best dresser." Professor Dumbledore's eyes twinkled behind his spectacle.

_How wonderful_, Severus couldn't stifle the sacarsm.

Clearly, other students were thinking it was a marvelous idea, as they were chattering nonstop with each other already discussing who would go with whom. Severus turned his gaze back to his unfinished meal from the overexcited peers. He scowled and put down his fork. He suddenly felt the wave of morning sickness creeping through his throat. He tried to suppress the nausea, and reached for a goblet of pumpkin juice. A pale but calloused hand passed a golden goblet filled with yellow liquid to him. Severus looked up to see who it was, and there was Regulus Black. Severus couldn't tell he was surprised to see him or he already thought it would be him. Taking the cup, the older Slytherin murmured his thanks.

"Have you taken the potion?", asked Regulus.

Severus stared up from his goblet, quizzically.

"The one Madame Pomfrey gave." The younger Slytherin supplied.

The other day, after the dinner, Severus was forced to visit the Hospital Wing and was prescribed with a potion. He did not take the medication, though. He was afraid that it might hurt the baby. Severus could tell that Regulus wouldn't let it go until he answered so he simply shook his head side to side. He was a little astonished to see there was clear annoyance in the younger Slytherin's face.

"Why?"

"Why do you want to know?" Severus countered. He did not like the interest the pompous pureblood was showing in regard to his health, nor was he comfortable with it.

"You are ill.", Regulus stated, as if that explained everything.

Severus' brow furrowed, irritated at the lack of explanation. "Since when my state of health was any of your business?"

He was read to counter if the boy throws a line something like: "it's prefect's business to take care of the students." But the boy said nothing, to Severus' satisfaction. The older Slytherin huffed, and added, "I'm not contagious, nor am I dying, you can cease your worries."

With that, he got up and left the Hall. He can tell the morning sickness hasn't subsided, anyway.

Severus went straight to the boy's bathroom and as he opened the toilet lid, the vomit literally gushed from his mouth. He heaved and emptied his stomach, though there weren't much in the first place.

"Need a hand?" said the voice behind.

Severus jumped in surprise. He looked up to see Sirius Black was leaning against the sink with his legs crossed. It had been quite a while since he confronted him this close, even though he had met the boy only a night ago but there was good distance between them. The boy looked the same: the same black hair, the same beautiful face, the same cocky attitude. He'd never know that Severus was just the opposite.

"You've been sick lately, Snivellus.", stated the boy.

Severus internally shivered, he wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to counter the boy, just yet. He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his robe and swallowed.

* * *

"Isn't that your brother, Padfoot?"

Wormtail asked. Sirius turned his head to look where Peter's pointing. The chubby finger was directing to the two figures sitting closely at the Slytherin's table. Peter was right, it was his brother, talking to Snape. Sirius' good mood dropped immediately. He was discussing which will be his partner with James upon hearing the announcement. But now, the frustration from the previous night rushed into his mind.

Sirius left his house in Grimmauld Number Twelve last year. He could no longer stand the pureblood maniacs that were his parents, and the rotten believes they uphold. It was suffocating for the rebellious yet good-hearted boy. However, leaving the house did not mean that Sirius felt no grief over his younger brother. He had hoped, despite the circumstances, Sirius and Regulus could make up for each other later, once the boy realizes the reality. So when his brother acted as if Sirius was nothing yesterday, the Gryffindor felt immensely bitter and sorrow. And watching him taking that slimy scum so close to him was enough to make him sick.

"Mate…." James placed a hand on his shoulder tentatively.

"Later, Prongs". But Sirius shrugged it off, and took off as the greasy bastard leave the table.

The tall Gryffindor followed the boy hurrying to somewhere. It was bathroom where the greasy haired boy stopped and he quickly opened one of the stalls and threw up. The unpleasant, gagging noise made Sirius cringed. As suspected, the boy was having something. Something serious. Minutes passed, but the Slytherin continued to heave himself up on the toilet. Getting little bored, Sirius cleared his throat.

"Need a hand?"

The Slytherin boy bolted right up, evidently not expecting any company. His entire body was screaming in terror, as if Sirius was going to murder him but he did not make a sound.

"You've been sick lately, Snivellus."

Sirius took a deliberate step towards the boy, who immediately stepped back. The wary face of the boy looked different from how he remembered them. Or maybe, he really didn't know how the greasy git looked like. He used to think the Slytherin boy was way too ugly to stare up close, but now, the boy was not that hideous. For one thing, his skin didn't look that sallow as he used to think it was. Nor was his hair that greasy and lank.

The bottomless two black eyes stared at him bewildered, almost frightened. Frightened as if he was hiding something.

"What are you doing with my brother?" Sirius demanded, grabbing the smaller boy's arm with his strong hand. The marauder internally suppressed his shock at how soft it felt, when he imagined it would be all bone with no warmth.

"Nothing.", the boy answered. It was clear from the way he was darting his stares to the entrance, he was planning to escape. But Sirius was not finished.

"Don't fucking lie, you're hiding something. Tell me what the hell are you doing with my brother." Sirius growled dangerously.

Snape gave a scowl, and hissed, "I said, nothing."

Sirius gripped his arm harder in frustration. He just knew the boy was not telling the truth, but he couldn't point what it was. Growling low, the Gryffindor reached for his wand, attempting to scare the boy. The moment when he pulled out his wand, however, a meowing noise came from the door. Both jumping in surprise, they turned to see Mrs. Norris making more noises to call Mr. Filch at the entrance.

"Shut up!" He glared at the cat, feeling angry at being interrupted.

He kept his grasp on Snape's arm and tried to shoo it away, but it was too late. Next thing he knew, the caretaker was shuffling through the door. Argus Filch, his bulging eyes with sunken cheeks giving him an impression of a skeleton, seemed to guess what was going on with one swipe of his scanning the scene. A mischief. A rule-break. His skin crumpled its wrinkles as the caretaker gave an unpleasant looking smirk at the two felons caught in their scene.

"My sweet, you caught two when I thought there'd be only one. Well done, Mrs. Norris, well done. Now you two, follow me." Said the caretaker.

"Wait, I haven't done any-"

"Be quiet! Follow me I said!" Mr. Filch cut him in and gave a nasty glare.

They both had to follow the caretaker after that and were forced to clean up a mass. Some idiots let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and the place was filled with filth and awful odor.

* * *

**A/N**

Hello!

I hope this is not too short, someone told me that my chapters are little bit short, so I try to put more in one go.

First scene from Lily Evans! What do guys think? Alright?

I personally don't like Lily, though I don't blame her for everything that Severus did, I think she was a bit inadequate when it comes to helping him. It was really said when she wrote Sirius that she couldn't understand how Dumbledore could had been a friend with Grindelwald, and it was heartbreaking to watch Severus crying over that letter. She should have known that even though Severus didn't seem to pull himself together at the time, he had a redeeming quality of his own.

I'm sorry I'm blathering. lol

Anyway, thank you so much for reading this, I'd love to hear more suggestions and stuff. So please feel free to comment!

Thanks even more for favoring and following me/story!

See Ya!


	8. Chapter 8

The two boys were crouching in front of the stinking wall with their sleeves folded up. The filth was hard to remove, Severus noted with irritation. The Gryffindor boy was quiet as he scrubbed the wall with a piece of cloth soaked in Muggle cleaning solution. The marauder appeared to be seething about how he failed to gain answers from the Slytherin. Severus bit his lip, rubbing the wall vigorously.

How the hell was he to know what Black's baby brother has in mind? Severus and Regulus were never been friends with each other and as how things are at the moment, he didn't expect to be a friend with him in the future, either. Why was Black so keen on his brother getting close to him?

Then, the realization dawned to Severus. His hand stopped, he turned to Sirius Black whose eye fixed on the wall with obvious irritation. He almost gave a snort.

Severus spoke quietly, "If you want to know if your brother became a Death Eater, go and ask him."

How hilarious, albeit the most likable assumption. The Gryffindor flinched at the word, halting in mid-action and bite his bottom lip as if to swallow his bitter. For a split second, Severus thought he was crying, but when the boy looked up to see him, the Slytherin couldn't see any sign of tears. Instead, the cold grey eyes of him were filled with seething rage. He looked positively murderous, only an inch away from attacking Severus. A moment later, however, Sirius Black seemed to compose himself and turned to his focus on the task. Severus did the same, without another word.

* * *

Severus muttered profanities under his breath as he stepped into his nursery. He felt exhausted, aching all over. His back was complaining for the hard labour he was forced to take, his feet swollen.

"Whoever said that five months of pregnant was the most energetic period was lying.", Severus complained.

Mimny hurried into the nursery and handed Severus a glass of water, who gulped it down greedily. She then guided the exhausted boy to his bed and took his shoes and socks off. The elf massaged the swollen feet with her tiny but talented hands.

"What happened, Master Snape?"

Severus groaned softly at the exquisite talent of the she-elf, momentarily distracted from his misery. But then, the image of Sirius Black came back to his mind, disrupting the peace. He cursed, removing his feet from Mimny's dexterous hands.

"Nothing to concern you."

Mimny wanted to ask for more, but she saw him tight-lipped so she kept her mouth closed.

A dark wizard. That was what he was to him. Typical, Severus snorted. He could feel the surprise in the boy's feature when he said the word. He felt annoyed but simultaneously satisfied to know that he had hit the right spot where he could hurt the boy most. Sirius Black was not annoyed that Regulus was associating him, he scared that his beloved brother has finally crossed to where he may not return.

Severus did not know whether the youngest Black did cross the line. Last time he was with the crew, Regulus wasn't branded with the mark. He was determined to receive it, though.

He had, too, wanted it when he had nothing to lose but to gain.

Severus' hand traveled down towards his belly, to where the unborn child was growing. It was big now, the bump. He had to adjust his clothing with complex charms to accommodate the size. Severus could feel the child moving slightly, but nothing major. Soon, it will move more often and more vigorously. It felt strange, having something growing inside him.

Who will it look like more? Him? Black? Whose eyes it will take after? Suddenly, Severus felt dreadful at the thought of having a dead ringer for Sirius Black. Will he able to love the child when it carries the same face, the same eyes of the boy who raped him? Severus shivered, raising himself up and got out of the bed.

"Master Snape? You is alright?", asked Mimny.

Severus exhaled heavily before glancing down at the elf. Her electric blue eyes were filled with worries.

"Would Master Snape like to have something to eat? A pumpkin tart, perhaps?" She looked hopeful.

A pink rose from the boy's cheeks. Severus thought of saying no, for the sake of dignity, but the word induced untimely cravings for the sweet. The house-elf beamed, and with a pop, she was gone.

Another thing that was caused by the pregnancy was this unusual, and absolutely unbecoming appetite for something sugary. He didn't like desserts. Three meals a day was an extravagance for him at home, having desserts and craving them was utterly new to him. Those mushy and soft creams melting at the moment his tongue touches used to feel alien to him. Now, he seemed incapable of not eating it whenever possible (whenever there was no morning sickness).

He didn't eat much for someone got knocked up, but apparently he couldn't stop himself fussing over all those sugary, cream-filled, heaven-like-taste things.

Though, this sudden craving for sweets seemed to please the house-elf. She argued that it was only natural for boys in his age, more so for the expectant. Having something to help him also made her happy.

Severus laid down covering his face in embarrassment, completely forgotten about why he got up in the first place.

* * *

"Expecto Patronum!"

A shining, silver fox was conjured from the tip of a wand that the professor was holding. Students in class stared at it sweeping through the air in awe. It was quite beautiful.

"Patronus Charm is a ridiculously advanced defense magic one could learn."

It was Friday morning, Slytherin and Gryffindor's joined Defense Against Dark Arts class. The tall well-built man standing in the centre of the classroom was their Seventh DADA teacher. He was fairly young, and good looking with his light brown hair and brown eyes. He was reasonably talented and gaining popularity among female students quickly.

"So difficult that quite the majority of the witches and wizards are incapable of conjuring fully shaped corporeal Patronuses. However, as all of you are of age, we shall begin to learn this magic starting from today."

And of all things he could teach, he had to choose this one for the day. Even though he could see why he wanted to teach the particular charm, Severus couldn't hold frowning. Patronus Charm, to the Slytherins. It was so outrageous that it was actually laughable. Everyone knew the ancient magic that acts as a shield to protect the wizard from dark creatures like Dementors. They also knew how Death Eaters didn't require such protections from dark creatures.

"Now, in order to cast this potent magic, one does require neither physical power nor high intelligence. What the magic requires is strong mind. I want you to search your memories and find the happiest one you have."

It was rather easy to search for the happiest memory for Severus, for he had little of it. Lily Evans, he only needed to recall the girl and he could conjure up the most beautiful, graceful looking doe. He was born in a cold, grey world where no lights penetrate and Lily was the first to warm his bitter heart.

To be honest, the first feeling that came to his mind when Severus saw her first time was not something warm as he had never known such feelings. He instinctively came to realize that that pretty looking girl with deep red hair and bright green eyes was from another world where the likes of him did not belong. A nauseous, ugly jealousy boiled in his stomach when he realized that. He did not like that, he did not like that he cannot be like her. However, he could not tear his eyes off of the red, even when it hurt him. Soon he felt something like a longing, of what he did not know. He was drawn to the girl, soon, the feeling grew into an obsession. Later, it turned into something very strong residing deep inside him.

It was not altogether pleasant; it actually felt painful to be with her, like staring directly into the Sun burns you. But he could not escape, he was captured. He belonged to her, and she him. He was her and she was his. They were the perfect opposite of each other like each side of a coin, yet they were together. He knew, for a fact, that Lily's Patronus would be a doe. She was his happiness itself.

"Then, you say the incantation, 'Expecto Petronum', waving your wand in a circle. Each of you shall have a unique Patronus which you will find out when you succeed. Now, I want you to find your spot, and start practice."

There was squeaking noise as the students hurried to stand up and finding spaces to occupy. They, mainly Gryffindors, looked excited as they started to wave their wands to cast the spell. Severus wished he could say the same, however, as per usual, he couldn't. The Slytherin students were all looking bored and uninterested, though they pretended to wave their wand as they were told, they did not actually tried to cast the spell. Among those bored-looking students, Severus was forced to follow suit. He couldn't risk summoning his Patronus in front of the whole school, making himself as the new target inside the House.

The black haired boy murmured his incantation recalling a moment when he successfully brewed an advanced potion. That wasn't happy, though it was pleasant.

"Ah, good, Mister Snape, keep practicing."

The professor commented, as he was monitoring the class. Severus jumped, face flushed. Some students glanced at him, but luckily not many had heard the professor saying. The Slytherin boy quickly hung his head low, attempting to hide himself. He felt like a moron.

Then someone exclaimed from the opposite of the class, "Whoa! Look at that!

Severus peered through the curtains of hair to where the sound came. There, as Severus lifted his head, was a pair of beautiful deer floating in the mid-air. It was a stag and a doe, their edges a little cloudy and the colours were too pale and dull. Imperfect as they were, though, they look sublime together.

Students from the Gryffindors clapped their hands, admiring the pair in pure awe. The young professor also gave a clap and shouted,

"Wonderful! Thirty points for Gryffindor!"

He looked very impressed at such success.

"Ah, this reminds me of what left untold! Did anyone of you have heard of the myth hidden behind Patronus Charm? No?"

But all Severus could feel was the draining of his blood, the chills in his back as the dread swept through him.

No, he wanted to scream.

Not you, anyone but you.

They belong to Lily and James Potter. The bespectacled boy looked around the classroom smug in his face. He rumpled his hair and looked expectantly at Lily, whose face started to go red like her hair.

As students looked curiously, the professor started,

"There's a myth about having two complimentary Patrounuses.

"If a couple conjures their Patronuses which match each other's, it meant they are meant for each other. Ah, you two, there might be going on, eh?" He winked, playfully.

Lily's face was now redder than ever, she looked abashed. Potter let out a chuckle. He, too, looked a bit shy yet seemed to be enjoying.

Severus heart felt like a burnt charcoal, his body a handful of ash. His eyes were burning, threatening to let tears. His fists shaking maddeningly, he looked away.

How dare he? How dare he take away the only thing he had?

He had nothing, nothing but Lily. She was the single, sole comfort of his entire life and he was about to lose her. To Potter, of all people.

Severus bit his lip hard, desperate to calm himself. He could not bear the thought of losing her.

Sirius looked serious, brows furrowed in concentration. He tried to think of happy memories, measuring one against another. He finally came to a decision, one with the marauders excitedly running the Forbidden Forest. He focused on the memory of cool breeze sweeping his face as he trotted along with a werewolf and a stag carrying a rat of its prongs. He waved his wand,

"Expecto Patronum!"

A thick, silvery white light whooshed from the tip of his wand. Sirius tutted, slightly disappointed at the non-corporeal Patronus.

"Brilliant, Padfoot!"

Peter praised, perking up.

"Yeah, well, anything's better than your gas.", Sirius said, a bit patronizingly.

He looked around the room and found that none of the Slytherins were able to conjure even a gas. The Gryffindor snorted at the pathetic sight. Those vermin were as well as expected, impotent and rotten. But then, he noticed something unexpected. One of the Slytherin was standing with his wand, a silvery vapor-like light gushing out of it. Sirius stared, intrigued as to who he was.

Huh, that's odd.

It was Snape. Interesting, Sirius noted. He had thought that all dark wizards practicing Dark Arts are incapable of producing Patronuses, even in incorporeal shape.

"Whoa! Look at that!"

A boy from Gryffindor exclaimed, and Sirius turned to look at him. He was pointing at the pair of Patronuses floating in the mid-air. They were a stag and a doe. Though they weren't perfect as the professor's fox, they still looked beautiful. The Gryffindor's jaw dropped open in admiration. The pair of deer was a sight to behold.

All Gryffindors' applaud for the mysterious and sublime scene the Patronuses were creating. Sirius could felt his heart swell in proud, as he joined the crowd. Smug in his face, Sirius turned to the snakes, as if daring them to curse. Then he spotted a particular snake that he disliked and there he noticed the Slytherin looked utterly devastated. Sirius narrowed his eyes, attempting to get a better look. The greasy haired boy turned his head as if to avoid his gaze, but it was after the marauder caught the tear glistening in his eyes. Somehow, the sight disturbed Sirius a lot. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he did not like the look on the boy.

"Keep practicing, now, everyone. Keep going.", said the professor.

Sirius shook his head and tried to focus on the memory. He stole one more glance toward the Slytherin who was shaking quite subtly. The handsome Gryffindor groaned, frustrated. He decided to conclude that he did not like how the git was still pining on Prong's girl.

"Fucking creep.", he muttered under his breath.

After all he had done to Evans, that oddball still desired her.


	9. Chapter 9

"We are ditching the ball." said Sirius.

"We are?"

"We aren't."

"We can't."

"Why not?!" Sirius challenged.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon in Hogsmeade weekend and it's not like Sirius thought they'd do something special, but choosing costume for the damn party was not it. Honestly, he loved Dumbledore, he really do but sometimes the old wizard forgets that boys in his ages don't find balls attractive. Masquerade ball, in particular, was stupid.

They were in the Madame Malkin's, trying on weirdest clothing for the Halloween party.

Sirius has been arguing all day that they should ditch the ball, which is only less than a week from now, and have some real fun. However, the other marauders weren't cooperating.

"Because," Remus spoke, tersely, "the last time we had fun, and by fun, I mean the darn thing you brewed, you went aggressive with Peter and then disappeared all night, Peter lost his mind in his animagus form and got lost in the Dark Tower, in which caught by Professor Flitwick and received two months of detention, and James, all of a sudden, went horny and I had to spend the most weirdest night in my entire life running away from my best friend turned into a sex octopus. Or have you forgotten that?"

Sirius face fell, slightly feeling guilty over hearing that. He glanced around and saw the others trying to forget about the night. He couldn't say that he didn't remember because he remembered perfectly clear the book he found in the library. Well, a part in the library where he was not supposed to be in. It was some sort of a treatise, written by a woman named Ellen, or Helen? It was about potions and stuff, and one of which drew his attention. Asse beste or something, was the name. Which, according to the writer, makes the drinker feel sensation that has never been felt. It sounded like Elixir to Induce Euphoria, so they brewed it together and drank. Afterwards were big fat blank to all of them, except Moony.

"But you yourself were fine." Sirius said, meekly.

"That's because I didn't take the bloody thing." said Remus, as he picked up a flaming Salamander costume.

"What?" Sirius asked, incredulously.

"It's a good thing that I didn't, considering what happened after. And we are not taking any more of your illegal potion or Muggle booze, nor do we committing something dangerous in this year. I thought I made myself clear with that?"

Sirius winced at the stern look on his friend, feeling even more guilty over what happened. But he straightened his back and insisted, "it wasn't fucking illegal! You know I wouldn't go that far."

"Do I?" Remus raised his eyebrow, and shook his head in determined. "We are not taking chance, that's final."

And then, the werewolf put down the flaming costume and picked up different one, determined to ignore him.

Obviously, he had a seriously hard time last year. Usually, Sirius was able to persuade his friend in the end, but he was quite stern this time. Frustrated at the lack of support, Sirius turned to James who was now having Peter to make a comment on his 16th century costume with ridiculously large white ruffles around his neck.

"And why the fuck are you going to the ball, mate?" Sirius demanded.

"Because, mate, I am escorting the most beautiful girl in this school." said James, winking.

Sirius rolled his eyes. Typical Evans, ruining everything. She hasn't done anything to him, not really, but he still hates that redhead.

"Who?" asked Peter.

"Lily Evans, Wormtail, who do you think?" James gave him a do-you-even-have-a-brain look.

James liked his friend alright, but sometimes he couldn't help judge that his dear friend is a bit too slow.

"Did she say yes to you, Prongs? Or are you just, prowling her behind again?" Sirius retorted.

His mouth dropped at the snide, James defended himself, "HEY! I'm not a stalker." At which, all of them gave him an incredulous look.

"She said yes, thanks for the support. Aren't you supposed to be, I don't know, fucking happy for me?"

"Congrates, mate, congrates." Remus murmured, absentmindedly.

James stared at the boy, dissatisfied but kept his mouth shut, picking up another red costume.

"Is this mean we are going to the ball?" asked Peter, innocently.

Sirius groaned loudly as he flopped to a chair.

* * *

He looked around the dark forest, it was so quiet as every life was fast asleep. The moon was so pale that he can barely make out the silhouette of the trees but oddly, he felt very calm. There was something inside the forest that made him feel safe, beckoning him to come. He moved his legs and discovered there were four, his hooves were stomping on the moist leaves. He suddenly realized what he was.

_A doe._

He felt lighter, faster, more at control than he ever was. He relished in the sensation of running down the forest freely as he never been. The cold, moist air of night brushing his body felt so amazing.

Then, he saw what drew him there and paused. _Another doe_. She was glowing in bright silver, almost white. She was beautiful. He tentatively made a step, worried that she might run off. Thankfully, though, she stayed where she was, as if unaware of the timid attempt he was making. He slowly made his way to her, unable to take his black orbs off of the beauty. But when he got closer, he realized she was staring something in the forest. Across the bush in front, there was a handsome stag towering his antler high. He stopped, immobilized. The stag was so magnificent that he feared that it might charge at him. He turned his gaze from the stag and looked at the doe, willing her to look back. But she kept her beautiful eyes toward the stag. Watching intensely at her long lashes slowly closing and opening, he begged her to look at him.

_Don't look at him, please. For once, just for once._

As if to defy him, the doe started to make her way to the waiting stag.

_No! Don't go!_

Ignoring his silent pleas, she hopped over the bush and joined the handsome stag. It lowered its head, careful not to touch her with his antler, and their cheeks touched each other affectionately. And he felt his heart sank, his body chill.

_No, no…_

He opened his mouth but no sounds came out. He wanted to shout her no but couldn't. Despair consuming him, he withdrew from the horrific scene slowly. He swallowed down the cry and screwed his eyes shut. He ran away from the pair, his heart wrenched with devastation, the bushes and trees flashed like a gigantic black lump. He stopped, how long he's been running, he did not know. But he felt like his heart was going to burst. He panted hard, gulping down the much needed air. Then he heard a coarse breathing coming from the forest.

He whipped his head up, searching for the source. There were black silhouettes, all different sizes and shapes. Then a footstep was heard from his behind. He jumped and turned around.

He almost fainted with the surprise. A gigantic, bear-sized black dog was standing behind him, its piercing blue eyes glowing in the dark. It was panting with his mouth hung open, inside he could see the sharp canine glistening in white. He felt dread was coming, he wanted to run but his hooves were planted in dirt. The two blue eyes glaring at the prey they found. He closed his eyes in fright and the predator leaped, charging at him in one smooth move.

* * *

Severus woke up, gasping hard. His entire body was soaked with cold sweat, and felt heavy. Shaking badly, he planted his hands on his sides and pushed himself up. He looked around. He was in his dormitory room, the green silk curtains were closing on his bed but he could make out enough to know that. Severus ran his shaky hand through his sweat-damped hair.

It was a dream. A stupid one at that, Severus sighed.

He's been dreaming of this particular nightmare since the last Defense Against the Dark Arts class. He did not want to remember what happened but the memory of it kept rushing back whenever he fell asleep. He screwed his eyes shut and rubbed his face with both of his hands, trying to wipe the nightmare away.

It was a dream. In it he saw Lily. A beautiful, bright as she always has been and he was so close to get her. But then, the stag came along and disrupt everything he had with her.

_Is she really in love with Potter?_ A voice inside his head asked.

No, she couldn't be. She never liked him. She would call him a complete arse, a toe rag. Severus denied, shaking his head.

_But her Patronus was a doe, and Potter's Patronus was a stag, and the professor said…._

Professor said it was a myth, which means that there's no proof. Severus bit down the urge to scream. He felt sick, not because of the volatile morning sickness that comes and goes. He lowered his back and laid down, trying desperately to clear his minds.

It meant nothing. It meant nothing that the two have matching Patronuses, nothing. It only meant that the creep was actually in love with Lily, despite his malevolent mind, and that made HIS Patronus to shape according to hers. Severus assured himself.

It only meant that the creep loved Lily, not the other way around. It meant nothing. It doesn't mean anything.

"Do you really believe that, _Snape_? That I'd still love you after what you become?" A faint voice came from outside the curtain.

Severus jerked, throwing the green curtain open.

"Look at you, you are disgusting." said the voice.

It was Lily. She spoke in an uncharacteristically cold and low voice that send shiver through his spine. Her beautiful face was without its usual liveliness, instead, she looked down at his contemptuously.

Severus felt his throat choked, overwhelmed by the such display of disgust. His eyes wide opened in shock, Severus tried to call her name.

"Oh, you poor thing. Did you think I'd have you back? Now that you renounce You-Know-Who?" Lily tutted.

"You never did, you are still disgusting little bat and you know that."

"Lil…." Severus sighed out her name, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

"You still want to be with Him? Don't you? Even with that bastard inside your belly. How revolting, having a child from an enemy."

Every single word coming out of her mouth stabbed him in the heart. Severus gasped at the pain, conscious of his big belly. He didn't want to hear her. He didn't want to hear her condemning him.

"I would never love you, Snape. Never." She hissed.

Severus felt a hot tear trailing down his cheek. He closed his eyes, refusing to believe what she said. But in his heart, he knew she was telling the truth.

* * *

Severus woke up with sudden jerk in his belly. He winced, grabbing his baby bump and pushing himself up. It was so big now that he charmed every clothes he had to accommodate the bump but also to conceal it from viewing outside. Under Severus cold palm, he can feel the child moving slightly as if startled by the rapid heartbeat. The Slytherin felt his cheek wet and wiped the tears with his hand. It was a dream. Just a dream.

He rummaged the desk beside his bed for watch and checked the time. It was early in the morning, so he flopped back into the bed. It was Saturday and today was the Halloween. He was to attend the wretched party without excuse, but it starts late in the evening so he didn't have to wake up so soon.

The dream was always the same since he saw her conjuring Patronus with Potter, differing only in details. It was more dreadful than the one where a particular Gryffindor was the main character. In the dream, Lily told him the truth he's been denying. The truth that she'll never have him back even after he gave up his path as a Death Eater. Every word she said was true, he really didn't give up on the Dark Lord. He just couldn't give up this child inside him, either.

He stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to recall her voice when she called him 'Sev', not like the one in his dream. The smooth sound of her voice rolling out of her tongue. How soft and warm it sound. But he knew it by now that he can't hear her voice even in his dream. In his dream, she sounded nothing like soft and warm; it sounded cold and coarse, filled with disgust and loathing. Even her beautiful feature seemed to distort in his twisted mind. She was much beautiful, lovely but she was grey and cold when she comes to his dream.

But he couldn't let her go, even in her ugliest form. She was everything that he held onto, she was what propelled him to go on. Letting her go was going against his very instinct, his very purpose.

_She doesn't love you_, said the voice in his mind.

He swallowed down the pain in his chest at the word. But he couldn't deny it. He only hoped that she'll never choose_ him_, until he can prove that he was the one for her. Severus closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep. He will let her know about him, he should let her know what he gave up. He will let her know that he is the one. Severus repeated to himself as he drifted away.

* * *

**A/N**

Hi, I'm sorry I'm a bit late. I almost didn't upload, I have some things to do now.

I've been rereading my stuff again, and found it really boring in the first so I kinda rearranged the layouts a little to make it more... I don't know, fluent? I hope I improved it at least a little. You can go and read it, if you want, but there's not really big change in the plot so you don't have to.

I'm so happy that there are people reading this and giving me reviews, thank you so much!

I been like, rereading it and rerereading it again and again, lol.


	10. Chapter 10

A pair of green eyes stared blankly down at the emerald silk dress laid on the bed. It looked so vivid against the white sheet. She reached out and took the dress up and put it on. The smooth fabric felt cool against her pale skin. Doing up the zipper, she turned to look herself in a mirror beside her bed. A girl with deep red hair stared back in the mirror. She looked perfect with her green dress which fitted her bosom tightly but flaring out from the waist.

Perfect, a scorn appeared in her face.

Lily was anything but perfect. She was just an ordinary girl who got lucky with her ways and things. Everyone told her she was admirable and perfect but she knew she was not. This girl inside the mirror looking beautiful and flawless was just something what people expected to see from her: an image they projected. Underneath the false projection, there was only a girl struggling hard to get what they expect her to have. She was just a girl, imperfect and weak.

There was a hole inside her heart and it grew so deep and so wide. She did not know how to fill it. And now all people see was this mask she wears, of which she had once thought that it was her true self.

Lily picked up the ivory mask that covers only the upper half of her face and put it on. Now, she had to go to the ball just like everyone else. She got out of her dorm room and went down to the common room where the boy who will be her partner awaited. And there, wearing a fancy, plum coloured 15th century fashioned costume, was James Potter. Her partner.

Few days after the announcement of the ball, James Potter approached her to ask to go to the ball with him. She said yes. It was probably the first time she'd ever said yes to him in all those years.

James Potter, the Golden boy of Gryffindor, talented and charming, the one everyone dreams to be with, the one that people had paired her with. Everyone was convinced that she'd be with him someday, if not now.

Rubbish, as she might tell them, but she could see why they were so sincere about it. The boy is the right choice by all rational. He was a pureblood wizard with absurd amount of wealth who is also handsome and cheerful. There was nothing to hate, they'd tell her. To some extent, she had agreed, even when she could clearly see the flaws in the widely admired boy.

But something inside her heart, or in her head, whichever place the soul resides, told her he was not the one. He simply was not and there was someone else. But that 'someone' wound her heart gravely that she was forced to recognize the deep, dark hole punctured inside. Realizing that the boy could not love him for he had too many darkness filled in him, she saw that her heart was wrong about him being the one.

Perhaps everyone was right all along about James Potter was the one and she was too blinded to see it. Maybe, her heart was deceiving as to whom her heart belonged. Maybe it was James Potter to heal her wound and complete the emptiness inside. Whatever it was, she shall not go back to the mistake she'd made and get hurt. This boy, smiling happily at her, would make her complete.

* * *

"Oh sweet Merlin", James sighed.

He was wearing a plum coloured costume he got from the Malkins, the one embroidered in gold, which made him look like he just got out from one of the portraits in Hogwarts. He still looked ravishing, though he would do better not drooling.

Clearing his throat, Moony poked him in the rib saying: "get a grip, James."

"But she's…." he drawled, eyes full of wonder.

Remus stared up at the girl, climbing down the stairs from the girl's dormitory. She did look fantastic but he was afraid that James wasn't with his goofy face.

"And you look stupid, she'll might regret coming with you." Sirius retorted.

But apparently, nothing penetrated the love-sick boy's head, gawking at the girl. She was wearing a silk dress in emerald colour and her red hair up in an elegant bun. She also wore a mask that covered her face but the green of her eyes was vivid through the holes. He'd give her an Acceptable, but no Outstanding for that. But whatever he thinks, James was positively besotted by the girl.

When Evans in her pretty dress spotted James, he shot his hand up high in the air in the most uncharacteristic and stupidest way he'd ever seen him. Sirius could not help rolling his eyes in shame.

"Evans!"

Contrast to the prediction Sirius made, Lily actually smiled, feebly though, at James. But that passive, barely noticeable twitch in her lips sent Prongs to a heaven, who continued to look absolutely stupid. Sirius clicked his tongue in disapproval, shaking his head side to side.

"You look… perfect, Evans! Absolutely wonderful." James managed to croak the words out.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself."

Sirius didn't even bother to hold back a snare. Remus shot him a warning glare, but at the moment, Sirius could not care less about what the fuck his lovely friend is giving to him. That betraying idiotic buffoon offered his right arm to the girl, who took it gently and the couple left the room as if there was no one else in it.

Sirius breathed noisily through his nose.

"Gah, Padfoot, stop being immature!" Remus chastised.

"It's only a ball, mate, you're supposed to have some fun."

"Ugh, a ball is not a fun, it's a fucking pathetic attempt at it!" Sirius argued, throwing his arms around.

He was, against his will, wearing a solid black dress robe which covered his entire figure. He refused to wear anything stupid like the one Peter was wearing. He was throwing a hairy creature look Sirius could not recognize and Remus was wearing a second-hand dress robe with a feathered mask.

"Do we really have to go?" Sirius asked, hopefully.

"Yes." The werewolf returned.

He groaned in frustration. Merlin forbids, but he hated that stupid gal and the love-sick fool he once thought his pal, he hated this whole freaking masquerade ball thing! Why the fuck it was masquerade anyway?

The three of the marauders walked down the Gryffindor Tower and to the Great Hall, where the fiasco was happening. There were students flooding inside the Hall wearing the most incomprehensible costumes Sirius had ever seen. But the disaster was not going to end in this as Remus announced that he'll have to depart as he had a date with a Ravenclaw girl.

Sirius literally shouted at his friend at the news. He thought he'd be with the rest of his friends at least. He knew that his composed friend had an army of admirers in the din, but he hadn't considered another betrayal from his friends

"Sorry, Padfoot, Wormtail." said Remus but something in his tone told Sirius that he was not meaning it.

"Nah, it's fine, have fun!" Peter said waving his hand. "Thanks, Pete, bye, Sirius", with that Remus disappeared into crowds leaving Sirius with Peter.

"So, shall we go in?" Peter pointed the entrance.

Sirius stared at the chubby sausage like finger with annoyance evident in his grey eyes. He pressed his lips tight and nodded.

* * *

Seventeen was considered of age in the wizard's society but they were still teenagers who are easily become oblivious to the outside world business when there's a distraction. A Halloween party, for instance, would be very effective distraction to them. In fact, it worked as effectively as expected. Everyone was so excited about this whole masquerade ball thing, chatting all day long about who goes with whom and who wears what, which to Severus' ear sounded very unimportant.

Severus slept for few hours after the nightmare but still felt exhausted and worn out. His body felt heavy and his head pounding as if someone was squeezing his brain tightly. He felt as if his body did not belong to him and the child inside his belly could not be more burdensome than ever. Feeling as though he was carrying an enormous lump of lead in his belly, Severus had done his second-hand tatty dress robes and got out of the room. The robes felt scratchy against his sensitive skin, which doubled his irritation. Severus fumbled with his tie trying to make it as comfortable as it can get as he entered the Great Hall.

The Great Hall changed into a magnificent ballroom. The ceiling, which usually embedded with stars, was decorated by an enormous golden chandelier. The walls were covered with black satins and in place of the House tables, there were small tables in black and silver with silver candlesticks. There were many statues and gargoyles in varied shapes and sized, which resembled those in the graveyards.

Severus thought the crazy old coot might actually have brought from the cemetery, for the sake of theme. The place was decorated in dark colours and gloomy objects but the atmosphere was cheery than ever. Everyone seemed to take this whole masquerade thing seriously, for he was alone wearing a dress robe without any accessory.

There were students wearing a Gorgon costume with a lion head and snake and goat one and Cerberus with three heads of hound. Some wore dress robes with feathered masks and some were wearing a 15th century's fashions and put blood on it. Even the Slytherins were happy to conform and many wore costumes. In the middle of the Hall, where the fountain was erected, a female choir who transfigured themselves as mermaids in South region was singing in shrill voices. Around them were students dancing waltz and in the platform where the teacher's table used to be were the headmaster and the staff. He appeared to be very satisfied with his work of distraction.

Severus alone was out of this place, completely a stranger. He cannot share this simple joy with the rest. He alone was gloomy like the background, sad and dark. He felt like he was an alien in this place, unable to step out from his own bleakness.

Looking around the ball full of excitement, Severus decided to leave before further humiliating himself. But then, a deep fiery red colour caught his eyes. The black eyes automatically followed the red that belonged to only one person: Lily. She was not alone, she was with someone else. And Severus's heart stopped beating before pounding against his ribcage hard. James Potter was with Lily.

No, this can't be it. A voice in his head whispered.

She was holding his arm, her beautiful face bright with affection as she stared Potter with her green eyes.

It felt like an eternity staring at the scene but when Severus withdrew a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, he realized it was only a second. Repeating a chant of denial, Severus blinked his eyes and tried to get a better view, hoping he was mistaken. But the piercing red confirmed it was Lily and the cheeky face with ridiculous glasses told it was James Potter she was with.

Without wasting another second to check, Severus fled from the Hall.

Running with a heavy weight in his belly was not easy but he forced himself to walk faster to get away from what he'd just seen. Clutching his heavy abdomen, Severus halted in the corridor and panted loudly.

He didn't even know what he was feeling. His head hurt and his lungs needed air but he could not make out what his heart was feeling. A rage at the betrayal? A loss or sadness? A jealousy at the boy? Maybe all of those melted together into a huge, ugly thing that starting to thrash inside his gut. He wanted to throw up, empty himself of this hideously painful feeling.

He wanted to run back to the place and grab the girl from Potter and shout at her how could she do that? How could she choose the boy of all people?

He may have realized she did not replicate his feeling in its nature but he had hoped that it was the same in its depth. That she cared about him deeply as much as he was about her. That she would, even though she wouldn't forgive him after he called her mudblood, at least avoid Potter for the sake of what they had together.

But he was wrong, he had been totally wrong.

Like a drop black ink fell into clear water, dark despair started to consume his mind, corrupting the feeling the boy held towards her. The Slytherin's face was pale and blank but his inside screamed as it burned with unbearable pain.

It never occurred to him that he was not as important to her as she was to him.

A hot droplet of tear fell from his black eye and ran down his hooked nose as he hung his head low. His lips were trembling and he felt light-headed.

"Are you alright?"

He jerked around to see Regulus Black wearing a green dress robe with golden serpentine embroidered. Too shocked and almost alarmed, Severus merely stared at him with wide eyes. Regulus stepped closer, a shadow cast in his pale face by the lantern light.

"I said, are you alright? Do you need me to take you to the Hospital Wing?" the boy asked softly.

Severus immediately took a step back, away from the boy. How could he not notice all this time that Black looked so similar with the elder Black. With his face half-shadowed, Severus could tell the resemblance was so prominent. And this reminded him strongly of the night he rather forget.

Regulus scowled, evidently offended by wary attitude.

"I-I'm fine." Severus managed to croak the word out.

But he kept on staring at his face. Severus quickly wiped the tears with his palm, realizing those perceptive blue eyes were looking at his tears. He cursed inwardly. He was not ready for dealing with Regulus anymore than he used to be. Now that he was able to recognize how much similar the Black siblings was, the uneasiness grew ten times worse. Feeling a sense of panic arising in his chest, Severus cleared his throat and said,

"I'm fine, why don't you go back to the ball?"

The younger Slytherin didn't even seem to hear it at first, and then Black returned,

"You are lying."

Those three words brought a dejabu, where a certain Gryffindor was standing in front of him in the boy's bathroom.

"If you are not well, I'll escort you to Madame Pomfrey." said the boy.

But nothing penetrated in the foggy mind of Severus Snape, as the memory of the other Black flashed through him. The breathing became ragged and uneven, Severus could feel the rapid heartbeat and the contracts in his belly. He clutched his abdomen, without realizing it.

"Snape?"

Regulus Black came up close, hurriedly grabbing his arms to support him. Those big and strong hands felt same with the repulsive ones of his rapist. Severus wrenched himself from the grip, shouting,

"Get off!"

The frown in his face deepened and the boy forced his way to close the distance between them.

"What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help, Snape, why are you running away from me?"

The anger in his voice sounded real, as if Black was genuinely disturbed by his actions. Even in his disconcerted state of mind, that sounded utterly ridiculous. A derisive laugh escaped Severus' mouth. He looked up to see the perfect pair of blues eyes marred by the aggravation, this was so fucking hilarious.

One who raped him and forgotten about the whole incident treats him like a vermin and the other who had treated him like a vermin all along now tries to get past his guard, for Merlin knows what. What the fuck is wrong with this family and him?

"Get the fuck away from me, Black." Severus spat.

The sheer vehemence surprised the younger boy, as he glared with manic expression at him. He wanted to strangle the boy if he could. He didn't care the motive behind this display of concern, he just wanted to burst this agony inside him and vomit it all out before it eats away every ounce of sanity he has.

"Do not talk to me like that, Snape." said Black in a low voice.

"You shall go to the hospital wing, you are unwell."

Black grasped his arm again and tried to pull him up but Severus refused. The younger boy growled warningly, grabbing him by both arm the boy shook him, and shouted in irritation,

"Get up, NOW!"

"Get off me, Black!"

"Stop it! Stop fighting me, Snape!"

Severus tried to free himself but the young Seeker was much stronger than him. He was forced to stand up straight and face the seething Slytherin.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Regulus sighed in frustration, his hand sternly gripping Severus' arm.

The younger Slytherin, who was at least six inches taller, was bending over to glare at him face to face. They were almost nose to nose, both panting from the exertion. Severus did not look away from the blues which resembled to icy grey ones. The muscles in Black's jaw twitched, the boy breathed out heavily and lowered his head to Severus' shoulder.

"Why the fuck did you leave us?" the boy muttered in defeated voice.

Severus flinched. The grip in the arms hardened as if afraid he might try to run away again.

"Why?"

The bottomless black eyes stared coldly down at the boy's head. Something in the boy's voice tempted Severus to tell the truth. Sneering at the boy's display of weakness and tell him that it was your brother hindered him from joining Black. It was your brother took me away from you. Somehow, Severus felt that would break the younger Black's heart into pieces and he was sorely tempted to crush this boy purely because he looked so much alike his brother.

But the last remnants of rationality in his head stopped him from doing it and Severus compressed his lips tight.

"The Dark Lord was disappointed at your absence, did you know that? In the last meeting, in the Malfoy's manor, he had looked for you."

The boy blurted out and ranted on. He looked up from his shoulder and Severus was surprised to see there was sense of lost and desperation in his eyes, which normally void of emotions except contempt. It seemed somehow, Severus was hurting the boy by not responding.

"He said, it was his lost not having you around, he said—"

It was pitiful to see the once proud Black to reduce into a babbling child. For once, Regulus Black looked his age, like a child pestering his mother for a treat. He'd gloat, but then there was a voice came from behind them.

"What was that?"

It was Sirius Black, looking dangerous in his jet black robes.

* * *

**A/N**

Hi, everyone!

I think I'm repeatedly apologizing for the delay, lately, but I am really sorry for making you wait.

Thanks so much for the nice reviews, I appreciate it.

I meant to write this further, but if I do that, I think I'm gonna need more time to upload, so I cut it from here. I try to get back asap!

I know that Sev has to forget about Lily and that's what I'm trying to do, you may not believe me. lol

I think that for someone like Sev, it's harder to let go, because as you well know, Lily's the only thing that was good in his life, so letting go would be tough.

But he will. Don't worry my loves, this fic is definitely a slash fic. Sirius/Severus one, at that.

Thanks for reading, feel free to leave suggestions, comments, even critics, I'd love to hear them out!


	11. Chapter 11

"What do you mean, Regulus?" the elder Black asked.

When his brother did not response, Sirius reached them and shot a hand towards Regulus' shoulder and grabbed him, repeating, "What do you mean by 'the Dark Lord'?" Slight tremors in his voice gave away hint of panic.

"Go away, Sirius." Regulus murmured, without looking up.

Severus saw a spark of rage flashing through the icy grey eyes before Sirius yanked his brother and thrust him away from him. The sheer force of Regulus pulled away made Severus wince in pain. His hands automatically ran up to where the boy's been holding and rubbed them. Regulus' eyes followed his movement while Sirius Black gazed at his younger brother with intense look. Sirius Black firmed his grip on his brother's shoulder and asked again, but the younger Black remained silent, deliberating avoiding his brother.

"TELL ME!" he roared, his expression torn between horror and disgust.

"What the fuck do you care!" Regulus snapped, whipping his head up to glower.

The cold grey eyes were now filled with shock at the amount of venom in his beloved brother's expression. It appeared to Severus that Black never anticipated such reaction from the younger.

"What the fuck do I care?" Sirius repeated, incredulously, "I'm your brother!" Sirius added, his voice less demanding.

Regulus Black turned his gaze away as if he didn't even want to see his brother. The elder Black waited, hoping for his little brother to deny what he was dreading to hear, hoping he had misheard. But the younger Slytherin closed his mouth tight, determined not to tell.

The silence was deafening. Sirius couldn't help himself from opening his mouth and ask what he was dreading to ask. "Did you…." But he could not dare to finish it.

"What if I did?" Regulus challenged, shooting nasty glare at his brother. "Why do you care?" His lips were trembling in rage, his face scrunched up.

Sirius tried to counter but Regulus cut him in.

"You don't care about me! You left me! YOU LEFT ME!" he bellowed.

Severus could see there were tears threatening to fall in the pale blue eyes, the younger Slytherin was on the verge of exploding while Sirius Black looked anguished, frozen on the spot, speechless.

"You left me." Regulus repeated. He glowered accusingly, daring him to dispute. But all Sirius did was standing there, motionless.

Severus, meanwhile, feeling uneasy standing there as an intruder upon the family matter, made to leave the scene. However, Regulus took a shuddery breath before he collected himself and grabbed Severus by his wrist—who looked befuddled. He tempted to leave without a word, but, Sirius caught Severus' shoulder and thrust him back to the wall where he was. "Ah!" A dull thud echoed when Severus hit the ragged wall, which caused him to wince in pain.

Startled, Regulus opened his mouth to protest.

But Sirius cut him through, "Was it him?" He growled low. "Was this piece of shit goaded you on to join You-Know-Who?"

Silence cast over them.

And something Severus thought impossible happened. Here he was, thinking there was nothing left in his heart to be damaged further, but my God, Black was ingenious in hurting Severus Snape.

"You did, didn't you, you sick fuck." Sirius looked down at him and asked. "You lured him on to that snake pit where you vermin are, did you not?"

He did not know what was it about Sirius Black, what had given him the power to crush Severus again and again.

Severus tried, with all his might, to love the child growing inside him. He thought he could, he would've. But it was so hard when he knew that it carries the blood of Sirius Black.

"You are trying to fuck my brother up because you can't get to me!"

It will have his face, his eyes, his lips, his hands and Severus will be reminded of how he had repeatedly defeated by its father every time he looks at it. How crushed and crushed he was.

Sirius Black was livid, raving like a mad man, his eyes bloodshot. He looked as if he'd kill Severus, crushing his skull with bare hand.

"He's not good for you, Regulus, he's not your friend!" Sirius bellowed, trying to make his brother understand. "He's vermin! A scum! You'd be better without—"

A loud crack rang the empty hallway as Severus struck Sirius in the face. Regulus hissed in surprise as Sirius covered his face with his hand, looking stunned.

"You really are low, Black." Severus whispered, his voice low and calm.

For a second, Severus imagined himself bludgeoned to death, covered in blood with a stillborn child lying next to him like an alien. He'd be disgusted with himself for ever thinking such grotesques, but then, he fancied an image of Sirius Black on all four, screaming in terror at what he had committed. That would be something.

"If I am bad because I'm vermin, what's your excuse?"

The Gryffindor boy frowned, fazed by his retort.

He'd tell this boy of his own sin right there and then, and shove its product dead in his face if that's what it takes to rip his heart into million pieces. He'd rejoice over his destroyed form.

He'd have given anything to show this boy of his true self he's been denying all along and let him see what a monster he was.

"Did it never occur to you that your brother became what he is because of you?" Severus asked silkily, not waiting for the reply. "That you neglected your brother so you can have fun with your little gang, what do you call it? The Marauders?" Severus cocked his head into one side. "You do have a knack for naming things, Black."

Bottomless black eyes of Severus pierced through the grey ones. Severus wanted nothing more than to see an agony from them.

"You do take things from people, you've taken a family from your brother, have you not?" Severus asked, softly.

Sirius Black flinched visibly, "That's—"

Severus did not let him finish, "You have, in exchange for James Potter, your brother in arm. Be a man, Black, and admit that you love him more than your own brother."

Black looked petrified, unable to speak. Severus snorted, "And now you're blaming me for your own wrong doings."

He would do it now, but then, Regulus Black was still there.

"Do me a favor, Black, next time, do take me out of your brotherly affairs." With that, Severus turned, not looking back.

He couldn't stand anymore of them.

* * *

The door slammed open and a figure stormed inside. The three other occupants jumped in surprise, heads turning to see Sirius Black walking past them without a word. He went straight to his bed, unfastening his buttons and violently pulled off his robes and suit. Half naked, he threw his garments to the bed table and walked to the bathroom where he closed the door very roughly. All three of them followed his behaviours with bewildered look.

"What's his problem?" asked Peter.

No one answered, but looked a bit disturbed.

When Sirius came out from the bathroom dripping wet, he did not look any of his friend but went straight to his four poster bed and shut the curtains. James, as always, carried the ball for the rest and opened the red curtain slightly.

"Mate…? You alright?" he asked, tentatively.

He stared down at the duvet covered lump that was his friend. Nothing came. He tried again, but all came was, mumbled "_Later_". Frowning, James had to retreat.

_'what's up with him?_' Moony mouthed the question, but James shook his head side to side.

It was obvious to them there was something, however, they decided not to push him and went to bed.

Sirius, on the other hand, stayed up all night, repeating what Snape said to him over and over. Was it really his fault? Was it really his fault that his brother has chosen the path where he may not be returning? Where all those rotten fruits that Hogwarts cultivated are ending up? He did not want to believe it true, he simply could not let himself believe it. It was too much.

Sirius screwed his eyes shut, trying to repel the recollection of his little brother yelling at him that he had left Regulus. _No, it wasn't like that!_ It was his parent, lunatic pureblood fiends, he ran away from. Not his brother, _never him_. He should've told him that, he should've let him know. But Regulus did not even look back once that greasy bat had left the scene.

Sirius could feel the cold dread seeping through his body, making him shudder in horror.

He had left the ball not very long after he had entered. Sirius could not find any entertainment except watching Peter failing at flirting girls. It was pathetic, but the real pity was Snape looking at his obsession: Lily Evans. The look on the greasy git was absolutely pitiful, as if he has just lost the world. Somehow, he did not revel in the distressed boy's situation. Probably that was why he had followed Snape when he fled the Hall and ran.

When he got there, he heard something else than the git's voice. A very, alarmingly familiar one: his brother's. But the real fear was the context of it. The Dark Lord, that rang a bell in his head, no, not bell, an exceedingly loud alarm. He chocked out his question, hoping his brother to deny. But all he had was the ugly truth that his brother had finally chosen the mortal path.

And Snape, that sick fuck, had goaded his brother on to this nightmare. He knew Severus Snape was entranced by the Dark Arts and the Dark forces. He could only think that the recent bizarre behaviours on the greasy bat could have been regarding the You-Know-Who's army. He didn't know how, but he was sure of it. Why else his brother, who is so obsessed with bloodlines, even speaks to that half-blood filth?

He was not going to get away with this. Sirius was going to stop him, and by all means necessary, he will stop the boy.

Sirius loved his brother, no matter what happened between his parent and himself. He was not going to let him walk into his death row.

* * *

A day passed, and then a week passed.

He'd thought he would be all sorrowful about Lily, but the truth is, he felt numb. Maybe too much pain caused something in his brain to snap, because his head felt hazy as if he was underwater, drifting, unable to move or think. Everything was so slow but so fast at the same time. It was like he had died already but the shell of his body continues to go on, like a prisoner who had been kissed by a dementor.

He had lost his eagerness to the child. He did not want it, he was fool to want it in the first place. It was like carrying a tumor, a lump of mutant cells growing against his will, consuming him. It felt disgusting.

Mimny found the change in his attitude terrifying. She constantly nagged him for his neglect to taking care for himself. But nothing penetrated in his mind. Because he finally came to admit to himself that he was every bit of his father when it comes to an unwanted child. He knew he'd strangled the child if it survives, maybe killing it before it's born would be a mercy to them both. He just did not have the strength to kill it for now.

Regulus Black did not confront him afterwards. Perhaps he was shocked by his words, or perhaps he knew Severus was not up for any more of that Halloween night's discussion. Either way, Severus was glad he did not.

Severus looked down at his cauldron, a newly brewed potion boiling. It was bright orange, as it should be. He ladled the content up and poured it in the glass bottle. Severus corked in mechanically and went up to the teacher's desk and handed it over.

"You may leave, the class dismissed." said Professor Slughorn.

Severus waved his wand and the chapped cauldron was emptied of its content. Black bottomless eyes stared at the empty cauldron. He, too, wanted to disappear into nothing.

Severus packed his belongings and left the classroom. The entrance was crowded with students making their way to leave the dungeon. He waited till the crowds became sparse and exited the room. Then, a hand came behind him, grabbing his shoulder. Petrified in surprise, Severus gingerly turned back to find Sirius Black standing behind him.

The Gryffindor seemed very composed, compared to the Halloween night. "A word," he said.

Severus would've told him he had no obligation to listen to him, but it seemed that his tongue had tied. Black took his lack of response as a yes and guided him through an alcove in the corridor, where he pushed the smaller boy to the wall.

"What do you want?" asked Severus, warily.

"I want your word that you'll never speak to my brother." said Black.

Severus frowned, he was not expecting that.

"_Say it_, you'll never speak to him again." Black demanded.

If he had the strength to do it, Severus would've laugh. The Gryffindor boy would make a better clown.

"Fine, I won't." Severus complied, hoping he'd let him go. He did not want to be within any proximity with Black. The Slytherin boy moved from the wall and tried to leave, but Black caught him once again and pushed him back to where he was.

"I'm being serious, Snape." He growled dangerously.

Severus looked up to those cold grey eyes. The Slytherin boy scowled. He'd imagine the child will have those eyes. It will look revolting.

"I don't want your greasy arse anywhere near my brother, nor do I want you implanting falsehood of You-Know-Who. He will not become a Death Eater scumbag like you. Do you understand? I will not let it happen!"

A red rose from the pale face of Sirius Black as he finished the words. He seemed to be losing grip on his sanity, to Severus.

A Death Eater. Yes, there was a moment when he sorely wanted to become one. But he lost his chance, he screwed it up for the bastard child of Sirius Black. He can't go back to them. He was a lost cause, an outcast from everything. He had nothing and Sirius Black and his friends made sure of that.

"Why do you hate them so much?" he blurted out, not really realizing it.

"What?" Black returned, as if startled that Severus had asked back.

"Why do you hate the Death Eaters? You seemed to have much in commons I reckon." Severus asked in a low voice.

Sirius Black scrunched up his face, horrified at the accusation. Seething madly, he spoke, "I do not! I'm nothing like you and your filthy little vermin!"

Feeling bold at the hysteric voice, Severus added, "but you are. You are friend with a dark creature, and you only befriend with purebloods or half-bloods, no mudblood. Sounds familiar?"

At the word 'dark creature', the Gryffindor boy froze. He closed his mouth, glaring down at Severus, gauging whether he was bluffing or not. To be honest, Severus was not sure that Remus Lupin was indeed a werewolf. But the look on Black's face told him he might have been true all along. If only Lily had listened to him.

"Your friend, Remus Lupin, is a werewolf. You hate Lily, who is a Muggle-born, your choice of friends is exactly the same with your brother who is a Death Eater." Severus spoke softly, stating one fact after another.

The taller boy seemed to forgotten what he came here for, as he started to shake with wrath. Clearly, the last word provoked him rather extremely. Severus would gloat, but strangely, hurting Black did not give him the satisfaction he'd thought it would. Maybe he needed more, maybe he had to push it harder.

Pure malice filled Severus's bottomless eyes. It was like poison oozing out of his mouth, that persistent, tar-like agony seeped deep into his very existent. It was the product of Sirius Black's sin, so he should be the one to take it from him. Severus convinced himself.

"You are every bit of your mother is, so tell me, why do you hate the Death Eaters?"

Severus smirked, hoping that had hit the right spot.

But Black surprised him by bursting into fit of laugh, one hand covering his eyes as if he said something delirious. Severus frowned, irritated at the bark-like laughs.

"You are mental, Snivelly!" said Black, once the laugh subsided. "Do you have any proof for that?" His grey eyes were filled with humor.

Severus gritted his teeth, "he leaves every full moon, pretending to be sick."

"Well done, Snivellus, you did your research work well." Black chuckled once more, "but you can't convince people only with that." He leaned closer to the smaller boy, bringing his lips to his ear.

"You'll need a proof if you want to tell everyone he's a werewolf."

Severus flinched, caught off guard by the sudden closeness. He remembered the hot breath brushing his ear, when the boy thrust himself violently inside him. He froze, the terror rising rapidly. He wanted to run away from him.

"Full moon's next evening, why don't you check up on Remy if you are so sure of it. Take a picture, do whatever you can, prove that he's what you say he is." The marauder whispered into his ear, rather softly than ever.

But to Severus, it sounded like thousands of banshee screeching madly.

"There's a passage in the trunk of Whomping Willow that leads to a shack. You can go look for it, that's where Remus goes every time he gets sick. Only thing you have to do is to press on the little knob near the base then it'll stop moving. Why do you say, Snivellus? Don't you want to materialize your theory?"

Sirius Black smiled maliciously at him. Severus gulped, watching as the Gryffindor boy leave without another word. He let out a breath he's been holding. His entire body shook violently as his knees gave away and Severus dropped to the floor.

He cannot go on like this. He simply cannot. The mere touch of the boy jolted him, the feel of his breath made him relive the incident instantaneously. It wrung out the last bit of sanity he has.

Severus contemplated what the boy said. Full moon, a shack, a werewolf. A werewolf.

_A werewolf in full moon._

A horrific, yet ingenious idea sprung up in his mind. A werewolf in full moon, a beast that cannot be stopped. A friend of Sirius Black.

Severus chuckled.

The bloodthirsty creature won't stop until it has its prey ripped apart. It will take Severus and it won't stop until he was nothing but a shred. And Sirius Black will be the one who pushed him through the gaping mouth of the creature. He'll have to pay for his sins. And Severus, after all the misery he had to endure in his sorry little life, will be gone knowing that is over.

The Slytherin boy smiled, stood up determinedly.

* * *

**A/N**

Hi! Ahh, finally! The moment I've been dreading and waiting at the same time has come!

See, I've searched for rape victims and how their mind goes afterwards, well, not very thoroughly, but I did, and I found out that some people, who already have unsettled minds, find it extremely difficult to cope with the incident. I know, so sorry for all of them. And Severus, in my opinion, has very fragile mind at his youth, so being raped and having a bastard child would be a tremendous effect on the boy. I mean, who the fuck wants to raise a child from... such incident? Right? I know this is fanfic, it doesn't has to be this serious, but it's my innate false to take everything seriously.

This absolutely does not mean that I'm gonna murder this child, just saying that he'll have hard time loving it.

And this is what I came up with, his attempt of giving up.

I hope you enjoy it, and don't find this too drastic.

Thanks a million for reading, reviewing, making suggestions and critics!

Oh, by the way, I find it funny that I'm learning English while writing fanfiction. lol

I learned a new one, thanks to Dragon, cliff hanger. That's how people in USA say it, I guess? In Korea, we use a term that sounds awfully like it's from martial arts novels. Roughly translated, it's something like, "a divine art of suspension". And we Korean usually say, "I'm mastering the divine art of suspension in my fiction". lol


	12. Chapter 12

He could hear his breathing echoing in the rocky tunnel. It was lit by the pale moonlight, dim and grayish blue. In the quiet tunnel, the only sounds were his ragged breathing and the thuds as Severus staggered into the uneven ground.

A voice in his head spoke: _There, almost there. It'll end soon enough. All your torments will end when you get to there._

He was not afraid. He was walking towards his freedom.

Severus walked out of the hole and to the stairs in a shack, leading up to an abandoned room. His body felt heavy and saggy but he felt none of it a bothersome because he knew he will be free of all these agony.

_It's alright, you won't feel any of it_, said the voice.

The place, the haunted place everyone calls it, was dark and gloomy. The old woods were creaking as Severus approached one of the doors where a grunting noise was coming from. The closer he gets, the louder it got. And the grunts changed into one of pained groans and Severus could hear something terribly like a bone was breaking and reattach. Severus reached one hand and push slightly at the grim door, which creaked opened widely, revealing a werewolf in transition. Hair was sprouting rapidly from everywhere as 'it' twisted and turned in agony of the transformation. Its teeth lengthened into canine, its hands and feet turning into clawed paws. The beast howled loud as the changes completed and its green eyes turned to meet the black ones.

_No._

Severus froze. Petrified, he could not even scream. Its fur ruffled as it shook slightly. The four-legged beast started to move towards Severus. It eyed him with its vivid greens, as it does to a prey. The werewolf bared its canine and growled.

A sharp pain stabbed his lower belly and Severus automatically shot to clutch his abdomen. He could feel the blood running down his legs. It smelled it. It was too late, Severus was going to kill the child.

_What have I done…._

Even before he could finish, the creature lurched forward.

* * *

Severus had woken up long before the sun has risen. But he did not open his eyes and get out of his bed. It was always been difficult for him to wake up in the morning, even more so now that he was pregnant. He was in twentieth week, his belly was grown quite noticeably. Every morning, he used to wake up with the dread of how he had to endure another day. After pregnant, Severus had to struggle with the heavy weight pressing upon him, disturbing his slumber.

Severus felt exhausted even though he had slept, his entire body swollen and puffy and his back hurt immensely. The Slytherin boy groaned involuntarily as he got out of the bed, clutching his stomach. He fetched the uniform and dressed up after cleaning himself with a charm. Severus gathered his school bag and tapped the nursery entrance with his wand. It glided open.

It was the last day of this torment.

The very thought kept the boy continue. After this day has past, Severus Snape will no longer have to endure any more of the misery that was his life.

The first class was a Herbology, with Ravenclaws. Severus used to enjoy this class, though not as much as Potion. They were to tend Venomous Tentacula and harvest its leaves for potion usages later. The vines from the plant tried to reach for students, however, both the Ravenclaws and the Slytherin students calmly snipped the leaves off its vines. Severus flicked its wand and murmured, "_diffindo_" to cut them.

This was the last class of Herbology for Severus. He won't be here any longer. None of them will ever miss him, none of them will ever know he was gone.

The Slytherin boy automatically collected the leaves and placed them in his basket, which he brought to the long table where Professor Sprout told them to.

"Right, I think that's all. Ahh, professor Slughorn would be happy to see them!" said the dumpy woman.

Students took their gloves out and put their wands into their pocket and went out. Severus quietly followed them behind. Unlike those wild, brisk lions, the Serpents and the Eagles were quite calm and composed as they made toward their next class.

Severus went outside of the castle, heading towards a spot where he and Lily used to stay. The place was empty, though there were students chattering here and there. He walked up to a shadow under huge trees. He sat there and looked upon the sky. It was grey with thin clouds covering the blue. He used to sit here with the redhead and stare at the sky. He rarely spoke, but he used to answer Lily's questions and sometimes asked back. Such days.

'_I would never love you, Snape_'.

He knew. Perhaps he knew it from the beginning, when he first saw the girl, but he had denied it all along. He and Lily were never meant for each other. He could not accept it, however, so he ran away from the truth. Maybe she was not to be his, but he cannot breathe a second without her. But the truth lashed back. He lost her.

And everything.

He has nothing but this malignant tumor eating away the remnants. Bright future with the girl he loves. All these were not the option for Severus Snape. But there's one thing he could choose.

_Death._

It'll end soon, and take away the last bit of misery.

Severus rose to his feet and walked towards the black lake. Some students were leaving the place to get to their classes. He had one hour prior to his last Transfiguration class. He settled down on a large piece of trunk, where he used to see Lily sit with her Gryffindor friends. He knew nothing about them. He vaguely remembered that one of her friends were Muggle-born as well. Lily never brought them when she speaks to him so he never had spoken with them.

Lily and Severus always met at places in the shadow, empty classroom, and dark corners in corridors. She would talk about her classes and he would to listen. Or rather, he looked. He peered from the curtains of black greasy hair and stole glances of the beautiful girl beside him like a peeping tom. The deep red hair curving down to her chest and bright green eyes, he wondered over and over how soft her pink lips will feel.

She was a girl who never worried about missing a meal. She was someone who had parent saying good night, giving a peck on her cheek. She was a girl who wouldn't worry about a poor boy from the neighbor where she would 'adventure' to, for sports.

She was someone who had everything he had wanted and craved.

It made him feel jealous of her, but she made him feel happy just to be near her. A mixed feeling of such envy and desire boiled in his stomach whenever he was with her. In the end, he didn't really know whether he really was feeling happy or agony.

Severus rose gently, and walked along the shore. The pebbles rustled as he stepped upon it. He once strode here with Lily when he was in fourth year. It was when the new semester begun and she asked him about how his family was doing. She said she was worried about him during the summer vacation, when she flown to France with her family and was unable to reach him. He was embarrassed about his family too much. He knew she meant in good ways but he never liked to talk about his family. He was ashamed of the disrupted family, of its poverty.

There, under the large oak tree, James Potter had levitated him upside down, for the sake of fun. Severus remembered the particular branch where he was hung and dropped down to the ground, as the red haired girl demanded the Gryffindor boy.

By now, he knew she meant to help him. But apparently, she failed to see what was going on. The marauder did not play him purely for fun; he intended to humiliate Severus Snape in front of the girl he liked. It worked tremendously. He spat out the word to her and wounded her.

A two figure approached the spot, unaware of his presence.

It was Lily and James Potter. He was talking to her, absent of his usual cheekiness. The girl blushed, nodding. James Potter leaned forward, his eyes closed. A large, calloused hand reached and touched Lily's shoulder gently. Severus blinked. The boy's lips met Lily's.

_See, can you see now? She never loved you. She'll never love you. She had chosen someone else. She won't care if you're dead, she won't cry when you're dead. You should've known, you should've known this already. But it's over, it doesn't matter._

Severus' life will end tonight, he won't feel this ever again. Could it be a hallucination? Provoking him to lash out? But the Slytherin boy cared not. He turned his back, away from the stupid image.

Severus quietly walked down to the castle grounds, towards the Whomping Willow. He picked up a stick nearby, prodded a knob on the base. The tree stopped moving. He walked inside the hole beneath the large roots.

He could hear his breathing echoing in the rocky tunnel. It was lit by the pale moonlight, dark and grayish blue. In the quiet tunnel, the only sounds were his ragged breathing and the thuds as Severus staggered into the uneven ground.

A voice in his head spoke: There, almost there. It'll end soon enough. All your torments will end when you get to there.

He was not afraid. He was walking towards his freedom.

Severus walked out of the hole and to the stairs in a shack, leading up to an abandoned room. His body felt heavy and saggy but he felt none of it a bothersome because he knew he will be free of all these agony.

It's alright, you won't feel any of it, said the voice.

The place, the haunted place everyone calls it, was dark and gloomy. The old woods were creaking as Severus approached one of the doors where a grunting noise was coming from. The closer he gets, the louder it got. And the grunts changed into one of pained groans and Severus could hear something terribly like a bone was breaking and reattach. Severus reached one hand and push slightly at the grim door, which creaked opened widely, revealing a werewolf in transition. Hair was sprouting rapidly from everywhere as 'it' twisted and turned in agony of the transformation. Its teeth lengthened into canine, its hands and feet turning into clawed paws. The beast howled loud as the changes completed and its green eyes turned to meet the black ones.

_No._

Severus froze. Petrified, he could not even scream. Its fur ruffled as it shook slightly. The four-legged beast started to move towards Severus. It eyed him with its vivid greens, as it does to a prey. The werewolf bared its canine and growled.

A sharp pain stabbed his lower belly and Severus automatically shot to clutch his abdomen. He could feel the blood running down his legs. It smelled it. It was too late, Severus was going to kill the child.

The creature lurched forward and Severus closed his eyes in despair. But then, a large black form leaped from behind Severus and clashed with the beast. It was a dog, an enormously large one. It knocked the creature down and attacked its neck with its jaw. The creature and the dog snarled dangerously, clawing at each other. The werewolf thrashed to free itself of the dog, but the black dog followed relentlessly.

All Severus could do was watch with horror, unable to move because of the fear.

The fight became worse, they were locked, jaw to jaw and claws ripping at each other. The werewolf howled in pain when the dog bit its throat hard. Then the large dog retreated, and grabbed Severus by his sleeves and pulled him hard towards the door. Finally able to move, Severus jolted into motion and ran out of the place as fast as he can with the help of the dog.

They made outside of the tunnel, both panting in exertion.

"Agh!"

Severus felt like he was about to faint, when he felt the cramps in his lower abdomen as the adrenaline washed away with relief. He clutched to his belly and fell to the ground, his face screwed up in pain.

The pain was too much that Severus hardly notice that the dog just changed into a person. He wasn't even surprised by it either.

"Hey, what's wrong? You injured?"

With the grim expression on his face, Sirius Black tried to hold him up, eyeing him carefully. Severus involuntarily grasped the boy's clothes for support, he was sure he'd faint if he didn't. Breathing with some difficulties, Severus managed to shake his head in denial.

"Snape?" Black shook him, "Hey! What's wrong with you?" The boy searched for signs of injuries. "Fuck, Snape, you're bleeding!"

The Gryffindor boy saw the traces of blood down Severus' ankle. He wrenched the Slytherin's robes open to see where the blood was coming from. Severus was in too much pain to stop the boy in advance. Black took a sharp breath in shock. Then, the Slytherin boy realized what just happened.

Sirius Black. Oh fuck.

He saw the bump in his belly. Severus abruptly pushed the boy off, trying to get up on his feet. But the pain hadn't subsided, and he just doubled over like a fool. Black stared at him like he had never seen a creature like him.

Severus felt the panic rising again. He didn't know what to do. When did the boy come… Since when Black was an Animagus? He opened his mouth to say something, but he could not. He was so confused.

It felt like an eternity until Black collected himself and approached Severus gingerly. Clearing his throat, the boy offered his hand, which Severus took reluctantly.

"You…." the boy croaked. "You need to get to the hospital wing." He wore an odd expression in his face Severus could not decipher.

The Slytherin boy looked up the taller boy for a moment, his hand covering his stomach in protective way. Black's grey eyes followed its movement. Severus shook his head and said, "no."

Black raised an eyebrow. "You need to see Madame Pomfrey, Snape, you're bleeding." He said as if he was explaining to an eleven-year old child the reason why he has to take the cough medicine.

Severus returned, more firmly, "No."

The Gryffindor boy let out an exasperated sigh and rumpled his hair. "Look, I'm trying to help!" The boy said desperately.

That was when Severus noticed the boy had several cuts around his neck and torso. Some of them looked deep. Black looked terrible, with his clothes torn and dirty with blood stains and dirt, his face had few cuts and messy as well. Clearly, the fight with the werewolf wasn't easy for the almighty Black. He also seemed to be in an emotional turmoil, having to help Severus Snape and seeing him in an utmost unexpected state.

Could it be that Black recalled what happened between them? Severus was not sure.

"…..what happened…?" asked Black, indicating his belly with his eyes. Severus frowned, trying to cover the baby bump with his robes.

Apparently not.

This was a disaster. How could he have been so foolish? How could have been so stupid as to walk into a killing machine so he can frame his enemy with it? It was fucked up, now he was exposed to that said enemy. Severus felt like he could shove his head into a rabbit hole in mortification.

"Then, tell me where do you want me to take you." The Gryffindor boy mumbled, uncertainly.

Pulled abruptly out of the tirades of self-berating, Severus looked up sharply at the taller boy with incredulous look.

"I'm being serious, Snape. You need help." The boy added.

Severus contemplated. His limbs felt like a ball of cotton dipped into water, saggy and useless. He was standing but his legs might give out at any moment. But to receive a help from a man who had sent him to his death sounded so ridiculous.

You're the one who walked into your death, said the tiny conscious in his head.

Sirius Black waited, fidgeting uncomfortably. He, too, apparently, was finding it absurdly ironical of him to offer help.

Severus bit his bottom lip, and nodded. The Gryffindor boy drew near him and placed his shoulder under Severus' armpit to support him. Leaning against the taller boy, Severus directed the boy to his nursery.

* * *

Sirius was in turmoil. He tried desperately what exactly he said to Snape yesterday at the alcove, but all he could was a vague recollection of himself ranting about how he did not wish the boy to be near his brother. How the fuck did it come to werewolf? He did not remember, but that's not the point. He fucked it all up.

He could not concentrate on class all day, his mind was captivated by the thought of Snape being slaughtered by his own friend. Oh for fuck's sake! He might not go! The git might get cold feet! But something in his gut told Sirius that he has crossed a line, **A BIG TIME**.

He should never have involved Remus on this, he never should have done this no matter what the sick fuck say to him. What was he thinking? He wanted to shut the smaller boy up, make him never speak to him that way. Was that all? Sirius was not sure. He might've wanted Snape to actually die. Was he? Was he really wishing that boy to die? Just because he said something awful to him? Was he that incapable of controlling his anger? Did he really send the boy to his own death by using his friend?

"_Padfoot, did you hear me?_"

"Huh?" Sirius looked up, startled.

"I said, I can't join you tonight. Head Boy's business, you know." said James, ruffling his hair.

"Oh. Oh, yeah, cool."

Sirius was not sure whether he should be relieved or not.

"And Pete can't too." It was Remus.

Sirius flinched slightly at the voice.

"What? Why?" asked James.

"Well, Prongs, believe it or not, our dear Wormtail has got himself a lady Hufflepuff from Halloween party." Moony grinned.

The other two marauders dropped their jaws in shock. "WHAT?" Even Sirius was pulled out of his own guilt at that in pure surprise.

Giggling mischievously, Remus waved his hand. "Just kidding." He picked up his goblet and took a sip, "but I wasn't when I said he can't make it. Apparently, he really does have something more important to do."

James frowned, "like what?"

It was outrageous, the full moon nights were not a game, they were ritual! James felt so sorry for dropping out only for a night and now Peter's going to miss it? Slamming down his goblet, he demanded, "What's he doing tonight? Where is he, anyway?"

"No idea, Padfoot?" Remus asked, nudging at his side.

"Er.. I don't know." Sirius muttered.

Remus narrowed his eyes a little, "huh, that's weird. You guys don't know what's going on with him?"

They shrugged.

Really, Wormtail was the least concern he had. Sirius looked up to see the Slytherin's table. Severus Snape was having his dinner as usual. Sirius clicked his tongue. Well, maybe the bloke was too much of a wimp to actually go through it. Sirius stared at his plate, attempting to finish it. Or maybe he hates us so much that he'd go through anything.

_Fuck_, the marauder cursed inwardly.

He looked up to see the prat. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell the truth, even if he did, where Moony would go?

"Right, I'll wait for you, Padfoot." said Remus, waving his hand.

Sirius nodded, watching his friend go. James was gone with Lily Evans to do whatever Head Boys and Girls do. Peter's no where to be found.

Sirius checked his watch for time, it was nearly the curfew. He had to go to the Shrieking Shack any moment now, Prongs' lent his cloak for him. But he was scared like he never been. What if he finds Snape there? What if he was too late? How could he face Remus, after that?

He was a loose cannon, Sirius had to admit that.

How could he ever be so stupid as to sacrifice his own friend? Even for Snape?

Sirius stopped shaking his leg once he realized he was doing it. He took a deep breath and got up. He cannot let this happen. He won't let his friends down.

* * *

To say that he was confused would be terribly understating the current state of Sirius Black. He attacked his friend in order to save his enemy, who is presumably luring his brother to become a Death Eater. Sirius doesn't even know what he just saw. Now, he was in a secret room with… … Oh fuck, is that _a cradle_?

Sirius shrugged out of the cloak and led Snape into his bed, which was covered in emerald green duvet. The Slytherin boy was quiet.

It was too much to processed and Sirius couldn't even bring coherent thoughts.

He tried to say something,

"Get out."

But Snape cut him in.

Sirius scowled, indignantly, "Excuse me?" So much for gratitude. "I'm trying to help—"

"I do not need your help."

"You were bleeding! Aren't you worried about that?" He returned.

Snape flinched, covering his stomach. Sirius gulped in unease.

"Are… are you…. Really….?" Sirius trailed off, after a moment of silence.

"I said, get out." Snape repeated, this time more sternly.

Sirius looked down at the smaller boy sitting uncomfortably at bed. He was a mess: his ugly face was even more ungainly as the tear and sweat smeared all over his face, his tatty robes are dirty with dust and leaves. There were locks of greasy hair plastered all over his forehead and cheeks. He looked just like someone who survived tremendous hazards.

Sirius heaved a sigh and brushed a strand of hair back.

"I'm sorry."

Sirius turned, and went out of the room without a backward glance. Snape sharply shot up, his eyes wide open as if someone gave him a blow. He watched Sirius leaves with his shoulder sagged low.


	13. Chapter 13

─**Sixth year**

"Oh, oh there, right there!"

"Shhh—, they'll hear you." said Sirius, panting.

Though his eyes were gleaming with amusement, he placed a palm over the girl's mouth to shut her up. He was in the deepest section in the library hidden by the enormous bookshelf. Madame Pince was not the type of women who'd forgive students being amorous in her sacred place. He probably shouldn't be doing this but oh, it felt so good.

Her name was Yelena something, a seventh year Gryffindor. He'd worked so hard—well, hard for him to get between her thighs. Sirius did not want to get caught in the middle of it.

"Mmmph—!"

Yelena's scream muffled by the hand covering her mouth. Sirius groaned as he spilt inside her and clutched her sides hard. He let out a breath and pulled out of the girl. Brushing his hair back, he smiled and kissed her rather chastely.

"Well, time to go?" he asked.

Yelena didn't answer, instead heaved her bared chest to catch her breath. She giggled and threw her limp arm over Sirius and kissed him passionately. Her milky bosom felt wet with sweats on his own bare chest.

"I guess, mm, I can spend, more time here." Sirius grinned mischievously as he allowed her to take the lead and switched place with her over the old desk.

But then, a voice was nearing as well as footsteps. They froze.

"Oh, child, I'm sure it was somewhere around here. Ah, let me see, was it behind this shelf?" said the voice right behind them.

Sirius cursed inwardly, damn the librarian.

He gestured the startled girl to be silent and pulled the girl behind a pile of boxes and books, not forgetting to use cleaning charm over the desk to erase the evidence. They waited in silence for the librarian and a student to get in there to get what they were here for.

"Oh dear, it must be here. What exactly you say was the title? Merrows and merpeople?"

"Merrows and Other Dangerous Water Creatures, Madame Pince. It's for the Defense Against the Dark Arts class report." replied another voice.

Sirius and Yelena held their breath and hoped they'd leave soon. He wanted to peek what were they doing but he didn't dare it. Footsteps were getting closer over there.

Sirius jumped slightly at the sudden pull in his robes. He looked at the older Gryffindor and mouthed "what?" and the girl indicated over the desk they've been occupying. A piece of white garment was lying underneath the desk haplessly.

Shit.

It was her panties.

He contemplated on whether to Accio it or not, but couldn't take the risk. However, the librarian and the student found the material they've been looking for and went out, completely unaware of their presence. Sirius and Yelena waited another minute or so to make sure they are out of earshot and let out a sigh, mixed with giggles.

"I guess we should go, too." Yelena, whose pretty face was still marred with worries, spoke.

Sirius nodded, "I reckon we should."

They got up and Yelena went over the desk to retrieve her panties. Sirius redone his buttons and tie, but then, something caught his eyes. One with dull bluish back was standing out among the pile of old parchments and leathered bound books. It had golden inscription that read 'For Baron'. He pulled it out of the pile, blew the dust away.

'For Baron,

From Helen.'

It was the all it said, so Sirius opened it in order to search for more information about the book. It was rather plain, boring book with articles about potions and stuff. Not so keen on brewing, Sirius meant to drop it where he found it, but he found something a bit intriguing. It read,

『_One dose of Esse Bestia brings upon the drinker a revitalization and extreme feeling of elation. This may be highly dangerous therefore must be used with maximum caution. If concocted correctly, it should contain light purple colour with silvery fume that smells earthy. Be warned, the process must be followed rigorously, otherwise the potion will have unexpected side-effects._

Add six Chinese wolfberries and peony roots.

Boil the potion till it becomes vibrant red.

Add two ounces of tortoise fat

Add leaves of lovage until the potion turns dull brown.

Stir clockwise and let it simmer for sixty seconds.

Add three tea spoons of Rose thorns.

Add one musk pod.

Stir counterclockwise until the mix turn black colour and simmer in silver fumes.

Add seven petals of nightshades.

Esse Bestia by Helena Ravenclaw』

Helena? He thought Hogwarts' founder was Rowena Ravenclaw? Perhaps he knew incorrectly. But the particular potion was rather interesting to the marauder. Revitalization and elation? Would that be same as the Invigorating Potion? Or Elixir to Induce Euphoria? He certainly remembered the at least two of the ingredients were used for either of them.

Sirius normally wouldn't go through troubles to get such potions for he had ridiculous amount of money his uncle has left for him but…. This might be fun.

"Black, aren't you coming?" asked the older Gryffindor.

He pocketed the book, "I'm coming."

He grinned, full of anticipation for the potion.

* * *

Severus stared at the entrance for a moment. He could not believe what he just heard. But it did not matter. He quickly got up and stripped his trouser and fetched a mirror. Between the milky white legs were thin streaks of red blood coming down from his crotch. Severus bit his lip, his heart sinking in horror. But when he placed the mirror between his legs to see what happened, there was something behind his testicles. It looked somewhat like a vagina, with a hole and flesh surrounding it like a vulva. It was birth canal for the childbirth. It still looked incomplete in shape, but there was no doubt as to what it was.

Severus heaved a heavy sigh in relief. The extreme pain with convulsion in his lower abdomen was caused by the development of the birth canal. He did not lose the child over his lapse of emotion, over his foolish decision.

When he realized that, hot tears streamed down his cheek rapidly. He covered his mouth to stifle sounds, but hisses escaped. He curled to his side in his bed and let the tears fall.

He didn't kill the child. He did not murder his child. It was still safe, _inside him._

Severus caressed his swollen belly gently, as if to apologize to the child. He was so stupid, he was so reckless. He had proud himself of being the most rational, logical person in Hogwarts, but he had almost let himself murder his own child. Because he could not endure being alone, because he could not stand the hatred he bore for Sirius Black. He almost had his innocent child to pay for his own weakness. His own child, though he may not love it for now. It was sick. It was revolting thing to do. It was very Tobias-like.

But he was not his father. He shall not let this child suffer for his weakness. Never.

He'll accept the fact that he is alone and let go of the girl who would never look back at him. He shall let go of the grudge he held for the particular Gryffindor, for he cannot go on carrying his child with such feelings that consume him. He will be good to this child, he may fail to love it but he will be good.

Severus swore to himself.

* * *

Morning after full moon was never easy for Remus Lupin. He feels groggy and sore, self-inflicted wounds ache painfully. After when his friend started companying him, it became much better. He became enjoying the night, even anticipating it. But not this time. He tore along the corridors in the Hospital Wing towards the Gryffindor Tower. Madame Pomfrey told him he needed more rest but he refused to listen. He was enraged like he never been in his entire life.

He hurriedly took the stairs toward the common room, where he wheeled his head around to search for Sirius Black. There was no sign of him. Remus vaguely remembered that it was Saturday and perhaps the rest was out for Hogsmeade. Breathing heavily through his nose, Remus took the stairs up to the dormitory room.

When he got to the door, Remus tried to calm himself before going in. But the fear of last night flooded back in his mind and it converted into unbearable rage. He could not hold back. Remus tore the door open and went it. There, among the three figures dressing up lazily, was Sirius Black.

"Moony, we were just about to check—"

Without answering to James, Remus marched straight towards Sirius. Seizing him by his collar, Remus threw a punch in his face. A loud thud echoed as the dumbfounded figures stared at him with wide eyes. Sirius, however, looked as though he has been expecting such blow. That made Remus angrier as if that was possible.

Seething, he bellowed, "How could you!"

It was not like him. He had never been able to get angry with his friend, as the fear of being left alone always suppress such emotions. But this was different. Sirius had made him reconsider everything he had for the animagus. Sirius crossed a line.

"HOW COULD YOU?!"

His face was blotchy red, his whole body shaking madly with rage. He so wanted to do more than just yell. If he could, he wanted to shove a helpless child in front of him and force him to kill it, just to let him know how it feels. That's how far Sirius went.

"Answer me, Sirius, how dare you do this to me? HOW?"

But all Sirius did was lower his head, avoiding his eyes without a word. Without realizing, he raised his hand to strike him once more, but James intervened, "whoa, whoa, whoa, gents, what the fuck is going on in here?"

Raising his both hands to gesture him to calm down, James tried to get between the two. Remus shrugged him off, throwing a deadly glare. James gulped, alarmed at the intensity in his eyes. He never seen him like this before. Frowning, James turned his eyes to Sirius, hoping to find out what was going on. To his dismay, the boy showed nothing.

"WHY? Did you hate him that much? To use your own friend like that?!" Remus continued bellowing. He couldn't hold back, all those years of fear and dread bloated inside him like huge balloon has been burst like a volcano.

Fists clenching Sirius' collar tightened, chocking him. James felt alerted, he looked at Peter, who obviously frightened out of his pants and gestured him to help him. Peter hesitantly obliged, as James went between his friends and tried to push Remus back while Peter pulled from behind.

"Hey, hey back off, Remus, calm the fuck down!"

Though he resisted at first, Remus eventually let himself parted with unresponsive Sirius.

"Let's just settle down, Remus, before you do anything stupid. 'Kay?" James stood between them, extending his arms to ensure distance.

Shaking with ragged breath, Remus glared at Sirius furiously but did not move. Relieved a little, James asked softly, "What happened to you, Moony?"

"Ask him." Remus spat venomously.

Sighing, James turned to Sirius, questioningly. But Sirius gave nothing until he said, "I'm so sorry Remus."

At this, Remus let out a derisive laugh, "You're sorry? You're sorry? For what? That Snape's not dead?"

"What?" James frowned, puzzled. "What's he got anything to do with this?"

"It's everything to do with him, you, James Potter," Remus whipped around to glare at James, his green eyes bloodshot. "are the one who picked on him for no reason from the first time you've met him!"

Slightly offended, James tried to say something but Remus cut him off. "And Sirius emulated your stupid 'prank' ever since then! Now he'd tried to murder him by using me! Sending him to the Shrieking Shack, deliberately! Knowing I'd kill him in my werewolf state!"

They felt silent. James stared at Remus infuriated face incredulously. His face went rigid and serious before turning to Sirius, who, all this time, was looking down at his feet silently.

"Is that true?" he asked, dreading the answer.

Sirius did not response until he breathed out a sigh, running his hand through lustrous wavy hair.

"I am sorry that I misused you, Remus. I never meant to hurt you."

Unconvinced, Remus continued to glare. James, however, was thunderstruck at his friend's apology. Even Peter looked a bit stunned, scared of the very idea.

"Why, Sirius?" He wanted an explanation. James didn't want to believe that such things happened between his friends, even for a prank. No, it was worse if it was a prank.

Sirius finally looked up. James winced at the misery written all over his face. It was clear from his face that he was truly sorry about all this, which made James a little relieved.

"The…" Sirius sighed, having difficulties speaking. "The night in the Halloween Party, I saw my brother and Snape in the corridor talking each other about You-Know-Who."

Peter gasped.

"My brother said He missed Snape not showing up and I…" he paused, swallowing the overwhelming urge to cry. "I got between them and asked to my brother what he meant by Death Eaters and You-Know-Who and he said…. He told me…."

They all stared at him intensely. Interest has appeared in Remus green eyes, marring the furious glare.

"I found out that Regulus is a Death Eater."

A drop of hot tears fell from the corner of his eye the moment he said the word. He looked around his friends and their horror-stricken faces. It was hard to admit such things even to his friends.

"I thought Snape was involved in the recruitment, I…. ", Sirius took a deep breath, "I wanted him to pay for what he'd done to my brother." He looked down, in shame. "I really didn't mean to hurt you, or betray your trust Remus I just," Sirius forced himself to look into the greens, "I am so sorry….." But he couldn't finish, seeing the hurts in those greens.

Sirius wiped his tears promptly, trying to calm his nerves to finish the sentence.

"Enough." Remus spoke softly.

Sirius looked up, puzzled.

"I get what you mean." But there were traces of hurts and anger left in his face.

"I just need more time." With that, Remus turned and grabbed his books and left.

Three of the marauder stood there silently, watching the door Remus went, none of them dare to speak.

At long last, James broke the silence by clearing his throat awkwardly. He glanced at Sirius through his round glasses, uncomfortable at his display of weakness. Though he and Padfoot has been friend for long but he rarely seen him like this. He felt sorry for him while he knew Sirius went too far this time.

"Fucking Snape." Not knowing what to say, he murmured.

Sirius looked up. James smiled ruefully, "That prick ruins everything for us, innit, mate?"

Peter agreed by nodding his head but Sirius remained still. James smiled fell, he sighed heavily.

"Padfoot, this…" He started, then paused. "I'm sorry about your brother, we all do." His hazel eyes stared at the boy full of sympathy, he never liked the little Black but he was Sirius' little baby brother and he knew, deep down, Sirius loved him as much as he loves James.

"But this," he waved his hand, "was too much, mate."

Fuck, this was hard. James wondered perhaps this was the reason why Remus never said anything before. Scolding his friend for something was not easy as he thought.

"Give Moony a little," he meant to say 'give Moony some time' but Sirius cut him off.

"Yeah, I know."

Sirius cleared his throat, trying his best to neutralize his voice. "Er… I need to go somewhere, tell Moony he can stay here, I won't be here to bother him."

"Yeah, sure." Perplexed, James asked, "where are you going?"

But Sirius said nothing and left James and Peter staring at each other in puzzlement.

Sirius Black trotted down the Gryffindor Tower, his brows furrowed in deep thought. He had meant to visit Remus first to apologize for what he did, but Moony forestalled. It pained him to see the usually composed boy go frenzy, but it was something he expected. He deserved it, Sirius was no denial in that, he just….. hoped his best mate will find it in his heart to forgive him.

But there was something else he needed to do: questions to be asked. He was positive about the fact that Severus Snape was indeed pregnant. Merlin knows how, but he was sure the swollen belly was the indication. And that room….. that triangular place with one bed—though there were more than just bed. He didn't realize it at first glance, but after night has past it suddenly hit him hard. It was where he woke up after drinking the weird potion he found out randomly, the one that made everyone go crazy.

What happened that night?

Sirius was not so keen on discovering, but he had no choice. There was definitely something going on and he needed an explanation, albeit how afraid he was to know.

Sirius panted slightly as he arrived at the place where he left Severus Snape last night. He pulled out his wand, tapped the wall thrice as he did last night. He drew a deep breath as the door glided open.


	14. Chapter 14

"You sure about this, Pad?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure this is safe?"

"Yes!"

"Perhaps we shouldn't…."

"Oh, c'mon, I've prepared this to the utmost perfection! Trust me."

The three marauders exchanged glances and looked down to each of their bottles filled with light purple coloured potion. They all looked doubtful of the content. Sirius pouted, faking a hurtful look.

"Well? Bottoms up!"

James took a deep breath, and took a determined gulp of the purple liquid. Peter and Remus looked horrified but Sirius grinned in satisfaction and joined his best mate and took the potion in one-go. Peter followed suit. Remus, however, used their distraction to dump the potion to the floor and pretended he drank it.

They grimaced at the funny taste it leaves and put the bottles down on the desk.

Sirius looked around, checking for any sign of the effect.

"So?" Sirius asked.

But none of them answered. At first, nothing really happened. But then, Peter suddenly rose from his seat and roared,

"This is fucking brilliant!"

The three marauder looked up to their friend, startled.

"I feel, whoa, I feel─" Peter stuttered. "I feel fucking amazing!"

And Wormtail started to prancing around and jumping, waving his arms like a child who ate too much sugar. He seemed exhilarated.

The three marauders stared their friend for a mement with dumb faces until broke into a howl of laughter. Peter looked rather stupid bouncing up and down and roaring.

However, Sirius and James no longer smirked at the leaping boy when the effect took hold. His stomach felt warm, no hot. The heat spread rapidly through every vein and every cell in his body, consuming every sense. But it felt so good. It felt fucking great. His face split into a wide grin, Sirius giggled not really knowing what he was laughing for.

He looked side way to check James, who, unlike him, appeared rather calm and focused. Even in haze from the potion, Sirius wondered whether the potion hadn't work for his mate. If so, he'd be sorry because this is fucking amazing. But apparenly it did, James started to reach for Moony, who looked dumbfounded.

"He's right, it feels fucking amazing." He whispered.

His green eyes wide as a saucer, Remus stuttered, "what?"

James said nothing but literally jumped at the poor boy who shrieked rather uncharacteristically. Sirius laughed harder, it was so funny.

"Stop, stop it I said!" Remus shouted, pushing away James clinging to him with all of his body.

"Stop laughing and help me! Agh!"

He turned to look at Sirius with pleading eyes but it was no use. Sirius was not interested in what they do at the moment. He suddenly felt the room in the Shrieking Shack stifling. He needed to go out.

"Aaghh!"

He heard someone(presumably Remus) screaming but nothing mattered. It felt like he was drifting under water, as if his body was being led by some other forces. He should be wary of it if it were not so damn good. Another shout came from behind, but it was only a soft buzz to him. Humming in a tune he didn't know, Sirius walked to wherever the place this potion led him to. He had to go there. Sirius closed his eyes, he didn't need to see. Something whispered into his ears: come, come and find me. Sirius found nothing in his heart to object. He will find it.

Sirius walked into a deeper section in the castle, near the dungeon. He entered into a room with arched entrance. He was there. Sirius lied down the chaise longue. The cold from the dungeon did not reach him here as the warm feeling of the potion enclosed him. He waited. He did not know what he was waiting for, still he waited.

Then, a footstep was heard.

Sirius opened his eyes. Someone gasped. He looked. There, it was what he was waiting for. He reached. He grabbed him and threw him to where he was. The warm feeling turned into scorching heat burning every cell in his body. Sirius breathed a shaky breath. He wanted this heat to be gone. He fumbled around the boy's trousers, swiftly peeling the garment off. Sirius reached down his own crotch and took the suddenly burning organ out of its stifling clothes.

The boy was screaming and thrashing to get him off.

But it didn't matter. He'd die if he couldn't get this heat off of him.

Sirius pinned the boy's hands with one hand and placed himself between the pasty legs. The boy screamed harder. It boomed loudly in his ear, causing the heat to grow hotter. Sirius grabbed his burning member, he could no longer endure this. He pushed himself into the boy forcibly. Agonizingly slowly, the boy's unwilling body started to envelope around him. The boy made a chocking sound, paralyzed, his dark eyes wide opened. Sirius let out a low groan in relief when he pushed all in. The boy beneath him shuddered in pain. Sirius looked down to meet up that pitch black eyes. They were filled with horror.

Sirius dragged himself out of the boy and thrust back up with one stroke. The boy's scream got louder. He could not help it. He must do it. He would die if he does not release this burning heat, consuming his everything. Sirius thrust into the boy again and again.

"──No, ugh, s-stop─"

But he could not stop.

* * *

Sirius breathed nervously and walked in. The place was dim with only one candle light. The only sound was the slow breathing of a sleeping figure lying on the bed. He froze. He didn't expect the Slytherin to be in bed at this hour, so he stood there not knowing what to do next. Should he come back later? But twinge in his gut told him he can't do this again. Fidgeting uncomfortably, Sirius drew a chair from near the 'other' furniture and sat down.

He looked around the place. It had three walls made of limestone, decorated with lanterns and rugs. There weren't many furniture, just the bed and a small desk with a chair and the ... Sirius cringed visibly. He returned his gaze to Severus Snape, who, surprisingly, still fast asleep oblivious to his presence. Without scornful looks he usually wears, he looked peaceful and harmless. Curled over on one side, his hand placed protectively over his belly.

Sirius sucked in a sharp breath. He forcibly reminded of why he was here. Unnerved, he contemplated visiting next time as the Slytherin boy stirred. The boy lazily blinked into bleary vision, then the black eyes founded the grey ones. It was only a matter of seconds the boy awoke in full conscious. He gasped loudly, flabbergasted.

Watching the boy struggling to get up and failing, Siris murmured, "Snape." Feeling like a pervert for openly staring at the boy sleeping, he cleared his throat. "I mean no harm."

At the incredulous look on Snape, Sirius added, "I'm merely here to ask you something."

He reached his hand to help the boy sit up, thinking it would be better if the boy sat down and they were face to face, but Snape jolted backward as if he was hit and edged away from him. Eyes darting to the small desk near bed, in which the wand laid, the Slytherin slowly sat up on his own, as if to calculate his chances of getting it before he strikes the boy.

Sirius breathed shakily as he felt his stomach fell at this. Doubling over, he placed his elbows on his laps and buried his face in his hands.

He prided himself an intelligent person, but in truth, he was fucking idiot.

How else could he not notice this all along? That look on Snape's face was a fear mingled with disgust and contempt. This was how he'd been staring at him all along. That was what was different from before.

Sirius gulped. He was equally fearful of what that look implied. No matter how much hard it was to accept, there was no denying that this boy was frightened of him.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius looked up. The pair of black eyes kept darting to the wand laid on the desk. It was dark coloured, straight wand. Sirius picked it up, (Snape flinched visibly) turned it so that the end of it pointed at him and handed the wand over to its owner. Snape frowned. He stared at his wand and then up to meet Sirius' grey eyes. Sirius could tell those expressions on the Slytherin, wondering whether this was a bluff or not. Eventually, Snape took the wand from him and clutched to it like it was his life.

"I want to know about something I saw last night." he spoke softly.

Snape froze immediately.

"But before that, I want to tell you something", Sirius paused.

He felt his mouth dry and his throat constricted. The truth is, Sirius really didn't care if Snape died when he said what he said before the full moon. At that moment, he really wanted this boy gone from his life. That crude desire was always there whenever he saw him. Snape was a scumbag and creep who wants to serve a lunatic murderer. All Slytherins were. They were born from a murderous family who loves dark magics and they raised in a spite and hatred and knew nothing else. So he thought, why not? Why would it be horrible when the vermin was gone from his world? The world would be a better place without that. Remus would be doing the world a favor by killing one insect.

But then, Sirius was forced to see the truth. He was saying the exactly the same thing his mother would say. Snape was right: he was every bit of his mother when it came to people he hates.

But Sirius ran off from that hellhole because he did not want to become his mother.

"I'm sorry."

His dark eyes wide, Snape looked stunned.

"I am sorry for sending you to Remus last night." Sirius repeated. "It was not Remus' fault, he did not know you were coming. Trust me, he'd die before hurting anyone in his werewolf form."

Snape flinched at the word 'werewolf' but did not say anything.

"You should know whom to blame, Snape. I know what I did was wrong so that's why I came to rescue you."

At that, the expression on Snape changed. He glowered at Sirius as if to say "you mean 'rescue yourself'". Feeling bitter taste in his mouth, Sirius brushed his hair back.

"And when…. I-", Sirius hesitated, wondering if he could use the word 'save'. "When I pulled you out of that tunnel, I saw you bleeding and your stomach."

Snape sucked in a sharp breath.

"Are you pregnant?"

The look on Snape's face was the all the answer needed.

Sirius' head started to spin and he felt his stomach churned, threatening to empty its content. He forced himself to continue.

"How many months…."

Snape did not answer but dropped his gaze to his belly. Sirius' grey eyes followed and saw the round swollen belly. It was rather small but definitely discernible. How could he have never notice it? Snape must be pretty good at concealing charm. But then again, he always wore his black tatty robes whenever he saw him.

"Who is the father?" He whispered the question.

The black eyes flashed with anger but Snape remained silent. So Sirius pushed on, he just had to know.

"Is it mine…?"

Snape bit his lip.

It was like someone hammered him hard in his head. Sirius felt like the ground just had sunk and he breathed shakily. So that night was not a dream. He wasn't dreaming or imagining. It was real. And the boy in his 'dream' was Severus Snape.

Snape did not reverted his gaze but met his eyes, as if to dare him to say something. But Sirius had nothing to say. What would he be talking about? The potion? Another lame arse apology?

"I don't ask anything of you." Snape spoke.

Sirius gave a jerk. He expected Snape to be hostile, screaming in resentment. But he found nothing but a void of emotion.

"If this is all you have to say, get out."

Sirius meant to object, but he could not resist the temptation of leaving this smothering place. With hesitation, he slowly got up and made it to the entrance. He glanced back as the entrance glided close. He saw a drop of tear trailing down the Slytherin's face glistened in the dim candlelight.

* * *

Severus was heading towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts class when someone grabbed his arm from a corner and dragged him. Completely taken aback, Severus looked up, half-expecting(or dreading) to see Black.

It was but not the one he thought.

"Regulus Black? What do you think you're doing?"

Scowling reproachingly, Severus tried to wrench his arm out of Regulus' grip but he was too strong for him. Without even looking at him, Regulus dragged him, not saying a word to explain his rude behaviour.

"I asked you─"

But then, Severus saw where they were. It was the Hospital Wing. Regulus Black shoved him to enter, still not saying a word. Severus rolled his eyes, completely fed up with this attitude. What was wrong with this family?

He tried to free himself but Regulus walked passed the stunned looking matron and pushed him down onto a bed.

"Stay here." Regulus finally spoke.

"What?" Severus asked dumbfounded.

But Regulus Black did not answer but went to Madame Pomfrey and spoke to her. Severus frowned, perturbed as he could not hear what he was saying. When Regulus returned, he merely repeated what he said to him: "Stay here."

"I already made myself clear that I'm not ill." said Severus.

"You did."

"And?"

"Stay here."

Frustrated, Severus gritted his teeth. "Why?"

"You need to."

"Why?"

Regulus did not answer.

"I asked you why?" Severus prompted him. "I have classes to attend this morning, Black, in case you don't know."

"You won't be going."

Taken aback, Severus frowned. "I won't?"

"It's dangerous for you."

"It's dangerous for me?" Severus repeated.

The two Slytherins stared at each other for a moment until Severus gave up and asked,

"What's so dangerous about taking classes?"

Severus waited till the boy answer but Regulus did not spoke.

"You must be resting, my boy. Mr. Black, do step out and let the poor boy have his much needed rest. Now, off you go, off you go."

Madame Pomfrey came along, she shooed Regulus Black away. The younger Slytherin did not object and left without a word. Confused and irritated, Severus tried to call him back but the surprisingly strong matron(or perhaps Severus was weak from weariness) pushed him back to the bed. He protested that he was fine but Madame Pomfrey shushed him. Angry with the overly protective matron and the weirdest Black who continues to pester him, Severus thought this might be better as he can have his 'much needed' rest.

* * *

"Settle down, settle down everyone. Now, let's the class begin!" said the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

He pointed his wand at the chalkboard and a white chalk moved itself to write down something. It started to write 'U' and 'n', within seconds, there were 'unforgivables' wrote in the board. Everyone straighten themselves, curiosity piqued.

"Which one of you could tell me three curses considered the most dangerous and thus unforgivable?"

A hand rose from the students' end and a girl with red hair spoke.

"There are three curses called, Imperius curse and Cruciatus curse and killing curse with incantation Avada Kadavra. The first one is to make someone do as you wish and the second curse is to torture someone."

"Correct! Five points for Gryffindor! Now, all these are extremely dangerous curses but today, we will learn how to resist the Imperius curses. Now, before we do that, we must learn how this curse actually works through the receiver. Then we will know how to repel it with our will."

Normally, Sirius Black would have been interested in learning this stuff but his mind was somewhere else. He had not slept since the full moon and his head hurt as if someone was squeezing his brain with a fist.

Remus stopped talking to him. Sirius believed that he had decided to pretend that he did not exist. Perhaps it was for the better. It will give his friend a moment he needed to forgive him and it will also give Sirius a time to think about the whole situation through. Sirius glanced at the Slytherin's rows, unconscious of himself doing it, and disappointed at the empty spot. He furrowed his brows. _Where was the boy? Was there something wrong with the baby?_

Sirius noticed that his friend is also staring at the Slytherin's table, searching for a particular Slytherin. James told Sirius that he'd been looking for Snape all along. Sirius was tempted to tell Remus the boy's whereabout, but thought it better not to. Snape probably wouldn't want to be discovered.

This whole werewolf incident changed the Marauders a bit. Once Remus refused to acknowledge Sirius' existence, Peter stuck up for Moony though he did talk to him. James found the whole situation unnerving and was at a lost. He couldn't stick with Sirius over Remus after what he did to Remus but he could not make him alone after Peter left Sirius for Remus. Sirius, however, preferred to be left alone after the conversation with Snape. Otherwise, he'd be spilling the beans about _everything_.

* * *

Remus looked down at the Marauders' Map and searched for a name labeled '_Severus Snape_'. He almost immediately found it resting on the Hospital Wing and got up. He borrowed the map from James after the first period. He'd been trying to find Snape ever since the incident but to no avail. Somehow, the little snake was hiding in somewhere and he could not find him from anywhere. He first attempted Lily Evans, who was a great friend of him and also used to be a friend of Snape. But Lily couldn't tell him where the boy might be hiding. He had limited option to ask help besides her so he waited until the boy shows up. However, the Slytherin was nowhere to be found. So Remus was forced to use the map to search for him.

Remus headed to the Hospital Wing. He wanted to tell the boy that he was sorry even though he never meant such things to happen and that he was grateful that he remained silent about it. He had expected to be thrown out of the castle once the headmaster was reported by livid Snape. It was Monday and professor Dumbledore seemed oblivious to that night.

When he got to the Hospital Wing, he saw Snape with a very familiar figure. They were talking to each other. Remus realized it was Regulus Black, Sirius' little brother. They seemed to be in argument and Snape looked rather irate. Perhaps he should come back later. Remus made to leave but then, Snape caught his gaze.

"What?"

Regulus turned and scowled at the sight of Remus. Feeling rather awkward, Remus cleared his throat.

"Could we talk," Remus glanced at Regulus, "alone?"

The younger Slytherin frowned as if heard something rather insulting. "You can say whatever you have to say in front of me." said Regulus.

It was Remus' turn to frown. "I don't think so."

Regulus turned to fully face Remus, shooting a deathly glare. "Then you may not talk at all."

A little stunned at the antagonizing attitude of his friend's little brother and hugely irritated at the commanding gesture, Remus squared his shoulder and insisted. "I will talk to him if I want and I shall do it alone with him."

Regulus opened his mouth to object but Snape cut him off. "Enough."

The younger Slytherin wheeled his face and stared at Snape.

"I am perfectly capable of handling a conversation alone, Black."

Annoyed, Regulus tried to protest but then, "Regulus, a word from Malfoy." A voice came from the door. It was Rabastan Lestrange with dark brown hair and pale face. Regulus huffed in irritation and glanced down Snape whose black eyes stared back rebelliously.

He tutted and left with one final glare at Remus.

When he was gone from sight, Remus smoothed his face into a more friendly one and faced Snape.

"Um, hullo." He said meekly.

Snape frowned, "what do you want?"

"Oh, er, I just wanted to talk." Moony stuttered.

He had rehearsed an entire encounter beforehand but he can't remember any of them. Starting to feel the panic arises, Remus tried desperately to recall his premade speech.

"Are, are you alright? I didn't see you in class today."

"Are you interrogating me?"

Blushing in embarrassment, Remus shook his head. "Of course not, I wouldn't, I did not mean—"

"Then what do you want?" Snape cut him off coolly.

Remus stopped his babbling and stared at the boy. He seemed intact. Remus couldn't find any signs of injuries from the boy which was good. But he recalled the smell of blood in the full moon.

"Are you alright? Are you ill?"

Snape remained silent.

"I-I came here to say I'm sorry." said Remus.

Snape raised an eyebrow, "for what?"

"For that night, erm, in the Shrieking Shack." Remus mumbled.

Snape's cold black eyes stared at him as if to pierce him. Remus felt his Gryffindor courage wavered in those stares and dropped his gaze but he couldn't back off now. He must apologize.

"I am sorry that I-I almost attacked you there. I didn't mean to hurt you and I didn't know you were going to come and-"

"I know."

"Yes, you know, but— what?" Remus looked up.

Snape merely stared at him expressionless.

"Black came to me and assured me you weren't involved. That he alone is to be blamed." Snape spoke in monotonous voice. "If that's all, get out." Snape commanded.

Bewildered, Remus stood there speechless. He couldn't just leave, he only got here five minutes ago and he hadn't made his apologies properly and shown his profuse gratitude.

"B-but, I—"

"Do you not grasp what 'get out' means?" Snape snorted.

Seeing those cold black eyes, Remus felt rejected. Perhaps it was stupid idea to come at all. But Remus must tell him that he truly was grateful of his silence so he gathered courage to face the boy.

"I'm sorry to bother you but I just wanted to say I am sorry. And, thank you, for not telling anyone. I'll always be grateful for that. Just so you know."

Snape frowned.

"I'll show myself out, apparently you don't want me here and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. So…. Thank you and I hope you get well, whatever you are suffering now."

Remus smiled ruefully and got out of the Hospital Wing.

* * *

Severus slowly rose from the bed and made it to the door, intending to leave the Hospital Wing while he can. He learned that Regulus Black was rather weird than he thought from the recent events. Just now, before Lupin came along, he had 'commanded' Severus to accompany him whenever he goes. Severus found it extremely offensive and rude, not to mention strangest. Although the younger Slytherin seemed pretty serious about it but he gave no reasons behind it and that made the whole situation even weirder.

Severus hadn't got a slightest intention to spend another second with the youngest Black. So he existed the Wing and headed towards his next class. To be honest, he was glad that he could have some sleep, though he wouldn't admit that to Black.

Severus hurried to the charms corridor to get to Classroom 2E, with his copy of the Standard Book of Spells.

* * *

"Snape, what is your next-" Regulus paused in midsentence.

He blinked, watching the empty bed with stunned look. Then his expression changed into more of angry one, his brows furrowed. Seething, Regulus stormed out of the building to find Severus Snape. He must get him before anyone does.

* * *

Severus was about to enter Charm classroom when the other Black approached him. He rolled his eyes in annoyance._ First Regulus Black, now his older brother._ Severus wondered not for the first time what was with this family and him. Sirius Black looked rather ghastly and seemed to be in agitation. Severus tried to pass him but Sirius Black grabbed him by his arm.

"We need to talk." said Black.

Severus looked up, his face neutral. In truth, it was still hard for him to face Black, who constantly resides in his nightmare. Every night he sees this giant black creature devouring him greedily. Severus would never forget the night five months ago.

"I have nothing to say." Severus replied flatly.

But Black was not to be perturbed. He tightened his grip and insisted, "it's urgent."

He hesitated, but Black pulled him and led him to an empty classroom near the one Severus was supposed to be in. Black shut the door as Severus entered. Severus found a desk at one side of the room and sat there. His feet was swollen from the short trip to Classroom 2E.

"Erm, so…." Black watched him with uncertainty in his grey eyes.

Severus merely stared, waiting this to be over.

"I need to know what are you going to do with the baby." said Black.

Severus did not answer.

"Like, how are you going to give birth to it. Or is there anyone else know about this?" Fidgeting uncomfortably, Black continued. "How are you going to raise it after graduation? Does your parent have fund for you?"

Black waited for his answers but Severus simply replied, "why do you care?"

Black looked stung, frowning, he returned, "why do I care? It's, it's-"

"It's your fault, yes, but since when did you start making amends for your sins?"

The Gryffindor scowled, clenching his jaw. Severus could see the anger bubbling up in the maraurder's stomach. To Severus' surprise, Black spoke in rather controlled manner when he opened his mouth.

"I'm trying to help you and the baby."

A muscle in the Slytherin's face twitched. Biting his lip, Severus glared at the boy. Help? _Help_? "Help? You? Me?" Severus could find nothing more hilarious than that.

"How generous of you but like I told you before, I do not require your assistance. I do not want anything from you." Severus snarled.

Severus did not want to accept anything from Black. The boy was the perpetrator who ruined everything from me.

Cheesed off, Sirius Black threw an arm into air. "Don't be stupid, Snape, everybody needs help! Especially when they are pregnant!"

"Well I don't need yours!"

"Then who? Who will be helping you? Does anyone else know about this? Did anyone agree to help you go through labour? And after that? Help raising a real living child?"

Unable to answer, Severus glowered at Black. Every word was true, but he did not want to admit to Black of all people.

Black heaved a heavy sigh. He brushed his black hair back and said, in a more composed tone, "My uncle left me an inheritance, a place to live and a vault in Gringott. It should be enough for both of you until you can find a job."

"You do not get to decide what I do or not." Severus hissed.

Ticked, Sirius growled, "what the fuck is wrong with you, I'm trying to help!"

"Help? _You_? Have you forgotten that you sent me to a werewolf to die? Have you forgotten that you planned my murder?" Severus lurched to his feet. "You raped me and left me with an unwanted bastard and called me vermin and treated me like one. Then you set out a plan to kill me."

Black stiffen at the accusation.

"In doing so, you almost murder an innocenet child. I don't want your help, Black. I don't want my child to be raised in your house. I don't want it anywhere near you." Shaking in rage, Severus rasp, his eyes welled up with tears.

Standing impassively, Black spoke in dark voice. "You are just as bad as I was to your child, Snape."

Severus frowned, stung at those word.

"You walked into that trap when you suspected Remus, while knowing you were carrying an innocent child. You almost had it killed that night."

Severus looked thunderstruck, as if someone slapped him. Tears ran down his cheek. He tried to dispute, tell the boy that was not true. But all came from his mouth was rasping noise of unbroken cry.

"No…." he croaked.

"Yes. Admit it. I admitted it. And now I'm trying to make things right because I am sorry for what I did to you and to your child."

Shaking his head, Severus meant to object, but Sirius Black cut him off. "I am trying to take responsibilities for what I did. You keep refusing it, but I think you know you really don't have any choice. You have no money, you have no job. Maybe you have a place to stay but is it adequate for raising a child?"

Severus was now all but sobbing mass. He reverted his gaze, not wanting the marauder to see him like this.

Sirius Black took a step towards him.

"Or perhaps you don't want your child to survive."

Severus froze.

_How could he_? How could he give a birth to a child he does not love and raise it while giving up on everything? It was eating away every single dignity he has, every ounce of desire. It was exactly what his father used to tell him when he beats him. _You took everything away from me._

"That's why you went to Remus so that he could kill it for you."

Severus turned, his ghostly pale face wet with tears. He watched Black approaching him, shaking involuntarily.

"Wasn't it?"

But he was not his father. He had promised to himself and to his unborn child that he will do his duty to his child. That night with the werewolf shown him his true self but he did not want to be that person. He wanted to become a different man from his father had made of him. He wanted to love this child.

Black eyes stared at the grey ones. Severus could find no traces of condemnation in those piercing icy grey eyes but sincerity.

"Let me help you." Black spoke softly.

"Let me help you raise your child."

Severus nodded.

* * *

**A/N**

Hi Sorry I'm late.. again.

But this time, I have a vaild excuse: I had a quarrel with the daycare center that operates below from where I live which torments me and my family with constant noise. I went to the city hall to file a complain and had little time to write. There, understandable, right?

I crammed a lot of story(a lot for me) in one chapter! Hehe. I wanted to start writing the part where Sirius pays for what he did, that's why I skip some steps a bit. lol

What do you want him to do for Severus? Leave suggestions, I'll be listening!

Thanks for reading and the kind reviews! Everyone who favored this story and myself and those who are following this story and me, bless you!


	15. Chapter 15

"You said you'd persuade him back, Black. So where is he now?" A blond haired boy asked.

Everyone in the dormitory room turned their heads to watch Regulus Black, who held their gazes with blank expression.

"He will come back." he returned quietly.

Mulciber, the boy next to him, snorted.

"Hurry, then. Malfoy is not happy with the loss, nor does the Dark Lord according to him." said Rosier, who placed his elbow on the desk and stared at the youngest Black with serious look.

An eyebrow twitched slightly at those words but Regulus remained silent.

It was their usual meeting among the Slytherins that are held in one of their dormitory rooms. The purest blood in Slytherins and the most talented young blokes with the promising future under the Dark Lord, that was what they were. This little gathering was almost like a ritual, in which they discuss the progress of pursuing the greater cause. However, for the last few weeks, their main agenda was about a particular boy named Severus greasy haired boy with hooked nose, whose talent in magic and potion impressed even the Dark Lord. Though he was a half-blood, his mother was the last of the Prince family and his gift at potions and magic were useful. The boy had an ambition to be part of something greater than a mere potioneer, to establish the greatness. He was perfect for their cause.

Or so they thought.

Severus Snape had refused to further join their ambition. He had not shown up in the gathering in Malfoy manor last summer, where the Dark Lord himself had presented. He had been missing in later meetings since then. It was outrageous. They had yet to receive the honour of being branded with marks but their path was crystal clear. His betrayal was unacceptable.

Mulciber asserted that any betrayers must be punished gravely. Avery and Rabastan agreed; Regulus did not. He maintained that Snape must have something going on and that otherwise he would never betray his Lord. Regulus suggested he shall find out what happened and persuade the boy to rejoin their cause. Rosier supported his idea.

Weeks had past, then months. Time passed swiftly and it was mid-November. The word of his betrayal had gotten into Malfoy's ears and the Dark Lord's. Mulciber actually received a letter from his father mentioning about the greasy git. At first, they thought it was all joke. How could a filth, a half-blood like Snape, meant so much to the greatest wizard that ever lived? There were many others, of purer blood and greater talents than the boy, to serve him; He had them. But Rosier hazarded a guess that it might be a task: a way of testing their ability.

But Regulus' plan was failing. The boy did not open to the youngest Black and remained hidden. It was obvious to them that talking isn't solving a shit.

"Fuck it, let's just go with my plan: beat him up until he breaks." Mulciber snarled, as if the boy was in front of him.

"Yeah, better than wasting time." Avery agreed.

Rosier clicked his tongue.

"Do you not trust me, Mulciber? I said I'll handle it." Regulus snapped, incensed.

"Oh, I do trust you, Black but I don't trust that greasy git. I want a result and I want it now." Mulciber crossed his legs, drawling sardonically.

"So eager to be noticed by the Dark Lord, then? Jealous of Snape?" Regulus retorted.

Mulciber leaped to his feet, cholerically, but the cold monotone voice stopped him. "Enough."

Tapping the wooden desk with his fingertip rhythmically, Rosier shot them a thoughtful look. "It won't do any good hurting him."

Regulus opened his mouth to agree, "However", but Rosier interrupted. "It won't be such a bad idea to scare him. After all, we did stall too much."

Mulciber's face split into a nasty grin like a boy who just been permitted to play with his toy.

Severus walked lazily to the Great Hall for breakfast. His body was puffy and saggy, as he had little sleep last night. In fact, the boy hardly had any decent sleep lately, due to the heaviness around his belly. Every time he lies down, the baby weighed him down, smothering him. And every time he wakes up after an uncomfortable, shallow sleep, he was weak and cranky, his head hazy with drowsiness.

But he still got to eat and the bloody morning sickness hadn't left yet.

Severus found an empty seat around the middle of the Slytherin Table and settled down.

Hogwarts in the morning was full of chatting students everywhere. What's so amusing about, he never knew.

Owls flooded in from the window and they started to drop parcels and envelopes to the students. Severus didn't even bother looking up; he had many experiences from the past to know that there isn't a scrap of paper for him. But when the black haired boy looked down his silver plate to eat, a cream coloured envelope sealed with deep green wax was dropped onto his plate. Startled, Severus looked up to find a magnificent looking eagle owl settling before him. The bird stared at him with its amber eyes. It looked rather regal for an owl, reminding Severus of someone.

The Slytherin boy picked up the letter, handing a piece of bacon to the eagle owl. The bird took it, then with a long stroke of his large wings, left the Hall. He opened the letter and read the elegant handwriting.

'Dear Severus,

I have received a letter from your companion, Mulciber, that explained your recent absence. It is pity that you were too ill to join us in my manor. Our most welcomed guest also expressed his regret.

I am planning to visit Hogsmeade for business matter, next Saturday. If you are able, do come and join me for a cup of tea at the Hog's Head.

Yours, sincerely.

Lucius.'

Severus stared at the first word and attempted to read again. But as if it was was written in foreign words, he could not absorb the context and came back to the first word over and over, like he was reading for the very first time. He repeated the sily behaviour until he finally accepted that what he understood was unmistakable: Malfoy was on the move. He had received the news of his pawn leaving their ranks and he was on the move to retrieve it.

How could he be so stupid?

After everything that happened, Severus was overwhelmed with despair that he had completely, and stupidly forgotten about the fact that Lucius Malfoy would never let his pet to escape from him.

Severus bit his lip, nervously.

How could he be so naive?

This was not good. He had thought, more like hoped, that he was so insignificant that no one would ever look back at him once he alienate himself from the rest. After all, they were extreme supremacists; they wouldn't want a single drop of Muggle blood among their ranks. He was a filthy half-blood with no money, no family(with magical talent). There were plenty of others with better lineage and better talents. He'd thought they wouldn't mind a little rat to get cold feet.

Severus feared how much far Lucius Malfoy would go for a pawn like him.

A frown creased Sirius' handsome forehead as he watched a particular Slytherin boy with serious look. It was breakfast time but Snape was not eating much. The boy had his eyes fixed upon a piece of paper, picking at his food absently. Then, Snape got up and left the Hall without a glance at the food.

Surely, an expectant must eat more than that?

Sirius made up his mind in aiding the Slytherin to carry out the pregnancy and afterwards. That meant he must ensure that the baby inside Snape grow safely by receiving all the necessary nutrition.

A bell rang, pulling Sirius from his reverie.

Students got up and made their way up to classes. Remus and Peter, who sat a few seats away from him, got up as well and left. They hadn't utter a single syllable since the fight happened. Sirius watched the two disappear into the flock of students with pained expression. He understood perfectly well that he must give Remus time but his heart ached every time he saw the brown haired boy acting as if he did not exist. What would Moony say to Snape if he knew the boy was pregnant and was not eating properly? What would he advise Sirius to act?

Sirius was never a person to help other people, to tend their needs and care for them. Remus was the one attentive. He always helped others and he knew how to help them.

Although Sirius knew he would never spill Snape's (and his) secret even if Remus was speaking to him, he still missed the boy terribly.

A hand squeezed his shoulder gently. Sirius looked up. James smiled at him ruefully. "Mate, we must go."

Faking a smile, "Yeah", Sirius stood up, grabbing his bag.

Sirius headed towards kitchen after splitting up with James. He had class for Herbology but Sirius had free period. Normally, he'd sulk at the separation. But this time, he used it as his advantage and sneaked into kitchen where a flock of house-elves greeting with overwhelming welcome. He asked the elves to prepare something highly nutritious for him. They were more than happy to oblige.

One of the house-elves with electric blue eyes held up sandwiches they prepared and asked, "Would sir want Mimny to take them to his dormitory?"

Sirius shook his head, "no, I'll have them now."

The she-elf handed them over and Sirius left the place, pocketing the package of foods. Then, he dashed towards the entrance Hall, hoping to find Snape. He looked around but Snape was not here. Frustrated, he contemplated on whether he should retrieve the Marauders' Map from his dormitory. He went inside the castle, half-determined to find the map.

Then he saw a rather familiar skinny figure heading towards the dungeon. He trotted to the boy and grabbed him by his arm, dragging Snape to the unused part of the dungeon. Shoving the stunned looking boy inside a cupboard, Sirius made him sit down.

Without an explanation, he shoved the sandwiches in his face and said, "eat."

Snape now looked bewildered. Sirius reached for his hands and placed the packed food onto his palms, repeating, "eat."

The Slytherin boy opened his mouth as if to ask, but then looked down to the sandwiches Sirius gave and looked up again. Sirius sighed, pushing the strands of hair out of his face.

"I saw you this morning", he explained. "You should eat more appropriately, you know."

Snape frowned.

"I hadn't poisoned it, nor am I crazy." Sirius crossed his arms. "I said I'd help, that's what I'm doing." He added. "and you need to eat more than you did in the morning."

Snape was quiet for a moment, then he opened the wrap and took a bite gingerly. Sirius' eyes widened a little in surprise, he had expected more resistance. As he watched the smaller boy nibble at the beef sandwiches, his expression turned into a satisfied grin, albeit unknowingly.

Regulus stormed out of the dungeon, in search of Severus Snape. He had been looking for him and watching him for quite a while. It began with the letter Mulciber received from his father, delivering message from the Dark Lord himself. In it, Muliciber's father mentioned the Dark Lord had expressed his regret at the absence of a particular boy: Snape and he suggested that friends ought to be close. Mulciber got pissed, irritated at the unspoken command. Everyone found it absurd to keep the greasy git close.

What the fuck was so special about him? They'd thought.

Snape was a half-blood, with Muggle paternal parentage. Normally, that kind of half-bloods were considered the lowest, as they receive the Muggle name instead of the wizards'. In addition, the boy was just an awkward and reserved bloke with mediocre talents. He had no money, no name, no connection, no nothing. Why on the Merlin's name they, the purest blood, should pursue such nobody?

Let the rat flee for its life, that's what Mulciber said at first. But Rosier was adamant at completing the task and then the brainless athlete asserted they should torture him till he rejoin. Regulus found the proposition extremely appalling. Though the boy fled without an explanation, to Regulus, Snape was pretty sure about his path in serving the Dark Lord. So Regulus took the initiatives to retrieve the boy to the welcoming arms of the greater cause.

However, Snape was not a mediocre in magic. The boy was hiding something from the school and he was doing a superb job at that, Regulus hardly catches him after classes.

That itself was rather remarkable, as keeping a secret from this isolated and exclusive place was near impossible without help. It made him look at Snape differently.

Then, something peculiar caught his attention. Snape was looking at his brother all the time. His black eyes contained unfathomable expressions whenever he saw Sirius, except for the sheer intensity of them barely concealed.

Sirius, his brother, was also looking at the boy with scrutinising look. Though they never exchanged even a glance, they always stared at each other at any moment.

Sirius Black, his loving brother. A man who always took from him as if it was granted. All his life, Regulus was forced to watch what could have been his taken away by his own brother: his toys, his friends, his parents. He took them from him and then treated them with such contempt. Finally, Sirius took something Regulus didn't even know he had it. His brother.

It's funny when you really think about it. Regulus had very few recollections of his brother and him getting on well together, not as a child nor as a boy. He never considered him as his brother, or so he had thought. But when he came back from the Malfoy's manor last summer and found his house unusually cold with heavy silence, he felt a dull, aching pain constricting his chest. He realised that it was from the acknowledgement of the loss.

Sirius had gone to the Potter's in Godric's Hallow and Regulus was robbed of his only brother.

Sirius chose a stranger over him.

And now, when he thought that his comrade had estranged from his group, Sirius had shown up in the picture. How many coincidences like that happen?

Regulus did not like it. Not one bit.

Whatever was going on between them, he was determined to find out. But all he discovered was the fact that Snape was ill. He was weary all the time, unstable and off colour. Regulus lost count of witnessing the older Slytheirn puking in the boy's room every morning. He learned from others that Snape was doing not well in his classes, too. Always unfocused, as if drunk a phial of befuddlement draught. Others told Regulus of how beyond unusual it was that Snape was scolded during classes. As time goes, Snape was getting worse, but he never visited the Hospital Wing.

It was so strange to Regulus to observe someone like him continuously. But the more he watches for the boy, the more curious he had gotten. The boy was layered with invisible shields and secrets, spurring his interest. The boy, or he might say his curiosity in the boy, was a novelty to Regulus.

He became obsessed with finding out Snape's secrets, not solely for the sake of task. And then, one time in the Great Hall, Regulus saw Snape staggering in his feet. Without really knowing why, he leaped from his seat to catch him. He struggled to escape, but Regulus didn't want to lose him. So he took the boy to the Hospital Wing, rather very uncharacteristically. He hadn't really noticed up until then how small and thin Snape was. He was at least five inches shorter than him and Regulus practically could feel the bones in his arm under his palm. And the boy smelt good, better than he imagined, his hair was clean and shiny when he thought it would be greasy and dirty. And his skin was not so off-colour but it glowed and looked rather soft, almost touchable.

It was when the boy left his arm that he realised he had wanted to taste those skin under his lips. He pushed away the thought immediately, considering it to be a mere impulse.

However, Regulus soon saw that it was not an impulse but a desire. He thought he didn't like his brother staring at Snape, but in truth, he didn't like Snape watching his brother and never looking at him. Childish thought, he branded his jealousy. But it grew larger and larger and Snape hadn't given a single glance towards Regulus.

What did he want from Sirius? What could possibly was between them that Snape never noticed that he was staring at him openly?

Regulus was watching him, too. He was more than just looking, but watching over him. Regulus fought with other Slytherins so that they wouldn't harm him. He was protecting the boy, but Snape never saw what was going on, his eyes fixed upon his brother.

His brother, who had called him a scum, a vermin. Who had treated him with nothing but contempt. All the while Regulus was saving his arse from maniac like Mulciber and Avery. They were getting impatient with the slow progress.

Snape had refused his assistance again and rejected his advice. He commanded that he shan't be left alone but he left the Hospital Wing without a word and hadn't shown up ever since. Regulus confirmed that other Slytherins hadn't got a hand over him yet, but he knew that won't be so long. Snape was in danger and he was acting like a fool to deny him.

Regulus scrutinised the corridor like a hawk. He spotted a skinny figure at the end of a corridor accompanied with a much taller one. He frowned, recognising the figure at once. The taller boy took off.

Now he was seething with rage. Regulus ran towards the boy and grabbed him by his shoulder and pushed him against the wall with a thud. The boy winced in pain, but he could not let go of his hard grip.

"What were you doing with Sirius?" he demanded.

Frightened, the boy tried to wrench away from him, as he always did.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH SIRIUS?" he bellowed.

"Let go of me!" Snape yelled, trying to tear his hands from shoulder.

But Regulus wasn't listening. His head was now sparking with white rage, the familiar feeling of jealousy bubbling up madly. He was not supposed to be with Sirius. He was supposed to be with Regulus, under his protection. He was not supposed to be with his brother.

"TELL ME, WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH HIM!"

"Get off!" Snape clawed at his hands, trying desperately to unclasp his hands.

"No, you're not running away this time!"

Regulus tightened his holds and shook the boy roughly, wanting to squeeze the answer out of him.

It was his childhood all over. He wants something badly but not able to speak it out loud, then, Sirius shows up and snatches it away from him. Then, he just fucks it up and never look at it as if it was dirtiest thing ever. Sirius loathed Snape, he was sure about that. But just as when he realised his interest in the boy, Sirius shows up. But this time, it won't work. He won't lose it this time, not by Sirius, not by his friends, not even the Dark Lord.

"Was it him? Did he do something to leave us?" Regulus growled dangerously.

Snape bit his lip, but said nothing.

Irate, Regulus let out a frustrated roar. For a split second, he was tempted to forget about how abominable Muggle style fighting was and just hit him.

"Answer me! Did Sirius do something to you? Is that why you left us?"

Snape refused to answer. They wrestled a while and overtime Snape attempted to move away, Regulus pushed him hard against the wall not caring if it hurt the boy.

Suddenly, his resistance grew weaker and Snape just drooped heavily against the wall, his face screwed up as if in pain. Startled, Regulus realised what he just been doing to a boy who's been sick. But when he tried to help the boy, a hand reached out from behind, yanking him away from Snape.

"Snape, fuck, you alright?" said Sirius.

Regulus couldn't belive what he was seeing. He blinked, frozen on the spot.

Sirius lifted Snape's chin with his hand, scrutinising. "Hey, you alright?"

But Snape was unable to speak, he seemed to be in agony. The older Slytherin boy's body was shaking violently and he was sweating madly. Biting down whimper, he shook his head. Sirius cursed under his breath and swept the boy off the ground, holding him bridal style.

"I'm sorry, Regulus." Sirius said, glancing over his shoulder.

Unhesitatingly, Sirius trotted off.

Regulus could see the long and thin hands of Snape clutching at his brother.

What he failed to see was a red haired girl hiding behind a corner. Lily clasped her hand over her mouth to cover the gasp. She couldn't believe what she just witnessed. She couldn't even understand what she was saw.

"No, don't." Snape gasped, stopping Sirius mid-track.

Sirius frowned, "but you need to go the hospital."

Snape shook his head, "No." His voice was so desperate.

He looked down at the boy, pale as a ghost, Snape looked about to faint.

"But what if there' something wrong with the bab-"

"I said no."

Sirius hesitated, pondering whether he should just force it. But then, he didn't want to force anything to the boy. Not after what he did. Sirius groaned. This was so difficult. He wouldn't hesitate a second to do the right thing, but with Snape, everything was complicated.

Sighing heavily, he turned towards the dungeon's abandoned section and opened the nursery room. He laid Snape down the bed where the boy curled immediately in a fatal position. Snape bit his lips hard, forcing down the moan.

Sirius drew his wand out, casting the charm he said, "No one's listening."

As if on cue, Snape cried out in pain.

"Fuck." Sirius bent down to the boy, "Snape, I really think I should bring Pomfrey here-"

Snape shook his head in refusal. Frustrated and worried, Sirius yelled, "what the fuck is wrong with you? What if something's wrong with the baby? Don't you care about it?"

Nothing.

Sirius roared in frustration.

"Don't tell me you still want to kill your child?"

Snape's dark eyes shot opened, glaring at him. Seeing the unspoken answer in those pith black eyes, Sirius swore. "Then what? Why are you not letting me help you?"

Whimpering miserably, Snape returned, "it's nothing."

Sirius snorted. Hell yeah, it looks nothing. Snape screwed his eyes shut again as the wave of pain hit him. His fists clenched the green sheet tightly. He groaned, shuddering. His anger subsiding, Sirius knelt besides the bed and placed his hand over the boy's. It didn't look right, surely pregnant people just don't get sick suddenly without the baby going wrong?

"You need help, your baby need help." Sirius spoke firmly.

Snape again opened his eyes, blurry as it may. They were watery with the pain.

"There's nothing wrong with the baby." He gasped the word out.

"How do you know?" Sirius asked.

Snape didn't answer but his face flushed suddenly. Sirius raised his eyebrow, perplexed.

"A passage for birth… it's developing... " Snape whispered.

It took a moment before the word to sink in. When it did, the entire complexion on the Gryffindor's face turned bright red. He huffed, clearing his throat. The icy grey eyes travelled down to where the baby bump was concealed. The robe Snape charmed covered it perfectly but Sirius could see right through it.

The boy buried his face in the sheet, shot of pain hitting.

Sirius snapped out of his reverie and summoned the chair. He sat down and placed his hand over Snape's fist. Another wave of pain shot, Snape untangled his fist from the sheet and clutched Sirius hand. Sirius squeezed the boy's hand in return.

He just couldn't describe what he was feeling. Sorry wasn't nearly enough. He hated this boy, loathed him. But when he discovered what he did to Snape, he didn't feel glad. He didn't feel right. Watching Snape undergoing such pain, Sirius couldn't feel more idiot than ever.

The pain of developing birth canal took a while. When it was over, Snape saw that they were holding hands together. He blushed, recoiling away from the Gryffindor. Sirius coughed in embarrassment.

"erm.. Water?"

Snape nodded.

Sirius conjured up a cup and non-verbally summoned water. He handed the cup to Snape but he saw the boy was still shaking. He tutted. Sirius thread his arm under the boy and held his upright from behind. Snape's body was rigid with pain wrecking through him. Sirius placed the cup over the boy's thin lips and held it there. Snape gulped down the water hastily.

When he finished, they both stayed like that without a word. The limp body leaned against him felt very thin and bony but also pleasingly warm. Sirius could smell something rather sweet and slightly tangy smell from the boy. It felt somehow familiar, as if he had a taste before. But he could not quite place his finger on it.

"You should go to class." Snape spoke after a moment of silence.

Startled, "Er, yeah, I should." Sirius stuttered. He got up, placing Severus back to bed.

"Uh… You sure alright…? Do you need…"

Need what? Him? Seeing the blush on Snape's cheeks, Sirius could feel his own burning. Why did he linger?

Snape shook his head side to side. "No."

Realising his inexplicable behaviour, Sirius cleared his throat again, very unnecessarily. "well then, I'll be on my way…." His voice trailed off, Sirius left hurriedly.

That was weird. Why did he linger? He shouldn't get too close. He shouldn't. Sirius strode out of the dungeon, face down, trying to hide his blush. Gah, he couldn't believe he was blushing over this. Since when did he ever blushed? Sirius kept on ranting mentally before he bumped into someone rather round and chubby.

"Wormtail!" he exclaimed.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" Peter asked.

"Oh, I'm just…. What are you doing here? Where's everybody?"

Strange as it may sound, Sirius was actually glad to see Pete, though he would never admit that. The small and chubby friend of his stuttered something about others, him, detentions, lost. He couldn't make sense out of it but didn't care. He just need to get out of this place as soon as possible.


	16. Chapter 16

A drop of water fell from a lock of dark hair and ran down the swollen belly slowly. It was round and big in such a small and thin body Severus assumed will grow larger soon. His black robe sprawled on the floor, Severus stood before a large mirror. He stared at his reflection, water dripping down from his dark hair, studying the changes.

Black hair, used to be limp and greasy, was now lustrous and full. His sallow skin was no longer sallow. It was still very pale but there was slight sheen on his skin. His dark eyes looked no longer sunken in as if he hadn't rest for years. Severus was gaining weights as well. Though he was nowhere near normal yet, but he was growing. He no longer looked as if he was about die out of malnutrition. Such a strange thing it is to carry a life inside his belly. It was eating away his dreams, his dignity but he looked very much alive than he never had in all 16 years.

Severus remembered what he read from the pregnancy book. He was still in second trimester but after another two weeks or so, he will become much different. He was already having few difficulties, but the trouble will going to mount when the baby develops further. Severus couldn't see how he was to cope with that. But then again, only a few days ago, he tried to commit suicide. But now he was here, readying for future. Severus recalled the night Black pulled him out of the tunnel as a huge black dog.

The Slytherin wondered when did he become an animagus. Was that how Black and others sneak outside of the castle? Severus chastised himself for not thinking such possibility before. He could have expelled them if he reported them to the Ministry of Magic.

Severus snorted.

He could have expelled Black if he reported him for rape, also. He has tangible proof: the baby. But he didn't want anyone to know. He couldn't let anyone know.

Severus' mind drifted to the memory of earlier this evening when Black held him in his bed. Those long and lean arms were very strong and warm. Severus could feel the beat of his tormentor's heart, thudding against his back. And inexplicably and foolishly, Severus felt relaxed in those arms.

He frowned.

It was appalling. It was atrocious even. He can recall perfectly clear what those strong arms were capable of. Severus shuddered involuntarily at the memory. They were the same age but it was so obvious who was the superior. Severus couldn't even move beneath those arms.

Why was he so susceptible to the Gryffindor's touch, then? The warmth he felt from those touches came from the same boy who raped him. Who gave him this child that feeds on his future.

Black was right when he said Severus had no means to raise the baby. He was still 16 and he doesn't even know he can get a job with an infant in his arms. His father would no doubt kill him or the baby or both if he ever brings the baby to Spinner's End.

Severus had to take advantage of what was offered to him, even though it was from the boy who inflicted this curse upon him. He picked up his robe and covered himself as he went to bed.

* * *

"Lily, what are you thinking?" James asked, his hand stroking the wavy red locks softly.

Startled, the redhead recoiled from his touch. "Hmm? Oh, nothing."

Hiding his disappointment, the marauder spoke, "well, you weren't really talking much tonight and kept spacing out on me. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Lily compressed her pink lips tightly. She couldn't say what was going on in her mind.

Lily and James were walking down the lakeside. The weather was getting cold and it wasn't really good to stay outside in the dark, but Lily wanted the dark.

Although she was very outgoing person, in truth, she never dated a guy before. She never held a boy's hand either, which was what James Potter seemed to enjoy doing. He would back away, if she tells him to, though. But all these, _date things_, were uncomfortable on their own and she did not need anyone else prattling about her private life.

James was nice person. She quickly became to notice that. However such nice person could be so cruel to someone was mystery, though.

A pain shot through her heart at the memory of Severus Snape surfaced.

"Lily?" James stepped closer. Worry etched in his strikingly handsome face, James hesitated whether to touch her shoulder or not. Lily could see those beautiful hazel eyes reflecting her face in the dim light.

"I'm fine."

With that, Lily started walking again. James just stared at his girlfriend with glum face for a moment then followed her.

Inside her dormitory, Lily prepared to go to bed. But her mind was reeling an image of earlier this evening. Severus Snape. Buttoning up her pajamas, Lily tried to shake off that memory from her mind. It was no use, thinking about him now. Severus chose his path and Lily had chosen hers. They were no longer friends now and never will be.

She suddenly felt something hurt. It was only then she realized she had been biting her bottom lip hard. She released her lip, tracing the dented bite mark with her tongue. Lily remembered chastising the Slytherin boy for biting lip whenever he was feeling nervous.

_What happened to Sev?_ She wondered.

What did Regulus Black mean by Sev leaving them? Could it mean what she think it means? Or was there something she did not know about her friend?

Lily screwed her eyes shut, shaking her head violently.

No, he was no longer her friend. It was of no use anymore to thinking about him. Lily was sure that Severus Snape won't leave the path he had chosen no matter what. He hadn't done it for her, a girl he loved.

Lily sighed.

She knew Severus Snape loved her. How could she not? Within his everything, he screamed his love for her. Those dark bottomless eyes flame with passion when he gazes her. It was almost stifling.

But even when he loved her, he would never leave the Dark. He made that clear when he called her mudblood. He would degrade his own love for the sake of the Dark.

So what could possbily make him leave the Dark? A love failed to do so, so what?

_Nothing._ Nothing could have made Snape leave the Dark path.

Lily pulled the duvet over her head, hiding herself from the world. She won't think about this. She won't fall back to her previous fault, chasing down Snape and struggling to pull him back to the Light, devastating at the end, failing.

It hurts too bad.

Lily shut her eyes tight and forced herself to sleep.

* * *

Pureblood families consider themselves as the aristocrats of the wizarding society. They often throw a social gathering in their manor to boast their wealth, their power and connection with the powerful figures in the Ministry. At times, they introduce their well bred offspring and have them displayed like a doll. It was a show, disguised as party, to observe which family had the most desirable heir.

Regulus was his mother's favorite for such displays; he often had to dressed up fancy for parties. He had to make her proud by wearing jet black dress robes that hinder his walking and attracting everyone who stares him.

It was one of those display nights. In somebody's manor, the reception hall was lit with magical candles and lights, filled with fancy people wearing fancy robes and gowns. Regulus was about 5 or 6 years old. He wore a tiny ribbon he hates but his mother loves.

He was groping for the string of ribbon when he spotted a blonde haired girl, staring opposite of him. The girl looked a bit older than he was. She wore a lilac chiffon dress. Little Regulus blushed at the sight of her, pondering whether it was appropriate for him to talk to her. Their eyes met, Regulus jumped. The little girl approached him, extending her tiny hand, which Regulus took hesitantly.

"Hi, I'm Susan Fawley."

Blushing furiously, Regulus returned, "Regulus Black".

The girl's eyes widened, her mouth dropped open. "Regulus Black? The Black family? The legitimate one?"

A bit confused of what legitimate meant, Regulus just nodded. Fawley stepped closer, giggling adorably. "I never thought I'd meet Black family today. Momma said you hates parties like this."

Regulus felt dreads at her word, worrying about how will his family react to his reputation.

"Is your name after the dog stars?" Fawley tilted her head, which made her look more adorable.

Regulus paused, distracted from her pretty face. "Er… no, that's my..."

Just as he tried to explain, the doorman announced another arrival. "Sirius Black of the Noble House of Black."

And there he was, his loving brother: Sirius Black. The moment he arrived, everyone stared at him. Regulus couldn't blame them; Sirius was perfect. His short wavy hair neatly combed, looked so soft and lustrous. Sirius' icy grey eyes shone like jewels in his pale complexion. Even as a child, Sirius attracted people attention just as easily as he breathes.

Fawley girl was staring at him, too. Her brown eyes sparkled with excitement, her chubby cheeks pink, she looked like a girl who just found the most fabulous doll in a shop.

"Fawley, would you like a drink..?" Regulus asked, but the blonde haired girl didn't listened. She walked towards the entrance where his brother was, then she extended her hand as she did to him, introducing herself. Sirius looked at the small, pale hand for a moment expressionlessly before he met her eyes and said something that made her cry.

Then he walked passed her as if the girl was petty little rag in a street. Fawley wiped her tears with the back of her hands, crying out loud. Regulus pulled out a hankerchief, ran up to her, handed it to her. Fawley just ran away towards her parent without looking at him.

Then, there was this guy whose name Regulus could not recall. He was a Quidditch player, a Seeker. Regulus admired him as he also wanted to become a player someday. His parent, aware of their son's admiration, brought him and his brother to Quidditch match. With their social status, they were invited to an afterparty in which Regulus and Sirius was able to meet him finally. He was so excited, though he schooled his face blank, as his parent taught him to.

The Seeker approached them with a Golden Snitch in his hand. He let them touched it, telling them about a superstition about touching the Snitch. Regulus was so exhilarated that he asked whether he could try his broomstick. He said yes, then brought two broomstick for the Black siblings. They rode the broom together and played.

'You really are talented, lad.' he said.

Regulus thought he meant him, but the Seeker was staring at Sirius. Sirius, on the other hand, looked as if the compliment was granted. He merely nodded once, nonchalent to the Seeker's appraisal.

His inside boiled with jealousy.

His uncle, Alphard Black, charming and humorous fellow, always favored Sirius over him. He talked only to Sirius with affection. He talked to Regulus as if he didn't even notice he was there. One time he voluntarily adressed him, his uncle remonstrated him for being condescending. But Sirius never even been polite to him.

His parent, though they wouldn't admit, loved him more than Regulus. They always mourned when Sirius defied them. They always tried to correct him, to pull him back to the embrace of the family. Would they'd be the same when Regulus defied them like he did? But Sirius outrightly refused their embrace, openly despised them with hostility that could not be directed from a son to his parent.

Now in school, everybody loves Sirius. Even the teachers. They'd make a joke with him, talk to him. They are amused even when Sirius wrecked havoc, when they address Regulus only when he made an outstanding performance in grades. But Sirius all the same, never shown any proper respect for their words.

It was childish envy, Regulus acknowledged it. The burns, however, engraved in his heart and never faded. He thought he could overcome it, he thought these people are not worthy. His path was with the Dark Lord and once he achieved greatness with the world's greatest socerer, no one will ever looked pass him. That notion made it easier for Regulus to handle the childish yet intensive jealousy inside him. So easy that he almost could forget it was there. Until now.

Snape was a half-blood with no moeny, no family. But he apparently he had an unusual talent for attracting people.

Regulus would snort if it wasn't for the situation.

It wasn't about who, to be honest. It was about his brother, showing uncharacteristic interests. He always had been a constant reminder who was the inferior between the Black siblings. He was had the upper hand in everything, taking away everything he desired.

This time, however, Sirius showed an interest in something. Regulus never seen his brother acting in such caring way to anyone like he did earlier today to Snape. It was shock. He never thought Sirius would be showing genuine interest in someone like Snape, an ugly, awkward boy from a poor family. But there was no denying that it was care he sensed in Sirius' voice.

Would he be devastated if Snape was taken from him, too? Would he finally feel the taste of envy burning his inside?

Regulus had a feeling that he would. He started a game, albeit unknowingly, and Regulus had an obligation to participate. And this time, Regulus will be the one laughing. Just as luckily, Snape was not a bad prize to win. Moreover, he have plenty of sources at his hands. His brother-in-arms, unlike Sirius', won't hesitate to do whatever it takes to get him.

* * *

It was Frieday morning. Hogsmeade weekend was tomorrow. Severus felt nervous at the realization. He glanced to the envelope, sealed with green wax. He's been lucky enough avoid other Slytherins so far, he was not sure about he'd be lucky today as well.

How could he be so stupid?

He was so naive that he believed they will leave a rat fled from their rank. Lucius sending him letter meant that at least those who are affilated with the Malfoys will try to get him. Severus had a horrible feeling that they might do that today. But it was weekday and he had classes in which he must attend with other Slytherins. They didn't know where Severus sleeps these days, which means they'll try to get him during moving between classes.

A merciless clock chimed, telling Severus it was time to leave the nursery.

Severus stared at it anxiously.

Perhaps he should've let Black know? But then again, he never approached Black on his own volition or asked for help.

Severus bit his lip, screwing his eyes shut. He could not find a way to avoid this. He breathed in deeply. Severus stood up. If he had to face this, he at least find a way to get out unscathedly as possibe.

He walked up to the Great Hall and found a seat near entrance. Severus' nervous mind was glad that there was not many students at the table. He quickly gathered some salad and fruit and started his breakfast.

To his great surprise and relief, certain Slytherins he feared were absent during the meal. Severus hastily picked up his belonging and made towards the door. The dark haired boy looked sideways from the curtains of hair, searching and fearing for them.

What will they do if they find out he was pregnant? He wouldn't volunteer to tell them but Slytherins always been resourceful.

He couldn't think of anything hopeful, as he sorely knew these boys weren't favorable to unnatural. Male pregnancy was one of the rarest occurrence even in the magical world and there were very little knowledge about it. Based on how these boys reacted to Mudblood, an unnatural occurrence in their eyes, Severus could only think of the worst.

Was that what it was to be like a Mudblood? To be treated differently, as if they are worthless and fearing for their lives constantly.

Severus was glad as much as scared that he made it to the evening unscathed.

Black hadn't approached him all day, thought Severus supposed it was better not to have another awkward moment of his company.

The Slytherin boy strode to the dungeon and went to the unused part of the corridor where his nursery was at the end. He was flabbergasted when he found a group of Slytherin peers was waiting for him.

"Snape." said Mulciber.

He held up his large hand and waved, mischievous grin on his face.

"Seemed to be in a hurry?" Avery asked, standing straight up from the wall he was leaning against.

Rosier stood at the back, watching them with scrutinizing look. Severus was wondered whether he should be relieved that there were only three of them or he had encountered these three of all Slytherins.

"Where are you heading for?" Mulciber stepped towards him. "Or perhaps you're lost, there's nothing around here. Is it, mate?"

Avery chuckled.

Severus could do nothing, frozen on the spot. He could reach his wand but would that be wise? How did they know where he was? Had they been following him all along?

"You need some help finding a way?" The tallest boy approached him, cheekly grinning. He bent slightly so that his eyes could stare directly into Severus'.

There was something dangerous about those dark brown eyes of Mulciber.

"We could offer you a help, if you ask." Mulciber offered.

But Severus said nothing. Staring warily at the three, he calculated how fast he could pull out his wand.

"What's the matter with you, Snape? Have you lost your tongue?" Avery snapped.

Mulciber sniggered, looking back from his shoulder. Severus tried to step back but Mulciber's large hands reached him at once. Severus winced at the hard grip.

"Ah-ah-ah, not so fast. What's so important? Don't you miss your mates?" Mulciber tightened his grasp.

Severus screwed up his face in frown.

"Why don't you follow us so we can show your mate?" He tilted his head to side, rather uncharacteristically. "He'd been missing your company dearly."

Severus swallowed. Did Lucius arrive here already?

"Now, come." Mulciber gestured to the Slytherin dormitory.

"No!" Panic arising, Severus wrenched himself from the grip.

Mulciber frowned, "what?"

"I said, no." Severus pulled out his wand and pointed to Mulciber, casting a stinging hex. "Expelliarmus!" But Rosier was quick to disarm him just as he hit Mulciber with the curse.

His wand clinked as it fell on the floor. Severus saw Avery and Rosier was holding out their wand. He looked at the tallest boy, but Mulciber seemed unharmed. Severus frowned.

Rosier clicked his tongue. "That was uncalled for." And gestured to the taller boy. Mulciber stood behind Severus, blocking his way. Severus glanced back, alarmed.

"Since you pull out your wand, I will make this very clear: we are not requesting your presence, Snape, you are summoned. Lucius Malfoy has been tolerant of you, however, I am not." Rosier spoke in a low warning.

His dark brown hair fell, fringing his blue eyes as Rosier bent over to Severus. "You will come with us."

"I think he said no." A voice came from behind them.

Before they could turn to look, a red light shot from where the voice came, knocking Mulciber out. There, with bloodied lips, was Sirius Black. They all stared at him with wide eyes. Severus, rather shockingly, felt relieved to find him. Sirius Black grabbed Severus' arm and pulled him back, standing in between Severus and the other Slytherins. The other Slytherins held their wands pointing at Black.

"This is not your business, Black." Rosier glared at the Gryffindor. "This is among the Slytherins, step aside."

"Oh, yeah?" Sirius snorted. "But seems to me, he doesn't want to follow you."

"Snape, don't hide like a fucking coward and come!" Avery flared up, shooting a hex to Black.

Sirius ward off effortlessly.

"Black, I am warning you: step aside." Rosier growled.

"Warn me?" Sirius sniggered. "What're you gonna do? Kill me?" He smirked.

Rosier jabbed his wand, sending a hex to the marauder, who bounced it off with ease. The spell hit Avery instead, knocking him to the ground. Sirius jinxed Rosier with stunning spell before the Slytherin could make a move. The dark haired Slytherin was hit and fell to the floor.

Sirius waited for a second to see if they are unconscious. He turned around and faced Severus, who looked dumbfounded.

"You alright?" Sirius asked.

Severus snapped out of his shock at his word, his black eyes finally focused on Sirius'. The smaller boy nodded.

"Good." said Sirius.

He summoned Severus' wand from the floor and led Severus to the nursery. Severus followed speechless.

Sirius tapped the entrance which glided open immediately. The two boys went inside and the taller boy gestured the other to sit down.

"Have you eaten?" He suddenly asked.

Severus realized he was hungry; he hadn't eaten out of anxiety since the morning. Sirius took the hint and said, "wait here, I'll go get some food."

After few moments later, the Gryffindor returned with packages of sandwitches and fruit. He handed them over and sat down next to him.

"So what was it all about?"

Severus looked up from his sandwitch. Black was staring at him with seriousness he could not blame. The Slytherin boy bit his lip. He didn't know what to tell.

To be honest, he was quite grateful to him, though he would never admit it. He hadn't expect Black to show up, helping him. Severus remembered the seriousness in his face when he said let him help Severus and the baby. Severus could see the same sincerity in those grey eyes.

He dropped his gaze, finding it too much to bear. How hilarious it was. How fucking ironic it was. The boy in front of him was the one who raped him and yet he feels gratitude towards him for protecting him. It was so hilarious that he could not stifle cynicism.

If he was so genuine about his guilt, why did he ever start this in the first place? He could have left Severus alone. Then they won't be stuck in this smothering room, hiding from the rest.

Why did he rape him?

Severus pondered about voicing the question but he suppressed it. Instead, he eyed the red around Black's lips and pointed them with his jaw. "What happened there?"

Sirius wiped the blood out with his hand, "Er, nothing."

"You're bleeding."

"And you're avoiding my question." Sirius returned sharply. "What was it all about? Why were they trying to get you? Where were they trying to get you to?"

Severus sighed. "It's complicated."

"Try me."

Severus sighed again, eyeing the letter on the desk. Sirius followed his gaze and spotted the envelope. He picked it up, opened it and read. Once he finished, his face scrunched up in disgust.

"Whoa, wait," he snorted, "is this what I think it is?"

Severus remained silent.

"Fuck, Snape!" Sirius stood up, outraged. "You?"

The Gryffindor looked horrified. He glared down at Severus as if he would just lash out at any moment. "Did you…..?" his voice trailed.

Severus suddenly felt dejabu at his question, memory of recent event overlapping.

Severus met his glare, challengingly.

"You disgusts me." Sirius spat. "You fucking monster! How the fuck can you do that? How the fuck can you risk your own life and the baby's?" The Gryffindor gestured his belly, roaring in anger.

"What does it matter to you?" Severus asked, after listening silently.

Sirius snorted, aghast at his rebut. "What does it matter? That's-"

"What? That it's your child also?" Severus cut him off.

Sirius stiffened immediately.

"You want it?" Severus slowly stood up, black eyes never leaving the grey ones.

The Gryffindor boy breathed heavily through nose, unable to speak.

"You want it?" he repeated. "Take it. Get it out from my stomach and have it." Severus spoke monotonously. "Go on, take it." He prompted the other.

"You always do that. You always judge me. Even after you learned about yourself, you still think you're better than me." Severus glared, stepping closer.

The Slytherin boy reached for the other's hand and placed it upon his grown belly. The Gryffindor sucked in breath sharply.

"This child, inside me, is yours as well as mine. Do you know what that means?"

Sirius flinched involuntarily, his face scrunching up more and more.

"It means that you raped me." Severus stated.

"It means that you raped me when I begged you to stop. It means you thrust inside me, tearing me apart, when I screamed for mercy." Severus continued.

Sirius' face grown so pale that is was whiter than snow. He was shaking, his jaw clenched tightly shut. The grey eyes were quivering madly and his breathing ragged. But Sirius did not move away, couldn't.

"I begged you to stop, I screamed and shout and cried and you fucked me like I was a whore."

The Gryffindor averted his gaze, unable to bear the sheer intenisty of the poisonous resentment in those words.

"Now tell me, who is the fucking monster in here?" Severus demanded.

Sirius remained still.

Severus snorted. "You are just as bad as I am.

"You are just as bad as I am, Black. You raped me when I was defenseless. You treated me like vermin all along when I was forced to carry your bastard child. You loathed me not because what I did, but because of what I am. You looke down on me, as if you are the better. And yet you accused me of being supremacist. Can't you see the irony here? I'm a half-blood with no money and you're the one from rich pureblood family. I've never hurt anyone but you raped me relentlessly. I'm carrying your child and you stand there condemning me. Who is the monster here?"

Sirius did not answer. Silence fell. Neither spoke, but stood there motionlessly.

Suddenly, the baby jerked, startling both of them. Sirius' eyes widened, looking at the belly. The baby fluttered again, hitting Severus hard. Severus winced. The baby was rather strong, considering it was still 22 weeks old. Severus could feel the pain in his back and feet from standing up for so long.

He mentally clicked his tongue. This damn pregnancy interrupting everything.

Severus glared at Sirius, who was looking flabbergasted at the quickening. His face was unfathomable with mixed feelings.

The Slytherin took the hand off of his belly and sat down, tired of this situation.

"I'm not joining the Death Eater." he said.

Sirius looked dumbfounded, "what?"

Clicking his tongue at the dumb face the Gryffindor made, Severus repeated. "I'm not joining the Death Eater."

Sirius creased his brows, incredulously.

"Male pregnancy is uncommon and unnatural. I don't know what the Dark Lord would do when he finds out. I don't know what the other Slytherins would do when they find out that I'm pregnant even when the Dark Lord wouldn't do anything." Severus explained, lowering his gaze to his stomach, caressing it unknowingly.

Sirius dropped to the chair with a sigh. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed them hard. Stroking his dark hair back, Sirius looked up.

"Fuck.." he murmured. "Snape, I…."

"If that's settled, then tell me. Why did you rape me?"

Sirius frowned, his jaw clenched. Severus waited patiently. He wanted to hear what he has to say. The Gryffindor finally straighted his back, meeting Severus' gaze with guilt etched on his face.

And he started explaining.

Sirius told everything from what he remembered to what he doesn't remember but what Remus told me. About the book he found in the library, about the potion and how he brewed it and shared with his friends.

After listening quietly, Severus opened his mouth. "Is there… other people like me?"

"What?" Sirius asked back, taken aback at the question. "No, no, there isn't. Er…. at lest not that I know of. Remus didn't drink the potion and James was knocked out by him. I don't think anyone is incapable of defending oneself from Wormtail." He chuckled meekly.

"Where is the book you mentioned?" Severus asked.

Sirius closed his mouth. In truth, he hadn't cared for the book after brewing the potion and he had no idea where it was now.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Do you have the list of the potion at least?"

"Er… yeah, I think so, in my dorm."

"Bring it to me." Severus demanded.

Not knowing what was going on inside that head, Sirius just nodded.

"Look, Snape, I'm sorry I mistook you." Sirius started. "I shouldn't have done it, I-"

"You were being your typical self." Severus slashed him. "You always thought that I was a low scumbag and that conviction just surfaces whenever there is a chance."

Sirius compressed his lips, evidently trying to swallow whatever he was going to say.

Enjoying the satisfactory silence for a moment, Severus spoke. "I don't want your sorry. Your words mean nothing to me. What I want from you, Black, is that you provide me with proper care so that I can raise this child you forced upon me. They won't going to stop, they don't stop at nothing until they get what they want. If the Death Eaters couldn't have me joining them, they'll break me down."

Severus swallowed involuntarily at the surge of fear arising at the word. Sirius' straightened his face with seriousness and found Severus' hand on his lap.

"I won't let them hurt you." He promised. "I won't let them hurt you nor the baby."

Staring at the icy grey eyes, Severus could find no condemnation or disgust that provoked him eariler. Black was sincere in what he said.

Severus nodded.

There was no other way. He had to trust Black.


	17. Chapter 17

17.

Sirius flopped to the bed, exhausted after taking care of the Slytherin gang's unconscious bodies from the corridor. He had to wipe out their memory and stuffed them inside an old broom closet. But what really drained him was the encounter with Snape. Sirius held up his hands and stared them. There were calluses and scars on his hands. Quidditch practices gave him the calluses on the joints where digits meet the palm. There was one scar from his mate Remus in his werewolf form, which was fading now. Then there was this one: little burn mark in his left hand, the one his brother gave by accident. Regulus was so sorry for it back then.

Sirius chuckled. He winced at the pain it gave. Hissing, he licked the wound.

The earlier today, Regulus confronted him. He spoke of something Sirius can't recall now, until realization dawned to Sirius. His little brother was hiding something from him; and Sirius could tell it was about Snape.

This morning, Snape appeared anxious than usual, always glancing sideways for something. Sirius guessed it was the pregnancy, making him agitated all the time that someone notices him. But when Regulus approached him, Sirius could see it wasn't that Snape was uncomfortable: he was actually scared.

Then he struggled with Regulus, trying to pass him, which ended up fist fighting. Sirius dashed towards the dungeon where the nursery were, and found Snape cornered by the others.

But fight with his brother didn't wear him out, it was Snape. Sirius curled his hand into fist.

Until now, Sirius believed his hands were clean. He believed he was a good man. Perhaps he was to other people. However, he was beginning to realize he wasn't all that good to some people. People like Snape.

He hadn't known how complicated the situation is. He thought the child was the only complication he brought to Snape. But this….. This was much more than just raising an infant. Snape was in trouble. Would he be in where he is now, if it wasn't for Sirius? Wherever that may be. Some part of him whispered he brought this on himself, Snape was in trouble because he mingled with the wrong people. But he wouldn't be leaving them if he didn't rape Snape. Perhaps then, Sirius wouldn't be responsible for their lives: Snape's and his unborn child.

What was wrong with him?

Sirius curled his hands into fists and placed them over his forehead. He felt sick. There was a lump constricting his throat, Sirius bit his lip hard.

All his life, he tried to be a better person than his parent. But he could no longer turn blind eye to what he is, what he is capable of. He was, no matter how much he denies it, dangerous. He was capable of things that his mates wouldn't even dream of doing. There was something inside him: dark, morbid thing that scratches to get out. He tried to suffocate it, tame it down so that no one knows it exists.

But it bursts out whenever he loses temper. It was as if he was a different man whenever it surfaces.

His mother was like that. Often times, Sirius forced himself to forget about how he was acting like his mother whenever angry. His voice, his tone, his expression and gestures, all of that resembled his mother when she loses her temper. Perhaps it runs in the family, to be so reckless and cold-hearted when angered. The difference is that his mother never been ashamed of it.

But Sirius was. Sirius was ashamed of it. And he will do whatever it takes to make things right again. He will not let himself fall back into his fault.

He thought hanging out James and Remus and even Pete would change him. To make him a better person, to become a true Gryffindor: noble and good and courageous.

But putting you in a house doesn't automatically bestow you with gifts. Sirius begun to see that. He had to put his own efforts, if he truly desired to become who he thought he was. Time does not make you grow up, neither. He had to grow out of this thing on his own. And he will.

The feeling of a unborn child's quickening still vivid in his palm. Its kick felt like a punch, the baby fluttered under his palm. It was his child. Although it was conceived in the most horrific way, as Snape said, it was his as much as it was Snape's. He've got to help Snape. He've got to help Snape in every way possible. That was only way to make things right. He've got to trust Snape from now on.

The Sirius who hates Snape, a soon-to-be Death Eater, has to be gone. He now know Snape gave up that part of his life for a baby of his enemy. What kind of evil person do that?

Sirius swore to himself. He would never condemn the boy nor distrust him. Snape is trying to save a child he forced upon him, protecting it. He've got to trust Snape.

* * *

A tall young man with long silky blond hair sat in an armchair. He picked up a piece of letter an eagle owl delivered just few minutes ago. The man heaved a sigh.

Severus, Severus, Severus.

He'd never thought Severus was capable of such rebel. Lucius snickered.

The letter was from Black, telling him why they'd failed to bring Severus Snape at the bar. Not only that, he also mentioned those incompetent fools actually had themselves wiped of their memory of getting Snape.

Lucius knew Severus was very talented wizard regardless of what others may think of him, but he never thought the boy was this capable. Perhaps he underestimated the boy.

He tapped the letter with his wand and the flame burned the paper away.

Or maybe he just didn't do his best at what was asked of him.

Severus Snape was indeed talented, but Lucius could not see what was so special about the boy that he, a most noble pureblood in wizarding history, must retrieve that little half-blood.

He glanced at the clock. It was nearly time. His lord would be waiting for him. Lucius slowly rose from the chair and stared at the letter turned ashes. He won't be joyful at hearing what he has to say.

Lucius gracefully and silently climbed up the stairs and went to a room. He'd draw a deep breath, if it wasn't for the man behind the door who would be able to hear him. Lucius put up a neutral face and went inside.

There, with his silken back robe cast over the floor, was the man seated in a large armchair. The man was strikingly handsome with his impeccable feature and lustrous black hair and yet, there was something that ailenates the man from beauty. His smooth skin was waxy and snow white and he had eyes that gleaming in red with cat-like slits as pupils.

The man appeared inhumane and dangerous and yet, there was something from the man that leave people besotted.

Lucius, with his taste for fine things, cannot help but admire that trait.

"What did the boys tell you?" The man asked.

Staring at his colourless, wax-like lips, Lucius explained what happened. After he was finished, his lord did not speak for a while. Then, he gave a chuckle, as if he found something amusing.

Lucius frowned.

Although he have seen his lord smiling gently, he hadn't witnessed him showing amusement vocally.

"My lord, may I ask what is it you want with the boy?" Lucius asked before he could stop himself.

Voldemort turned. Those red gazes piercing through Lucius', "You shall see." he spoke softly.

Lucius compressed his lips. He could feel his mouth drying as it always did whenever he faced his lord's that look. It reminded him of a large predator hiding behind trees, waiting for opportunities.

What was he expecting from Severus?

Lucius knew that Severus was highly talented boy, especially in potions and charms. He also possessed a keen sense of logic, which many wizards don't have. A rare gem, Lucius was no doubt about that. But something told him that it wasn't just the talent Severus has that his lord is seeking.

Besides his talents, Severus Snape was just a poor, dirty half-blood who looked like an ugly little Red Cap. What else he can provide for his lord besides his little chemistry bottle?

"Perhaps, my lord, you should let the boys to fini-" Lucius started, hoping to get out of this puzzle.

Voldemort cut across. "Leave him."

"My lord?" Lucius looked dumbfounded.

"Leave the Snape boy, for now." His lord gave him a stern look, which made Lucius fall silent at once.

They looked at each other's face for a moment.

Finally, Lucius could not held his gaze any further and bowed his head, "As you wish, my lord."

* * *

November passed quickly. Already few Quidditch matches were held and the foure Houses were eager for the next. This year, not unlike the previous year, Slytherin and Gryffindor was fighting with close game. They were nearly on the same score and Slytherin was ever more fierce at the match. People talked frequently about the Slytherin's seeker's move on catching the Snitch at last match.

It was now December and they were facing Christmas holiday within a few weeks. The House heads were collecting names for those who will be left in school and Sirius just signed up a scroll. He won't be leaving school this year, much to James' dismay.

Many things have changed and people were whispering their suspicions.

A skinny boy covered in black was carrying a pile of books at the corridor. He staggered a little as he was heading towards a class when another student bumped into him. The thin figure wavered but did not fall. Instead, all of his books sprawled over the floor.

The other boy who bumped into him apologized without looking and went on.

Severus scowled, then sighed. How the hell was he going to pick these up? Unbeknownst to others, swollen bump in his middle prevents him from bending down. Severus contemplated using a wand, but this corridor was too close to the entrance hall where Filch, the care taker, usually walks by.

Then a hand reached from behind, picking up Severus' schoolbooks one by one. It was Sirius Black. Severus could feel the stares drilling holes in his head.

The entire school is watching them now.

They were the topic of the year, spoken and speculated too often.

Hogwarts was beginning to notice the strange things happening within. First, it was the dissociation of the famous Marauders. Although they occasionally speak to each others, but Sirius Black was obviously ousted from the group for he rarely been seen with the rest. Instead, Sirius Black has been seen one too many times with the greasy oddball he used to detest.

Some suspected Black was under professors' order and was forced to spilt up with his mates and help students who fell on his prey for years. Which was the most likely assumption and the one many believe.

Others speculated Black was getting interested in the Dark Arts and hanging out with the boy who knows A to Z about the Dark Arts. Which was another prevalent assumption among those who has been jealoused of Black's popularity.

Neither explained, though, the attentiveness Black is showing to the Slytherin boy. Surprisingly, Black seemed to care less about what others speaking of him. Even now, the half of Hogwarts was on the hall and was watching Black picking up Severus' books and Black cannot care less about that.

Black stood up after collecting Severus' books. Severus extended his arm to retrieve them but Black kept them in his arm. Severus raised an eyebrow.

Black nodded towards the opposite side of the hall, "you're going to the potion class, right?"

Severus nodded his head, still waiting for Black to hand over his books.

Black started to walk towards the dungeon, leaving Severus dumbfounded for a moment.

"You are not coming?" Black asked.

The whispering noises grew louder at the Black's unexpected behaviours. Severus felt a bit stupid. He simply could not block the noise out like Black. But apparently, Severus has no choice but to follow his lead.

Severus hung his head low in an attempt to block them out, and followed Black to the dungeon.

The two walked in silence until Black suddenly asked, "you're staying at school for the holiday?"

Severus looked up. He nodded.

"Right."

Then they were quiet again.

When they reached the potion class, Black shouldered the door open.

"James and others are leaving." said Black.

Severus looked puzzled. Black saw that Severus was not getting what he's trying to say so he elaborated. "I'll be able to go down here more often. So if you need me, tell me."

Severus paused, watching the sincere grey eyes with scrutinizing look. He could not find any amusement in his expression. The Slytherin boy nodded. Black smiled slightly and went inside.

Severus stared at the back of the Gryffindor for a moment before he himself went inside the classroom.

* * *

**A/N**

Hi.

...I, I don't even have valid excuse for my delay. Well, I do have one, but... I honestly had to struggle to come up with what is going to happen to Sirius and Sev on good term... I kinda worried that this fic might be weird if Sirius suddenly begins to act nice to Sev. Haha...

If you have any suggestions on what should happen during Christmas please give me some advice, cause, I'm having writer's block right now.T-T

Oh, and I'm actually a bit busy with my study, so if I'm late, that would be the reasons.

Other than that, I hope you enjoyed reading! Thanks!


	18. Chapter 18

James Potter was the golden boy of Hogwarts. Everyone says so and he knew he was. Tall and well-built, charming and bright, he was mighty specimen to behold. But life of a popular boy was not exactly glamorous as others might think. There are, as per usual, troubles in his life.

James Potter was the guy every girl in Hogwarts wants to date. Unfortunate for the female population in Hogwarts, he has a girlfriend: Lily Evans.

Now, Lily herself was the girl every boy in Hogwarts wants to date. She was pretty, smart and witty. Deep red hair of her shine in the sunlight, her bright green eyes that resembled the green of forest stand out in the pale of her skin. She just spelled the word perfection.

He knew she was special from the moment he saw her at the train. Weeping at first, then brightly smiling at her friend, every single feature captivated James. All those years in Hogwarts, all those years of pranks and jokes and mischieves, he could not take his eyes off of her. And his dream came true when the dream girl of his finally said yes to him at the ball.

He expected she'd reject, as she always did. But somehow she did not. She did not say no when he asked to go out for Hogsmead trip afterward. She did not say no when he asked to join at the table, at the class, at the break time. And so on, they just got together like that, as if it was the most natural thing ever.

Or so he thought.

There was something. She wouldn't tell him and he could not press her for the fear of stepping over a boundary. But he could tell there was something and to his absolute disappointment, he could not even guess what it is.

Over time, he begun to realize he was no better talking to an armour when he was talking to Lily. She would be attentive at first, then just spaces out, for no reasons. Obviously there are reasons, but what were they?

Perhaps he was talking something boring. Maybe girls don't really like Quidditch talks. He'd discuss his problem with his mates, if it wasn't for the fact that his three best mates are currently at the phaze where they simply ignore each other's existent.

James huffed out a sigh, he was feeling miserable. But he could not back down, he promised Lily he'd be studying Herbology with her at break. He grabbed his school bag and left his comforting dorm and headed towards the library.

At the library, he could just as easily spot his girlfriend as he could breathe. She was standing out among the rest of the trolls. He sat beside her, his face splitting into large grin.

"Hey, Lily."

"Hey." Lily replied.

"So, you've finished your essay? I forgot about the last one." James asked as he fumbled for his parchments and quill.

Lily nodded, "yes, I did."

"Ah, that's my girl." He teased. Lily blushed, cringing. It was so cute that he could bite her cheek. Feeling the misery melting away at the look on her face, James smiled.

"Can I see it?" He leaned forward over the desk, his face inches away from hers.

Lily's green eyes widened a little, her cheeks still pink. Then, she snapped out of her state and creased her brows, putting up what she thought a serious look.

"You should be doing it on your own, it's your essay." said Lily.

Giggling inwardly, James bent over the desk and looked up at her, feigning a sad face. "Aww, don't be like that, Lil. Please?"

Lily blushed again. But she quickly hid her face, coughing suddenly. He waited. When she dared to look into his eyes again, Lily hesitatingly grabbed her homework and pushed it towards James.

"Next time, you will do it on your own." She said.

James lifted himself, smiling widely. "Yup, I swear." He took the parchment and unfolded it. "Thanks, Lily." He tittered.

Silence fell as the two Gryffindors sat there afterward doing their school works. But so long after, James found himself stuck with one sentence. Frustrated mildly, he jerked his head back, leaning against the back of a chair. Then he saw Lily, her green eyes fell upon the piece of parchment, stroking her soft cheek with a feather of her quill. Her pink lips slightly parted, James could catch a glimpse of red flesh that was her tongue.

She was so beautiful. Her soft and pale skin looked so smooth that he suddenly felt his fingers twitching to feel it.

She looked up, as if sensed his gaze. She raised her eyebrow questioningly.

James said nothing.

She frowned in puzzlement. "What?"

James smiled, leaning forward and propping his chin on both hands. "Why don't we get outside and take a walk? It's too beautiful out there to stuck in this stuffing library."

Lily scoffed, "It's snowing. Heavily."

James looked through the window, and saw the blizzard. His face fell for a moment but recovered quickly. "We could take a walk inside the castle, then."

"Where would we go?" She asked, obviously reluctant to leave her homework. "We need to finish this." She added.

But he wasn't taking no for an answer, James got up and waved his wand to pack everything inside their bags.

"Hey!" Lily protested.

"Up, up, up, darling." James motioned to raise her up.

The red haired girl got up, albeit reluctantly. He offered his hand, Lily took it. Grabbing both of their bags, James led her outside the library.

"See, it's good to be out of that darn library." James nudged her gently.

They went to the tapestry corridor. There were numerous portraits hung up on the wall covered in tapestries. There was one with the man wearing a plum coloured robes and an armour over his chest. Then there was another portrait of man seated in an armchair with pointed hat on his head.

James noticed Lily was silent all the while.

He looked into her profile, but half of her face was hidden by the long wavy hair. Still, he could see that she's not with him at the moment. James fell back into his previous dilemma. Should he ask what is going on with her? Was it him that made her so? Is she unwell or is she just simply bored? He tried to figure it out, or at least guess what exactly she's feeling. But he couldn't tell none of it.

They were going on well a minute ago. So what's wrong?

Perhaps he was just stupid with girls. Sirius was never been this awkward with girls. Even Moony finds himself a girl and get on pretty well.

This is another thing that many people misunderstood about him. They just think he could play it casual with the girl of his dream. But the reality was, sad as it is, that he simply don't know what to do whenever with Lily.

Bracing himself, the marauder reached his hand and brushed the lock of hair covering Lily's face. She jolted away from his touch. James' eyes widened in shock. Seeing the same shock in her green eyes, the Gryffindor boy could tell she didn't do it on purpose. Embarrassed, James withdrew his hand.

Clearing her throat, "Sorry." she apologised. "I-... it tickled." She hesitantly added.

James tried to suppress a sigh. He smoothed out his face and closed the distance between them. "Is there you want to talk about?" He asked softly.

Lily froze.

"Whatever it is, I'll hear you out." He tried to smile. "Well, as long as you're not breaking up with me." He feigned a chuckle.

The red haired girl just stood there. James reached up to cup her chin, but Lily interrupted. "There's nothing to talk." The Gryffindor boy's face fell. He frowned. Lily's voice was so tensed that though she said no, it sounded like yes.

"C'mon, Lil." He prompted. "you can tell me anything."

But the more he tried, the more she withdrew. Her green eyes fell to the floor, avoiding the hazel eyes. James could feel himself being impatient.

What, what is it that she could not tell me? What is going on? Is she unwell? Is she angry at something? Or does she really want to break up with him?

This was so unexpected. He never thought Lily as someone who hides her feelings and recoils. It was cute and all at first, but he was growing anxious. He had too much things going on at once that this whole year was getting on his nerves, a big time.

But he could not take his frustration on her. He wouldn't do that. James took a deep breath and waited until she starts speaking.

"There is nothing going on." said Lily.

He all but lashed out at her, telling her there was something going on. James' jaw clenched as he tried to swallow down the anger bubbling up. Pent up frustrations had turned into something quite ugly that he shouldn't be showing to Lily. So he forced himself to hold back, counting numbers to calm his nerves.

James forced a smile, which crooked and meek. "Alright."

He nodded to himself. "Well, if you have anything at all-"

"Thanks." Lily smiled too. Then she left the corridor which James followed with blank expression.

* * *

At dinner, James sat in the Gryffindor's table with glum face, picking at his food. He wasn't for for roasted beef that night. He sighed, looking around, trying to find Sirius somewhere. He couldn't find a single sign of the tall, black haired boy anywhere in the Great Hall. James frowned.

He hadn't seen the boy since the morning and Sirius was in hurry to get out of the dormitory, assumably the stifling atmosphere with Remus, in particular. But then again, Sirius seldom tried to reconcile with the werewolf. Which was weird enough, since James was positively sure Sirius wants his friend back. However, James could see no efforts in Sirius' behaviour to make up for the loss. Rather, he seemed unreasonably busy with something that keeps him from Remus.

James was no fool. He knew what other students say these days. Sirius, trying to make up for his mistakes by the order of the house head Minerva Mcgonagal. Which was false, as he knew professor Mcgonagal hasn't got anything to with this. Then there was another speculation involving Death Eaters. Sirius wants to join them and seeking mentor to teach him the Dark Arts. Snape happens to be the one whom he always deemed someone knowledgeable in the particular subject. Which was bullshit, period.

So none of these rumours helped James to figure out what was going on with his best mate. James tapped the table with his fingertip absently. Another mystery to solve. Huh. Why couldn't they just tell him what is going on? Maybe he could be of some help. For fuck sake's, he was supposed to be someone important to them!

Annoyed, James bolted upright, leaving everything behind and set to search for the missing Gryffindor.

James hurried up to the Gryffindor Tower looking for the Marauder's Map, but to no avail. Seeing the empty drawer where he placed the map, James groaned in frustration. He rumpled his hair, messing it to stick up in every direction. He clicked his tongue, and dashed out of the room. He will find Sirius, even if it means he has to do it without the map.

However, the more he looked around the castle, the frustrated and angry he got. The castle of Hogwarts was just too huge for a student to search. Dragging his aching feet, the bespectacled boy went back to the dorm room where he flopped to the bed, sighing.

Things are not going in the way he thought.

It was their seventh year. The last year of Hogwarts and he'd thought this would be fantastic year that N.E.W.T would be the only obstacle to go through. He, and the Marauders, Lily Evans. All of them having wonderful year, the last one as a child and to prepare for the next.

So much for the happy seventh year, it turned out.

James glanced at where Sirius' bed was through the blurry vision where the lopsided glasses weren't covering his eyes.

This wasn't what he expected to happen among his friends. He knew they were reckless and thoughtless, but he never knew things would escalate to this level. He always thought Remus being a werewolf was just another perk for their friendship. He always thought Sirius was capable of stopping himself before crossing a line. But apparently, he was even more naive than he thought. Because Remus being a deadly beast wasn't about super cool, careless, exhilarating activity once in every month. Because Sirius was dead scary when his temper was tested. Because he was fucking idiot with abnormally high arrogance who thought he could get away with everything.

Then there was this, Lily Evans.

James took his glasses off and buried his face in sheet, heaving a sigh.

Lily, his girlfriend.

Lily, his dream girl.

Lily, who refuse to talk.

He don't even know what in the Merlin's name was wrong. That's the fucking problem. He don't even know why he was having difficulties with Lily. Everything seems to go okay on the surface but he could feel something inexplicably barring him from getting close to her. If only he could see what is was….

James waited like that, flat on his belly, for anyone to show up and tell him everything was going to be the way he thought.

But no one came.

"Prongs, wake up. Prongs?" A voice called him.

Screwing his face in frown, James cracked open his eyes. Through the blurry vision, he could see the familiar chubby, pasty face of Peter Pettigrew.

"Mate, you've been sleeping like this?" Peter asked.

James ignored it. He pushed himself up the bed and looked around. He found Moony coming out of the bath room with water dripping from his hair. But no sign of Sirius Black.

He cleared his throat, feeling dry.

"Where's Sirius?"

Moony strode to his bed and pulled over his pyjama top.

"Uh… Dunno." Peter answered.

Frowning, James stared at Remus' back for a while before turning to face Peter. "Where have you been?"

"In the kitchen, why?"

"Where have you been Moony?" James demanded. Remus turned, his face blank. "I was out."

"Did you see Sirius on the way?"

Remus did not answer.

James sighed. Clearly, he had to wait till morning.

"Why'd you looking for him?" asked Peter.

James hesitated, then muttered, "nothing."

Then they all went to bed, without words.

But James couldn't sleep. The short sleep he had earlier made him wake up till very late. He could hear snoring of Peter from his far left. Groaning inwardly, James pulled the duvet over his head, trying to sleep. But the more he tried, he found himself falling for the previous musing. The thoughts were so stubborn in his head that when he finally fell asleep near dawn, the last face he saw was that of Lily Evans, turning to Sirius Black.

* * *

It was Saturday morning when he woke up from dreamless sleep.

Still no sign of Sirius. He felt annoyed, as they were supposed to practise Quidditch this morning. But then the annoyance turned to puzzlement, which turned into worrisome when the night has fallen that grew unusual speed. The entire day, Sirius was gone and hadn't shown up without a word or notice to anyone.

To fuel his worry, this morning the news paper reported a missing boy at the Hogsmead last night. The boy was about ten, and he was with his father yet when his father was distracted for a split second, the boy was gone. The news made to the front page, with the headline in bold font: A BOY GONE MISSING, NEAR THE HOGWARTS CASTLE.

And coincidentally, Sirius' been gone since last night.

This was unusual, no, beyond unusual. There was something happened to Sirius.

"We should go looking for him." said James.

The other two marauders was silent. James frowned at the lack of response.

"It's two in the morning! There's something happen to Sirius. Otherwise, he'd've said something." he argued.

But Moony was staring at the fire with blank of expression and Peter was doubtful.

"Maybe… er… we should tell professor Mcgonagal?" Peter suggested.

James stared at his friend. He'd thought of that, but then, what if Sirius was gone for doing something he shouldn't be doing?

What if he was… James shook himself out of such thought.

"Maybe. But not before making sure he's in need of help."

James looked up to face his friends, who was still seated, unmoving.

He frowned, "Well? Why are you two sitting there?"

But Remus remained still and Peter looked between him and James trying to read their faces. James felt disgusted.

"Get up! Both of you!" He yelled.

Peter flinched in his seat, his buttocks half-lifted. Remus, however, remained still, stubbornly. Even before he could stop himself, James found himself letting out a roar of frustration.

"Fuck, Remus!" He yelled. He could see the clenched jaw of his friend, which made him even more angrier.

"I get it! You're fucking mad! We all get it, you still can't forgive Padfoot. But fuck, Moony, this is… You are... " He stuttered. "What the fuck are you doing? Go fucking punch him! Kick him in the shin! Do whatever it takes to do!" He flung his arms out in rage. James spotted Remus' fists curling on his lap.

"But don't fucking pretend that you don't give a fuck about Sirius right now!"

Remus finally turned to face him. His face contorted in painful expression which he desperately smoothed it out.

James pressed on. "You care about him. I know you do."

The hard lines on Remus' face soften at those word. The werewolf's gaze fell on the floor. James released his fists and walked up to him.

"Do whatever it takes, but don't give me this bullshit."

Remus looked up to face the hazel eyes. They looked at each other for a while, then Remus stood. James smiled.

They all got out of the dorm, in search of Sirius Black. They split up and tried every nook and cranny for his mate. But they eventually called for halt in search, with the constant danger of encountering Filch and his beloved cat, Mrs. Norris. Exhausted but still full of worry, they were forced to retreat to their dormitory where the boy in question was readying himself for bed.

Everyone stared at Sirius with wide eyes and open mouth.

Finally, James snapped.

"Sirius!"

His face red, James was about to lose his mind. It was nearly dawn, for Merlin's sake! They've been trying to search for him, worried sick and now he was changing for bed?

You little motherfucker!

"Where the fuck were you?!"

James couldn't help himself and dashed towards him. He cannot be more livid than he ever was. James all but grabbed him by the collar.

"You! You were gone! For the motherfucking whole day!"

Sirius looked surprised. "Er… the whole day?"

Something clicked inside James' brain. Growling like an animal, James attacked him this time, knocking him flat over the bed and punching him rather hard.

"What the-"

Sirius thrashed, trying to get out.

Moony and Wormtail rushed toward them, wrenching the livid boy off of the other.

Panting madly, James demanded once more. "Where the fuck were you?!"

Massaging his throat, Sirius frowned. "I had some things to do."

"Like what?" James spat.

"Don't fucking tell me you were with chicks! I know you weren't!" He interrupted when Sirius tried to speak.

Sirius shut his mouth, his eyes avoiding the hazel ones.

James caught that, which made him even more angrier if that's possible."Why the fuck did you take the map? Where were you? With whom?"

After a silence, Sirius broke into a snort that supposed to be a chuckle, "mate, you sound like my ex-"

"I don't fucking care. Answer me." James cut across him and demanded, ever more sternly.

They all stared at him, expectantly.

Sirius studied their faces nervously. He opened his mouth, but closed it again, then repeated several times.

Impatiently, James prompted, "What? Tell me!"

Finally, Sirius managed an answer. "I was with someone."

James prodded on. "With whom?" Nothing. James flung his arms out in anger. "If you don't tell me, I'm gonna cram a Veritaserum down your throat."

Sirius winced, cornered by his mate's unusual stubbornness. If it wasn't for the situation, he might've laugh at the joke.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and opening them in determination.

"I was with Snape." said Sirius.

Then, the most awkward silence they'd ever had fallen upon them.

Sirius waited till his mates process his words. When they did, their eyes widened as saucers, jaws dropped.

"Come again?" James asked, his face incredulous as if he couldn't trust his ears.

"I said, I was with Snape."

Realising that it wasn't his ears that heard it wrong, James scrunched his face up in unfathomable expression. "What the fuck could you possibly be doing with the git for a day and a half?"

Sirius cleared his throat again. "Well, you see…. He's sick."

James and the others looked at Sirius as if he sprouted another head. Which was understandable. Sirius continued, unfazed.

"Really, seriously sick. He caught something from his town, apparently. That's what was going on with him, nothing to do with my brother, as it turned out. I…. Well, you know what happened when I mistook his illness."

At this, Remus flinched involuntarily. Sirius gave sympathetic look at his mate.

"I screwed up, big time." Sirius went on. "I crossed a line I shouldn't have, and I'd like to make amends before it's too late. That's why I spent time with Snape lately."

Silence fell upon the Marauders as Sirius waited for their response. But none of them gave anything away. Sirius looked around his friends, face by face. He noticed Remus was looking at him fixedly, for the first time since he hit Sirius' face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" James asked softly.

Sirius turned to him. He gave an apologetic smile. "Yeah, sorry about that. I thought I should be doing this alone."

James looked sulky, but said nothing.

"And I thought that since you don't want me around, I guess I should spend this moment on doing the right thing." Sirius turned to Remus, who looked torn between sympathy and unwillingness to let go of his grudges.

"You guys been searching for me?" Sirius broke the silence once more, a bit cheery this time.

No one answered but Sirius didn't bother. He grinned, "I know you all love me, but I hadn't realised you'd go out looking for me in the middle of night in search team."

James frowned, hitting the other Gryffindor with a fist. "You cheeky bastard."

Sirius chuckled, rubbing his arm.

Peter suddenly asked, "so what exactly you were doing with Snape all this time?"

A little off-put, Sirius just shrugged. "Things what you do to patients, Wormtail."

He seemed unsatisfied, but Remus cut across. "Let's get to bed, then."

They all obliged.

Few hours later, everyone was deep in their sleep, except Sirius. He felt bad about lying to his friends but also felt something warm in his chest as the recollection with Snape emerged. He turned to side, looking down his hands. Few moments ago, this hand was upon Severus Snape's belly, feeling the quickening of a baby while its father slept so peacefully.

As winter's getting colder, Snape was having more difficulties with pregnancy. He gets tired so easily and his moods were shifting from good to bad so quickly. But the worst thing was that he wasn't strong enough to endure all the classes he has to take with the baby eating up his energy. Snape told him a little bit about his home life, which hinted that he rarely had decent nourishment due to financial state. He was simply too weak and fragile to grow a life inside him while fulfilling his school works. The most recent event clarified that. Severus Snape collapsed during potion class, scaring the pants out of Sirius. He volunteered to take him to the Hospital Wing, covering up his condition to the matron.

After the incident, Sirius forced the pregnant boy to rest, at every given opportunity. Snape did not like that, though. But for the sake of both him and the child, Sirius kept him in bed while volunteering services.

To be honest, it wasn't an easy task, taking care of the expectant. He never done anything like caring someone and especially, caring somebody he used to hate was definitely eating up his nerves. He lost count as to how many times he forced himself to calm in order not to lash out at Snape.

He'd turn the table if it weren't for the tiny rewards he gets when the stubborn, nasty little git finally falls asleep. Sirius would sit beside him and place his palm over his belly after making sure he's sleeping. The child would be still at first, then, as if sensing Sirius was there, it kicks. The little thud felt through Severus Snape's skin, as strange as it may sound, feels so wonderful. It was magical to feel its movements. So unlike its dad, it was very lively and active, making Sirius laugh.

He lost track of the time feeling the baby's vigour this time. Sirius was sorry about lying to his friends and making them worried. But this was something he cannot stop doing. He was inapt to describe the feeling of it, for it was something he never felt before. Knowing that the life inside Snape's belly was due to his act, albeit sinful one, makes everything so strange yet magical.

To think he'd touch Snape on his own volition would have been absurd. Even more so, to say that he enjoys it. Alas, but it was true. He gets comforts stealing touches of Snape's swollen belly while he sleeps.

Sirius wondered whether the baby would be boy or girl before drifting into dreamless sleep. He hoped he gets to be in either a girl or boy's life.


	19. Chapter 19

19.

A boy wearing mismatching clothes was sitting beside a girl with deep red hair at the thicket of trees. There was a river glittering by the sunlight through their trunks. It was a beautiful spring day, breeze gently sweeping their pink cheeks.

The boy was facing the redhead cross-legged on the ground.

"See, there's an administration in the magic world, too. It's called the Ministry of Magic and people there work just like the Muggle ministry." said the boy.

"What do they do?" The girl asked.

"They legislate laws and put people who break them into Azkaban."

"What's 'legislate'?"

The boy paused for a moment to stare at the girl. "It means that they make laws."

The red haired girl smiled brightly. "You are really smart. I wish I could be like you."

The boy's sallow face turned bright red at her compliment. His black eyes gazed the girl's face greedily but the girl was oblivious to his stare, as she was occupied by the sudden gush of wind sweeping the canopy of trees. They sat silent for a moment. Then the girl started asking questions again. "So, what kinds of laws do they make? Why wizards need laws? They just can do whatever they want with magic."

The boy snapped out of his state and resumed to answer.

"Mum said wizards need more laws than the Muggle. It's because they can do magic. They can make a great mess so someone's got to make rules."

"What kinds of rules?" she asked.

The boy looked up to the trees, thinking. "Well… you can't do magic in front of the Muggle."

"Why?"

"Because it's a secret that magic exists. Muggle can't know about it." The replied quietly.

The girl clamped her hands over her mouth, gasping. Her green eyes widened, she said, "but I did magic in front of Tuney! She's a Muggle!"

A small smile filtted across the boy's face in amusement. "You're all right. You haven't got a wand and you're still kid. They don't punish you when you can't help it." He explained.

Relieved, the girl dropped her hands down and heaved a sigh.

He went on, "But once you're eleven, then they start training you, then you've got to go careful."

The red haired girl stared at him. Her bright green eyes gleaming as if she's dreaming.

"It's real, isn't it? I'm really a witch." She whispered.

The boy nodded, sincerely.

"You are and I am a wizard. You and I will go to Hogwarts where only magical people can go. Then we will learn more magic."

She smiled brightly like a kid receiving a Christmas present. The black haired boy blushed a little.

"Tell me about the letter, Sev." She asked.

The boy cleared his throat. "Hogwarts will give out letters to the magically gifted children all around England so that they can attend the school." he explained as if he was reading it off from a book.

The red haired girl leaned forward, "will it really come by an owl?"

He tilted his head. "Well… normally. But you are Muggle-born, so someone from the school will have to come to you in person and explain to your parent."

She was nodding when suddenly she snapped as if she'd realized something very important. She started, cautiously. "Does it make a difference? Being Muggle-born?"

The boy paused. He met her worrying green eyes then he shook his head determinedly. "No," he said. "It doesn't make any difference."

"Good." said the girl. It was clear that she had been worrying about it. But a shadow cast over her face again.

"So… you said people in magic world have different names." she started.

The boy listened attentively.

"What if.. what if they think my name's weird?" The girl asked, not looking at her friend.

The black haired boy looked stunned as though he hadn't realize this before. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it without speaking. The girl did not notice this, as she was looking down at the grassy ground. She picked a blade of bright greens that resembled her eyes. She played it around her finger, then it turned into a small purple flower, which she extended it to the boy. A bit distracted, he received the flower and stared at it.

Moment later, he looked up.

"No one will think of you as weird." said the boy.

"You've got loads of magic, I saw that." He continued. "No one will think you are not good enough." He said sternly.

She blushed a little, which made her pretty face even more adorable. The boy sucked in a breath. A bright smile returned to her face, though a bit shy. She seemed genuinely glad to hear that from him.

"I envy your name." She declared.

He frowned. He opened his mouth to say but the girl stopped him, shaking her head. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying I like your name."

This time, he turned red. He coughed, averting his gaze. When he looked up, he tried to compose himself and failed. "Why?"

"I dunno, it sounds like you'll be a good wizard." She giggled.

He was silent. He looked down at the ground then picked up a fistful of grass and began tearing them apart.

"Sev?"

"Hmm?" he looked up.

"Do you not like your name?" she asked.

The boy compressed his lips. She stared at the thin line in the small, sallow face of her friend. Then she suddenly stood up, making the boy startled. She went inside the bushes then picked up a twig, which she used to scrape the dirt on the ground with. She was scraping the ground for a while until she looked up from her work and asked the boy to join her. The black haired boy slowly rose from his seat and walked towards her. He looked down to where she's been writing something. On the ground, there was a name 'Perseus Evans'. He raised a brow, in quiry.

She beamed. "Look! I figured this out last night. It's almost like you and I are brother and sister when your name's like this."

The boy did not reply, instead, stared at the words as if enchanted.

* * *

A boy was crouching below a tree trunk, his hooked nose bleeding and his lips swollen. He was shivering, it was winter but he wore hardly anything warm to protect him from the snow. A girl with red hair shrieked in surprise, dashing towards the black haired boy. Up close, he looked even worse. Tears brimming in her green eyes, she croaked, "who did this to you, Sev?"

The black haired boy looked up, his face blank of emotion. This made the girl's face scrunched up in pain. Her tears beginning to fall, she repeated, "who did this to you?"

When the answer did not come, she wiped away the tears and pulled out a hankerchief from her pocket. Then she placed it upon the boy's bleeding nose. The boy winced, but did not move away from her touch.

"Are you alright? Aren't you cold?" She asked, realizing just now that he was wearing the same coat he wore in Spring.

The girl tried to pull her scarf and put it over the boy's neck. But it was too cold and she was so frightened that her hands were shaking badly. He reached for her hands and gently moved them away from him, shaking his head in refusal. The girl stared, questioningly. But he gave no reply. He was so quiet as if he lost his ability to speak.

She looked dejected. But she did not stop covering his nose to stop the bleeding. When it did, the boy put the hankerchief back to her hand.

Slowly, he opened his mouth. A croaking, husky voice void of emotion but curious spoke. "Why'd you cry?"

The girl frowned immediately as if insulted. "Of course I cry!"

But he did not see the reason. He looked even more lost at her words. This made the red haired girl furious. Angrily, she stompted at her little feet. "You fool! Of course I cry when my friend is hurt!"

A surprised look flitted across the boy's face blotchy with red. A puff of white escaped as he breathed out slowly. He looked as if he don't know what to say. The redhead sighed, more tears falling down. She wiped them with one swipe and asked the boy inquisitively.

"What? Am I not your friend or what?"

The boy was still. When she was about to lash out, he whispered, meekly "You are."

She looked unsatisfied but nodded her head, affirming.

"You feel sorry when your friend is hurt, Severus. You are hurt and you're my friend." said the girl.

The boy merely looked at her in awe, as if he never quite met something like the girl. This made the girl sad. Whimpering, the redhead whispered softly.

"Have you never had someone care about you?"

The boy did not answer.

He was touched that she was crying for him. But in the back of his mind, a dark, morbid feeling creeped up inside him. As if he swallowed ice, the boy felt very cold and rigid.

No one, he answered inwardly, no one ever cared for him.

And no one ever will.

* * *

A boy with black hair was standing at the river bank. A red haired girl was next to him. The water was black under the cloudy sky and it was riffling in gentle wave followig the movement of the creatures under. The boy liked this place. It was serene and isolated from rest of the school so he can spend time with the girl uninterrupted.

But this time, he cannot fully enjoy the moment as the girl spoke to him, apologetically.

"Sev, don't be mad", said the girl.

The boy did not answer. Instead, he kept his stare on the river. The girl looked rather upset at his silence. She snapped, "Don't be like this."

The boy turned to meet her green gaze.

"I said I'm sorry. But you've got to understand, Mary's also my friend! And she's upset that I didn't keep my promise to go to Hogsmeade together. I can't break it this time!" She said defiantly.

The boy kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to hear her but he knew she wouldn't back down because of pity. So the boy scrunched up his face, biting his lower lip, trying to swallow down his disappointment.

The girl noticed it. She reached out and gently tugged on his lower lip until he released it. His lips were red with a dent on the lower part. She frowned as though something bothered her.

"Sev, I told you about that habit." The girl chastised softly.

But the boy still looked sore. She heaved a sigh in frustration.

"Severus, I know you are not happy about this and I'm sorry. But, Mary's my friend too and I've got to go with her. You understand, don't you?" The girl asked, in more softer tone.

The boy reluctantly nodded his head. The girl smiled lightly.

"Thank you. I'm sure you can find someone to go out with tomorrow." said the girl.

The boy clutched his hands in fists. Did she really believe that, or does she not know that he had no one but her. Out of bitterness and chagrin, the boy remained silent until the girl left. A wind blown across the river felt icy cold and unforgiving.

* * *

The red haired girl and the black haired boy were walking across the castle courtyard. They appeared to be talking to each other until the girl stopped mid-track and glared at the boy with dead serious look. Her face even paler against the deep red hair.

"I thought we were supposed to be friends?" said the boy. "Best friends?"

The girl looked infuriated. "We are." Her chest rose as the girl took a deep breath to calm herself. She continued, "but I don't like some of the people you're hanging round with."

The boy frowned.

"I'm sorry, Sev. But I detest Avery and Mulciber. Mulciber, Sev, Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev? He's creepy!" The girl started to lose her cool as she tried to make him see sense.

"Do you even know what he tried to do to Mary Mcdonald the other day?" Fixing her deadly stare, the girl reached a pillar and leaned against it.

The boy bit his lip but then released it quickly when the girl noticed it.

"That was nothing." said the boy.

"It was a laugh, that's all-"

The girl snorted. "It was Dark Magic, and if you think that's funny-"

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?" demanded the boy.

The girl scowled as though she couldn't understand his point. "What's Potter got to do with anything?"

"They sneak out at night," said the boy, "There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

The girl rolled her eyes.

"He's ill. They say he's ill and that's why-"

"Every month at the full moon?" the boy challenged.

"I know your theory. Why are you so obssessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they do at night?" She returned, tired of hearing his suspicion about the particular Gryffindor.

He quietly answered, "I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are."

The redhead blushed under the intense gaze of her friend. She dropped her stare and looked at her feet. A pebble rattled as she touched it with her foot.

"I just don't want you to hang around with those lots, Sev." She said in a low voice.

The boy snapped, "Do you want me to be alone?"

The girl jolted, looking stung. "That's not what I meant!" said the girl, indignantly.

"You could make friends from other houses…"

"Like _Gryffindors_?" the boy challenged.

The girl blushed. A deep crease between her brows, she stuttered, "Y-You could make friends from the Ravenclaws or-"

The boy said nothing but stared, daring her. The girl trailed off into awkward silence. He waited whether she would admit that no one would befriending him. Hogwarts was far away from the London, but everyone inside couldn't ignore what was going on outside the castle ground. The Snakes were public enemy of the school and the boy was the least popular boy who had been branded as outcast. He knew she knew she was all he will ever have.

* * *

A boy was sitting on the floor in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. He waited until a red haired girl came out of the hole. He bolted right up, "I'm sorry!"

The girl coldly replied, "Save you breath."

It was nighttime.

The hallway was dark and cold. The girl was wearing a dressing gown, her deep red hair braided, and stood with her arms folded.

The boy bit his lip, looking anxious.

"I only came out becasue Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done." He replied, desperately. "I came to apologize, Lil. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" The girl finished it for him.

The boy flinched at the merciless voice of his dear friend. This entire moment was simultaneously surreal and terrifying. He could not lose her. She wouldn't do that to him.

"It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you." said the girl determinedly.

The red haired girl went on, "You and your precious little Death Eaters- You see, you don't even deny it!" The green eyes of her bore contempt as she glared at him.

The boy's face was ever more paler and bloodless at the loathing filled in her eyes. Her bright green eyes he always loved. He could feel his eyes burning with tears and his throat constricted.

"You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?" She retorted, cynically.

The boy opened his mouth to explain, but closed it without speaking.

"I can no longer pretend." The girl said resigned.

And her declaration of giving up on him was the death sentence to him.

"NO!" He cried, out of desperation.

"I-, listen, I didn't mean-"

"To call me Mudblood?" She cut him across.

"But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?" She tilted her head as if she was genuinely curious.

When he could not make up answer, she turned her back to him and climbed back through the portrait hole. Then she wheeled her head, looking down at the boy with a contemptuous look he was all to familiar with from other people.

"You _disgust_ me."

With that, the girl left and the boy dropped to the floor, devastated.

* * *

The boy, grown into a man, was laid down on an old, tattered couch, with his arms folded. The place was dirty and messy with rubbish and battered furniture. Then a loud noise came from across the room. He frowned, he hated to move from the comfort of couch. But the noise kept going, demanding his attention. He swore vilely and hurried to the crip where the sound was coming from. He looked down at the baby's bed. His child wailed hysterically. This made him curse something more foul.

He hated this. He hated every second of this fucking moment. What the fuck was he thinking when he had this? It was noisy and clueless. He had to take care every single fucking thing for this thing. Fuck sake, he hated this!

He picked up the baby, trying with all his might to shut the baby up.

But the baby was stubborn. It won't listen to him trying to soothe its nerves. It won't fucking listen! Like everyone in the world. It fucking ignores him like how everyone in the world does!

He had _enough_. He was stupid. He just can't carry on like this.

_It was all it's fault_! If it wasn't for this thing, he wouldn't have to deal with all this shit. It was this baby's fault that he was poor, because he can't have fucking job with this thing on his shoulder. It was this baby's fault that he can't even move from this shit hole to get a fucking drink.

_It has to be gone_. It can't stay with him. It was siphoning his life. It was ruining everything of him.

He stared at its eyes, which were dull blue, and felt sudden impulse to smother it. He swallowed. Perhaps this would be his escape. To his freedom, to the life he deserves. The boy put the baby down and grabbed a pillow next to it. He covered the struggling baby's face with the pillow and pressed hard. The child thrash with all the might it could muster, which was nothing compared to the fully grown man's. He simply put more weight in his grip to muffle the sound.

It's almost there. It's almost _finish. _

His eyes bloodshot, his face distorted like a madman, the boy kept on pressing the pillow until there was no resistance. The baby died. The boy breathed shakily. He gasped as he removed the pillow from the baby and saw its face. Pained expression as it wailed was etched on the small, rounded red face. It did not move.

He looked at his hands. Oh gods. Suddenly air went out of his lungs. A sharp pain shot through his chest as he struggled to understand what just happened. He choked out a sound. His whole body was shaking madly.

_What have I done?_

* * *

A warmth felt in his stomach woke Severus Snape. But he was still in daze to realize what it was. He still can feel the pain of shock, albeit reduced considerably. He tried to open his eyes but it came out as a frown. The same warmth reached out and gently smoothed the crease. And that's when Severus realized it was a hand. A boy's, callused and hard but gentle. The other hand kept on caressing his belly.

Severus knew whose hands they belonged to. Sirius Black. The Gryffindor boy has been rather stealing touches whenever he thought Severus was not aware. But he knew. How could he not? Severus knew those hands far too well.

The other boy would put his hands upon his belly and gently caresses it until he could feel the baby's quickening. Then, he gasps and just remain still to feel the movement under his palm again and again rubbing his belly all the while.

It was ridiculous to think that he'd enjoy touching Severus Snape, the greasy git, so much that he would do so on every given opportunity. But it was not comparable to the idea that Severus would let him.

He did, though. Just like now, pretending not to have woken.

Severus couldn't understand himself. It was irrational, illogical. But he cannot ignore the disappointment when the touch disappeared and Black awoke him.

"Snape." said Black.

"Black." His voice a bit hoarse from the sleep, Severus opened his eyes.

Black looked rather embarrassed, though he quickly hid it. But a slight pink on his cheeks showed that he was rightfully ashamed of what he did. He never admitted what he does to Severus, as neither Severus admitted he knows about his secret. It felt like a little game between them, playing ignorance.

"I brought you your… brunch." He said brunch because it was too late to call it breakfast.

As the baby was twenty-five weeks old, it was too heavy to let Severus have his beauty sleep. Thus, he was forced to lay down at any given opportunity to rest and Black made sure of he does.

Severus pushed himself up with the help of Black. He leaned against a pile of pillows on the headboard. Severus looked around and found that there were a pile of gift wrapped boxes and decorations of red and green everywhere.

"What are those?" asked Severus with slightly wide eyes.

It wasn't like this when he went to bed.

Sirius followed his gaze and replied, indifferently, "It's Christmas."

"I know perfectly well what day it is. I'm asking what are those." Severus said sharply.

Sirius, rather used to his temper by now, calmly explained, "That house-elf of yours decorated the room."

"And those boxes?"

"They are called presents, Snape. I bought them." said Sirius.

Severus looked up in quiry.

Sirius said nothing but went to the corner and fetched a tray full of foods. There were a dish of mince pie and small chocolate pudding along with pumkin juice, all of which Severus was having unbearable cravings for. He quickly hid his excitment, having decency to be abashful.

"Eat," said Sirius.

Severus did not resist. They were really nice, his morning sickness seems to subside with pudding. For a moment, the Gryffindor boy sat silently watching him eat.

When he finished all the foods, Sirius rose from his seat and carried the pile of presents to where Severus was.

"What are these?"  
"They are yours." Black returned.

Severus almost asked 'all of them?' but he managed to stop himself. He never had a single present in his entire life from anyone. Of course, Lily gave him few but they were just small things, because Severus hated presents for he could never return the favor. So when Black said these large boxes belonged to him, Severus felt surprise. Not unpleasant one.

"Well?" Sirius prompted.

Severus started opening boxes one by one. There were cloaks, a navy-blue coloured one made of wool and a black silk one. Severus knew it was fine silk because he saw Lucius Malfoy wearing similar to this. It felt smooth under his palm.

Severus found a pack of large towels along with various cloth. The Slytherin boy raised an eyebrow.

"For the birth, you know." Black answered, with a pink tint on his cheeks for some reason.

Severus narrowed his eyes.

"I read them from books. They says you need them." He explained.

Then Severus unravelled another box which was heavier then the rest. Inside, he found a series of books about pregnancy and birth and raising children.

"There's a library in the castle." Severus couldn't help muttering.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but remained silent.

But the bottom of those pregnancy books, Severus found a brand new copy of advanced potion-making. Severus automatically picked up the book and examined it. The particular smell of freshly printed book wafted when he opened the hardcover. Long and thin fingers traced the crisp writings on the snow-white pages.

"No offense," Sirius cleared his throat, "but yours seems to be very old."

When Severus took his eyes off of the new potion book, however, his face was unfathomable. He didn't say anything for a while but kept on staring at Sirius. The Gryffindor boy felt awkward as he hadn't expected this kind of reaction. Tired of trying to understand what's going on that head of the Slytherin, Sirius opened his mouth only to be cut across by Severus' sudden statement.

"It was my mum's."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"That old textbook, it once belonged to my mum." said Severus.

"Oh."

Sirius Black looked startled.

Severus ignored it and resumed to examining the book. To be honest, Severus was quite impressed with the Gryffindor's gifts. All those nice clothes he never had, stuffs for the baby along with pregnancy books made him almost grateful to the Gryffindor boy. But the potion book was something else. It was, at least to Severus, solely for him. That made Severus feel something different that just grateful. It felt… It made him see that this boy was actually caring about Severus and not just for the baby and his guilt. However, when he thought about replacing the book, somehow, Severus felt a tightness in his chest. Ridiculous, really. He never loved his mother and neither did she love him.

Sirius spoke after examining the smaller boy's expression as he stared at the gift. "You don't have to use it."

Severus looked up from his book. The grey eyes met the black ones with nonchalance.

"If you don't want to throw away your mum's." He added.

Severus was silent for a moment then, he nodded. He started opening his presents again, in which he found a variety of things such as a new schoolbag with weight-lightening charm and trainers charmed to ease the swollen feet.

Everything was catered exactly for Severus' need. Never having the experience to receive a gift like this before, Severus lost himself in unravelling presents one after another.

But a quiet voice brought Severus to present. "What was your mum like?"

Severus froze. No one ever asked him about his mother. He neither wanted to talk about it.

"I have no reason to tell you about my mum." Severus said, coolly.

A frown immediately formed in the marauder's face. He looked rather sour but Severus tried to ignore it. But something made him look at the boy again. Then he looked down on his presents. He rolled his eyes and started to speak.

"She was a good potion maker."

Surprised, Sirius whipped his head up to look. Adjusting himself in his seat, the Gryffindor boy voiced another question. "Were you two close?"

Severus shook his head slowly. "No."

"What was your mum's name?"

"Eileen Prince." Severus answered quietly.

His eyes widened, Sirius repeated, "Prince? I thought they were all dead."

"They are, if you don't account half-bloods." Severus retorted coldly.

Sirius frowned, as if stung. "I don't discriminate half-bloods."

Then a silence fell. Severus moved out of bed to organize his presents in the drawers he transfigured. As he stared at the clothes folding themselves in the drawers, Severus' mind drifted to thoughts. He could hear the Gryffindor boy cleaning the dishes and plates.

His mother… Eileen Prince. A last heir of the Prince, who married a filthy Muggle and thrown out of the noble family. He always thought she was weak. Despicably weak that she'd let that Muggle to hurt her in every way possible when she only had to whip around her wand and be free of him.

At a young age, Severus once dreamed of having someone taking him. Someone from the magical world, from the magical family to take him and raise him. But then, such foolishness was broken and beaten until he was forced to face the reality. There was no one in this world to rescue him from his misery.

He had to take care of himself.

"What happened to your mum?" Sirius asked in a quiet and soft voice.

Severus whipped his head around, snapped out of his pensive state.

A creased deepened in his brows, Severus stiffly asked, "why do you want to know?"

Sirius merely shrugged as he cannot come up with the answer.

Severus chewed his lower lip, before he shot a nasty glare to the marauder as if to dare and blurted out, "My father bludgeoned her to death."

The look on Sirius Black was priceless. He appeared to beyond shock at hearing this. It gave Severus a perversive joy to stare at that dumbstruck face. But he could not place his finger on why he was being so honest about this. He never spoken this to anyone. The Gryffindor boy paled, looking at lost what to say and stuttered out an apology.

"If it makes you feel better, my family pretty dysfunctional, too," said Sirius.

"What makes you say that?" Curiouse, Severus asked.

Sirius chuckled ruefully, running a hand through his luscious black hair. Severus' black eyes widened a bit. He never seen Sirius smile, at least not like that. Usually, whenever he saw him smile, it was crooked and cheeky which made Severus' stomach churn with anger. But this was different, this actually made Severus feel almost sorry for the boy.

"Well, same old story. They are hardcore supremacists, and I don't give a shit about blood purity." Sirius explained.

Severus looked at the boy staring at the fancy decorations Mimny put on every wall. Strange as it was, but Severus thought he could tell what was going through the boy's mind. Sadness over not having what it appears everyone have. Something that everyone easily got but never been bestowed to them.

It was truely strange, Severus used to thought Sirius Black was one of those who had all. Brother, for instance, was something Severus fancied of having when he was really, really young. When he jeaoused of Lily for having a sister who cares about her little sister despite the appearance of scolding her. Black has a brother, who was currently not even uttering a single syllable in front of him.

"What happened with your brother? Was it about belief about blood purity as well?" After a moment, Severus voiced his question.

"Hmm?" The boy pensively watching the red and green snapped out of his reverie and turned to Severus.

"Your brother, Regulus. What happened between your brother that you two hate each other?"

"I don't." Sirius answered simply.

Taken aback, Severus stuttered, "But-". Sirius cut across him. "Regulus blames me because I'm disappointing my parent."

The Slytherin boy gaped at Sirius as he failed to understand.

"You see, he believes what my parent believe. He thinks I'm the prodigal son." He snorted. "But then again, I suppose it's not just about that." He added almost unaudiably.

Severus didn't respond. He remembered Regulus and his countering with Sirius months ago. Shouting about him leaving the younger Slytherin, the boy was rather hysterical when he saw Severus talking with his older brother. Perhaps, the little Black missed his brother more than he's willing to admit. But none of these was his business. Nor he cared about them.

But as they talked about each other's personal life, Severus felt rather amazed by how much intrigued he was. And the other boy seemed to feel that way as well.

"You seemed to be taking interest to my brother." Sirius said suddenly.

Severus snorted, dumbfounded.

"He seems to like you."

At this, Severus frowned. "He was trying to recruit me," he said indignantly.

The question came out so out of the blue that Severus was at lost in his word. What was going on inside that bloated head of the Gryffindor, he'd never figure out. But the other boy seemed to realize it was stupid question, as he looked awkward with himself, fumbling his wand around his finger.

Severus huffed out air.

"Oh." The Gryffindor boy checked his watch and stood up.

Severus looked, one eyebrow raised.

"We need to go," said Sirius.

"Where?"

"To the Great Hall. Professor Dumbledore is celebrating Christmas." Sirius explained.

Severus scrunched up his face immediately in distaste. That old coot.

Sirius extended his hand, "come on, we gonna be late."

The Slytherin boy stared at the offered hand, as if to bore a hole, willing the boy to understand that he didn't want to go. But Sirius, as always, could not decipher what he wants to say and prompted him. Severus reluctantly took the hand. With the strong hands lifting him up, he got up and they went ahead to the Great Hall.

A silence stretched during the short trip. Severus was busy reproaching himself for asking the weird question about Regulus and for answering Black's uncalled questions about his mother truthfully. Since when did he was so curious about Sirius and his family? Since when did he become so honest about his homelife? Perhaps it was because he spent too much time with the brainless Gryffindor. He became affected by the boy's recklessness and thoughtlessness. Perhaps it was the gifts, buttered him up to speak everything and anything.

The recollection of his dreams emerged. He remembered when Lily and him under a tree, at Christmas. He was beaten by his father and it was the first time Lily ever seen him like that. She was so upset that it made him feel bad. He was warmed by the thought of Lily crying for him, just for him. Then her question brought him back to the ground he was crawling. She didn't mean to hurt him, he knew it. But it hurt, nonetheless. He never had a day having someone caring about. Having someone caring him enough to buy loads of presents in Christmas. He never had a proper birthday gift, either.

Perhaps this was why, Severus convinced himself, he was so susceptible to the Gryffindor boy's touch.

When they reached the Hall, the Slytherin boy was rather thankful for having a distraction. But that feeling evaporated as soon as he received twelve pairs of eyes staring at him. Uncomfortable under attention, he awkwardly walked across the Great Hall and sat down on the only table in the center. Sirius Black followed quickly.

"Ah, my boys! Come and join us." Dumbledore, the headmaster, greeted them with open arms.

"It's blissfuly good to witness the two opposing houses in such intimate way." The old wizard added.

Everyone in the Hall kept on staring at the two. They beamed at the headmaster's comment, agreeing him. Severus immediately blushed, cursing under his breath. He hated the old man for quite some time now, but he cannot recall hating him even further than he was right now. He glanced at his side and saw Black unperturbed by this. He grabbed Severus' plate and started placing foods on top of it. Christmas pudding and trifle pies, all Severus' current sweet tooth development demanded. To his amazement, it seemed Sirius was oblivious to the teachers nodding their head in their approves.

"You want more?" asked Sirius.

Severus, unable to hide his blush, shook his head and quickly dug his face. He felt like he was burning under those stares.

"Here," said Sirius, handing out a goblet of pumpkin juice.

But Severus stayed, enjoying the weirdest Christmas he ever had.

* * *

A/N

Hi I'm back as promised!

Thanks for nice comments, by the way.

So, the changes were not that huge, I just corrected few typos (I might've missed few) and added the last scene, which was Severus, blushing madly in front of public, which was something I'd like to make him do more often. hehe.

I don't know what's wrong with me but I like it when Sev's blushing. Was that sound too like a pervert?

I noticed my fault, recently. I actually meant to write this in James/Severus fic in the beginning. But I changed my mind because there was not enough Sirius/Severus fic in my opinion. Then I realized that it it freaking difficult to make these two talk to each other in a way that could be developed into more of romantic nature. I didn't want to make them OOCs, so I tried to write Sirius as cold and rebellious and whatever. And he won't just talk to Sev in a nice way to butter him up! What should I do? Help me, please!

Oh, and you Regulus/Severus shippers in my fics, sorry for not having the little Black on this chapter. But no worries, I'll incorporate him soon enough!

Bye!

Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

20.

Passers-by have wondered at least once why it is number thirteen not number twelve next to number eleven. All they ever came up with as a plausible answer to that question was administrative mistake. Never in their wildest dreams they imagined the number twelve was concealed with magic, and it was occupied with the one of the ancient noble houses in the wizarding world. The House of Black, characterized with their dark hair and fairest faces along with pale coloured eyes, resides in the Number Twelve, Grimmauld's Place for a very long time.

The place was filled with treasuries and relics, decorated with a tapestry of family tree in the heart of it. The current mistress of the house, Walburga Black, the second cousin and wife of Orion Black, was a woman of keen feeling and refined taste. She likes to have her house follow the tradition of her father and that of before him. Dark and forbidding place as it were, she prefers it to continue the foreboding look that her family continued to maintain their dignity.

In the end of a long hallway from the front door was a dining room. Dressers with numerous china bearing Black's crest lined up along one side of the room, there was a very large rectangle table covered with ivory cloth. Silver candle holder was shining in the middle, the table was occupied with the Black family, except for one.

It has been quite a while since spot next to Orion Black was empty. Regulus, the youngest son of Orion Black, never attempted to sit on the vacant seat. So, ever since the elder son of Orion left the house to Potter's no one sat there.

Only the clinking of plates and forks filled the room until Walburga started,

"How are your school works going?"

Regulus raised his head to meet his mother's gaze. Those icy grey eyes, effectively concealing any feelings, bore through Regulus' blues.

The boy calmly replied, "As well as expected, mother".

At this, Walburga showed no glee. Instead, a twitch in her eyebrow told that this was not what she wants to hear.

"No son of mine should receive anything than Outstanding", said the woman.

Her lustrous blond hair tied up tightly in a bun, Walburga's pale face looked almost like a marble piece, with the dimly lit candle light.

Regulus nodded.

"I want your scores to be perfect, as well as your extracurricular activity credit. Do you understand? No son born in this family has failed to receive Outstanding in all curriculums. You must, and you shall receive full mark." Putting emphasis on 'shall', Walburga stopped to take a sip of her red wine.

Regulus did not respond, for he knew she was rather talking to herself than to him. As if to prove him, Walburga continued to mutter how perfect he must be and he shall be and how he will shine the family's name. Orion remained silent as did his son.

"I will not have you stray like the despicable boy that I am embarrassed to admit that he came out of my own body." Walburga spat, more heatedly than ever.

Regulus and Orion halted. But a second later, Orion acted as if he never paused and continued with his roasted beef Kreature made. Regulus followed suit, but then without any conscious thought, he glanced at the seat next to his father. A mahogany chair painted in black, carved in elegant serpent pattern, was empty.

.

When the dinner ended and Regulus bid his parents a goodnight, he climbed up the stairs and headed towards his room. Up pass the line of dead house-elves' head, up passes a line of portraits of his father's father, of his mother's father. They all looked the same: the same jet black hair, the same pale faces with pale eyes void of emotion if not contempt. They all held their head high, stood straight up and looked down upon those who pass them. Noble and majestic, as all pureblood borns should be, and _condescending and pompous as fuck._

Regulus paused, mildly shocked at thinking of such vulgarity in regard to his ancestors. But then he remembered that they were not his words, but someone else's. His brother's.

Regulus stared blankly at the room next to his from the stairs. He meant to go straight to his room but found himself turning a golden handle in his brother's door. He pushed open the door and went inside. The large room with a large bed that has a carved headboard was a mess, the same before his brother left. There were walls covered with so many pictures. Some of them were moving, as ordinary pictures should. But some weren't─Regulus presumed they were Muggle's pictures, by the looks of them. He frowned in disdain when he spotted a woman, half-naked with pieces garment above and below, barely covering her. The blond haired woman was seductively grinning at him, but he found nothing so appealing. He looked around. There were so many things, scrolls of parchments and pieces of papers lying everywhere and quills and inks laid sprawled all over. Perhaps his brother made a mess in a heat of anger as he left?

Regulus surprised himself by wondering such things, as he never allowed himself to think about his brother since then.

Perhaps his brother was despicable boy as his mother said and purposefully messed things up to anger her. Or perhaps he was lazy and sloppy and never cared about the state of his room.

The light blue eyes turned cold in a flash, his pale face went rigid, void of emotions as before. Regulus left the room without looking back and went straight to his own tidy room.

* * *

Christmas was one of the few happy moments in his life. The party was small with few Christmas dishes compared to other families', but it was good enough to bring a laugh in this family which was unfortunately not an easy thing. Him and his parents, all gathered around, playing and eating and laughing until the hour was too late was something that never failed to make him happy.

As good son as he was, Remus helped his mother cleaning up the dishes and the messes they've created during party. His father bid him goodnight and his mother kissed him on the cheek, Remus went up to his room with a content smile on his face.

_Woof_,

a barking noise drew his attention. The tall boy looked down to find a brown haired dog, wagging its tail expectantly at him.

Chuckling, Remus reached down, "hey, there."

Lowell was a large dog with golden brown hair on belly and dark brown hair on the back and the nose.

Remus was supposed to put him outside, as there was no room for the dog in the house. But something made him decide to take him to his room for the night. It was Christmas, after all. Everyone deserves a treat, once in a while.

"Do you want to come with me, Lowell?" asked Remus.

The dog barked its agreement making Remus chuckle. Lowell was also one of the few things that made him laugh. He gestured the dog to follow and climbed up to his bedroom. The place was small, with a bed long enough accommodate his height taking up most of the space. But it was the place he could relax. Remus changed into pyjamas and laid himself on the bed. As the dog laid itself beside him, Remus stretched out his long arm and snuggled down. A small smile crept on his feature as he felt the soft coat of his furry friend.

Lowell was a gift from Sirius. He brought the dog to him on the second year after he and James and Peter figured out the reason behind his monthly disappearances. They've found that animals such as a dog can become a companion during the full moon. Sirius said Lowell would help him get through until they learn how to become animagi.

Remus brought Lowell to his home after they made their own transformation through. Since then, Lowell continued to comfort him during the full moon whenever he returned from Hogwarts.

When the full moon comes, he'd lock himself in the underground basement with Lowell. And he waits for the agony of transformation to pass and spend the night with his furry friend. Then, the morning comes and he finds himself nestled besides the dog. That moment never failed to warm his heart, and he instantly reminded of Sirius.

Before Hogwarts, he used to be confined in a dark room alone. The pain was too grave for such a little one but the coldness he felt in the morning waking up alone scarred him for life. He never spoke of it, especially never to his parents, lest it'll break their already beaten souls with guilt. When he is in Hogwarts, with his friends, the memory can be chucked away deep inside his mind. The moment he leaves the school, however, the fear of being left alone crept onto him.

Lowell helps him forget about the fear. Lowell, his furry little friend, was a symbol that he has friends. Friends who care about him enough to spend hours and hours to become animagi. Lowell was his friend on his own, but he was also the proof that Remus Lupin was no longer alone inside the dark room.

All this notion brought recent argument James and Sirius had after spending hours searching for the latter. Remus swore he wouldn't forgive Sirius for using him to kill Snape. But when he saw and heard Sirius that night, the strong feeling of anger faded somewhat. He couldn't simply let go of his grudge, for the betrayal was too harsh to take in. Still, Sirius' words of regret seemed genuine and Remus could tell he was truly shamed of what he did.

Drifting to a sleep, Remus recalled he hadn't spoken to Sirius for months. A small voice in his head admitted he missed Sirius' unique company entailed with bark-like laugh and witty jokes.

The holiday was over, and Remus Lupin set himself on the hearth to floo back to Hogwarts.

"Good bye, darling, take care."

"Yes, mother." Remus smiled.

"Be on your way, son, you'd be late", prompted his father.

He nodded, taking a handful of floo powder, and said, "Hogwarts!"

.

When he returned to his dormitory, he found Peter and James together.

"Moony!" Peter exclaimed.

James rose to his feet, grinning widely. "Hey!"

"Mates", Remus returned the grin.

His eyes wondered around to find a particular Gryffindor boy but to no avail. Remus dropped his bags on the side and sat down on the bed. They began to exchange their stories from home for a while, until Remus couldn't wait till that said particular boy returns and asked to the marauders,

"Where's Sirius?"

James paused, his eyes a little widened.

"He's…." he drawled his words, "with Snape."

"Doing what?" Peter asked.

"You know, helping Snape", said James with a hint of uncertainty.

"Help him for what?" Remus asked.

James opened his mouth but closed it without saying more. Instead, he shrugged. Clearly, he didn't know any better. The hazel eyes gazed through the green, in quiry, or in hopes.

"Why'd you want him for?"

Remus replied with a grin and got to his feet. "I'm gonna go down, don't wait up."

"Where're you going?" asked Peter.

"We won't", said James, waving his hand.

"Where's he going?" Turning to James, Peter asked, pointing his finger.

With a sad smile appearing on his face, James just pat the chubby boy on the shoulder.

.  
.

As he climbed down the stairs, Remus headed towards the dungeon, in the hopes of finding Sirius accompanied by a particular Slytherin boy. But even before he reached the entrance hall, Remus heard a familiar voice coming from a corner. It was Snape,

"Black, don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not, you are. Just hand me that damn thing."

arguing with Sirius.

They were whispering rather fervently to each other. Snape was holding a basket full of herbs. When Sirius stretched out his arms to take them, Snape withdrew clutching the basket tighter.

"I said I can carry it myself", said Snape.

"That's what you think. You need help."

"And you need to go to Quidditch practice. So, go." Snape pointed the corridor with his jaw.

But Sirius was undeterred, "They can practice alright without me. Now, hand it over."

Sounding frustrated, Snape snapped, "How many times do I have to say this? I can carry this myself! I'm not a baby!"

"Never said you are. Why are you making this so hard?" Sirius returned, agitated.

Remus chuckled at the familiar tone of his friend. The two boys whipped their heads around upon hearing his laugh, which made him slightly uneasy becoming the center of their attention.

Remus cleared his throat unnecessarily.

"_Remus?_" Sirius muttered, taken aback.

"Hi", Remus said, rather awkwardly. He could see Snape rolling his eyes, annoyance clear on those black orbs.

"Uh, hey." Sirius returned, not knowing what to do.

"Do you guys… need a hand?" Remus stepped forward between them, eyeing the basket.

Snape frowned, stepping back, away from him. Hostility visible in his dark eyes, the Slytherin boy said, "Get lost."

"Hey", Sirius chastised him, at which the smaller boy snorted.

"Why are you doing here?" Sirius asked.

Remus smiled, "I just came back from home and you weren't at the dorm, so-"

"Oh yeah, I was with Snape." Sirius explained.

"So I've noticed." Remus nodded.

"You- erm, you have something to say? Because we need to get this agonite-"

"Aconite" Snape corrected.

"Whatever. We need to get this to Slughorn, so…." Sirius trailed off, trying very hard but failing to conceal his irritation.

"There's no '_we_', Black. I told you for the hundredth time that I can carry this myself and you can be on your way to Quidditch practice, as you should be as the seeker in Gryffindor's team." Snape argued indignantly.

"I didn't realise you care so much about our Gryffindor team." Sirius retorted.

Snape snorted, "I don't care about stupid Gryffindors. I'm just trying to reason with you that it is unnecessary for you to follow me to help such trivial!"

"I told you they can practice perfectly alright without me for a day. And it's not like the actual practice begins until next week." Sirius gave a noise out of frustration, fed up with this boring conversation.

"Well, I don't want-"

"I'll carry it for you." Remus, once again, interjected before the argument overheated.

They stopped dead, as if they heard something rather terrible. Remus, however, did not notice this and carried on.

"I'll carry the basket to Professor Slughorn and Sirius can go to his practice. How about that?" The brown haired boy beamed, pleased with his solution. "Hmm?" He prompted the two boys staring with dumbfounded faces, waiting for an answer.

"Uh…." Seeing no reasons to object, he hesitated.

But the look on the Slytherin boy's face made him paused. Snape looked as if he just been kicked, with his dark eyes widened in shock. Somehow, that look made Sirius feel bad that he grabbed Remus' arm reaching to Snape's basket.

Remus turned around, puzzled. "What?"

"I-uh, I think you really don't need to help him. I could make it on time, probably." He finished uncertainly. It sounded lame even to his own ears.

But just when Snape breathed in relief, Remus suggested,

"Well, why don't we go together then?"

Failing to come up with a clever excuse, the three of them headed down the cold and dark dungeon classroom.

Silence stretched along the walk was too heavy for Severus. He felt so stupid for being nervous but he cannot help it. Now in the near end of second trimester, Severus was huge as a whale and the concealment charm didn't alleviate his anxiety. With his layers and layers of charms, it was impossible to recognize his baby bump outside. But no magic was going to alter the way he walks. And this prat couldn't take a hint and shoved his nose into his face!

Severus felt like he could kiss Merlin on the arse if he could get rid of these two right now. Severus glared at Black wishing he could kill with his will. He could've just listened to him and left for the Quidditch practice so that Severus could've done his work alone. Then, they wouldn't have to stuck in this rather alarmingly risky situation! He knew all Gryffindors are fools, but he at least counted on Black to use his brain for once in a while to notice the danger in situations like this. He'd thought he made it abundantly clear that his pregnancy is to be a secret but evidently, not enough.

"Are you okay?" a voice asked.

Severus jumped in surprise. It was Remus, staring at him with a worried look on his face. His green eyes scanned him head to toe, searching for signs of illness. When the boy's eyes returned to his face, Severus felt like a year just passed by. Managing to suppress sigh of relief, Severus forced to smoothe out his expression into mild irritation.

"Yes."

"You don't look it", said Remus.

For some reasons, the pair of black eyes wondered to the boy next to Remus, who seemed to be starting to recognize the problem here, much to his regret. Severus bit his lower lip, but released it as soon as he realized he was doing it. Trying to neutralized his voice, Severus managed,

"None of your business."

That made Remus shut up. And they started to stroll down the corridor in silence again. But the set of dark eyes remained on the same Gryffindor boy. He was willing the boy to do something about the current situation.

If they were to go down the dungeon where Severus was supposed to put the herb in the cabinet, they are going to walk down the stairs together. The stairs. _The fucking stairs_. There was the reason why Sirius insisted he should bring the basket for him. He couldn't climb the fucking stairs, at least not without looking like a bloody penguin.

So, here was the question Severus was meaning to ask through telepathy: how the fuck are you going to do about the stairs? Or, how was he going to explain the change in his walk? Severus tried to swallow down the curse, but he was having a difficulty in doing so.

"You bought a new bag?" Remus asked.

Severus snapped out of his reverie and glanced the tall boy. He was staring at the brand new bag, Sirius Black bought it for Christmas.

"It looks new." When the boy did not reply, Remus spoke with a friendly smile on his face.

"And the clothes." He added.

Sirius jerked visibly at this. Remus was looking at him, but Severus could tell that the brown haired boy noticed it.

"Yes." Out of desperation to end the conversation, Severus said.

Grinning widely, pleased at that he received an answer, Remus said, "they look good on you."

Rolling his eyes, Severus just remained silence.

But the corridor was nearing the end, displaying the narrow spiral staircase that leads to the dungeon, and that was when Sirius got the hint.

"─why don't I just go down there myself and put the basket in the class, hmm? And you two could go back to the Hall, you know, for dinner." Sirius turned around to face Remus and Severus, reaching for the basket.

Severus would've applause the boy's attempt, but he had to go down there himself as he was the only one know what to do with the herb. He doubted Remus Lupin was capable in handling the potion ingredient.

"No, it's alright, mate. I'm in no hurry." Remus said.

Black's face fell, but he was undeterred.

"Yes, but-"

"Or you two go up to the Great Hall, and leave the work to me as I am the only what to do with that." Severus cut him across.

The two Gryffindor boys turned to look at him.

"And I'm sure you two have many things to talk about." Severus met their gazes.

Remus seemed surprised.

"Don't you?" Severus eyed on Black.

Black reluctantly nodded his head and turned to Remus, who refused to let go of the basket.

"You could come to me later. If you must." Severus muttered.

Remus pondered on this for a second. Then, after a quick glance at Severus' direction, he agreed as well.

* * *

As the two marauders headed towards the entrance hall, girls were glancing back and whispered their surprise. They thought the two finally had fell apart. Perhaps these two were drawing the final end.

But none of these speculative gossips penetrated the two. Sirius and Remus found a corner away from the crowds and settled there.

Sirius kept shooting glances backward to the dungeon until he fixed his eyes on Remus, in quiry. Remus met his gaze. The two was speechless as they were on the journey from the dungeon. Sirius, uncomfortable with the silence, broke it first.

"So…." he trailed off.

He thought he should say something but didn't know what. _I'm sorry_? He was uncertain whether Remus want to hear that. But his worries were irrelevant as Remus took over.

"So, how is he?"

"Hmm?"

"Snape, how is he?" Small smile appeared on corner of his mouth as Remus saw clueless face of Sirius.

Sirius jerked. He cleared his throat, trying to smoothe out his facial expression. "Why do you want to know?"

"He seems to be little tired", Remus stated.

At which, Sirius looked even more agitated. Remus caught that and he stepped forward to close the distance. Sirius was a tall boy, but Remus was even taller. He may not have noticed up till now, but Sirius could tell he was going to towering him in any days now. Sirius gulped nervously, starting to feel scared, not of his friend, but of his secret being divulged. He couldn't possibly figure it out just by looking at Severus walking?

"And I see you trying to help him get through whatever he has, in many ways."

Sirius didn't respond, not knowing what's coming.

"It must be difficult for you", said Remus.

The taller boy smiled ruefully, "I know it's not easy for you, Sirius." He paused. Still, Sirius remained silent, waiting for whatever he was really trying to say.

"I'd like to help you." Remus offered.

A few seconds went by as Sirius couldn't process what just been said. When it did, Sirius doubted his hearing.

"You- _what_?"

"I would like to help you", Remus repeated. "on helping Snape, that is." He added on, in case Sirius didn't grasp what was going on.

Then, he looked Sirius in the eyes, waiting for the answer.

"Why?" After a few moment of silence, all Sirius managed to say was this as he anticipated.

Remus heaved a sigh, and started, "when Snape showed up in the Shack, I knew it was you."

The taller boy studied the other boy's expression. The handsome face was marred with a crease in between brows.

"I knew there was something going on, you and Snape. You've always been odd when it comes to him, even as a child. You were always been different to him. And things just got aggravated and lately, you were even worse than before. So I knew something would happen. I knew you'd do something."

Sirius' perfect face was now contorted as if in pain. His jaw clenched and his fists balled. But he did not stop the boy. Remus appeared to just as uncomfortable as he continued.

"I knew you would do something to hurt him but I did not stop you from doing it." He screwed his eyes shut, his breathing became ragged.

Sirius tried to stop him, finally grasping what he was trying to tell. It was not Remus' fault. What he did, he did it because of his own fault. His stupid recklessness, his cruel nature he himself disgusted by. But Remus held up his hand when Sirius opened his mouth.

"Let me finish." He took a deep breath. "It was also my fault, not stopping you when I had the chance." Then he let out a heavy sigh, as if he unloaded a huge burden off of himself.

He licked his dried lips and looked into Sirius grey eyes again, mirroring his own pain.

"I knew something will happen and I didn't do a single thing to prevent it. I let you on your own devices. I condoned what you were about to do." He balled his shaking hands into fists.

"I didn't care what happens to Snape as long as I don't have to see. I condoned you and I condoned myself for negligence."

Sirius couldn't say anything, didn't know what to say. It wasn't his fault, he kept repeating that to himself. But the intense look on Remus' expression kept him from voicing that out loud.

"And when I saw Snape, I knew it was my own doing. I got what I deserved."

"_No_." Sirius finally intervened, couldn't let Remus feel guilty over what he did. "No, Remus, that's not-"

"I'm not saying there wasn't your fault." Remus interjected. "I will no longer condone your sins, Sirius. That's what brought me here. I will not overlook your fault, nor mine."

Sirius fell silent.

"What you did was wrong as much as me doing nothing. But I see now that you are capable of redeeming yourself. You are trying to make amends. That clothes he was wearing, and his bag- they were from you, weren't they?"

Sirius nodded, gingerly.

"I thought so. Good for you. And good for him, too." The gentle smile returned to his expression. "I knew you were helping him out, long before that night when you were gone for a day and half. I knew you were genuinely sorry for what you did, and you wanted to redeem yourself. But I couldn't let myself accept that. I couldn't, because I wanted to blame you for all of it."

"It wasn't your fault in the first place." Sirius finally spoke.

Remus smiled at that, albeit ruefully. "Yeah, right." He chuckled. "But it was, Sirius. Negligence equals to condoning, I knew that but I let you and James do whatever the crazy stuff you two can think of. Because I was coward, because I was weak."

"You're not-"

"Sirius, please." Remus stopped him. "Let me finish."

Sirius closed his mouth.

"What I want to say is that you and I both have responsibilities for Severus Snape. And you are taking that responsibility while I wallow in self-loathing, trying to dump that responsibility on you. I'd like to change that now. I want to do something, to take my responsibility seriously."

Seeing those clear green eyes, Sirius could tell Remus was sincere and knew he couldn't let him down.

"I want to help Snape, so that I can make amends for my own faults."

Sirius bit his lower lip.

"I don't know what is wrong with Snape, but I'm sure I'd be of help. One more person to help is always better, isn't it?"

He just couldn't say no.

* * *

Life has abandoned Severus Snape. He was sure of it. Otherwise, things couldn't have gotten worse than they were before. Having Sirius Black at his side, at all times, was a torture itself but having Sirius Black and Remus Lupin at his side was not only unexpected and unwelcome but also extremely inopportune in the sense that he was now drawing every single resident of Hogwarts' attention. Apparently, some people find it strange to have two rival houses to mingle in such intimate way.

Whatever the fuck Black and Lupin talked about on the last day of Christmas holiday, Lupin volunteered to join in helping the Severus Snape out project. This itself was problematic enough but the worse thing is that unlike Black, Lupin doesn't shut up nor does he keep his distance from Severus.

All this led to Severus becoming agitated at all times, constantly worrying about being discovered.

He kept trying to send the boy away, making snide remarks about Lupin. But the boy wouldn't leave. He was well aware of the Gryffindor's stupidity but he failed to realize that the marauders were exceedingly slow to catch hints.

.

Severus was in the dungeon for his potion class which was a joint class with the Gryffindors. Severus tried to block out the curious stares he was receiving but his nerves were on edge. He was too tired. Being knocked up wasn't easy, but keeping it secret was a different level of difficulty. Especially true when there were two boys who were known as his enemies guarding his sides at all times, and people whispering and staring at him with curiosity.

Severus hissed as he cut himself on the silver blade, startled by the baby's sudden kicking. A red drop of blood started to form. He bit his lip. _Great_. He drew his wand from the table, tapped it gently on the cut and it closed itself. But the baby was not staying still. Severus wanted to press where the baby was kicking him, trying to soothe it. But he wouldn't dare doing it in front of everyone. He managed to smooth out his face and continued his work.

He could feel the pair of grey eyes digging into the back of his head. He tried to ignore it but with the baby constantly bothering him, he simply could not block it out.

Fortunately, the hour was almost ending. He just needed to hold for few minutes to get out of this stuffing room.

The baby kicked him hard again. He managed not to jerk, but leaned against the table from the force. Was it normal for a baby have this amount of strength? _Like father, like child_. He mumbled. Then, he was shocked at his own thought.

He breathed shakily and put the last ingredient he was chopping into the cauldron, which turned murky grey. He tutted. It was supposed to turn clearer than this.

"Ahh, time's up, lads!" Boomed Professor Slughorn.

He bottled the phial with a cork and walked up to the table before stopped by Black.

"Wh-"

"Here, Moony", said Black, taking the phial from Severus' hand and handing it to Lupin.

Lupin took them, smiled and went to the table. Severus looked the two with dumbfounded face. Black grabbed his bag and pulled him out of the classroom without a word. When he found a secluded corner, Black beckoned him there. Severus looked up at him with enquiring look.

"Where does it hurt?" Black asked.

Puzzled, Severus asked back, "what?"

"You looked uncomfortable at class, where does it hurt?"

Severus did not respond, partly due to his dumbfounded state.

"I think you should speak to Madame Pomfrey", Black heaved a heavy sigh, "you can't go on like this, I mean-"

Severus stared at him rambling on and on, until he heard enough to understand what he was saying.

"I'm fine", he stated.

At this, Black snapped. "No you're not!"

Black looked infuriated. He hadn't lapsed back into his old temper that Severus was genuinely surprised at his expression.

"Fuck! Don't be fucking stupid! You're preg-"

Black halted when he felt Severus' belly under his palm as the smaller boy took his hand and placed it on his belly. Startled by the unexpected boldness, Black paused. When he calmed a little, he noticed the fluttering movement under his palm, which grew stronger as he stayed his hand there. He looked up from his hand to face Severus, who stared him back with a raised eyebrow.

Red tint crept Black's neck up to the tip of his ears.

He coughed, unnecessarily.

"If you have time to call me stupid, why don't you start explaining about Lupin?" Severus coldly retorted.

Sirius Black scrunched up his face, sensing the trouble he was in. "He's trying to help" was the only answer he could come up with. Severus snorted in obvious snigger but Black couldn't respond. It sounded lame even to his own ears.

"Do you remember me when I told you I don't want anyone to know about my current state?" Severus asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but nodded, nonetheless.

"Do you remember, then, the reason behind it?" Severus challenged.

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh. Of course he remembered. Blessed with brilliant brain as he were, he could recall every detail of that particular conversation as if it were yesterday.

He nodded, mutely.

"Then which part of it did you not grasp?" Severus hissed. He closed the distance between themselves, glaring dangerously. "This needs to be kept secret. You know that."

"Yes, I know." Sirius snapped, placing his other hand on Severus' waist, he leaned forward.

"I know you are worried but listen-"

"I want him gone." Severus demanded.

"Gone?" Sirius asked, incredulously.

"I want him away from me." Severus explained.

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his lustrous black hair. "Look, I get your point but-"

"But what?"

"He's my friend-"

"He's not mine."

Gulping down the urge to yell, Sirius continued, "He is my friend and, he wants to make amends for that night. He said he was sorry-"

"For what? For being a werewolf? For being used by his own friend?" Severus snickered.

Stung by his word, Sirius paused. "Stop that", Sirius said with a low voice.

Severus closed his mouth. He noticed that both of Black's hands were on his waist and felt mortified. He pulled back and looked away from that grey eyes. When he met them again, Severus was more calmed than before.

"He's gonna notice it", said Severus.

"He won't", Sirius returned.

"How can you be so sure?"

"No one will suspect in that way. This is too fucking rare, even in wizarding world. You said so yourself." Sirius said.

"I'm still not comfortable with this."

"I know, but-"

"What if he figures it out? You still haven't brought me that book! What if it is in his possession? What if he reads the book and figures things out?"

"There weren't any mentions of-"

"But you don't know that. You said you don't remember much about it." Severus argued.

"What if he finds out?"

"Still, there's little chance that he'd think in that direction. I mean, your belly's hardly noticeable." Sirius suggested.

"Oh, is it? Is it unnoticeable that I'm starting to walking like a fucking penguin? What about my morning sickness? Hmm? What about every other signs that I'm-"

Severus stopped his rant when he heard something. Sirius followed his gaze and saw Remus coming towards them. They shared a look together before pulling apart.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Professor Slughorn started to ramble on about the Christmas party", said Remus, with a small smile on his face.

"No worry, mate."

"Did I miss something?" Remus asked, noticing the hostility and weariness on the Slytherin's face.

"Er, no", Sirius grinned. "Mate, why don't you go up to the Hall first? We'll catch up."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, of course." Sirius replied, benign smile on his face.

Remus looked at Severus and smiled, "do you want me to take your bag?"

Severus rolled his eyes but handed the bag without a word. Remus beamed, pleased at the lack of retort. "Hurry up, you two."

When he was gone, Sirius turned to face Severus.

"I know you are worried, but let me handle him."

Severus snorted, incredulity cleared on his expression.

"Whether you believe it or not, he's a good guy. He's just trying to help you, he feels guilty about the whole incident. Indulge him for a while, then I could tell him to put some distance, he'll back off. I promise. He'd respect you if you want distance, he always does."

"I told him to get away from me multiple times, already."

"That's because he thinks you're still angry at him. Give him a chance, please?" Sirius pleaded.

Severus paused. It was rare moment, he had to admit, to witness Black pleading for anything at all to him. Severus stared at the clear grey eyes. They were so clear that it almost looked like a pair of crystal, bluish but clear crystal. He quickly pulled himself out of that line of thought, taken aback.

"Severus", whispered Black.

Severus bit his lip, hard. A silence stretched, before Severus let out a defeated sigh and nodded reluctantly. Sirius smiled, genuinely pleased.

"Thanks."

Severus did not respond and turned towards the staircase that leads to the ground.

* * *

A/N

Hi.

...ha...hahaha...

Please don't kill me..T_T

I tried, I honestly did, I wanted to upload as soon as I can but I couldn't... I'm sorry for making you guys wait for so long.

How long has it been? A month? It feels like a year.

Do tell, what do you guy think of my new chapter? Is Sirius being too soft? I don't want to make him all grown up, yet. I'd like to hear your opinion!

By the way, I might not return any soon. I know, it sucks. Sorry. But I kept reading your reviews, over and over again, giggling to myself, like a lunatic. lol They make me want to upload sooner.

I try to come back soon! Till then, bye!

Any suggestions, feedback are super appreciated! Thanks for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

21.

Scarlet robes fluttered as players whooshed around the sky restlessly, mingled with deep blues. The weather was cold and cloudy but the experienced players were inflamed to win the game. The crowds roared their cheers whenever their Houses scored.

Severus sat silently among the cheering crowds.

Unlike all the other students, Severus wasn't particularly keen for the universally loved sports. For the simple reason that he was terrible at riding broomstick and that Potter wasn't. Jealousy, bubbled up his inside, would drive him mad whenever he witness the Golden boy fly as if he owns the sky.

However, things are different now. He realised with an astonishment that he hardly feel the familiar tightening in his stomach and heat in his head. He was far more composed than he ever was as he watched Black flew seeking for the tiny golden ball.

A girl with blue robe positioned herself in the midair and threw the red ball through the ring. It almost passed before Potter stopped the ball by tossing it upward with the tale of his broom. The headboy then caught the ball with his hand which he passed it along to the Gryffindor chaser. The two swiftly flew toward the other rings. One of the Ravenclaws intervened, the chaser quickly passed Quaffle to Potter which the headboy threw promptly through the ring and scored.

The scarlet lions roared with exhilaration.

The game became more and more heated. Players swirled around the stands dodging and chasing each others.

Severus got bored. He never really enjoyed this before and this was certainly not the most interesting game ever. In addition to that, he felt cold. This place was not the best place for the expectant, he was sure of it.

He sighed.

The black eyes unconsciously followed the movement of a particular red robe among the many. Sirius Black was in the high air, his piercing grey eyes searching for the Golden Snitch. Black suggested that he watch the game this time when he told the boy he haven't been watching the sports for a long time. He can't really recall how the conversation led to that but it seemed Black was so keen about the game that he couldn't reject. After all, it was the last game he shall ever watch, since he'll be graduating.

Sirius Black suddenly plummeted. The Ravenclaw seeker followed him with a jolt. The two dropped almost to the ground fast before Black abruptly stopped and flew back to the air. Inertia all but threw the other seeker off the broom as he, too, forced himself to stop, trying not to plunge himself to the ground. The boy narrowly managed himself but it was too late. Black already found the Snitch and chasing it. When the Ravenclaw seeker caught Black's arm extended to reach for it, he promptly followed Black. But it was too late. Black effortlessly caught the ball and the commentator-who was also Gryffindor- cried out his joy at the triumph. The Ravenclaw boy let out a frustrated growl.

Severus was impressed. Tactics were not the Gryffindor's forte, he presumed. But he must say that was pretty good. He would have appreciated Black's resourcefulness but his mind was rather preoccupied with the previous event. His gaze dropped to a box laid upon his lap.

* * *

It was right before the game starts when he accidentally encountered the other Black. He haven't seen Regulus Black since Christmas. He seemed to regain his impassive face during the break. Severus tried to pass by him but the taller boy stopped him.

"How are you?"

Severus blinked, taken aback. Never had he imagined Black, of all people, would ask for his regard.

"You looked better", said Regulus.

Severus did not respond, not because he wanted to ignore him but he didn't know how to.

Regulus drew closer with his hand gently touching his elbow to tug him.

"Got a minute?"

Before Severus could answer, the younger Slytherin took him to an alcove. Regulus continued to stare with his face blank, making Severus uncomfortable. His light blue eyes scanned along Severus' body. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Severus closed his robes even tighter. He cleared his throat, hinting.

Regulus lazily met his eyes after he eyed on Severus' new schoolbag.

Somehow, Severus felt he should cover it so the boy couldn't see even though he already did.

"What is it?" Severus asked.

After a moment of silence, Regulus opened his mouth.

"I wanted to know whether you are alright."

Severus frowned.

"Why?"

"How have you been?" The boy ignored Severus' question.

Severus' frown deepened. Honestly, he would never understand how the brains of Blacks work. He sighed as he pressed his temple slightly. He looked up the boy, giving up trying to comprehend the mysterious mechanics of Regulus Black's brain.

"Splendid, can I go?" Severus asked, tiredly.

Then, he witnessed something he believed he would never witness in his life. Regulus Black chuckled. Well, he have seen him crying before, but that was somehow felt different. That was understandable, given the circumstances. But Black smiling in front of Severus was something else.

When the elder Slytherin's mind went into chaos, Regulus reached inside of his robe and pull out something.

It was square box with a silver ribbon. The boy handed the box to Severus. The smaller boy hazarded a guess that perhaps it contained a very dangerous, rated dangerous, cursed object.

Perhaps the younger Slytherin noticed his skeptics, as he cleared his throat to get his attention. The smile on the boy's face wiped away but Severus could detect amusement in his face.

"It is your birth day gift, Snape", said Regulus.

Severus paused, wondering what day was today. It was January 9th.

"How do you know about my birthday?" He asked.

The other Slytherin boy did not respond. The two just stared at each other until the taller boy smirked, mischievously. That instantly reminded Severus of someone else.

"I have my own ways", replied the boy with a cheek.

Severus felt unease as the younger Slytherin's look abruptly brought another face, which overlapped to Regulus'. He looked his age now that he acted like as the boys in his age do. He always looked like a lifeless doll that walks and talks as he was told to be. This was different. But nontheless, Severus felt like running aways from the boy.

"I don't need your-"

"Keep it."

Black cut him off before he could finish. Severus scowled but the other boy appeared to be sincere about it. Severus knew the house of Black was one of the richest families, but he never knew they squander their money around so recklessly.

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Do I need a reason to give someone a present?" Black inquired, feigning innocence.

No one gives aways presents for no reasons. The mother Black surely taught her sons of such simple truth. Everything comes with a price.

Severus tried to decipher Black's intention but he could not read any. Apparently, he does not want Severus to know just yet what he wants from Severus.

Severus bit his lip, clutching the box.

"Is this all?"

"Do you want more?" Regulus asked, tilting his head.

Severus scrunched up his face immediately at the retort. "Is this everything you wanted to say?"

At that, Regulus smiled again, his blue eyes gazing through Severus'.

"For now."

Severus went pass him without delay.

* * *

Severus had to bring the gift to the nursery. He put the box on his desk, unopened. Severus pondered about throwing away but, somehow, he was reluctant to discard it.

The entrance glided open and a figure came inside.

"Snape", said Black.

Severus looked up from his desk. The Gryffindor boy was still wearing scarlet robes.

"Alright?" the boy asked, benignly.

Severus nodded.

"You've eaten?"

Severus nodded.

Sirius nodded his approval.

Severus watched him taking off the robe and pads and putting them on the chair. The boy unbuckled his boots straps and took them off as well. When the boy lifted his shirt to remove it, Severus realised he was staring it and turned away with a jolt. His ears reddened slightly at his own stupidity.

"Good game." Severus stated.

"Huh?" Sirius looked up from the pile of clothes and pads. "So you've came?" He smirked.

Severus frowned in disapproval. "You asked me to."

At that, Sirius made a face that Severus could not decipher. "So I did" Then, it changed into a grin.

"So, how was it? Did you enjoy it? I told you it was going to be great."

Severus didn't reply but the Gryffindor already took the silence as a yes and started babbling about Quidditch this Quidditch that. Severus couldn't follow even the half of what he's saying, so he just stayed quiet.

Sirius seemed to be fallen to the subject and kept on going. His hands were busy trying to reenact the moves played on today's game.

"It was a nice trick", he blurted out, "the thing you did."

Sirius' grin widened at his compliment. "Thanks!"

He was like a child who just got praised for his little masterpiece by mother. A small smile adorned Severus' lips as he stared at the boy.

"I've learned that from someone."

"From who?"

"A professional player," Sirius answered.

Severus nodded, not inquiring further.

Truthfully, he was not that very interested and he wouldn't know the person even if Sirius give him the name. So he returned his gaze to the box laid on the desk. He bit his lips as he wondered what to do with it.

"You know, I just met Moony before coming here", said Sirius.

Severus looked up, in query.

"He told me you were with my brother." The boy added.

"Oh."

Sirius was silent as if to wait for Severus to elaborate but when it was clear he wouldn't, Sirius asked. "What were you doing with him?"

Severus met the icy grey eyes with a sudden unease. For a split second, he mused a thought of telling him that this is non of his businesses.

"He gave me a birthday present." But Severus felt like he should tell the truth.

"A birthday present?" Sirius repeated.

Severus nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me today's your birthday?" The boy asked.

Severus froze, dumbfounded. This was not exactly the reaction he anticipated. Severus thought Sirius might be upset about him being close to him judging by the way he acted in the past. What is it with this family being so spontaneous and unpredictable?

"I thought it was irrelevant to you", said Severus after a moment of hesitation.

The boy looked hurt, genuinely. "You could've asked somethings for the baby."

Severus closed his mouth, not knowing what to say.

Sirius harrumphed, trying to compose himself. Then, he looked straight up to Severus' black eyes and asked, "So, what was it?"

"What was what?"

"The gift", Sirius supplied, annoyed that he didn't catch from the question.

Severus eyed the small box laid on the desk. Sirius' eyes followed.

"I don't know." Severus said.

"What?"

"I didn't open it."

Sirius frowned, incredulously. "You should have", he said.

Severus looked at the boy as if to say, 'why?'

For some reasons, that look irritated Sirius. He looked like someone who never received a gift before. His brows knitted together as he stood from his seat and approached Severus. He grabbed the box and handed it to Severus, who looked up with an uncharacteristically dumb face.

"Open it", said Sirius.

Severus did.

There was a small vial, a very small one, half filled with a liquid inside the box. Severus took it up close to his face to examine it. The liquid was like a molten gold, glistening in various colours inside the crystal vial. There was no doubt as to what it was. This was Felix Felicis, liquid luck.

Rather surprising, actually.

This potion priced astronomically expensive as it was highly complicated potion to make.

Severus couldn't see why the other Black gave him this but he almost felt like his motive didn't matter.

He was too distracted as he was fascinated by the potion that he missed the look on Sirius' face.

"Do you want something?" The boy asked.

Severus looked up from the vial, shaking his head, "No, I'm good."

* * *

This was the most weirdest thing that ever happened to Lily Evans' life. Lily thought as she stared at the tall, handsome Gryffindor boy in front of her. She blinked as if to decide this was a dream or not. He was still there.

"Er-... I'm sorry, Black?" She hesitantly asked.

The boy so handsome that every girl in the corridor stared at him with their mouth open repeated. "I said can we talk in private?"

She was so dumbfounded that it took a moment before she could answer yes and led the boy in the near broom closet.

The room felt so small when the tall boy entered.

She felt so awkward being in a same room with the boy. Though she wasn't afraid of the boy nor excited, but she never imagined being close with Sirius Black even after she started dating Potter. He hates her, as much as she him.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" She asked, in a hurry to get out of the place.

Another strange thing happened as the boy cleared his throat, looking rather awkward himself. This made her terrified. He never looks awkward in front of her. In front of anybody for that matter.

Suddenly, a ridiculous thought emerged as she had a conversation long time ago with her friend Mary. Her old friend insisted that both Potter and Black fancy her, judging by the way the latter acts so rude to her. She shrugged the theory off as a nonsense. But, my God, is Black blushing?

He coughed, again, unnecessarily.

She snapped out of the absurd thought and straightened herself.

"What do you know about Severus Snape?"

But the word came out from the boy was more than absurd.

She froze on the spot as if someone gave a blow. "What?" her voice was shaking.

"What do you know about Severus Snape?" he kindly repeated.

Lily's beautiful face changed from dumbfounded to agitated as she breathed in and out to compose herself. He waited patiently.

"Why do you want to know?" She asked.

"I don't mean anything bad", explained Sirius, "I just want to know more about him."

The girl frowned.

"You know, about his homelife, about his general interests and such." He suggested.

Lily snorted, "I think you know about his interests well."

It was Sirius' time to frown.

"You know what he likes, what he wants to become. Why do you need me to tell such things?"

Sirius looked surprise at her retort. But she could not held back the hostility at the name.

"Besides that. What he is like at home?" He prompted.

"I don't know, why don't you go and ask him?" She snapped, venomously.

At that, the boy glared at her dangerously. She supposed he was irritated at her uncooperative attitude. She calmly met that ferocious gaze, half expecting the boy to storm out giving up. But Sirius Black just sighed, annoyed.

"I wouldn't be here if he babble out his stories." He said truthfully.

She agreed. She knew Severus wasn't the type of person who speaks so freely about his private life. Especially his home life. But she didn't want to be reminded of what Severus' life was like. It'll only make her feel something she shouldn't be feeling in regard to the Slytherin. He was a lost cause to her, she shall not be guilty over cutting him out of her life.

So she lied, "I don't know", Her bright green eyes met the greys, her face blank, "he never spoke about his home."

Sirius Black looked like a boy robbed of his toys, disappointed and frustrated. She was reminded of a rumour that flows around the castle.

"If I were you, I'd stay away from him as far as I can", said Lily.

It was cold and heartless thing to say, but it was better than to have another like her. She saw Black carrying Severus Snape, comforting him. He often speaks to the boy with a caring voice he never used to others. He always tails Severus, carrying his books. One time, she even witnessed Black bringing foods in the library. She tried to dismiss a theory that emerges whenever she witness the two together. She doesn't know much but she was sure that Black cares about Severus, and very deeply.

That was wrong.

Black wasn't Death Eater, nor does he attempts to be one. He chose the light, and he shall remain in the light whereas Severus will be left on the dark carrying on the sinful path. It was so obvious where they would land if the two stay together.

"What?" Sirius Black asked incredulously.

As if he never anticipated such warnings.

"He's no good to you", Lily stated, "he is not a good person. Staying with him only make things worse."

As it did to her.

Severus Snape left a huge scar in her heart that can never be healed. She will always remember the hurt when he betrayed her trust. That sort of feeling shouldn't be repeated to anyone.

Black stared at her as if she said something very nasty. His face contorted as he tried to calm himself but the boy was known for his temper.

"What the fuck do you mean?" He asked.

Lily did not withdraw, she held her gaze coldly.

"It just a warning for you from someone who've been in your shoes before."

Sirius snorted, "I don't need your fucking warning." He seemed to be in conflict with himself whether or not to lash out.

But the boy was reckless but not entirely outrageous. He held himself back, trying to refrain himself from whatever the hell he wants to do to her.

"How the fuck do you know him, if you don't know what his life is like?" He said in between rough breathing, in an attempt to calm himself.

"Why are you so angry? You knew he's a bad person, you always says so. Isn't that the reason why you always picked on him? Because he's Snivellus, the Dark Arts fanatic? He can't change who he is. He doesn't want to change. You'll only get hurt." Lily spoke in a soft voice.

Every word she said was true. Severus Snape wasn't going to change then, and certainly not now. He has abandoned his own love for that. What could possibly make him change his mind? What could possibly more powerful than love? A friendship with a boy who tormented the boy was certainly not more powerful.

"You hypocritical bitch", the boy gritted his teeth.

Lily was stunned at the venom in his voice.

"Excuse me?"

"I said you are fucking hypocrite", he said, more sternly.

Lily frowned.

Sirius snorted in disgust, looking away. It seemed he was counting down not to lose his temper. Lily felt her mouth dry.

That was rude.

She bit her lip. She wasn't doing this out of false kindness. She's doing this because she knows what it would be when the trust was betrayed so badly.

The boy slowly turned. The cold grey eyes pierced through her greens.

"I've always wondered why the fuck James likes you," he said, "I still dont' see why"

He glared at her as if he wanted to rip her apart. She flinched involuntarily.

He continued, "because you are the worst person I've ever seen".

Lily frowned, stung at his word.

"At least people I know don't pretend what they do is right, but you-" he sneered, "really believes that you are the best?"

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do." He interjected.

"You really think you're helping me. You truely believe Severus Snape is vermin, don't you? Something that must be put down."

Lily opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"Have you never wondered why he's so messed up?"

Lily bit her lip.

"Have you ever felt what is it like to carry the dark feeling, burning your inside?"

The boy's eyes were bloodshot with the heat in his head. The loathe in his expression so so palpable that she almost feel it.

She wondered whether she should tell the truth that she knew about the boy's life. And that even with the knowledge of his life, there are things cannot be forgiven. His life was a hell, she knows, but that doesn't condone what he have done. That doesn't make his choices any more right.

"Have you ever felt the hatred consuming yourself?"

But her tongue was tied, she could not speak.

"You don't know what he goes through everyday", he said, "you don't know him. That's why you think you're doing the right thing but Evans," he called her, "next time you feel like preaching, don't."

Then he left, leaving Lily frozen where she stood. She felt…. She didn't know what she felt. She just stood there, numbly, until James Potter steps in.

* * *

Sirius was livid. He could not be more angrier than this. Fucking Evans. He always thought she wasn't miss little sunshine, but this was too far. The girl was more fucked up than he had thought.

He just simply wanted some background information on Severus. He just wanted to know why he was so unaccustomed to company, why he's so reluctant to let him in.

He knew he hurt Severus, very deeply. But he was trying to make amends, he had hoped he would be more open up. Severus, however, didn't even know how to open up.

It was very frustrating. It frustrated him.

He…. he had thought he was being good to Severus.

Apparently, not enough for the Slytherin to casually talk about birthday.

Sirius stormed into the dorm room, tearing open the door. He flung himself on the bed.

Never had he imagined that he would be angry for Severus Snape, he thought as he buried his head on the pillow. But the words came out of Lily Evans' mouth were enough to explode.

How dare she.

He clutched the sheets in fists.

How the fuck she could say that.

Were she not a friend with Severus?

A little conscious in his mind whispered that those words were exactly the same as he once spoke about the boy.

But that was before he knew Severus was someone like him. Someone who carries a dark feeling that consumes life and happiness. That feeling he so wants to pluck it out of his heart because it burns and melts his inside that it twists up all rationality.

That feeling grows when you are never been loved. When you are rejected of what others easily get.

Sirius could not ignore such condemnation spoken by the boy's supposedly greatest love. He loved her. If she could not love him back, she should at least honour him to some extent. She should at least try to understand what made him do what he did.

Sirius was surprised by the level of his own protectiveness for the boy but he was adamant that he will protect the boy. He cannot let him be insulted in such crude way, especially not by the girl he adore so much.

He tried to calm himself, let himself drift away by sleep when the door open and an angry James entered.

"We need to talk", said James.

Sirius frowned, oblivious as to why he's so upset.

But then, he remembered the redhead he just berated was James' girlfriend. So she's not only a hypocrite but also a tattletale.

"She deserved it", he said, not bothering to hide his irritation.

James looked stunned, "mate!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and sit up properly.

"She was just trying to help you!" James said.

"Well, I don't need her help", Sirius returned.

"She was just trying to warn you not to get too close to Snivellus. You know, he's a soon-to-be-death eater, they all are. And she was worried-"

"He's not a death eater." Sirius cut him off, now equally irated.

"What?" Dumbfounded, James asked.

"He's not a death eater and I do not require your girlfriend's warning. I can take care of myself just fine." He said defensively.

"And his name is Severus", he added.

James' jaw dropped, his hazel eyes stared at Sirius incredulously. Sirius looked at him with a woeful expression, then got up and passed by him.

"I didn't do anything wrong. He's not what you think you are."

He left the room, not wanting to be near him as well.

On his way out, he came across Moony and Wormtail but he ignored them.

* * *

A/N

Hi!

This piece actually took me some time. Sorry. I think I am having a writer's block. I haven't mentioned in the chapter but Sev's in 26th week. That means I've got 14 weeks left till the labor. In the mean time, I have plans to make Sirius fall in love with Severus, but I'm not sure I'll be able to. Plus, I've got Regulus to think about. Shit.

Why have I thought it was good idea to write a fanfiction? I think I might have bitten more than I can chew. ...Help. What should I do? What recommendation do you have?

BTW, I'm sorry for making Lily sounding like a bitch, in case you like her. I don't like her. I just don't. Haha.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Bye!


	22. Chapter 22

22.

Remus was in the library with Severus, studying together. This might have sounded strange in his ears few months ago as the two never uttered a single syllable since… forever. But now he was here, scribbling down a parchment next to the scrawny Slytherin reading off a gigantic volume.

Life is just a mystery, Remus thought.

A bell rang, telling it's time for dinner.

Remus started packing away his stuff as the other boy did as well. Severus looked so thin and small, his skin was pale as if he never seen a daylight. The Gryffindor boy quietly stared at the closed up boy shuffling his books in his schoolbag. They were too heavy for the bony arms to lift, in Remus' eyes.

Remus instinctively launched himself to grab the small boy when he bit back a groan of pain as he was getting up.

"Hey, you alright?" Remus asked, with a worried look.

Severus turned to him, wearily.

"I'm fine", he mumbled.

But he didn't look fine in Remus' eyes. He tightened his grip on the boy's arm, supporting the boy. Thankfully, Severus did not push him away. Though he supposed the pain had rendered the boy, Severus actually leaned against the support before fully straightening himself slowly.

The boy was paler, if that's possible.

Remus did not know what was wrong with the boy. Severus clams up everytime he tried to figure things out. The same thing happens with Sirius as well. The Slytherin doesn't look particularly ill at first, but Remus could tell there's something wrong with the boy after spending enough time close to him.

"You don't look fine", Remus returned, eyeing the sheen of sudden sweat formed on the forehead.

Severus again shut his mouth up, with a frown. He refused to meet his eyes and started to walk towards the door.

"I said I'm fine", he said sternly.

Remus knitted his brows, but didn't say anything. Instead, he reached for Severus' schoolbag and flung it over his shoulder.

"Let me take your bag", said Remus, "you're going to the Hall, right?"

Severus nodded.

Remus smiled, gesturing the door.

The two got out of the library.

Everyone in the library stared at the two, whispering.

Remus knew they were talking about their stories. Fabricated stories weaved with fractions of facts. Remus knew about that but he couldn't spend his worries on those. Normally, he would be utterly concerned for what other people say about him. He would worry about how other people see him. He'd worry if they start to notice.

Such concerns used to cower him down, wither him from doing the right thing. And led him here. This is why he wanted to change. He wanted to break out of such fears and do the right thing. He will not give in to those curious gossips that are starting to become more offensive.

Sirius was not here because of his Quidditch practice. He rarely leaves Severus' side for whatever reasons he refuse to share, but sometimes things don't work the way he wants.

Remus being the model student meant he comes to the library often and Severus being the Potion nerd, he often had numerous studies to do. And from what he heard, Severus had an exam with Professor Slughorn, which he failed during classes. It wasn't a formal exam, but Professor Slughorn likes to include the result scores in the grading.

Severus completed the task with a minor mistake, which made him to redo the test. Remus supposed the heavy volumes he's been reading were for the test.

Remus glanced at the boy, who appeared uncomfortable around him.

The Gryffindor boy bit down sighing.

He knew Severus was afraid of him. Even if he pretends he was not, Remus just could feel that fear. Severus was wary of him, constantly fidgeting and glancing at him.

But how can he blame the boy?

Afterall, it's only a miracle that Remus is still inside this castle.

Remus was grateful for him. He truly was.

Severus let him stay with his friends, let him continue his life. Should the boy wish to recount the night to Dumbledore, he would have been thrown out of the building. Even worse, he won't be able to see his friends anymore. No parents in their right mind would let their children befriend with a werewolf.

But Severus kept his secret. And for that, he will help this boy whatever suffering he is currently going through.

"Severus?" Remus called the Slytherin when they reached the Great Hall.

He did not wanted Severus to carry the bag all the way to the table, as it was pretty heavy.

Severus looked up, in query.

Remus smiled gently, "would you like me to take your bag to your table?"

Severus' brows furrowed. Rolling his eyes, Severus shook his head in refusal. Remus felt like withdrawing his offer, seeing the clear annoyance in those black eyes. He never been able to force anyone anything. That's got to change from now on.

"But you really don't look good, Severus. Why don't you let me take your bag to-"

"I'm fine", Severus snapped.

He reached for his bag, but Remus didn't let him.

"Give me back my bag", Severus said.

"Once you promise me that you'll visit Madame Pomfrey", said Remus.

Severus frowned, puzzled. "I'm not sick, I just told you - "

"You look like hell, Severus."

It was true. Severus did look horribly in pain, though he know not of where.

Severus bit his lip, unable to retort. He knew the boy wouldn't want to be with him and even less so with Madame Pomfrey, as he found out during the past few weeks spending near him. But Remus began to deeply worry about the boy's well-being. No one told him what is wrong with the boy but he was definitely sick and someone who has been sick for this long means there something seriously wrong with him.

Severus straightened himself, "bring the bag later." And with that, he tried to leave. Remus wasn't about to let go, for he was determined to have him checked by the matron. He grabbed Severus by his wrist.

"Then, we are going to see Madame Pomfrey", said Remus.

"You keep denying but you do look awful. You are paler than usual and you've been sweating", he continued, "you really need some help and let me -"

"I believe he says no."

But his attempt was stopped by Regulus Black.

The two startled at the unexpected appearance.

The younger Slytherin walked up to them and took Severus' arm, tugging him towards himself. Severus frowned, puzzled.

"You shouldn't push people like that, Lupin. Where are your manners?" Regulus drawled.

Remus furrowed his brows slightly but quickly smoothed out his face.

"I don't believe this is any of your business, Black", Remus retorted.

He was startled by Sirius' little brother intrusion but then a recollection emereged, making him more tense. Remus didn't know what was between this two, but it was clear from the past knowledge that the Slytherin boy was not appreciative of the younger Black's closeness.

He tightened his grip. "Come, we should go", he said, staring straight at the face resembled someone he knew.

Severus looked up between the two boys holding him, nonplussed. That ticked Remus. But just when he was about to prompt him, a familiar voice intervened.

"What's going on?"

They turned around to see the boy approaching them.

"Sirius!"

"..."

Sirius was covered in mud and dirt, holding his broomstick. He stared at them and quirked an eyebrow as he found the odd variable there.

"Regulus?" He muttered, surprised.

Remus knew his mate hadn't been seeing his brother so often, ever since he got out of his house. In fact, he hadn't been speaking with the younger Slytherin even before that. Remus remembered when Sirius told everyone that Regulus finally crossed a line. He can recall the look on his face when he told them.

Sirius then turned his gaze to Severus and the hands holding him tightly. Sensing the tension built up in the air, he frowned.

"What's going on?" he repeated.

Severus bit his lip, jerking away to detangle himself from the grip.

"Ask them", said Severus, rubbing where they held him.

Sirius looked at his brother, who was sending a cold, impassive stare. Remus could see the hurt quickly hidden in those grey eyes and tried to suppress symphathy when he turned to him. Remus cleared his throat, trying to compose himself.

"I was just telling Severus that he should visit the hospital wing. He seemed unwell all day. But the, Regulus suddenly stopped us", he explained.

The younger Slytherin snorted, "why don't you recount the story properly? He clearly indicated he doesn't want to. You were forcing him and I merely extended a helping hand."

Remus snapped, "I wasn't forcing him, he's really sick and I was worried", he turned to Severus, "and you won't even let me help you. After all that happened to you I was-"

Sirius cleared his throat, stopping Remus. He turned to his mate, frowning.

"I see what happen," said Sirius.

He appeared apprehensive, for whatever reason Remus did not know. Not for the first time, Remus felt disappointment at his friend's uncharacteristic passiveness. Or unwillingness, he feared. Unwillingness to help the poor boy despite his claim.

But he seemed so sincere. Remus saw it in his eyes. The series of his behaviours, however, made him doubt what he saw.

Sirius walked up to Severus, searching his face.

"You alright?" He asked.

Severus rolled his eyes, "I feel fantastic".

Sirius smiled, "have you eaten?"

"He has not", Regulus replied.

Severus and Sirius turned their heads to see the younger Slytherin, taken aback. Remus clenched his jaw, holding back his reproval.

Sirius nodded, "well, then you should have something."

"Yes, he should", said Regulus.

He held out his hand, gesturing the Slytherin table. Remus all but stop him from going. He didn't know why, but he felt protective against this boy. Regulus Black, alleged Death Eater, was not good for Severus; he can tell.

When Severus did not respond, he took the older Slytherin's hand and led him to the table. Remus looked at his friend, who appeared disconcerted as much as he was.

* * *

Severus returned to the nursery with emotional exhaustion. He felt like having dinner next to Regulus was the most awkward and uncomfortable thing he ever did.

He started to undress himself. His skin pale as white revealed under the lantern light. Severus noticed the reflection on the mirror and stared at his own body. He has gained some weights which made his figure more softer. Protruding bones been covered, though not entirely, his usually slouched shoulders straightened a little.

But the most notable change would be his ever growing belly. How many months left? Severus counted in his mind.

April is only three months later. After three months later, he'll be having a child. A child of his own.

Suddenly, there was a gasp at the entrance.

Severus jolted, surprised. He whipped his head around to see blushing Sirius Black staring at him, his eyes wide as a saucer.

A redness crept up Severus face as well.

He quickly pulled the clothes up his front, shying away from Black.

Sirius snapped out of his state and looked away.

"Er-, I-I'm sorry, I just-" Sirius stammered.

He cleared his throat and walked up to the chair where he put down Severu's schoolbag and picked up a gown, which he handed it over to Severus.

When the boy covered himself, Sirius turned to him.

Neither spoke, and silence stretched in the most awkward atmosphere. Both felt stupid at their own reaction. They see male nude almost everyday, for the love of Merlin. They live in a dormitory full of boys, sharing a shower room. But for some reason, the red tint on each faces refuse to subside.

It must be the belly, they both simultaneously thought.

Sirius never seen the boy's naked belly before and Severus never let him. It's just bizarre thing to happen, a male pregnancy is, and swollen belly on male form is even weirder. That was the reason why they are acting so silly. They convinced themselves.

When the heat in the air finally cooled down, Sirius spoke.

"So, you-"

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks", Severus cut him off.

"Right", Sirius nodded.

Then the silence fell again as they lost words. For a moment, they jsut avoided each other's stare.

Severus noticed his clothes sprawled on the floor and flicked his wand. The clothes folded and placed themselves on the drawer.

Sirius blankly stared at that before he opened up.

"So-"

Severus turned to meet his stare.

"what really happened?" Sirius asked.

Severus looked puzzled.

"You know, before, Regulus intervened?" He drawled.

A look of realisation appeared on Severus face.

"What made Remus so worried?" A concerned look adorned the handsome face of Sirius Black.

"Back pain", Severus replied.

Sirius quirked his brow.

"I have pain in my back and my feet swell after walking a yard", the Slytherin boy explained.

"Ah", Sirius clicked his tongue as he understood.

"I told you he'll get suspicious", Severus added.

Sirius furrowed his brow in confusion, "of what?"

"Of the current inexplicable situation", Severus stated.

"No one will think you're pregnant", Sirius said.

Severus frowned, "even if Lupin can't reach to that conclusion, he'll still be wondering why am I still sick. And the reasons behind my refusal to visit Madame Pomfrey. You heard him today."

Sirius was silent, unable to counter back. He heaved a sigh, brushing his hair back.

Severus was right. Although he was reluctant to admit it, but Sirius could see that Remus couldn't keep the distance Severus ordered. Sirius guessed it couldn't be helped. Remus was a caring person. He cares sincerely for the people around him. In fact, he's been wondering when will he start asking questions.

"Let me handle him", Sirius said with a heavy sigh.

Severus stared at the Gryffindor brushing his hair back, defeated.

"What are you going to tell him?" Severus asked.

Sirius looked up, "I don't know", he admitted. "I'll think of something."

Severus was silent, carefully watching for boy. The grey eyes still genuine in their concerns. Severus nodded.

"And what about your brother?"

"What about him?" Sirius tilted his head.

"He's... never mind", Severus sighed.

Sirius stepped closer, his hand suddenly came up. Severus flinched, involuntarily. The Gryffindor boy gently touched his lips, tugging the lower out of Severus' bite when he hadn't noticed he was biting.

"You'll be fine. I promise", Sirius said in a soft voice.

Severus looked up the grey eyes questioningly, unable to understand what just happened. Did he just…?

"I'll come back tomorrow", said Sirius.

Severus watched him leave, still dumbfounded.

* * *

A heavy sigh ripped out of his lung as James stared at the back of his girlfriend disappearing into the girl's dorm. He sighed again. Covering his eyes with his hand, James Potter fell to a couch.

He was miserable.

He was miserable and he felt so lost. A misery has never been something he was used to.

His head started to pound as if invisible hands were squeezing his brain tightly. James pressed his temples with the palm of his hands to ease the pain.

He didn't know what to do. He really can't see what is wrong, for he know nothing about what is going on.

Was Lily getting tired of him? Was that the reason why she kept drifting away from him? He just had yet another row with the redhead about nothing. He was simply telling the girl to be careful with her step when they were entering the hole. She suddenly snapped, out of the blue. He tried to appease her but ended up fighting. Conversation abruptly changed into something he never expected: Severus fucking Snape.

What was it with that git and him that always entangles him and James?

He didn't want to admit, he did not want to face the truth. But he can no longer pretend he can't see it.

Lily was pushing him away.

James cursed, horrified when his eyes starting to burn with tears.

Lily was pushing him away and he did not know why. He supposed Severus fucking Snape has something to do with that. Snape. He was a pain in his arse from the start. A thorn in his flesh that kept on bothering him. The moment he saw him in the train that day, he knew the boy was a trouble.

He was somewhat different than the rest of us. The scrawny boy was dark and morbid. He had something that made him look different.

James didn't know what was different but he just got the feeling that he did.

And the boy did have something.

He draws people in a way that is neither pleasant nor healthy. People, without themselves being conscious, are drawn to Snape and unable to detach. They become obsessed with him. As he did so.

James could see that he hadn't been bullying the boy purely to gain Lily's attention. He did it because he wanted to. In the fifth year, when he hung Snape upside down and had his friendship with the redhead crushed, James started to see it. He tried to ignore it but the realisation was already dawned to him. It plagued his mind, building up his guilt.

He liked hunting down that boy and giving him a misery he could give. Snape was an easy bite to take and he just jerk back up like a tumbler whenever he was struck down, spurring him to strike again. It was repulsive. It was gruesome. He treated the boy as if he was a game to him.

When the seventh year started, James stopped himself from relapsing into his old hobby. It wasn't like he made promise to himself. It just happened. He could no longer pretend that he doesn't know.

But then, the boy showed up in his life, entangling himself with the people around him. People who are important to him. First Sirius, then Lily. Now, Remus, too.

Sirius barely be seen since he started to 'court' the Slytherin. He's practically a shadow following him. He even yelled at Lily to defend Snape.

Lily. Lily, Lily, Lily. Lily Evans. The girl of his life. His dream girl. James was not an idiot. He knew Lily has something with the boy. He hoped it will fade as she stays with him. But she spaces out, she's disoriented, she's just simply not there when he's with her.

He feared finding about what occupied her mind.

James stared dumbly at the burning flames in the hearth. Those bright lights reminded him of the girl's red hair. She was a light to him. A light that shines and warms him.

The thought of losing her was like having his heart ripped out him. Losing her to him would shatter him down.

He didn't like it. He didn't like the fact that Severus Snape's messing up what he has. He just wanted that boy to be gone from his life and from the people around him.

* * *

"Back pain?"

"Yes."

"You?"

"Er- no, not really."

Sirius felt stupid standing in the hospital wing, in front of the matron who scans him up and down like a hawk.

"I was just wondering what I could do for such type of pain without a charm or potion."

Madame Pomfrey raised her eyebrow, getting more and more confused. As far as she knew, Sirius Black was the healthiest boy in the castle. Too healthy, for her liking, as his vigour often leads to disasterous events, involving too much patients for her. There's no way the boy will get back pain.

"Well, if you must know, exercises are great for alleviating pain in your back", she said.

"And?" Sirius asked.

Madame Pomfrey knitted her brows, getting suspicious of his intent. But she could not read any mischief in the marauder's face but a genuine curiosity.

"A massage will help, too", she supplied.

"A massage?"

"Mm hmm."

"Right", the boy nodded.

He looked at the matron and asked, hesitantly, "and how do you-"

"That depends on the pain, but usually, you follow the knotted muscle areas with your palm. Oiling your hands will make things easier", she explained.

Sirius nodded again.

Madame Pomfrey laughed slightly, "what's going on, child? Is there you want to tell me?"

The Gryffindor boy shook his head, "no, Madame. Thank you."

She gave a nod.

Sirius got out of the hospital and headed towards the library. He looked decisive.

* * *

"A what?"

"A massage will help you with your back and other pain", Sirius repeated.

Severus, however, still looked as if the words couldn't be processed through his mind.

Sirius couldn't blame him, really. It souded crazy to his own ears. Not that he hate Severus nor he was relutant to touch the boy. Well, he was, but not because he hated him. He was… He was careful about touching Severus.

He did not forget why they were here.

He knew Severus wouldn't want him. The boy's been tolerant of him for the time being but such physical contact would be too much.

But he was determined to help the boy and he knew Severus wouldn't go to the hospital wing for things like back pain. He couldn't, however, let the boy suffer anymore.

"Look, I know you hate me. But you are in pain and I've found out a massage would help pregnant people with pain. It's completely normal…." He trailed, afraid of what would Severus say.

"I promise I would never do anything unscrupulous", Sirius swore.

Severus looked at him with unfathomable face. A reluctance and incredulity, he guessed. However, Severus nodded, eventually, albeit hesitantly.

"Erm… You… You need to take off your clothes", said Sirius.

Severus looked flustered at that, but he reached for his buttons to undo them. He was looking away from him, face flushed. Sirius could feel his own cheeks burn with heat. He glared at the wall, trying not to stare.

When the boy took off his shirt, Sirius gestured him to lie down. Severus complied, laying himself down, sideway. Sirius continued not to stare, until he had no choice but to look at the boy. He barely suppressed gasp at the boy's naked form. He was so white. The entire skin was so pale that he could almost see through. Sirius gulped, not knowing why he was feeling nervous.

He sat down a chair, producing the bottle of oil he had Mimny to prepare. Sirius smeared the oil onto his palm, but his eyes swept through the white expanse of Severus' back, curved quite beautifully.

Sirius mentally kicked himself at the thought.

No. No, no, no, no. No. He will not think of Severus as…..

But Sirius couldn't push away the thought that Severus had the sexiest back he ever saw. No women he slept with had such body like Severus. Untouched, pure, beautiful.

He cannot think of him that way, however. Sirius was not allowed to think of Severus in such ... sensual way.

Sirius hurt him in the most despicable way. He should not think of Severus as…. whatever the hell he is thinking right now. It was forbidden to him. Severus was forbidden to him.

When Severus was about to inquire, Sirius gently put his hands on where Severus' neck meets shoulders, clearing his throat. Severus flinched. The Gryffindor boy felt sorry but he kept his hands there. He firmly hold the knotted muscles and gently squeezed.

He could tell the boy was relaxing, if by little.

Sirius tried to recall what he read from a book and slowly working his way down. Severus felt soft under his palm. He always imagined Severus would be rigid and cold, but he was warm and smooth, almost silky.

"You've gained weight", Sirius said before he could stop.

Sirius realised his fault immediately and tried to explain. Severus' body shuddered slightly. He frowned, worried that he might've hurt the boy's feeling. But when Severus said, "I know", he realised Severus just laughed.

The Gryffindor boy felt stupid. He didn't understand why he felt so awkward around the boy.

Sirius continued his massage as he circling his hands, working into lower back. He almost flushed when a sigh escaped Severus' lips.

"Mm", Severus moaned, softly, when Sirius worked his hands on the triangluar part of Severus' back where buttocks start.

Sirius jerked, involuntarily.

He was flushing madly now, he could tell it. The heat on his face was so vivid, as was on his body. Sirius bit his lip, hard.

The flustered boy desperately tried to remind himself of what he just been thinking a moment ago, but his betraying body wouldn't easily cool down.

Severus was forbidden to him. He don't deserve Severus. Sirius tried to reminded himself, repeatedly. It was probably because of the recent abstinence he forced himself to be with Severus. That's why he was acting so recklessly. Severus was not for him.

He owed Severus this. Sirius must obliged to his responsibility to take care of this boy whom he thrust into a mess. A sexual desire had no place in that obligation.

* * *

A/N

Hello, everyone, I'm back!

Thank all of you for support! I appreciate them immensely.

Someone said I need to let things just happen, so I let this happen. lol An oil massage. It's what everyone wants, isn't it?

I wanted to elaborate on the part further but I stopped. I'm worried that it might be too soon for those two to start amorous activities yet.

I'll try to come back soon, but I don't think I can.

Bye!

Thanks for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

23.

"Sirius!" Remus called.

Sirius jumped, startled like a child caught doing something bad. He tried to compose himself but the flushing on his face betrayed his embarrassment from earlier experience.

Clearing his throat, Sirius said, "Moony! What are you doing here?"

"I was just looking for you", Remus answered.

"Yeah?"

Sirius quirked his brow. Remus appeared rather solemn.

"I wanted to talk about Severus", Remus said.

"Oh", Sirius's face seemed to froze in the quizzical look it was formed in.

Hearing the particular Slytherin's name after the moment in the nursery made him uncomfortable.

Remus gestured to an empty classroom which Sirius followed him in.

"So, what do you wanted to talk about?" Sirius asked, feigning nonchalance.

Remus sighed, seeming to brace himself.

"Sirius, if I ask you something, would you be honest with me?"

Sirius tried to stay casual, but the look on Remus' face made him hesitate. Remus saw that in his eyes and heaved a sigh again.

"Sirius, what is really wrong with Severus?" Remus asked.

Shit.

Sirius bit his lip. He sucked at this. Sirius has been so close with his friends that he rarely kept things from them. Remus of all people was the least person he would lie about anything. Well, at least not about things that really matters.

"He's been sick for nearly five months, Sirius. I don't know what is going on but he should at least have someone taking care of him. Someone professional!"

Remus was bursting out pent up anger mixed with concerns and confusion. Sirius could only listen to his ranting, his face contorted in painful expression.

"Sirius, if you know something then tell me!" Remus prompted, "Let me help him."

Sirius held back sigh, trying not to look so frustrated.

"Moony, he's-"

"Don't tell me he's fine, because he isn't", Remus cut him off.

Sirius tutted.

He remembered the conversation he had with Severus about keeping his pregnancy as secret. Severus was so desperate about it. Sirius supposed he can't blame Severus. No one can tell what would happen if anyone finds out about male pregnancy.

Sirius promised to Severus he will make Remus to lay off. He was about to lie, but the look on Remus' face made him pause.

"Sirius!" Remus read the hesitation in his face and snapped. "Do you really care about Severus? Or are you just pretending this whole thing to make up appearance?"

"It's not like that!" Sirius protested, looking stung at the accusation.

"You know it isn't like that, Remus."

Remus said nothing.

Sirius brushed his hair back roughly, frustrated.

He looked straight into the green eyes, determined not to lie. He knew it wouldn't work.

"I need you to trust me, Remus. He's going through something that I cannot tell you. But he is not sick. Not in the way you think, at least. He will be fine, but I need you to stay silent. I can't tell you any further."

The two stared each other as the silence stretched in tension. Sirius waited till Remus to respond. He needed Remus to understand. He won't lie to Remus. He simply can't do that. But he won't betray Severus, either.

After a moment, Remus nodded.

Sirius let out a sigh in relief.

"Thanks, mate. I knew you would understand."

* * *

A few weeks have passed quietly. Severus admitted he was feeling better since he was having less pain. And he had Sirius Black thank for that. The Gryffindor boy has been tending his pain every night before bed. To his own astonishment, Severus enjoyed his touches. He was very tentative and gentle, not like how he remembered those strong and calloused hands were.

Severus had to admit things have changed. He didn't know whether it was him that changed or Sirius Black or both.

Severus entered Herbology class and took a seat, unpacking his schoolbag. He put parchments and quill on the desk and prepared for the class to begin. The Herbology professor entered soon after, telling them to turn the page.

After an hour of hearing about deadly toxic plant, the class was dismissed. Severus got out of the classroom and was heading towards the Great Hall where two Gryffindors would be waiting for him. But a familiar figure interrupted him.

"Regulus Black."

"Snape."

Severus rolled his eyes. He wasn't even surprised at seeing him now. The younger Slytherin boy approached, trying to close the distance between them. But Severus retreated, clearly showing his wariness of him. Regulus gave a snort.

"Why do you do that?"

Severus frowned, confused.

"Why do you always try to run?" he added.

Regulus' questions made Severus feel uncomfortable. It was rather ridiculous that he'd ask, when they both know what really is going to happen if Severus let him do as he intends.

"I'm not what you think I am", said Regulus.

Severus snorted.

"What do you want? I'm in no mood for conversation", he said.

Regulus chuckled, "you weren't in mood for conversation with my brother nor with Remus Lupin. Now, you do."

"That's different", Severus countered.

"In what way?" Regulus challenged.

Severus frowned, breathing heavily through his nose.

"They don't intend to harm me."

"Are you implying that I do?" The younger Slytherin boy quirked his eyebrow.

Severus closed his lips, staring steadily at the dark boy. Accusation palpable in his eyes, the small boy spoke.

"Yes."

A muscle under the pale blue eye twitched. Regulus turned his head side, chuckling. The pale blue eyes returned, unfathomable stare adorning them.

"In which way have I given you impression that I seek to hurt you?" He asked.

Severus fell silent. He thought it was obvious thing to answer but then, Severus couldn't recall an exact moment when the other Slytherin tried to hurt him. At least not in the physical form. But he wasn't about to admit that in front of Regulus.

"You want to take me back to him", Severus said.

To his surprise and annoyance, Regulus laughed.

Smirking, the younger Slytherin said, "but he no longer wants you."

"What?" Dumbfounded, Severus asked.

"The Dark Lord has given us a command to leave you alone. You are no longer wanted nor needed in our great cause." Regulus explained, amusement palpable in his blue eyes. He seemed to be enjoying the startled look on Severus' face.

Severus felt dumbstruck. He hadn't thought that was possible. Up until now, he had firmly believed that there would be a retribution for his betrayal. Even though Severus has never taken the mark, he was in their circle. Perhaps he was wrong about that. Perhaps the Dark Lord considered him not worthy of such minute interests that he doesn't even bother to punish.

He couldn't decide whether he should be happy to be free of him or be humiliated at the fact that he was absolutely alone in this entire world.

Regulus caught his dilemma, chuckling in amusement.

"Why? Are you disappointed?"

Severus bit his lip, fists balling. The dark eyes glowered at the taller boy as if to strike. However, Severus swallowed his anger and regain his posture.

"What do you want?"

The smirk was replaced by a gentle smile at that. Though for a split second, there was a cold look in the pale blue eyes before the change. Severus frowned, unsure of what he has seen.

"I'd like us to be friends", said Regulus in a casual tone.

The crease deepened at those words. Surely, he would have noticed the incredulity in Severus' expression but the other Slytherin boy was unfazed.

"I know that I have been treating you in unpleasant ways, in the past. You'll be surprised to know that I have came to realise my shortcomings and regretted them. Now, I would like to make amends for what I did to you."

Severus' mouth fell open. Strangely, a dejabu overlapped the younger Black in which another Black gazed into his eyes with genuine remorse.

In his heart, Severus knew this display of sincerity cannot be trusted. But somehow, Severus couldn't retort.

The image of Sirius Black lingered on his mind when Regulus reached out for his hand. Severus made no move to retreat his hand when Regulus took it.

"We are friends, now." Regulus smiled, confidently.

Before Severus could snap out of himself and yell, the other Slytherin boy left, leaving him dumbfounded and confused. Severus stared at his hand which was captured only a moment ago by the warm and strong hand that reminded him of someone else.

Why the fuck the two had to look alike?

A silly question emerged in his head but Severus shook it off. He had supper to dine, and the pregnant people have to eat a lot.

There was another person who was dumbfounded and confused in that corridor. Lily Evans came out from hiding and watched her former friend leaves. Her pretty face contorted in confusion, Lily felt her mind going haywire.

What was it all about? What did the younger Black mean by 'the Dark Lord no longer want Severus'? Was Severus Snape thrown out of their circle? Or did he leave them?

A series of questions that cannot be answered circled around her head, dazzling the redhead. She couldn't understand the entire conversation.

If he left the circle, then why would Regulus Black wanting to befriend Severus? And why would Severus let him?

Didn't they hate each other?

But none of that mattered.

What Lily really wanted to know was Severus. She wanted to know if he actually left the dark path. Lily thought it wasn't possible. She had given up, tired of chasing down Severus and trying to pull him to where she is. But what she just saw, and heard, told her that she might have been wrong all along.

If he left the dark path… if he chosen the light… Could they be...?

A small hope sprouted in her mind, growing larger every second. She wanted to nip it in the bud, so that she won't get hurt when it was in vain. But her fear doesn't make what she heard into nothing.

Lily pressed her chest with her palm to calm the pounding heart. It was beating madly with the hope and excitement that were denied for a very long time.

* * *

That night in the nursery, Severus found Mimny and Sirius doing something. They were talking about something while pointing at the crib Severus transfigured. There was a pile of cloth laid on Severus' bed.

"Have I miss something?" Severus asked.

The Gryffindor boy and the house-elf turned.

"Oh, Master Snape! Would Master like to have some treacle tart? It must've been a long day, standing on Master's feet all day."

Mimny's electrical blue eyes almost popped at the sight of Severus. She excitedly ran towards Severus and welcomed him. When Severus nodded his head the elf enthusiatically smiled and popped out of sight.

"What was she doing here with you?" Severus looked up from the spot where the house-elf was seconds ago and met the Gryffindor boy.

Sirius grinned, "you know, for someone who never owned a house-elf, you really has her between you fingers."

Severus quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Sirius indicated the stack of cloth with his jaw as he reached for Severus' bag.

"We were talking about the delivery", said Sirius.

Severus winced at the d word. His heart just skipped a beat. He knew he had to go through it once but Severus was so scared of the idea and has been avoiding the thought. Now that Sirius mentioned it, January was almost over which means Severus was about to enter third trimester. In about twelve more weeks, he will be having this baby in his arms.

The thought was scary.

He cannot deny that.

Severus swallowed nervously, his hand stroking the swollen belly. He could hear his own heart pounding suddenly. All the pain and the risks he was about to take weighed him down. He was adamant that this pregnancy should be kept secret but he was now having doubts on his decisions. Perhaps he should have let someone know about him…. Someone who could help….

Severus winced a little when Sirius put his hand on his cheek, comfortingly. Warmth spread from the calloused but strong hand.

"You alright?" Sirius asked.

Severus did not answer. He was staring at the clear grey eyes which gave away concerns and something he was not familiar with. But it made him feel relaxed, calming down the nerves.

Severus nodded, quietly.

Sirius did not let go of him, instead, he drew Severus near to him and placed another hand upon his belly.

"You and the baby will be fine. I will make sure of that."

Sirius spoke in a soft yet stern voice which was so convincing that Severus felt like he could believe that.

"I will never let anything happen to you and the baby. I promise." Sirius said, as if to convince himself as well.

Severus gave a nod, almost without conscious thought. He believed it. He believed that Sirius Black was sincere in his words. More than that, Severus believed Sirius would do anything to help him.

That shocked Severus.

He was trusting himself and his baby to this boy who tormented him all his school years. That thought was so ironic and stupid as much as it was reckless. He shouldn't be trusting this boy. Sirius Black was the culprit of all this mess. Black thrust Severus in this chaos and he let the boy to take care of him. It was so ridiculous and absurd.

But he did.

Severus trusts him. He hadn't realised such faith was inside him.

Since when did he trust the boy? Where did that trust came from?

Quetions which he has no answer to circled around his head. But Severus let go of the thoughts when the taller boy led him to the bed.

"Mimny and I were talking about how we should prepare for the day. She knows a lot about deliverying a baby. So we were discussing about the procedure." Sirius explained.

Severus listened quietly.

"Can I ask you something?", he asked.

Severus nodded.

"You said you didn't want anyone else to get involved," Sirius said.

"Yes?" Severus quirked his brow.

"So-... I thought I should be the one to deliver the child myself", he said with a determination in his voice.

Severus' eyes widened at the announcement. But when the thought completely registered in his head, Severus had to agree that is the most reasonable option. He had to keep this secret and therefore no midwives no healers. Mimny was not fit for child labour in many ways. So Severus nodded his agreement. Sirius gave a short nod at the approval.

"Thanks."

Severus' brow knitted slightly, in confusion. He didn't know what he was thanking for. The Gryffindor boy was looking at him with a serious look on his face. Severus then knew this was frightening to the boy as well. A sense of connection felt when he realised that.

How strange it is that he can relate to Sirius Black of all people. Severus wondered. But he was not appalled by this realisation. Only a surprise.

A moment ago, another boy approached him and extended a hand to be his friend. Severus never hoped to have a friend, as he considered it was useless and stupid. He only needed Lily and nothing else. But he knew, deep down, he was lonely. Severus never had anyone for himself and being all alone in this cold and cruel place was gradually killing him. So of course, he wanted to have someone. Severus just thought it has to be Lily or naught. But when Lily was out of the equation, he didn't think there would be anyone to fill the position.

If this happened before he was pregnant, Severus would've been happy to accept Regulus Black as his friend. In fact, he would have felt like he owns the world. Regulus, the heir of house of Black, the Dark Lord's favour, would have been a treat he'd killed for.

However, things have changed.

He did not want Regulus Black anymore.

Instead, he's letting this boy, who hurt him in so many ways, to take care of him and his baby. Sirius has invaded Severus life in such horrific manners, and yet, Severus felt this is the one he can count on.

But he was not disgusted by it. He was… actually feeling glad to have him.

"What happened to your brother?" Severus asked before he could stop.

Sirius looked surprised, as if he could never have expected to hear that. Severus assumed Sirius and Regulus were not on good term even as children, considering how different they are. This got Severus curious as to why they are so different. Why one brother wants to follow his parent and why the other is not?

The Gryffindor boy asked in an uncertain voice, "what do you mean what happened?"

Severus paused to sort out words but came up with nothing. So he asked bluntantly. "Why you and your brother are so different from each other?"

"...Why do you want to know?" Sirius asked.

Severus stayed silent.

Sirius studied Severus' dark eyes for a moment before heaving a sigh.

"I don't really know", was the answer came from the Gryffindor.

An eyebrow rose at that.

"It's not like I've been mean to him in certain ways. I remember playing with him all the time when we were kids. He and I had rooms right next to each other and I used to bring Regulus to my bed, so we can sleep together at night. We were having a good time."

"Then what happened?"

"I don't know. We just… drifted apart", Sirius said.

Silence stretched as Severus waited for the Gryffindor boy to swim around his memory inside his head. It was a while later until the latter started to talk again.

"Regulus used to fly with me. My parent bought two Nimbus brooms for each of us and had a professional player to teach us how to play Quidditch. That move you saw last game was the one he taught me.

I was good and so was Regulus. I thought everything will be the same, I and Regulus, just the two of us as one. But I started to realise things about my family. About what they believe in." There, Sirius paused. He looked into Severus' dark eyes with a painful look on his face.

Severus could understand what he was talking about.

"There's a gathering among the pureblood families. It's like a sort of social gathering where you dress up fancy and stand pompously", Sirius snorted.

"And when I see these people, assembled up in this ridiculous party, and all I can see is the ugly truth about the wizarding society", said Sirius.

"People believe there are vermin among people. They think they are the most superior beings, closest thing to God", Sirius continued. "And the rest is the despicable, loathsome creatures. You see the irony, here, can't you?

And one night at the party, I saw a boy who was wearing this old tabby clothes. He was so skinny, so small, like he had been starving till that night. They told me he was a squib."

Severus frowned, quickly getting what the boy was doing at the party.

"They had him naked, in front of everybody. These people, noble people of the wizarding world, had an young boy who is barely out of nappy naked in front of everyone."

Sirius was no longer staring at Severus' eyes, instead, he was staring at the midair as if he was still seeing the boy before him. Severus noticed how white the Gryffindor boy's hands were with the intensity he was fisting them. Aversion was clear in those cold grey eyes.

"My mother told me to watch and never blink. A wizard approached that boy and he drew a wand from his sleeve."

Sirius paused again. His fists tightened intensely. Severus waited silently without taking his eyes off of Sirius' face.

Sirius turned slowly, his face contorted as if in pain.

"They cruciatused the poor boy", said Sirius.

Severus' eyes widened slightly. He had somewhat expecting that but the way Sirius delivered made him flinch. In truth, Severus knew that that sort of things are common entertainment for the purebloods. Lucius had invited him in a party once where he showed Severus a similar display with a Muggle old lady.

It was to show how much superior wizards are and how fucking vulnearble 'they' are.

'See, Severus, how fragile they are.', 'They cannot even fight back a simple charm.', 'Severus, Severus, look. Look how feeble these creatures are.', 'Weaklings.'

"and told me this is the reason why we stand above all the others", gritted Sirius.

Severus was surprised with the amount of venom in his voice. He could feel the pure loathing from this boy. Severus lost words. After all, he used to desire to be one of them. If it weren't for his child, he would gladly point his wand at the nameless victims at commands.

Severus froze when a hand rose and placed upon his cheek. Sirius stroke his face with his thumb gently.

"I stopped following my parent for the ball, after that. I stopped following my parent's words and stopped listening to their rubbish. I- wanted to get out of that house ever since I realised what they are", Sirius said.

"They are monsters and I was one of them. When I stopped being a monster, I realised there are gaps between my brother and I that cannot be filled." Sirius all but whispered the last words.

Severus was looking up at those grey eyes, filled with loathsome and sadness. Severus can tell where those sorrows are coming from. Sirius was lonely. Sirius was all alone in his house ever since then. He had no one, no one just like Severus.

A realisation swept through him like a lightening.

How come he never saw this?

This boy was so close to him. He was like Severus: all alone and hurt and damaged. Only difference is that he got what he needed - friends. They made Sirius happy and filled the void in his heart when Severus lost his friend and lost all of him. But in essential, Severus and Sirius were the likes of people.

Sirius knew what it is like to be left alone in a place where only darkness and dangers lie.

"I'm sorry", Severus murmured without conscious thought.

"Why would you be?" Sirius whispered back.

They were face to face, close enough to touch. Severus could feel the warm breath ghosting over him. It sent shivers down his spine. When Severus thought Sirius was getting closer-

"Master Snape! Mimny brought treacle tarts!"

Mimny the house elf popped in.

The two boys jumped in surprise. They awkwardly fell apart from each other, faces turned red.

Taking the plateful of tarts, Severus cleared his throat.

"Ah-, yes, thank you"

"No need to thank, master. But Master Snape is so kind." Mimny happily smiled.

Severus peeped through the curtains of black hair to see the Gryffindor boy who was turning his back on him. Severus lifted the plate towards him.

"Do you want some?"

Sirius shook his head, waving off his hands.

"Er- no, no I'm fine. Listen, I have something to do, so-" Sirius stuttered.

Severus was a little confused but did not hold him back in a desperation to get rid of this awkward atmosphere.

* * *

A/N

Hi I'm back!

I am sorry I'm uploading so late. I thought I could spare some time to write this but something happened. Did I mention about the daycare center right below my house? Well, they are so annoying. They make so much noise and don't even apologize. And the city hall is useless. So I am having a war against them on my own. I shall win my peace. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading and following this fiction! It means a lot.

As for the beta reader, I have read a couple of suggestions that I could get a beta to edit this fiction. Thank you for suggesting that. But, there is reason why I don't ask someone to beta this. I don't know much about this site, in fact, I have been here only to read. So I have absolutely no idea whom to ask and how to ask for beta. Instead, I thought of rechecking my fiction as I go along, to fix any errors and awkward scenes. If you see any errors or scenes that are too out of place, please tell me so I can check them. I don't plan on asking for beta just yet.

Sorry for the almost-happened kiss. This is twenty-third chapter and Sirius and Severus never even kissed! I just had to squeeze this into this chapter! I want to write a fluffy cute couple kissing around at a wrong time and wrong place! I so want to finish this "why are you good to me?" "I have no idea" phase.

Anyway, thank you for your support! I'll try to come back as soon as I can!

PS. I will see the end of this story, period. I will not give up no matter what, so do not worry about me quitting.


	24. Chapter 24

24.

A pair of bright green eyes were peeking from a large volume to stare at the odd trio seating across the library. They were the most peculiar combination in the entire castle, the girl was sure of it. Two Gryffindor boys known as the marauders and one Slytherin boy known as dark art fanatic seating together in a library, studying for N.E.W.T. How strange it is. People were whispering about them for months and months and no one really knew what made them stay together.

For months, Lily Evans was avoiding those whispers as they would bring only the reminder of her pain. But now, there isn't a single person in this castle who cares about the trio more than she is.

They seemed to be genuinely studying for the upcoming exam. Lily felt her mouth dry as she could not find about what those boys were hiding from the public. She didn't believe that Sirius Black had gone over to the dark side then, and certainly not now. And she overheard Regulus Black talking about Sev cast away from the dark side. This means that they weren't really up to atrocities. Then, what the hell are they up to?

Frustrated, Lily bit her lower lip.

"Hey," a voice called her.

Lily looked up to find her boyfriend standing next to her seat accompanied by his mate, Peter. Peter Pettigrew bashfully smiled and waved timidly. Lily would have rolled her eyes if she could. James Potter, he was always been such a distraction.

"Hey," said Lily, in an unenthusiastic voice.

James smiled softly, settling down next to her. "Mind if I?", he asked, taking out his books.

Lily shook her head.

James thanked her and pulled out his studies and did Peter. Then, they begun to study very quietly without bothering her. Lily looked at her boyfriend scrawling down some parchment, occasionally checking a book to make certain of his essay. Such a handsome profile he had. Dark hair unruly but not completely helpless, slightly tanned complexion and defined jawline like a carved artwork. All of him were perfect. But her mind was drawing out someone else's face. His was less charming, but his was imprinted in her memory that she just couldn't forget it.

Lily looked up to see the boy she's been trying to forget but never succeeded. He was only a few feet away. Three desks and a shelf were the only obstacles between him and her. But he wouldn't look up and meet her eyes. The boy was surrounded by two prats.

The redhead clenched her fists when she saw Sirius Black reached his hand to wipe an ink smeared in Sev's chin. When it didn't come off clean, the Gryffindor boy leaned forward and used his sleeve. It looked like they were making out there and then, from her angle. Lily snorted. It was ridiculous. It was outrageous.

Sev didn't even frown.

She witnessed a tine of pink in Sev's cheeks when Black returned to his study. Lily felt her body trembling uncontrollably. She felt like laughing out loud, or scream out loud, anything to unload herself. But she was in a library and her boyfriend was sitting next to her. It was only a reflex from the tremendous amount of efforts to retain herself.

"Ha." A sound like a puff of air escaping from her lungs, but neither a laugh nor sigh, came out.

She couldn't help herself when she saw the look on Sirius Black staring down at Sev, studying a volume. Affections were so palpable in his grey eyes.

Lily thought she had gone mad. Otherwise, she couldn't be seeing affection from anyone staring at Severus Snape.

The redhead bolted right up from her seat, hurriedly gathering her stuff.

"Lil-?"

She ignored her boyfriend and left the room. She could not stand the sight anymore.

* * *

Severus sighed heavily, rubbing the side of his belly where baby just kicked, hard. He was now in the third trimester, which meant this baby has grown very strong. It must be bored duing classes as he was cooped up inside the castle all day. Sirius has gone for Quidditch practice and Lupin had his full moon thing going on. They urged him to stay inside before they went to their respective businesses. But Severus found it impossible to stay inside when his baby is about to murder him out of boredom.

Thus, he decided it was quite alright for him to take a short walk.

Severus put on his cloak and set out to take a walk through the lakeside. It was all good until he came across a familiar figure coming towards him from few feets away. Regulus Black. Typical. Severus didn't even bother to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Severus tried to go pass him but Regulus deliberately stepped in his path.

"Snape." said Regulus.

"Black." Severus returned.

A slight smile in the corner of his lips, Regulus spoke, "I was beginning to think you were avoiding me, Snape."

Severus' only response was a quirked eyebrow.

"May I ask where are you going?"

Severus would have brushed him off, but he did not want to ruin his and his baby's mood for Regulus Black. So he replied, "I'm going to the lakeside."

Regulus seemed pleased with his answer, as his face lit up. "Can I-"

"No, you can't", Severus cut in.

Severus then walked pass by the younger Slytherin, expecting the boy to stop him. To his surprise, Regulus Black did not stop him in any ways. But just when he thought Black would let him get away this time, Severus found Black following him instead.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked.

"I'm going to the lakeside." Regulus replied.

The elder Slytherin snorted, feeling cheated. He stopped in mid track. So did Regulus. He turned abruptly to the boy and glared, "get away, Black."

"I don't see why I should." Regulus smirked.

Severus frowned, dumbstruck.

Momentarily he thought of going back inside the castle, but the baby won't stay still and he really wanted to get outside. So he decided to ignore Black's presence altogether and continued his walk.

The day was fine indeed. Weather was cold but not so much as no wind was blowing and the sky was blue and clear, unusually so in the winter. The field was covered in white blanket of snow. Severus liked the feeling of the snow under his feet, something he hadn't felt before.

He had to admit, he was feeling rather good these days.

Severus tried not to put reasons on his recent change. Instead, he tried to enjoy it. Unknowingly, Severus reached his chin where Sirius wiped an ink smudge. A small smile adorned his thin lips.

He can see the lake was frozen, but not entirely. Severus almost could see the lives swirling inside. Merpeople and giant squids and such. He tried to remember what other creatures might be living there when Black suddenly spoke.

"You seemed better lately."

Severus looked up. Regulus was wearing a look that Severus could not fathom.

"Are you alright, now?"

Severus looked into the light blue eyes for a moment before nodding his head. Regulus smiled, somewhat ruefully. That look reminded him of Sirius when he told Severus of his childhood.

'They are monsters and I was one of them. When I stopped being a monster, I realised there are gaps between my brother and I that cannot be filled.'

Severus all but asked Regulus what was between him and Sirius. But Regulus diverted him.

"So, how's the study going?" Regulus asked.

Severus stared dumbly for a second before saying, "I'm doing good."

"Excellent. I heard N.E.W.T is particularly challenging this year. What subjects are you going to take?"

"Potions, and Herbology and charms…."

"Only those three?"

"No. There's two more."

"Ah. So you are intending to become a Potioneer?" Regulus asked, tilting his head to side.

Severus nodded.

"I suppose it's fitting, considering your talent in Potions." Regulus said with a small smile in his face.

Severus stayed quiet.

"I thought, perhaps, you could try Defense Against Dark Arts as well. So you can try out for the Potion Master position at Hogwarts." Regulus suggested.

"You could make a great teacher."

Severus stared at the boy with wide eyes. He was rather surprised at Regulus' praise. It was not only unexpected but also made Severus quite proud to hear. Perhaps the feeling was the remnants of his past eagerness to prove himself as worthy Slytherin among his past 'friends'.

That feeling was like an alert to Severus. Severus looked away from the icy blue eyes. He took in a deep breath and returned his gaze to Regulus.

"I have to go", said Severus.

Regulus only smiled and nodded his head. Severus looked at him warily, then started his journey back to the castle.

What the fuck are you doing?!

He mentally kicked himself. What the fuck did just happened? He did not even understand. Did he just have a walk with Regulus Black? Severus felt ashamed at his own recklessness.

When he reached the castle enterance, Severus was greeted by an anxious Sirius Black skittering around in a dirty Quidditch gear.

"Severus!" Sirius cried.

The Slytherin boy felt even worse. He bit his lip and waited as the other boy approached him hurriedly.

"Where were you? You were supposed to be in-"

"Hello, brother."

Sirius froze at the familiar voice.

Severus turned around to see Regulus Black leaning against the entrance wall. He was smirking for some reasons.

"Regulus?"

"I'm sorry to make you worry, brother. We were just taking a short walk around the lake. He needed some fresh air." Regulus stood up straight as he spoke in a silky voice.

Sirius frowned, clenching his fists. Regulus noticed them and chuckled.

Severus could feel the tension building up as the boy next to him put a protective arm around his waist. Sirius looked down at the boy in his arm then his brother. He opened his mouth to say, but Regulus cut him in.

"I suppose I should get going, now that the nanny has arrived."

With that, he took off.

Sirius and Severus just stood there ghasted.

When the boy was gone, Sirius turned to Severus and gripped his arm forcibly.

"What the fuck were you doing with him?" He demanded.

Severus cringed in half pain and half annoyance. When he tried to protest against his rough manner, Severus thought again and answered.

"Nothing happened. I just ran into him when I went outside. We just talked about N.E.W.T."

"Why would he ask about that?" Sirius retorted, his dislike palpable in his voice.

Severus bit his lip, but opened his mouth when the Gryffindor kept on glaring.

"He said he wants to be my friend, now. That he regrets all the things he did to me."

"And you believe that?" Sirius snorted scornfully.

"He told me that You-know-Who's no longer chasing me. That I am now officially outcast from their party." Severus explained.

Sirius was loosened his grip, biting his lip. He heaved a sigh as he bent over, his forehead on Severus' shoulder. Severus flinched at the sudden contact.

"I know you are worried, but I can take care of myself. Nothing happened." Severus repeated, looking down at the dark silky locks.

Sirius slide his arms around Severus.

"Be careful."

He said with a low voice.

* * *

Hectic, is the word for describing Sirius Black's current life. Or insanely and ruthlessly frantic could also be great alternative. He was now a seventh-year, which means he has a huge exam that has a great impact in his future. Sirius' desire to become an Auror did not make things any easier on that matter. There were so many subjects to study and so many things to remember. Then, there was Quidditch matches. Gryffindor was losing, for the first time ever since he became the seeker. And top of all this, Sirius has a boy who is currently pregnant with his child. Sirius has to take care of the delivery on his own. Well, of course, with a little help. No, a help from a little friend.

This is the reason why he was sitting in a fucking library reading off a gigantic volume to study what the fuck is the difference between one drop of Horklump juice and two drops of Horklump juice.

Gah, he needed Severus for this. He would have asked for help but the boy was currently resting in his nursery after dinner. Sirius didn't want to wake him up. Severus was so fragile and the pregnancy was taking a lot from him.

Sirius put his face in his palms, rubbing his temple with index fingers. He decided to put aside the Potion study for the moment and digged out a small book from his bag. It was about delivering a child.

He read the book numerous times, practically absorbed all the information from it. But He can't stop reading it again and again whenever he can. It calmed him somewhat.

February is half passed and Severus was due on April. This meant that he has very little time until the day comes.

Sirius must be prepared till then.

"Ahem"

Peter cleared his throat to let Sirius notice him. Sirius looked up from the book, hurriedly putting it away.

"Oh, hi." He relaxed when he saw Peter.

"What are you doing here, Wormtail? Where's everybody?" Sirius asked, trying to neutralise his voice so that he don't sound so surprised.

Peter grinned, shaking his head. "They are all gone to somewhere. I thought I might found you here."

"Oh?"

"Can I ask you something, Padfoot?" Peter asked, settling across the desk.

Sirius nodded, looking in quiry.

"You know-, er, things have changed lately", Peter started, "Urm, you and the…. you know, the boy…." Peter stuttered as if he couldn't even put into words.

"Severus?" Sirius interjected.

Peter nodded his head up and down, rather dramatically.

"Y-yes, yes. Erm- so, you mind if I ask what happened?" Peter asked timidly.

Sirius frowned, not because he was offended by the question but because he was uncertain how to tell the boy. Sirius and Peter have been friends as much as he and James have been friend but somehow, Sirius was quite unsure of this boy. He was unlike them.

"...I told you. I want to make things right and helping Snape out is one of the plan."

So Sirius decided to tell only a portion of truth. He wouldn't be lying to his friend but he was telling the safe truth.

Peter's face fell.

Sirius quirked his eyebrow.

For a moment, they sat silently. But when Sirius tried to resume to his study, Peter started to ask questions.

"You and Moony-"

"What about us?" Sirius cut him off, irritated.

"You and Moony are alright now? He's no longer angry?"

"Yes, Wormtail. We are alright." Sirius answered, rolling his eyes.

He looked at his chubby friend with an irritated look, gauging whether he was done or not.

Clearly, the boy was not. "But you are still helping the-, the…."

"Snape, yes, I know."

Peter closed his mouth, cowering at the annoyance in Sirius' voice. But he opened his mouth again, leaning forward. This time, however, Sirius shut him off completely.

"Listen, Wormy, I'm in a middle of study which is very important to me. So─, if you are done, I'd like to get back on my work." Sirius said, with a contrived smile on his face.

He, then, bent over the gigantic volume and started to read. Sirius heard nothing from the boy except the sound chair raking the wooden floor as Peter got up. Sirius didn't even bother to say goodbye.

It was nearly curfew when Sirius got up from his seat. He stretched his arms out, yawning. Then, the Gryffindor boy started to pack his things along with his volume. He dug his hand through his bag to find his pregnancy book so he can read them on his way back to dorm.

Sirius frowned when he found nothing. He searched one more time but it was in vain. He frantically turned his bag over the desk and shook the contents out. His quills and a bottle of ink, parchments and other school books came out and sprawled around the desk, making loud noise, but no pregnancy book.

"What-"

"What do you thing you are doing, boy?! The library is closing! Get your things off of the desk, immediately!"

It was Madame Pince, screeching like a cat at the sight of unruly desk. Sirius jolted in surprise, and quickly gathered his things in his bag.

But his mind was on his lost book.

* * *

"Do you have the list?"

"Yeah, I've got it on my pocket."

"Right."

"This way, Severus."

Sirius led the Slytherin boy towards the end of narrow street, into the entrance of a building. It was Hogsmeade Weekend and they were up for shopping to buy things for the delivery.

Severus presumed he'll only require sheets of blankets and towels, but Sirius' horrified face when he told his plan of birth had changed his mind. Of course, Sirius bought the majority of the required items. However, Sirius wanted to make sure they had absolutely everything they need.

When Severus entered the shop, he felt immediately stupid. The place was full of fluffy plush and tiny clothing and, and, women. Of course, there'd be women. Why would there be a couple of boys shopping for baby's stuff? How could he be so brave as to walk into a baby shop with Sirius Black?

A red tinge quickly rose all around Severus' face when he noticed his own stupidity. Severus peeped at Sirius, who was currently checking his list for items to purchase, completely unfazed at their situation. Encouraged by his indifference, Severus breathed deeply through his nose to calm his nerves.

Then, he started to pick up things for the baby with scrutinizing look.

It was a relief that there weren't any associates trying to help them shop. He couldn't bare it if there were people asking questions.

The shopping took some time as Sirius tried to examine everything thoroughly. Severus gotten a little bored as they've been circling the place for the third time. He already made up his mind to buy the neutral coloured blanket, but it seemed Sirius Black was expecting a girl.

"Just buy the grey one. You don't know if it's a girl or a boy." Severus said.

But Sirius wasn't listening. He chewed on lower lip, glaring at two pieces of fabrics. Severus rolled his eyes. Suddenly, something caught his eyes. It was a large plush for baby to lean onto, shaped in a white seal. Severus returned to Sirius battling in his mind between the pink or the blue. But he found himself walking up to the stand where the baby seal was displayed, picking up the white plush to examine. It was quite big, about the size of Severus' torso. The plush felt soft under his palm.

"Do you want to buy that?"

Severus jumped a little, surprised by the sudden question from Sirius.

"It's cute", said Sirius.

Sirius eyed the plush for a second, then put it into their basket. Severus opened his mouth to say he doesn't have to buy the plush but closed without saying it. He felt a bit guilty at using Sirius' money, though.

Sirius sighed, holding up the light grey blanket in his hand along with the pink and the blue.

"I think we would soon found ourselves very much appreciating extra blankets", was the excuse he gave to Severus when he stared questioningly.

The two finally got out of the baby shop after three hours of shopping. Their bags were shrunk and laid inside their pockets.

"So, what do you want to eat?" Sirius asked.

"Hmm?"

"We should eat. We've been out for almost three hours", said Sirius.

Severus stared Sirius, without a word, but clearly wanting to say something. Sirius by now knew that he must initiate to start the conversation flowing.

"What's wrong?"

Severus spoke uncertainly, "I don't really know what's in here."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth to ask, but closed, catching what was left unsaid. That little redhead bitch.

He faked a smile, trying to neutralise his voice. "Good, then I can make the decision. There's a place I know, which makes the best pies. Better than Rosemerta."

Severus looked up at the grinning Gryffindor, his black eyes widened a little.

"Just don't tell Madame Rosemerta I said that", said Sirius with a wicked smile.

Severus chuckled, following the taller boy leading the way.

"Two pumpkin pies, please."

"Right away, sweet pea", said the woman in a high pitch tone.

The waitress left their table after taking their order on her note. Watching her leave, Severus cocked his head slightly.

At Severus' curious look, Sirius added, "she's like that to everyone."

Severus nodded.

"But foods are great, really." Sirius grinned proudly.

The Slytherin boy chuckled, taking a look around. The place was rather small but not quite stuffing as he thought would be. The walls were painted in bright cream colour and the furniture, though worn with time, was clean and sturdy. It was quite cozy.

"So, do you think we've got everything we need?" Sirius asked, eyeing Severus.

Severus turned his head, nodding, "I suppose so. We've covered all we wrote in our list."

"Perhaps we should buy more quilts, and-"

"You've already bought four quilts and six blankets and three bibs and a plush. I think we won't be needing any more until later." 

"Have I?" Sirius asked, his grey eyes widened in surprise.

At those feighned innocent, Severus made a face.

"Yes, you have. Honestly, you should start watching where you use your money." Severus added in a stern voice.

Sirius countered indignantly, "It's my money, and I'm using it for my baby."

Severus lost words, bewildered. "Your baby?" he whispered.

Sirius covered his mouth, realising what he just said. He was surprised by his own word. His face getting pale with anxiety, Sirius tried to undo what he just did, "what I meant was─", but trailed off as he searched for Severus' face. Severus was quiet, his head bowed slightly, which made it hard for Sirius' to read his expression.

When Sirius felt like he'd done something, Severus looked up and said, "you are right, but it doesn't make it any less true that you should be careful about your money. After all, you are the one whom I have to rely on for raising this child."

Sirius stared at the dark eyes meeting his own with no reprimend but concern. He felt something warm in his stomach which spread through his body. He gulped down the lump in his throat and smirked,

"I think you are underestimating my financial capacity, Severus."

Severus frowned in scolding manner.

Sirius laughed.

"Here it is, sweet hearts, two delicious pumpkin pies made specially for you!" The waitress came back with a loud voice announcing her arrival, carrying a tray of pies.

"Thanks", said Sirius.

The waitress beamed, "Oh, anything for you hon."

Severus took a bite as she left and was impressed with the pie. Sirius smirked in knowing smile, which made Severus scowl again.

"It's good, isn't it?" Sirius asked.

Severus nodded but said nothing.

"I used to come here with James. And Remus and Peter, too, of course." Sirius explained as he, too, starting to eat. "Madame Rosemerta's awesome but we've caused too many troubles there, so she won't let us even make a sound. Which is why we diverted to here, whenever we wanted to make a plan for our-"

"Crime?" Severus suggested.

Sirius scowled, "prank was the word I was going to use."

Severus snickered, "did you plan all those things you've done to me in this very place?"

Sirius paled, "Well, that's- no, I mean yes but-" and stuttered as he was baffled by his question.

Severus quirked an eyebrow, "but what?"

Sirius opened his mouth but then, closed it again without saying anything. He murmured, "I'm sorry" after a moment of silence.

Severus snorted.

The two began to eat in silence afterwards before it was broken by the clanking noise when Sirius dropped the fork down.

"I'm sorry."

Severus looked up from his plate, which was nearly empty.

Sirius was staring at him with a very serious look on his face, grave even. Severus was overthrown by the sudden change in his feature and cocked his head to side.

Sirius, on the other hand, felt like this is the time where he must cut clean with his past. He's been stalling his apology all this time and for what he did not know. But somehow, he cannot go on without telling Severus of his own regrets.

Sirius have done so many wrong-doings and he has been ignoring them. Now, after spending time with Severus, he could no longer pretend that rape is the only thing he must feel guilty for. Severus was, by all means, not a nice guy, nor a good guy. But he was alright. Severus wasn't just a scum as he used to think. He was smart, brilliant in his potion work, completely devoted to his child, and strong, even after what had been thrown at him.

Sirius felt that all along but somehow, he pushed the thought away, making excuses like priority-first bull shit.

"I am sorry for everything I've ever done to you."

Brows furrowed, Severus stared at his grey eyes without words. Sirius could have continued on with his excuses but he decided that wouldn't do.

"I was an idiot, no, I am an idiot. I didn't think what I did was wrong." Sirius clenched his hands, "I thought all Slytherins were like those people I saw at the party."

A frown in Severus' forehead deepened as he listened to what Sirius was blabbering.

"And I see that now, I was the monster between you and I. What I think was right thing to do was exactly the way 'they' would do. I tried to escape 'them' but you've proven I have not."

Severus compresed his lips, as he was struggling to find words. He didn't know how to react at this sudden confession. Perhaps he was fooling him, but the time he spent with the Gryffindor told him that Sirius was being utmost sincere in his words.

"I promise you that I will never harm you in any ways. Not because of the baby, but because of what I know now." Sirius declared. "That I was wrong about you."

They stared at each other before, eventually, Severus gave a nod and returned to his pie. A silent forgiveness bestowed on Sirius. The Gryffindor felt the weight on his shoulders being lifted.

* * *

The pie was great, as Sirius said. Severus and Sirius left the pub with full stomach and rejuvenated spirits. It was only when they saw a familiar couple few feets away that their good mood was shakened. Lily and James were strolling leisurely together on a sparsely crowded road. The couple looked quite content with themselves, smiles lighting up their already handsome faces.

Severus' brows furrowed slightly as he took into the sight of the couple. He bit his lip, unknowingly. A sharp pang was felt in his heart, which left a dull ache. Severus dropped his gaze, to avoid them. He'd laugh at himself for clinging to a girl who never wanted him but all came out was a sigh.

Sirius scrunched up his face as he witnessed the change in Severus when he saw the two together. He rolled his eyes, cursing inwardly at the stupid redhead. With an uncontrollable impulse forcing him, Sirius pulled Severus closer and dragged him towards the other end of the road. He felt a little relieved when the smaller boy followed him without resist.

Sirius took in deep breath through his nose and exhale, repeating several times to calm his edged nerves.

Fucking Lily Evans. Ruining everything for him.


	25. Chapter 25

25.

Severus winced in pain as Sirius Black forcibly pulled him to the road. His grip was firm wrapped around Severus' wrist but strangely, Severus felt no urge to pull his hand away. His eyes stung with tears. Severus bit his lip hard trying not to cry in front of Sirius but he couldn't stop a sob escaping.

Suddenly, Sirius stopped. He turned and watched Severus in his worst state. Severus lowered his head quickly to hide his face but it was too late.

Severus heard him sighing then the boy loosened his grip. The strong, calloused hand gently slide down from wrist to take Severus hand. Then, the Gryffindor boy turned and started to walk again. Severus swallowed down his tears and clasped his hand around Sirius', following him quietly.

He felt awful.

It was quite enjoyable with Sirius today and now it was ruined by him. Severus knew he shouldn't be upset about Lily now that he has much bigger responsibility to concentrate on. Lingering on his 'old' feelings would do no good. He knew that in his head but his heart seemed to find it damn difficult to let it go.

She was… Lily Evans was everything to him.

His life was grey and dark and painful but her presence would lit up his sad life and show kindness and warmth to him. His mother, Eileen Prince was not a mother figure you could hope for. She was too blinded by her own pain that she neglected Severus. His father was a brute, a true monster who would ruthlessly tear him apart. In that pitiful life, Lily was a light full of vibrant colour he never experienced. So he clinged on to that light in order to survive the hell he call home.

Lily Evans was his friend and a sister and a salvation.

When he lost her, he felt like being thrown in a dark abyss until he found himself with a child.

A child of his own and his enemy's. A child who changed that said enemy into his only companion. Severus must cut his feelings for the girl. He cannot have her. He must focus on what he has.

Severus looked up to see Sirius. The taller boy was silent as he walked through the heavily snowed road. His pale skin flushed with cold, Sirius decisively staring in the front, giving away nothing.

Severus tightened his grip and closed his distance with Sirius even closer.

For a while, they kept on walking in silence until Sirius abruptly stopped again. Severus furrowed his brows in curiosity. He wondered if he mistook Severus' sniffling out of cold as sobbing. But when Sirius turned towards him, the Gryffindor boy did not look concerned as before.

With an unfathomable look on his face, Sirius asked, "Severus, you know the way back, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. Why?" Severus tilted his head.

"I think I left something in the pub, I have go back to retrieve it."

Severus frowned. He was sure they didn't leave anything behind. The determiend look on Sirius' face told Severus that it was only an excuse. But the Slytherin boy didn't voice his doubts.

"Can you return to the castle on your own? Remus would be waiting in the Great Hall", said Sirius.

Severus gave a short nod.

A small smile replaced the rigid line on Sirius' lips. Sirius softly stroke Severus' hand with his thumb.

"I'll catch up with you soon enough."

"Alright", Severus returned.

With that Sirius turned and went the opposite way they were heading. Severus stayed, watching the figure getting smaller and smaller and finally out of his sight. Even after he was gone, Severus stood on the road, still as a tree. Finally, when the cold started to bite his feet and hands, Severus turned and headed to the castle ground.

A way back to Hogwarts from Hosmead is not a terribly long one but his physical state had slowed him down. Severus leaned against a tree to give a rest to his swollen feet. The Slytherin boy had never been in shape but the pregnancy made things a lot worse. He couldn't even walk a yard without getting tired.

He went inside the wood trying to search for a place to rest for a while. It was dangerous to go into a wood but the castle was close enough to get help if needed. So Severus went deeper and finally found a large rock covered in snow. He pulled out his wand and melted that snow away. When the rock dried as a leave, he sat down and stretched out his legs.

Severus sighed, looking up in the direction Sirius left. He did not know what the ill-tempered boy was up to, but he had a bad feeling about it. Severus wasn't one to talk, but Sirius is quick to be provoked and when he is, he becomes quite unpredictable.

And he seemed provoked.

Maybe he should've followed Sirius, or discouraged him. But the thought of having someone getting angry for him moved him. Severus thought Lily was the only person getting mad in behalf of him and the last.

A loud shriek snapped Severus out of his reverie. He snapped his eyes up to see where the scream came from and caught the vibrant red colour amist the dense woods. He jolted right up, hurriedly heading towards the redhead without thinking.

He pulled out his wand, preparing for any assaults, as he ran as fast as his body allowed. Severus gasped when he witnessed the redhead sprawled helplessly on the ground. The Slytherin boy looked around the place frantically, a puff of his breath misted around the air as he panted hard. He saw nothing but thick trees and snow-covered bush.

Severus frowned in anxiety, glancing down at the unconscious girl. He could see that she was breathing. Severus quickly swept his eyes down her body to search for injuries but found no conspicuous one. The boy bit his lip in concern. This could mean that it might have been a wizard's attack.

Who would attack a school girl returning from her trip to Hogsmead?

The most fearful yet plausible assumption was Death Eaters.

She's a Muggle-born after all.

Severus prayed it wasn't a Death Eater. His other hand protectively covered around his belly without conscious thought. I must call for help, he thought. Severus jabbed his wand into the air, attempting to send a signal. But he dropped it down quickly and swung his wand in front of him to create a shield when something long thrust itself toward him.

With a loud crack it collided with Severus' shield and thudded on the ground. Severus' dark orbs widened in shock. A large snake with three vicious looking heads and a body extending at least six feet long was hissing venomously from the ground. Severus recognised its black and orange pattern of the creature.

It was Runespoor, a serpentine dark creature that associates only with the darkest wizard.

Severus gulped in terror as he confronted its three pairs of yellow eyes glaring at him.

But Runespoor lives in Africa, not England. How the fuck it crossed a continent-

Before Severus could finish his question, the creature started to thrust itself, all three heads darting toward him. Severus could feel the sweat running down his spine as he saw the red tongues each snake heads darting out from their gaping mouth. The Slytherin boy put up a shield once again, but the snake ripped the invisible shield with their fangs and swooped on Severus. Severus collapsed to the ground from the impact, dropping his wand. He let out a cry in pain.

Then, the snake held up its three heads high and gaped each mouth wide. The Slytherin boy felt his impending death when its horrible hissing sound pierced through his ears. Severus hastily reached for his wand which was out of his reach. But the moment he stretched his arm out, Severus' fingers brushed the lying body next to him. Severus could see the slender piece of wood poking out from it. He grabbed it and shouted,

"Expecto Petronum!"

A bright light formed from the tip of the wand pointed at the three heads. It grew into a beautiful silver doe, repelling the serpent away from him.

For the moment, Severus thought it was working, however, he saw the creature trying to bite his Patronus off, writhing ferociously.

Severus bit his lip and conjured up another one in the direction where Sirius was, hoping to alert the boy. Then, he shot a red light to the sky so that the professors could see while his Patronus distracted the dark creature.

Severus lifted Lily's unconscious body in the air so that he can hide her in the bush. He summoned up his wand and breathed through his nose. Severus braced himself when the serpent finally free itself from the silver doe and ready itself to attack.

"Sectumesempra!"

The Slytherin boy cried wielding his wand like a sword when Runespoor struck again. The curse cut through one of its head, like a hot knife through butter. Severus quickly shielded himself from venomous blood gushing out from severed neck spraying red all over the white road.

The serpent hissed and writhed in agony.

Severus tightened his grip on his wand, clenched his teeth. It works, his curse works. He just needed to hold on until someone comes. He will not die here. He will not die here, failing to protect his child.

* * *

Sirius was furious. He felt a lot more than just furious. Anger and disappointment, frustration and hatred were all mingled up inside his belly. The concoction of mixed feelings sent up a fire in his heart which froze his brain leaving nothing but an impulse to strike the couple down.

He knew it was not his place to intervene. That's why he lied to Severus, leaving him all alone on the road. Severus wouldn't appreciate the level of interference he was about to commit, but he just couldn't let it go.

How could she do that?

Storming through the snow-covered road, Sirius was fuming.

He even didn't know what exactly that makes him so angry that she was dating with James on that spot. Perhaps it was her laugh that tipped him off. Of course, seeing Severus so distressed made his day as the worst. But seeing the red headed girl being happy with his friend gave another jolt of anger.

He knew Lily Evans ruined Severus miserably, though he knew not much about what really happened between him and the girl. And she treated Severus like a piece of vermin, completely disregarding the way he looks at her. Then she hooked herself with James Potter, showing off that she has him every chance she got. James Potter, the one who held responsible for the misery Severus had to endure in his school life as much as Sirius did.

For the love of all that is good and holy, Sirius never thought himself accusing his own friend as a cold brute. Never had he imagined he would be livid at his mate for the sake of Severus Snape. But my God, he did.

It was overwhelming, consuming every nerve he has.

Sirius hated James at that moment.

He hated that James was dating Evans, of all people. He hated that James never even apologised for the misery he caused in Severus life. He hated that he was hating James, the man he loved as his brother. And above all, he hated that he couldn't stop Lily Evans from hurting Severus after all this time.

It was when Sirius arrived the entrance of the town that he found James Potter standing like a statue in the middle of the road. His anger evaporated slightly when he noticed the stiff features in his expression. James was impassive but when seen up close, there was a turmoil of anger and frustration boiling up.

Sirius frowned in confusion. He took a tentative step, concern replacing anger. James snapped his eyes up to see Sirius, surprise visible in his hazel eyes.

"Sirius?"

Sirius compressed his lips, not knowing what to do. He didn't exactly set a plan when he decided to come back. Sirius merely acted upon his temper. He wanted to shout at his friend but Sirius couldn't make out what to say.

James dropped his gaze again, his fists clenching tightly. He let out a sound mingled with sob and snicker, covering his face with one hand. When he looked up to meet Sirius' grey eyes, those warm hazel eyes were glazed with tears.

"Lily's leaving me", said James.

"What?" Sirius asked, his eyes widened in surprise.

If James breaks up with that wretched girl, Sirius was more than happy but it was too unexpected that Sirius almost couldn't believe his ears.

"She just told me to break up", James repeated in a shaky voice, "that she and I are never belonged to each other. And just walked away."

The pain was so palpable in his voice that it re-ignited Sirius' anger against the redhead. He clenched his fists to tame down his wild emotion, trying to listen to James.

"It is all because of Snape", James gritted out venomously.

Sirius frowned in confusion.

James took a step to close the distance, his eyes darkened with madness.

"This-, all of this, you and Moony and now Lily. All this happened because of Severus Snape." James ranted on despite the reproving look appearing on Sirius' face.

"What do you mean by that?" Sirius tried to put reason on that, but James was so out of himself.

"-You! You're spending your entire seventh year, the last year in Hogwarts, with that fucking slimy git! And Remus as well! Because that fucking cunt bewitched you with something!"

"Watch your tongue", Sirius snapped immediately.

However, James was unperturbed.

"See what I mean? Why the fuck should I? I'm telling the truth! You fucking loathed that guy and now you are practically enslaved yourself to that shit! How am I supposed to know whether that fucktard spiked your goblet!" James screamed out every word, trying to make Sirius see reason.

But all he gained was the bewildered look, incredulity obvious in the icy grey eyes.

James snickered, truly glad that he was seeing the evidence of his friend being manipulated by some wicked magic. Because, unless he was spiked with some sort of potion, Sirius would never look at him the way he was looking at him now.

"And now that bastard has taken my Lily, with the same method he's using it on you, I suppose." James murmured.

Sirius gawked at his friend. It was like watching someone going mad in front of him.

Did he just accuse Severus of bewitching Sirius and Lily Evans? To what end?

When Sirius lost his word for different reason, a slight breeze brushed him gently. Sirius turned half way to see what it was and saw a beautiful doe, radiating in silver light.

The first thought was Lily Evans, as he remembered seeing Evans producing a Patronus in shape of a doe.

But she walked straight towards Sirius, not James. James and Sirius both gaped in surprise. The doe gracefully yet quickly reached for Sirius and rubbed its cheek against his thigh. When Sirius looked down at it, meeting its glow, someone came to his mind like a blow.

Severus.

Sirius, without a word, turned his back and raced to where he left Severus. He could hear James shouting his name from a distance, but he did not care. Sirius swiftly changed into his animagus form when he couldn't run as fast as he would like and dashed.

He ran and ran until he smelt the familiar smell of Severus in the air and sprinted towards the Slytherin. A gigantic snake with two heads and a severed neck was about to attack his Slytherin. Without thought, Sirius launched forward and clasped his mouth on the snake-like creature where the two heads meet its body. Sirius tightly clenched his canine and with one forcible pull, he ripped the fucking thing apart.

"Sirius!" Severus cried.

Sirius spat its heads and returned to his own state. Severus ran up to him with wide eyes and even paler face.

"You alright? Are you hurt?" Sirius hastily grabbed hold of Severus searching for any sign of injuries.

Severus gaped, bewildered and shocked.

Sirius thought he was still frightened but when he tried to speak something caught in his throat, making him cough. Coughs gotten violent and violent before the Gryffindor boy doubled over, covering his mouth, hardly able to breathe. His body shook furiously in convulsion until Sirius vomited a bout of blood.

"Sirius!"

The desperate screaming of his name was the last thing he heard before colliding against the cold ground.

* * *

Severus chewed on his lower lip until it bled, his dark eyes wild with worries. He felt his stomach churning as he thought of possibilities that frightened him to dead. Sirius and Lily's in Saint' Mungo's, as Madame Pomfrey was unable to treat such significant poisoning.

Runespoor, the legendary dark creature, was one of the rarest creature. There are only a handful of records the serpent being seen in England, therefore, treatments for its venom are scarce. That's why they had to be transported to the wizarding hospital.

He hadn't heard from Sirius ever since.

Severus curled in his bed, tossing and turning as he thought of the incident. He shook in fear, not for his own, but for Sirius'.

What if he dies?

Severus squeezed his eyes shut, trying to repell such thoughts. He let out a shaky breath as he got himself up from his bed. He couldn't sleep. He hadn't been sleeping for many days now, a constant fear waking him up.

The image of Sirius Black collapsing to the ground after vomitting blood repeated itself over and over. Severus hardly remembered what happened next. Only piecies of memory like a ruined film with lots of blanks were the remained recollection. He screamed out his name, falling to his knees. Severus vaguely recalled James Potter shoving him off of Sirius and professors with shocked faces running from the castle.

And now he was here in the nursery all alone, while Sirius fights for his life.

Severus sighed shakily, rubbing his belly where his baby was kicking him. It seemed the baby was cranky at being so disturbed. But he just couldn't rest.

He wanted to see him. Severus needed to see Sirius.

Tears welled up in his dark eyes.

He could not shake his mind off of Sirius ever since.

A drop of tears ran down his cheek as a realisation dawned. Severus gave a chuckle. It was positively hilarious that he didn't see it before. He giggled like a lunatic until the laugh mixed with a sob.

How could he not notice? Severus cared for the boy.

He cared for Sirius Black.

And now, just as when he realised the shape of his own feeling for the boy, he was about to lose the boy. Severus shook convulsely, a sob rocking through his body. A fear he had never experienced started to consume him.

He needed to see Sirius.

He couldn't survive another lost.

"Master! Master Snape!"

A shrilling voice of the house-elf screamed his name. Severus looked around to find Mimny hurriedly climbing up the bed. Before he could ask what is going on, Mimny took Severus' hand and Disapparated.

When Severus materialized, he realised he was inside a room full of beds covered in crisp white sheets and curtains. He was in the hosptial wing. Severus gasped when he found one figure lying on the bed behind him. The Slytherin boy turned to reach for the curtain, slowly lifting it to peek inside. His heart was pounding like mad.

Severus couldn't help himself breathing out a loud sigh of relief when he saw Sirius Black inside the curtain. He drew it slightly to get inside. Severus shakily reached for the boy but withdrew his hand hesitatingly, afraid if this was a cruel dream. But the warmth felt under his fingers was real. Biting his lip, Severus took a brave leap and covered the boy's face in his hand. It was real. He was real.

Sirius is alive.

* * *

A/N

Hi I'm back!

Sorry I didn't upload soon enough. The war against the daycare center is taking a lot from me. lol

Finally! I've made these two have feelings for each other! Man, this is twenty five chapter and they now grow some romantic feelings. I know I wrote in the summary that this will be take some time but I didn't realize how long.

What do you think? Too soon? I know one of you said I could make these two fall in love after the baby's born, but that'll be way too long for me. I hope to hear you opinion!

Thanks for reading and I would love to see you comments on this chapter very much!

I'll be back asap, please wait for me.

Bye!


	26. Chapter 26

26.

"Please come in, professor", said the old professor.

In came the old witch covered in a deep emerald robe, with a pointed hat on her head. Professor's wrinkles deepened with worries as she walked across the room and sat down in a chair. Professor Dumbledore stroke his long white beard while his blue eyes stared from the window. Professor Mcgonagal waited patiently until the old wizard sorted out his thoughts.

"I heard Mr. Black and Miss Evans have returned from Saint Mungo's." Dumbledore said as he returned from the window to his chair.

Professor Mcgonagal nodded curtly, staring at the normally sparkling blue eyes.

Dumbledore sighed, eyeing his table with vacant stares. He forced a small smile when he looked up to meet her eyes.

"How are they?" he asked.

Professor Mcgonagal drew in a short breath before she spoke.

"Fine, I heard. Madame Pomfrey assured me the hospital had removed all poison from their systems. They should be fine within a week."

"Good news at last", the old wizard said nodding his head.

A skinny eyebrow of the old witch quirked, "I failed to see what is the good news that a couple of students have recovered from a severe poisoning which was caused by one of the most dangerous creatures on history. They could have died, Albus. So would the Snape boy if he hadn't been brave as well as smart enough."

A twinkle returned in his deep blue eyes at those word. Feigning nonchalance, Dumbledore held his gaze upon the witch before opening his mouth.

"Indeed, it would have been catastrophic if it weren't for Mr. Snape and his wit."

Catching the unspoken meaning, Minerva quirked her eyebrow, eyeing the sly man like a hawk. A twitch around her thin lips displayed her reproval against the man's habit.

"I must confess, I have failed to see such talents in Mr. Snape. Though, Horace boomed in pride when I told him what I say to you now. The man insisted that he always knew what a jewel that boy is."

Professor Mcgonagal cleared her throat, breaking off the old wizard's babbling. It was clear from her eyes that she didn't appreciate the way Dumbledore seeing the current situation. Students were attacked in the middle of a road from Hogsmead to Hogwarts, which means the enemies are getting closer to the school. More lives of innocent children could be in danger and the man's first thought is the idea of excavating a new weapon. It was outrageous!

"Albus, it is imperative that we enforce more security around the castle. We must ban all trips to Hogsmead and surveil the castle ground at all times. We do not know what could happen next-"

"Of course, Minerva, of course we must do all we could to prevent the next victim." Albus held up his hand, trying to calm her down.

Minerva furrowed her brows but she quickly smoothed out her face. She knows this man. Of course, he have everything under control. The hearty old witch glared at the old wizard, waiting for him to confide his plan to her.

Dumbledore smiled softly, not particularly looking anywhere.

Professor Mcgonagal twitched as she grew impatient with him.

"Albus-"

"I shall enforce the protection even further, my dear. And I will inform Mr. Filch to cover all holes in the castle to ensure no one comes in or goes out", Dumbledore announced in an assuring voice.

Professor Mcgonagal harrumphed, not quite ready to shake off her growing impatience.

"But I must say, it is quite extraordinary that Mr. Snape had killed the serpent on his own."

* * *

Sirius was in the dark alone. He did not know where he was, so he walked until he saw a small light from a distance. In a relief, Sirius hurried towards the light and found a small, yet graceful doe standing in the dark. It was beautiful. Awe-struck, Sirius tried to reach for the doe. But she seemed like she didn't even notice Sirius. Before he could touch her, the doe ran forward. Sirius followed her.

No, don't go. Please.

Sirius grew desperate as he couldn't reach for her while he could still see her.

Wait!

He shouted. No, he thought he shouted but no sound came out. Sirius felt frustrated at this lost of his voice. Please don't go, he pleaded silently.

The doe finally stopped. Sirius sighed in relief when he closed his distance with the doe but soon realised what the doe was aftering. A girl with deep red hair and bright green eyes.

His heart stopped beating and he felt his blood washed out from his body. Sirius couldn't even breathe.

The doe slowly approached the girl and gently, she nudged her nose to the girl's extended palm. The girl stroked her affectionately. The soft coat ruffled slightly as the doe rubbed herself against the girl's gentle touch.

Sirius clenched his fists. His heart started to pound his rib cage as the fiery anger enflamed inside him.

Sirius took a sharp breath as he was abruptly brought back to conscious with a jolt of his heart. Springing upright, he gasped and panted, trying to catch his breath. Sirius pushed his palm down on his chest to calm his furiously beating heart. When it calmed, Sirius was able to clear his head and sort out his memory. He was in the hospital, after being poisoned. Sirius looked around. The room was dark but he could make out a line enough to see that he was in the hospital wing.

He vaguely remembered someone caressing his cheek but there was no one beside him.

Sirius bit his lip hard at the sudden sense of cold.

He breathed out shakily, trying to shake the feeling off. But it failed and brought back more dread to his heart. A doe. A fucking doe. Sirius screwed his eyes shut. A fucking doe. He repeated like a mad man.

Sirius could remember the day when the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher taught them Patronus Charm. He failed to produce one. James Potter conjured up a majestic stag. Lily Evans a doe. Severus Snape- he thought the boy failed as well.

Stupid, stupid me. Sirius chuckled to himself.

Severus Snape, as it turned out, has a doe for his Patronus.

Just like the one Lily Evans has.

A tinge of smile disappeared abruptly and a pure envy replaced its place. It's just unbelievable that a person could love someone so deeply and so devotedly that no matter what that person does to you, you love her still. Sirius had to give him applause for his devout love for Lily Evans.

When the grey eyes were revealed, there was cold rage burning inside them.

But Sirius can't let him go. He wouldn't let him go.

There was a hollow in his heart whenever Severus Snape was not near him. The boy has taken his place in Sirius' heart and whenever he is gone, Sirius felt dark void inside that he never felt before. Was it really newly discovered feeling? He did not know. What he knew was that he must hold on to Severus and never let go of him.

He won't lose him to Lily Evans.

Never.

* * *

"Now, Mr. Black, you must be cautious at all times. They drained all poison out of your body but still, it would not be wise for you to start your daily routine as you did before. And-"

"Yes, Madame Pomfrey, I heard you the first time. May I leave?" Sirius interrupted the matron's rant before it gets too long.

He was stuck in this room for days after he woke up in the middle of night. He saw Lily Evans, the redheaded bitch, being discharged out of this hospital two days before him. The anger he felt at seeing her leaving while he stuck in this shithole was enough to drive him mad. And the things she could be doing to Sev while he' here were scaring the hell out of Sirius. Yet, the hearty old matron insisted that he required more rest as Sirius drank the serpent's venomous blood.

So he waited for Severus to come for him but she wouldn't even let any visitors in. All for his well-being, she said. When he felt like he was going to die inside the hospital out of boredom and anxiety, Madame Pomfrey finally announced his discharge.

Madame Pomfrey didn't appreciate his rudeness but she said nothing but 'be careful, boy', and let him out. Overwhelmed with joy, Sirius opened the door and felt the happiness evaporating quickly.

The moment he walked out of the motherfucking hospital wing, Sirius thought he'd see Severus right away. Instead, however, he found the marauders waiting at the corridor. Only the marauders. Sirius frowned, looking for Severus but was quickly diverted as James hurried over him.

"Sirius! Finally!" he cried out.

James stretched out his arms and embraced him tightly, making him choke. Sirius returned the hug back but his eyes kept on wandering the hallway. When his grey eyes met the green ones, Sirius opened his mouth to ask. However, James interjected.

"You look like crap. Let's go to the dormitory." James pushed Sirius' back, urging to him walk towards the Gryffindor Tower.

"Er-, wait-" Sirius wanted to look for Severus, so he tried to stay but James kept on pushing him and Peter pulled him forward, while Remus collected his belongings and walked along quietly.

When they reached to the Tower, Sirius was forced to sit down on an armchair in the common room. James, looking down at him with worrying eyes, sat on the sofa next to it.

"Mate, how do feel? What did Pomfrey say? Are you going to be alright?"

And he started to bombard him with questions.

"What happened? Did Snape really killed that snake? Or was it you? No one tells me anything!"

And followed by Peter, fidgeting like an impatient little eight-year-old.

"Oh, stop it, Peter." Remus chastised him coldly. "Later."

Peter's face fell. James, not giving even a glance to the chubby boy, prodded Sirius on. "So? Are you going to be alright?"

Sirius hesitated, as he was struggling inwardly whether to stay here, indulging his friends or to go out and search for Severus. He really wanted to see Severus. But the three pairs of worrying and caring eyes pressed on his guilt. Of course, they worry him. They are his friends. Gulping down the urge to leap from the chair, Sirius faked a smirk. "Oh, Prongs. I knew you has hots on me, mate, but this is unbecoming of you and little bit creepy."

James face fell and he coughed unnecessarily. "I see you are exactly the same."

Remus chuckled softly.

"Yeah, I am. They drained the venom out so I'm good as new." Sirius said with a reassuring grin.

James pouted before breathing out a sigh of relief. "Well, you'd better get inside so you can take some rest."

"Well, actually I was going to-"

"You are not seeing Severus Snape." James cut him across with a stern look.

Sirius closed his mouth, dumbfounded. When he opened his mouth to reject, James pulled him forcibly from the chair and led him to upstair. Remus and Peter followed silently. Sirius stumbled slightly into their dorm room as James pushed him from his back.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked bewildered by their bizarre behaviours. They acted as if they knew what he was thinking and pushed him by the shoulder to make him sit down on his bed.

Sirius felt the annoyance bubbling up. "I had enough sleep over the past week. I'm fine."

"Yeah, well, you never know." James blatantly replied as he searched Sirius' drawers for nightwear.

Sirius snatched his pyjamas from the air as his mate tossed it. "What do you mean by that?" He frowned as James did not response. Out of frustration, Sirius turned to Remus, who knew of his intention and worries. Surely, he'd be sympathetic with him, Sirius thought.

But when his grey eyes found the green ones, Sirius found nothing. Screwing up his face in an anger, Sirius turned to Peter who was exactly the same as Remus.

"What are you guys talking about?" His pyjamas scrunched up in his hand, Sirius studied their faces.

They all looked at him with a certain look which Sirius could not grasp. After a moment of staring at each others, James finally gave in to his own frustration and anger.

"You were poisoned by a fucking Runespoor, Sirius! A Runespoor!" He bursted out.

Sirius snorted, "yeah, I know. So what?"

James let out a frustrated chuckle, putting his hand on his forehead. Sirius felt the odd sensation seeing his friend in such state.

"You really don't get it, do you?" James asked, staring straight to his eyes.

Sirius admitted he wasn't following what James meant. James waited for something but it was clear that Sirius was clueless, he snorted.

"You could have died, Sirius. You could have died", James told him. "Runsepoors are lethal. Their blood is pure venom, one drop of it could kill a Centaur. And you stupidly tore the Snake's head with your canine", James gritted out every word, his hazel eyes glazed with tears.

"You could have fucking died!" James cried. "And all because Severus fucking Snape! You could have died right there and then just to save Snape and you want to see the fucking git? Fuck no! You stay out of that motherfucker, or I swear to Merlin, I'm going to kill that cunt!"

Sirius couldn't say anything but watched the other marauder storming out of the room after screaming his gut out. Bewildered as he couldn't process everything that crosses his mind, Sirius stared at the door. A warm hand was laid on his shoulder. Sirius looked up to find Remus with rueful smile adorning his features.

"He's been out of his mind lately after seeing you lying there on the road. And with what's going on with Lily…. He's just worried, Sirius." Remus explained, gently squeezing his shoulder.

"Evans broke up with Prongs and she refused to see him afterward. He got kicked out when he visited Evans." Peter joined, a dark look falling across his features.

"Visited her?" Sirius repeated curiously.

Peter nodded with a grave look. "Yeah, she got admitted to the hospital, too. Didn't you know? She was attacked by the snake, as you did."

"He wasn't attacked by the snake, Peter", Remus corrected automatically. "Anyway, James thought you were going to die and so did we. You've got to understand how terrified we all were, Sirius."

Sirius fell silent. He roughly brushed his hair back, breathing out a sigh. Sirius' grey eyes met Remus'.

"Don't worry about Severus. You should rest for a while to regain yourself." Remus said.

Sirius bit his lip, objection caught in his throat. He wanted to tell him how he feel about Severus, and therefore, the urgency of the matter. However, Sirius found himself couldn't as he watched the concerns palpable in the green eyes.

"Mate, it wouldn't do good for Severus if you were to see him like this." Remus added, with an exasperated sigh.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow, "why?"

"No offense but you look like a corpse, and Severus needs to be assured that you are absolutely alright. Looking like you've just came back from death isn't going to help him do that. Just take some moment to heal yourself and then see him. Severus needs his own rest as well." Remus explained.

Sirius jerked, "What? Why? Did something happen to him?"

"No, he just- well, let's just say that he's been worried about you too." Remus stuttered.

"Why would he worry about Sirius?" Peter asked.

Remus rolled his eyes.

* * *

Severus Snape was an odd boy living next to her town. Lily was living in a beautiful house with a green roof on top. Her town was vigorous place filled with laughter. Everyone in the town was the nicest people you can find and she loved living there.

But just across the small river, there was a town called Spinner's End. That place was the opposite of her town. It was grim and dark and dangerous. But she loved going there, as did all the other kids. Like all children do, Lily loved adventure, especially to the other side of river where there was completely different life.

All parents warned their children of the danger lies in that town. Children, however, understand the word 'dangerous' as 'exciting' or 'mystical'. They often ignore the concerned parents and try to explore the unknown, while getting themselves into trouble more than often.

Lily was like them. She wanted to explore the unknown place called Spinner's End.

Spinner's End was actually not mystical at all. It was just an old town where the lower class resides. The working poor, so to speak. Though, Lily was sure most of them were jobless.

It was a ghetto, and young Lily did not understand what that means.

The first time Lily met Severus was when she went on her 'adventure'.

Later, she began to notice a boy peeping at her whenever she went to Spinner's End.

Then, a boy wearing mis-matched tatty old clothes reached for her the first time under a large tree.

That boy was Severus Snape. She thought Severus Snape was an odd boy wearing odd clothes. He was dirty, scrawny, and shy. Severus knew less about normal things but knew a lot about magical world. He never cries when hurt, yet, he shy away whenever Lily smiles.

But she liked Severus.

It was like having a little brother or a duckling following every step of hers, believing she's the mother duck. Severus clung to her like a desperate man in the dessert for water and Lily pitied him.

She never knew a pity could be directed to a friend. A friend should be about having fun together, laughing. That's what she knew about friends. But Severus taught her there could be millions things more about being somebody's friend.

The first time she saw him bleeding from his forehead, she was introduced with the feeling of her heart aching. She felt protective of the boy. She saw that she was the only one who would care about the boy. And then, they grew up to be Hogwarts students, split up by house names. Severus was alone, even in his house. She was, again, the only one to be his friend. Severus clung to her and she held him tightly.

Responsibilities, that was another thing Severus taught her. Or rather, being Severus Snape's friend taught her.

She was the only one.

That gave astounding amount of pressure upon her shoulder. It was smothering, even. Severus clung to him as if he'd die without her and she felt like her world shrinking to a tiny circle where only him and Lily can fit in.

A jealousy Severus felt whenever Lily hang around with other students made Lily to refuse many many offers of friendships. A desperate thirst for her attention made her ignore most of other activities.

Lily couldn't count how many times she rejected her friends asking her to go out. The times she had to change her plan to suit Severus' need were beyond numerous. Lily was an outgoing person who likes to enjoy a sunlight whereas Severus was reserved and indoor person. She likes watching Quidditch games but she hardly remembers the last time she had watched the game.

But all these shouldn't be an excuse to leave a boy who was going to all alone without her. Lily tried to understand him, she honestly tried. Lily knew of his dark secrets and she knew Lily was the only one.

However, Severus kept on testing her patience.

Friendship should be both ways not one. If Lily Evans gave up a lot of things just to be his friend, Severus Snape should give up something to accommodate her. That is what a friend should do.

Lily chose Severus above all the others.

Severus at least should have chosen her over his obsession with the dark.

Lily tried to persuade him, talk him out of that stupid dark arts. But Severus was adamant. And in the end, he called her 'mudblood', letting her know every effort she put to help her friend failed.

So she let him go. She let him walk away from her.

But why she wasn't feeling so good?

At first, she felt relieved to be free. She could choose whatever she likes to do, according to her preference. She was free to hang around with other friends, she was free to watch Quidditch and talk about boys and…

her mind just kept returning to Severus Snape.

A moment in her daily routine, a small object or some particular subjects, everything reminded her of Severus Snape. Of how she used to make potions with Severus or study in a library or walk along the lakeside or…. Of the things she could be doing with Severus. Those kinds of things just popped into her minds unannounced.

Then she becomes melancholy. Sad that she could no longer be with him, Lily mourned the lost.

She was so used to being with Severus that when he was gone, he left a hole in her heart. It hurt her deeply and the pain was so grave that she couldn't endure on her own. So she placed the blame on Severus. She blamed Severus for ruining their friendship, accused his inability to change for the sake of her as the culprit of her pain. That made it easier for her to bear the pain.

But she still felt incomplete.

So she tried a relationship with a boy who claimed to love her. But James Potter did not make her feel the way she felt when she was with Severus.

Then, she found out Severus had gotten himself ailenated from the dark side. Severus finally detached himself from that wretched crowd. The knowledge gave Lily a tremendous amount of joy and a fear. She was glad but not entirely glad as she didn't know what to do with the truth. Lily already parted with Severus and was with James.

But when she saw Severus Snape strolling the Hogsmeade road with Sirius Black, holding their hands, something clikced inside her mind.

She cannot accept it. She wouldn't accept it that there was someone else taking her place beside Severus Snape.

She just finally found out that she loves Severus.

It was time that she set things right again. Lily broke up with James Potter right there and then, and followed Severus. She waited for Sirius Black to leave when she saw the two departing, and make a beeline to Severus before she was attacked by a snake.

Even in her poisoned state, she saw Severus coming to help her. Lily saw the Slytherin boy conjuring up a beautiful doe, the one very much like hers. There, lying on the cold ground, Lily witnessed his love for her. They were meant to be together, she was sure.

And when she opened her eyes at the hospital, Lily hoped to find Severus. Yet, she met a pair of worried hazel eyes, instead. A disappointed must have shown clearly, for James frowned in offense.

"I was so worried, Lily", whispered James.

Lily felt the tinge of guilt in her stomach at the soft spoken voice but she refused to indulge him. It wouldn't do any good for either of them to drag this relationship.

"Thank you, James, I appreciate it."

James smiled, tears welled up in his eyes. He tried to reached for her hands but she withdrew them.

"But I think it is time for you to leave." Lily said.

James' face fell. He started to tremble as he lowered his gaze. Lily ruefully watched the round back of his head, her fingers twitching to stroke dark locks. She clamped her hands tightly to each other. Lily should not be soft with this. It would only hurt James.

"Why are you doing this? Tell me what is wrong, Lily. Tell me what have I done to you?" James snapped his eyes up, his hands clenched into fists.

Lily watched his hands shaking.

"This isn't about you, James. I'm sorry."

James let out a howl of laughter. "Then who's fault is it? Hmm?" His handsome face was scrunched up as if in pain, "I did everything I could, Lily. I love you, I love you", he repeated emphasizing every word.

"Lily, Lily. Tell me, because I don't understand at all. Why we must be seperated, why do we not belong to each other when I care about you so much! I've tried to understand you, I've tried to make this work." James screamed his pain.

Lily felt her own eyes welling up as well. She bit the inside of her cheek trying not to cry in front of James. This was her fault. She knew. Lily shouldn't have started this relationship from the first place.

"I know you did, I'm sorry, James. I am so sorry-"

"Stop saying that, and tell me why!" James yelled.

Lily flinched under the intense glare James was shooting at her. She gulped. "I don't love you, James. I'm so sorry, but I don't", Lily sobbed. "I wished I did, that would have made things much more simpler, I know. But I love Severus-" She confessed.

A drop of tear rolled down her pale cheek.

James shakily breathed out a sigh. He turned his head to the side, hiding from her stare. The Gryffindor boy nodded. "Alright. Alright, Lily."

"James, I'm so sorr-"

"It's alright, Lily. I understand now. And thank you for telling me." James turned his head to meet her gaze. He tried to smile but all came out was a crooked one.

"Good bye."

* * *

A/N

Hi, I'm back!

Finally, I am able to tell what was going on Lily Evans' mind! Haha! See, I don't really like Lily but she was right about one thing. Severus should have listened to her when she told him about the danger lied on the dark side. That was his mistake. And I know he has a terrible home life and that affected him negatively. And that's what makes this all so complicated and sad. Severus should have listened to Lily and yet, he had excuse for what he is and Lily was right about the dark side but she should have been more forward about pulling Severus into the light side. That's what I think, and that is how I put it into my fiction.

Everyone's saying Lily's horrible and I agree with you. But I don't want to make her entirely bad person. Everyone's complicated, you know.

I'm glad to finally reveal Lily's secret. lol

And as for James, I'm surprised many of you thought he was overly attached to Lily. I didn't think of it that way, but he kind of is. hmm. Well. I don't really hate James, and I'm intend to make him Severus' friend in the future, so... Well, let's see where this leads.

Bye!

Thanks for reading and comments are super appreciated!

Thanks for the nicest review ever, I loved them. But it took a while for me to read them because of the error. I hope that doesn't happen in the future.


	27. Chapter 27

27.

Severus Snape was an odd little boy with odd things happening to him. From the first year of Hogwarts, Severus has been the most unpopular boy in school. Everyone hated him, but there were four boys directing the bullying, the Marauders. Their unfavourable attitude toward the boy fueled the other student's disdain directed to him.

However, as things always turn out twisted and weird in his life, something happened to Severus Snape.

First, Severus Snape got pregnant with a child.

Male conception was the rarest occurrence even in the wizarding world, which is why Severus was forced to deal with the situation alone. There had been only a few records about actual male conception in history and he became the first person to conceive a child in centuries.

Then, he found himself attracting unwanted and unexpected attentions from others.

Sirius Black, and his brother Regulus Black was the start. And then, Remus Lupin was the next. Severus was, again, forced to spend time surrounded by boys who despise or were indifferent to him.

For a boy who was unpopular and despised, this was very peculiar.

But there one more. There was another person in Severus' life who, in a glimpse, the most unlikely person to be involved. Lily Evans, the girl everyone in Hogwarts wants.

Lily was pretty and smart, talented witch with bright prospect for the future. Her bright green eyes shining and her deep red hair contrast to the creamy white skin were absolutely gorgeous. The very opposite of Severus. To say that such girl was in fact madly in love with the boy would be outrageous.

But it was true.

Lily could not help herself even though she fought every step of the way. Now, she must complete her fate. Lily tried to look for Severus ever since waking up from the hospital wing. She imagined Severus would be near her, worrying about her. Yet, she could not find even a sliver of him. Lily suspected the boy was too scare to be near her after what happened in the fifth year.

Poor Sev.

Back then, Lily was terrified by him, thinking that he would abandon her for the dark side. As it turned out, though, he would never abandon her for anything.

However, days after days, Severus had not shown himself. There must be a class in which the two listen together yet Severus had not shown up in classes either. Lily begun to feel worried, as it is so unlike Severus to skip classes.

She asked Professor Slughorn for Severus' whereabouts, but he told her he did not know. That old useless weasle. It is house-head's duty to acquire knowledge about student's well being and Severus had already missed enough classes to worry him.

As time passes, Lily grew anxious to see him. What if Severus is avoiding her? Could it be that he's just sick for a moment? Sick worrying about her. Poor Sev. She must see him at once.

* * *

A week has passed without seeing Severus. Sirius was going to die out of frustration and anxiety if he doesn't see him now. Or better yet, he might be murdering his own best friend because that best friend was the one preventing him from seeing Severus.

Sirius tried everything to see Severus.

He tried to sneak at nights, which was thwarted by James Potter locking the door with Anti-Alohomora without him knowing. Then, Sirius tried to sneak out after classes but that didn't work either as James and his loyal servant Peter Pettigrew cast a spell to alert them when he's three feet away from them. Sirius honestly thought everything he could think of, but being a best friend meant that James knew what he would come up with and can counteract to his plans.

It was, without a doubt, the most frustrating week Sirius Black had ever had to endure.

However, if there's a friend who thinks avoiding a danger is the way, there's also a friend who thinks dealing with dangers is better.

Remus Lupin was the one come to his aid and teach him how to deal with dangers on his own. If James Potter wanted to alienate Sirius from Severus because he thinks Severus was dangerous, Remus considered avoiding the boy was not the way to deal with things.

So, despite James' intense objection, Remus allowed Sirius to escape the stifling dorm so that he can run down to the dungeon and see Severus after a very long time.

He must admit he was quite nervous. When Sirius left the dorm, he felt like trotting down to the dungeon. Yet, he found his steps growing slower as he got near to the nursery. What if Severus was mad that he didn't show up soon?

Worries started to build up in his stomach but Sirius Black was not a man to hide from his fears. With a trembling hand, he tabbed the entrance which glided open smoothly as he remembers.

A second felt like hour before he finally saw Severus on bed. Sirius took a hesitant step towards the bed, alarming the boy in sleep.

"Mm….?"

Severus slowly lifted himself, one hand cupping his belly. To Sirius eyes, it had gotten bigger. Sirius hurried over to the bed, sitting down next to Severus.

"Hey", Sirius whispered.

Severus blinked few times before he finally met Sirius' eyes. The dark orbits widened as they took in Sirius' form. Severus gasped, amazed. Sirius imagined the shock in those dark eyes couldn't outweigh his own, as he took in Severus' bony hands. Severus was a skinny boy but this was beyond skinny. Those pale hands were literally bony. Sirius could see the thin bones poking out from the back of his hands. Sirius frowned. Severus had gotten thinner, unhealthier.

Severus' face was sallow and the bags under his eyes showed how much tired Severus was. His cheeks were hollowed and Severus' lips were chapped, dry.

I'm going to murder James. Sirius muttered to himself.

He should have came down here, no matter what James says. He should have taken care of Severus.

"I'm sorry", Sirius mumbled, his head lowered like a kicked puppy.

Severus lifted his hand to touch Sirius' cheek, hesitantly. The Slytherin boy's thin fingers ghosted over his face, as if afraid of breaking it. When they felt him, Severus breathed out a breath he's been holding. Sirius looked up to meet his dark eyes, which were glistening with tears.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked.

Sirius frowned, "Am I alright? What about you? What happened to you? Why haven't you-". He started to rant out in frustration. Oh, he should have came down!

Severus didn't answer, instead, he lowered his head to Sirius' chest.

And Sirius felt his heart just stopped with a pound. He choked, unable to move or speak, when Severus slide his arms around Sirius' neck, holding him. Sirius could feel the baby bump in his thighs as Severus leaned his weight on his body. Panicked, would be the perfect word to describe Sirius' present state. Sirius didn't know what to do and was afraid to do anything. His heart was pounding as it ordered Sirius' to take the chance and embrace the exhausted boy in his arm. His hands twitched in desire to hold Severus but Sirius was scared he might do something to the boy if he did. Something inappropriate to a pregnant person.

"Would you like to lie down?"

This time, Sirius couldn't hold back a choke. "Er-..., what?" Sirius croaked.

Severus nodded towards the bed and then looked at Sirius. "I couldn't sleep last night so I was trying to take some rest. And I think you could use some rest after-" Severus trailed off.

"Oh."

He's pregnant, you dolt! Sirius mentally chastised himself. Sirius felt like a pervert for thinking what just crossed his mind.

Sirius eyed on the cozy bed which was rumpled where Severus was lying down. He gulped. Sirius was unsure of his own patience or endurance in this matter. But when he found Severus' eyes again, he couldn't say no.

Sirius nodded.

A small smile tucked the corners of Severus' lips. The Slytherin boy fumbled around to lay himself down, gently cupping the belly. Sirius helped by lifting the sheet and laid down next to him, covering the duvet over them. He placed his head on his arm, facing Severus who was doing the same thing.

It felt comfortable like that as if they've been doing this for very long time. Like they've just found their places to be. Sirius reached for a strand of dark hair, covering Severus' face and gently pushed it out of his face. Severus took his touch comfortably.

They stayed like that, without saying anything. Only the sound of their breathing filled the air and each other's faces were the only thing that filled their eyes.

The long silence was broke when Severus spoke.

"I had the first contraction while you were away."

Sirius, not knowing what to say, said, "Oh?"

Severus chuckled, "It's getting closer."

"Right."

Severus chuckled even more when he caught the hint of fear in Sirius' answer.

"We'll going to need a name."

"Mm-hmm."

Severus could not help himself, and starting to giggle. Sirius let out a bark-like laugh at his own cowardness and the two boys laughed for a while.

* * *

James was seething when he saw Sirius leaving their dorm room. He couldn't believe Remus really let him go back to that stinking dungeon to see Severus fucking Snape. What is it, really, that makes everybody fallen over for that slimy git? What have he done to James' friends?

James waited for Sirius to come back after the night had fallen yet the dark haired boy did not return. James gritted his teeth as he changed into his nightwear.

A sound of sighing came from his behind. James slowly turned to see Remus looking at him with the look that makes him feel like a five-year-old. He glared at the taller boy as if to dare, yet Remus said nothing.

"What?" Finally, when he couldn't help himself, James snapped.

Remus sighed again.

James frowned slightly, offended by his friend's condescending attitude.

"If there's something you want to unload, then do tell. Otherwise, stop staring at me creepily." James said.

"I think you're the one who needs to unload", Remus returned.

James scowled, "what's that supposed to mean?"

Sighing, Remus stepped closer. "You know that it isn't Severus' fault."

Since when did Remus call Snivelly _Severus_? James buttoned his nightshirt, purposely ignoring Remus' green eyes. Remus snorted, then he made it to James' bed and sat down, looking up to his hazel eyes.

Seeing those green, though not the same shade as Lily's, James couldn't take his eyes off.

"I'm sorry what happened between you and Evans, and I know you were terrified when Sirius got poisoned. But you know all these are not Severus' fault." Quietly, yet firmly, Remus spoke.

James clutched his fists tightly, abruptly taking his eyes off of Remus'.

Remus harrumphed, stretching his hand to take James' chin in between his fingers and turning it to meet his eyes. If Lily's were bright grassy green, Remus' eyes were like a forest, much more deep and rich in colour. James felt odd as he stared into those eyes. When did those green eyes obtain such sincerity and maturity? Remus Lupin was always the matured one in their circle but James hadn't realised how much grown he became during the seventh year.

"Aren't you at least angry with what happened? Sirius could have died…." James muttered.

"Yes, he could have. But he hadn't, and what's more important is that you would've done the same in his position. This isn't about Sirius caring Severus, isn't it? It is about you refusing to change." Remus returned.

James let out a frustrated laugh, astounded, "it's fucking Snivelly we are talking about! Why ever should I?"

"Stop calling him Snivelly, we are not first years. You should be respecting him, James Potter, he is not your inferior." Remus scolded, disdain palpable in his voice.

James flinched, biting back an angry retort. He saw the genuine revulsion in Remus' eyes that warned James.

Remus heaved a sigh, brushing his hair back. He seemed to be composing himself as he took a deep breath before he spoke again.

"Severus Snape is not a piece of meat for you to play with. I let you and Sirius do whatever you want to do with him for far too long. I refuse to help you treating the poor boy in foul manner. I know the price of negligence, I've felt it too deeply."

James bit his lip, remembering the day when Remus stormed into their room, screaming and shouting, livid with fear and pent up self-loathing. He didn't want that to Remus, either. He is not a bad person. Deep down, James knew this isn't really about Severus Snape. It's just that James couldn't face the truth so he dumped everything to Snape, blaming the Slytherin.

The truth is, to his shame, James was frightened as much as ashamed. He was frightened by the fact that things could change and would change as time passes. James imagined himself marrying Lily Evans, having children together but that seemed so far away. He thought the marauders would last even longer before that would happen. The seventh year, in his mind, would be the extension of the past Hogwarts' life he shared with the marauders.

But things started to happen and things got changed.

Sirius almost killed Severus Snape and that had him and Remus apart for a while, which was the darkest day James ever had to endure. When that was over, Sirisu had himself tied with Snape and Remus was the same. He was left with Peter, who was neither of them.

And not only Sirius and Remus Snape has in between his fingers, Lily was one of them.

He knew. He knew Lily loved Snape. He knew that from the first time he saw the two together in the train. It was clear from her eyes how much she adores the scrawny boy.

James couldn't simply accept that. James couldn't admit, not even to himself, that he was jealous of Snivelly.

Of all people, Severus Snape, the ugly dark arts fanatic, was the one James Potter would kill to be in his place. That was mortifying. To think James was jealous of anyone would be absurd and of Snape? That's just…. unacceptable. So James tried to ignore every jolt of hatred whenever he saw the git with Lily, convincing himself it was only aversion, not envy.

"Let it go, James. It's time for you to start changing." Remus said.

James, despite the protest in some part of his heart, nodded.

* * *

Things gotten remarkably better than both thought before they had their little reunion. Sirius thought Lily the tramp would interfere them but all she does was looking at them time to time. Though he believed she would do something eventually, but for now, she was out of the picture.

As well as James Potter, all thanks to Remus Lupin.

Remus somehow convinced James the importance of letting Sirius to be with Severus. After that, he hardly objects, though Sirius could see how much James was retaining himself. He appreciated his mates' efforts.

Although the two never said anything, they knew things are quite different. Severus started to rely on Sirius even more, opening up to him. He actually came to Quidditch matches to support him, though he was not exactly sitting at the booth. Sirius didn't want to risk the baby for stuff like Quidditch. He loved Quidditch but he loved the baby even more.

In return, Sirius tried to accommodate Severus with his work in potion class. Trimming down Valerian twigs and sneezewort, dissecting flabberworm for potion making became his mid-night routine.

Recently, Severus and Sirius started to sleep together at the nursery. As the winter had passed and the spring came, the labour drew nearer. They decided it is safe to be prepared for the every possibility beforehand. Well, that was what Sirius said to convince Severus.

It felt odd but great to be near Severus. The warmth radiating from the body next to him was remarkably wonderful. He never knew such feelings before, though it was not the first time Sirius woke up with someone next to him. But gods, Severus was singular. He can feel the baby moving under his palm placed protectively on Severus' belly, which was magical.

He felt he was exactly where he belong.

And one Friday night, it happened.

Severus woke up in the middle of a night with the jolt of pain in his abdomen. It was more forcible than usual, and somehow, Severus could feel it in his heart that this was it. What a coincidence it was, what an envious fate's trick it was, Sirius was not there. He was going to be late as he was forced to attend detention Professor Mcgonagal gave him.

Severus panicked, worrying.

He slowly climbed out of bed, pacing around the nursery, trying to calm himself.

He thought of calling Mimny, but Mimny was technically not his house-elf, so calling wouldn't work. Severus grew scarier. He didn't know what to do.

"Ah!"

Then, another contraction hit him. He doubled over the desk, clutching his belly.

Severus bit his lip, trying to straighten himself.

"Sirius…." Severus whimpered, "please…."

_Come quickly._

Severus complied to his pain and sat down on the chair. He inhaled deeply, calming himself. Contraction hit him again in shorter term. It was getting closer. Severus gritted his teeth, trying to withhold the pain but it hurt so bad. Was it supposed to hurt this much? Severus worried.

When Severus tried to send some kind of signal, not caring if anyone sees it, the house-elf materialized with a pop.

Mimny squealed, "Master!"

"Mimny-", Severus whispered.

Mimny hurried to him, "Master! Master!" she seemed equally panicked as he was, repeating over and over again.

Severus frowned as another contraction hit, "Quiet, Mimny", he snapped. Mimny slapped her hands on her mouth. Severus met the electric blue eyes, and gritted out, "Listen, the baby's coming, Mimny. I need you to find Sirius and bring him here at once."

Mimny did not hesitate and Disapparated.

Severus sighed in relief, hoping Sirius would come in time.

* * *

It was late and Sirius was exhausted. Damn that old heck. She was a nightmare, Sirius grumbled. Because of that hearty old woman, Sirius was forced to spend the night organizing student's detention records in Filch's office. Severus must be waiting for him.

He hurried his steps towards the dungeon where his Slytherin was waiting. Then, there was a figure walking across the corridor. Sirius recognized the familiar form as James Potter. The other Gryffindor boy grinned as he noticed Sirius.

"Padfoot!"

"Prongs."

James looked as if he've been looking for him, which made Sirius weary of him. Although James hasn't bothered him yet about going to dungeon, but he still refused to acknowledge how much important it is for Sirius to see Severus.

The bespectacled boy saw the weariness in his face before it was concealed. He ignored it.

"Hey, you remember our Friday night, right? Moony's, unfortunately, unable to attend due to his fluffy furry problems…." James trailed off as he saw the awkward look on Sirius. The unspoken decline was too clear. James breathed in deeply, "I suppose you are also unable to attend?"

Sirius smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry, mate."

"Um-hmm." James smiled too, with more force.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise-"

Sirius was stopped by the sudden pop, a small figure coming out of no where. Startled, the two boys stared at it for a moment. Sirius gasped as he noticed it was Mimny.

"Master Sirius! You must come!"

"Wha-"

Before James could ask what is going on, the house-elf abruptly took Sirius' hand and Apparated.

James stared at the empty spot where his friend just have been, with wide eyes.

* * *

"Oh Merlin", Sirius cried.

He hurried to where Severus was bending over, taking the smaller boy in his arm. Trying to lift him up, Sirius studied his face. Severus looked in pain, his pale face covered in sweat, contorted. Sirius felt his heart racing. He took a deep breath and turned to look at the panicking house-elf.

"Severus, you alright? I'm here." Sirius whispered in his ears.

Severus looked up, "Hey."

Sirius smiled ruefully, brushing off a strand of hair on Severus' sweaty forehead. He heard a weep from behind. Turning his head, Sirius ordered.

"Mimny! Stop it!"

The weeping elf croaked but stopped crying. Sirius ordered again, "Good. Now, get pillows on the floors, like we've planned, remember?"

Mimny nodded, hiccupping, and did as she was told. With a snap of her fingers, a pile of pillows stacked on the floor where carpet laid.

"Come, let's get down there."

Sirius slide his arm under Severus' arm, helping him up, and then they staggered toward the pile. Severus groaned in pain as he knelt down. Sirius felt a jolt in his heart at hearing the pained grunt. He breathed to calm himself. He can't have himself panic.

Severus' grip on his arm suddenly tightened as the boy gasped in surprise.

"What it is?" Sirius asked.

Severus looked up, "water-... broke", he muttered.

Water? Oh fuck.

Sirius looked down between the boy's crotch which was wet. Sirius pulled out his wand from the holster and flicked it, disrobing the boy. A snow-white flesh was exposed in the lantern-lit room. A round belly on the middle, the boy seemed miraculous to Sirius. He shook his head, this was no time for ogling.

"Mimny, get boiled water and towels, lots of it. And prepared everything we've discussed", Sirius gave another order, which the house-elf followed promptly this time.

Supporting Severus by his elbows, Sirius had him positioned. The pregnancy book told him it was better for the expectant to kneel down rather than lie down. His knees apart shoulder wide, supported by piles of pillows and cushions, Severus hold on to Sirius, clutching his elbows tightly.

"Aaghh!"

Severus screamed in pain when the contraction hit him hard. It was the first one since the water broke, which meant this was finally it. Sirius tried not to panic.

"It's alright, Sev, it's starting." Sirius whispered again. A small smile, though crooked with worries, tucked the corner of his mouth.

Severus looked up to meet the Gryffindor boy. When he tried to speak, another contraction came. The Slytherin boy dug his head down, clenching around Sirius' arms. It hurt so much. Severus had endured a lot of pain in his life, but what he was feeling right now was pure agony. It felt like a gigantic lump trying to squeeze itself out from his body, tearing him in two. Severus ground his teeth in an attempt to shut himself, but pained grunts and groans escaped his lips uncontrollably.

"Severus, it's alright to scream", Sirius said, taking the smothered screams into his heart, "Mimny, cast a silence charm", he shouted.

Mimny replied, "This room is already silent, Master Sirius".

As if on cue, Severus let out a howl of agonizing screams, making Sirius flinch inwardly. This was the scariest thing he ever had to undergo, Sirius was sure. A millions of thoughts and worries crossed his mind. Numerous possibilities that entail both the good and the bad were positively terrifying.

"Shh- you're doing great, Severus, you're doing great", Sirius assured him.

How many hours passed, they did not know. But Severus' screams did not subdue at all. Rather, they escalated as the time passes and the crowning finally started. Sirius noticed the top of the baby's head poking out from the entrance behind his penis. And he wonder he felt at seeing it was beyond any adjective could describe.

Severus all but wailed as the head getting out even further.

"It's almost there, Sev, it's almost there- Just one more", Sirius encouraged.

Now, Sirius slipped his hands down between Severus' legs, catching the baby's head on his palms. Grips on his shoulders tightened as another contraction pushed the baby out. And the head was finally out and the rest of the body came quickly out from his body. Sirius caught the baby in his arms in a fluid motion, taking the wailing child in his arms.

It felt like the time had stopped as he stared down at his child. The squirming little thing, flushed in red and wet with blood and water. It was a boy. His boy. This tiny little thing was his. Sirius felt his eyes burning abruptly, a drop of tear falling down his cheek.

Severus saw the baby in Sirius' arms, crying at the top of his lung and he felt his own tears running down. His face was a mess, wet with sweat and tears, dark strands of hairs sticking to his temple. But he was the happiest than ever he felt.

A piece of cloth flowed over to them, which Sirius took and covered the baby with it. The boy handed their baby to Severus who took him with wonder. Their eyes met, a sob mingled with laughter escaped their lips at the same time. Sirius leaned towards Severus and their lips met. Severus' lips tasted salty with sweat but Sirius felt no such happiness with any others he had kissed.

Severus' heart was filled with bursting emotions. Happiness, this was happiness. He thought to himself as if like a child learning something unfamiliar. But he knew he could get used to this. Because what he was feeling made all the hurts and anger he had within him fade away. He felt the empty hole in his heart being filled. He felt complete.

And when he looked up again to find Sirius' grey eyes, he knew that the Gryffindor boy was feeling the same.

That was when a howl of house-elf, filled with joy and enthusiasm, was heard. The two looked around to find Mimny crying and smiling all at once, her face screwed up in weird expression. They chuckled at the helpless elf.

* * *

A/N

The baby has come!

OMG, I am so happy! This is half over! T^T you know, I've been so worried that I might not be able to write this far, because of all the things happening to me right now. But I'm so glad I made this far!

The only problem is what am I going to with the baby's name. Hahaha, stupid me I did not think of the child's name.

There are few things I have considered but I don't know if it's alright with the characters.

I'm going to be a bit late, next time... I must contemplate on the name.

Any suggestions? Please help me TmT (Preferably constellation names, hehe)

Thanks for reading and the reviews. I appreciate all of you following my fiction this far without complaining. I was such a ruddy writer and yet you still support me. Thanks a million.

Bye!


	28. Chapter 28

28.

They say childbirth is miracle you cannot imagine until you have one. The joy it gives is just unmatchable. It was a pure magic that even the greatest wizards couldn't copy. True enough, Severus gained so much from having this child. After all the misery he went through, Severus Snape finally learned the taste of true happiness. His cold heart thawed with the warmth of newly founded emotions toward his child and Sirius Black.

But even he didn't expect to find himself waking up in a luxurious room he'd only seen in Malfoy's manor when he woke up next morning.

The tiny triangular nursery has turned into something else when the Slytherin tried to climb out his bed. It became bigger, much bigger. There was a hearth on his left and a large cherry wood table with elegantly carved chairs near it. Severus noticed the floor was covered with carpets-not the ones he conjured up, and tapestries were decorating the walls. Golden eagles and silver lines making beautiful patterns on each of the textiles. A large set of wardrobe and drawer were lined up in one side of the room. When he looked up, Severus noticed his bed-which tripled in size- has a very sumptuous canopy.

His mouth gaped open, Severus momentarily thought he was dreaming. However, when he looked at his side, he saw Sirius and his newborn baby was sleeping comfortably together. Severus chuckled as he heard tranquil sounds of their breathing, looking innocent as well as oblivious to what was happening.

Severus leaned down to kiss the baby and brushed off a strand of hair from Sirius' forehead. He blushed when he remembered the kiss last night. Although they hadn't said anything afterward, Severus knew that things have changed between them. Not necessarily solely due to their child.

"Mm-" Sirius murmured something in his sleep.

Severus stilled, waiting to see if he's waken up but Sirius stayed asleep. Instead, the baby stirred awake, his tiny mouth twisted in an attempt to cry. Severus picked him up gently, cooing to calm him.

"Shh- it's alright", he whispered.

The baby squirmed, falling asleep again. Severus smiled affectinately. He got out of the bed quietly and walked up to the hearth. A heat from the fire warmed his body nicely.

"Odd", Severus muttered to himself, examining the changed room.

Severus, of course, was perfectly aware of the fact that this castle was built by the four founders with ancient magic. There were hidden places unknown even to the staff inside it. Chamber of Secret, the room of the requirement, such places known only as myth adorned this castle. However, Severus had never heard of a room that changes at the birth of a child. Or was there something else that triggered the change?

As a Slytherin, Severus was a curious student by nature. And he was intrigued deeply by the magical room that involved in this whole affair. Sirius told him he was almost dragged by this room when he drugged himself. It felt like as if a voice was calling for him while an invisible hand pulling him. Severus now wondered if the decision he made to give birth in this room was his own entirely.

Severus stared at the eagle patterned tapestry, stepping closer to examine the pattern. Up close, he noticed the silver lines were not exactly a line but small snakes twisted around each others. An eagle and snakes. Ravenclaw and Slytherin? Was there another room Salazar Slytherin built? Or was this place built by Rowena Ravenclaw?

A curiosity occupied his mind as to the identity of this room. Suddenly, strong arms looped around Severus' waist. Severus needlessly knew of their owner. Sirius buried his head on the crook between shoulder and neck, breathing out a sigh.

"Hey", Severus said, turning his head slightly.

"Hey", Sirius returned. "I thought you two were gone, Severus." Sirius muttered in his shoulder.

"Where would I go?" Severus snorted in amusement.

Sirius ignored the retort, just savouring the moment embracing him with child.

"What is this place? Or should I ask what happened to this place?" Sirius asked after a while in silence.

Severus shrugged, "I don't know. I was hoping you know."

Sirius frowned, "How should I?"

"You were the first one to find this place."

"Yes, but-" Sirius drawled, "I also told you I was quite not myself that night."

Severus sniggered, "Right".

Sirius drooped his eyes, making him looked like a sad puppy. "I'm sorry."

Severus simply smiled, looking down at his child. He was so small. His face was pink and plum, a wisp of hair sprouted on his head and tiny little hand curled in fists. He was perfect.

Sirius followed his gaze and stared at his son. The boy slept so peacefully and quietly that he felt tranquil and warm as well.

"We should give him a name", Sirius whispered into Severus' ear.

Tickled by the hot breath, Severus stifled his giggle and gave a short nod.

"Any ideas?" Severus asked.

"How about … Leo?" Sirius suggested, with a boldness in his voice.

"Or Serpens", Severus countered calmly.

"Leonard?"

"Leviathan."

The two held each other's gaze as indignantly as they could until they broke off into stiffled laughter.

"No lions, no snakes, deal?" Sirius suggested with a giggle.

"Deal." Severus nodded in approval.

Sirius unravelled his arms and led the Slytherin towards the table where he drew a chair for him. Severus settled down, adjusting his hold on the baby.

If he could see the baby's eyes, it might've been better. He heard some people name their children after their eyecolour. But he knew little of colours and names derived from them. Names. Stupid stupid Severus. He should have thought of the name firsthand but he was too overwhelmed by the prospect of having a child that the need for names were pushed deep inside his mind.

How did his mother name him? Severus wondered. He vaguely remembered when she told him about it. Severus looked up his name from the library but he found no Severus in the list of Prince Family.

"Family names…"

"What?" Sirius asked, knocked off from his reverie.

"Do you have a family name you want to use? Perhaps you father's name?" Severus inclined his head.

Sirius' face broke into a scowl, aversion instinctively adorning the handsome features. He looked away, trying to compose his emotions, and met Severus eyes.

"I don't want Orion", Sirius paused, hoping he'd catch the unsaid part.

Severus looked at him with slightly wide eyes, but nodded his head in understanding quickly.

"...my family uses constellations, for names", Sirius muttered, uncertainly.

"Constellations?" Severus recalled that 'Sirius' was the brightest star of dog constellation. And Regulus, Regulus was the brightest star of lion constellation.

Seeing the pattern, Severus thought this was quite great idea for naming.

The boy stared down at his child again, trying to recall every constellation and star for the baby. When he managed to recollect a few, Sirius cleared his throat.

"How about your family?" Sirius asked in somewhat hurried way.

Detecting the attempt to divert him, Severus quirked an eyebrow. The Gryffindor boy looked as though the idea of naming his child followed his parents or ancestors sounded horrifying.

"I don't know much about my family", was the answer Severus could give, which was not a lie.

Sirius clamped his mouth after opening it to say something. He glanced at the baby and him few times, fidgeting like a dog trying to guess if his master was angry or not.

"I won't use your father's name nor other names you don't want on him", Severus added after studying his face.

Sirius winced, ashamed at being discovered, though relieved in some degree.

"But- I don't really know about my family, my mother never told me about them. So, unless you have better options, I think constellations are nice." The Slytherin boy smiled challengingly, daring the other boy to counter.

Sirius found no reasonable objection, so he nodded his head in an agreement. Well, he just have to avoid few.

"So, no lions, no snakes and no Orion. How about Cygnus?"

"You want to name a boy after a swan?" Sirius retorted, recalling the name used on many of his cousins who were just the replicas of his parent. Or was it vice versa?

"Alright, then, what do you suggest?" Severus asked, peeved.

"Alphard", was the one popped into his head as it belonged to only family member who shared the common ground with Sirius.

But Severus didn't like the name. "What else?"

"Pollux? Deimos? Aries?" Sirius worked through his brain to come up with the good ones but it was harder than he thought. He wanted the best name for his child, the one who have given him so much, but he couldn't think any better.

"Draco, Ariel, Pegasus, Perseus, Aquilla, Vega, Caelum, Atlas…" He ran through the list of every star and constellation he could think of.

"Caelum." Severus whispered.

"What?"

"Caelum. I like that." He said.

Sirius gazed at the other boy with a surprised look but when he muttered the name in his tongue, it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was quite nice for a boy's name. Perfect, even.

"Caelum Black, I like it", without thinking, Sirius blurted out in satisfaction. "Er- I mean, urm, I like the name Caelum, Caelum Snape", quickly realising his mistake, Sirius stuttered.

"Caelum Black sounds better." Severus calmly countered.

"What? Why? Er- you don't have to. We could use hyphen: Caelum Black-Snape-" Thinking Severus was retorting, Sirius tried to make amends.

"Sounds stupid. I like Caelum Black better." But Severus cut him off, staring down at his now-awaking child.

He cooed his baby boy with much affection even he didn't know he had it in him. "What do you say, Caelum Black?"

Sirius fell silent as he stared at Severus.

"...don't you want to use your name?" Somehow, he could guess the answer.

Severus looked up to meet his grey eyes. There were sorrows and bitterness barely concealed in his black eyes.

"That name is stained with miseries. I want my child to be the happiest boy never knowing the bitterness I suffered." He confessed quietly.

Sirius almost asked what really happened to him when he was not in the school but the presence of his newborn made him hesitate. They'll be staying together from now on, he supposed he will have the opportunity to know him better.

Sirius tried to smile, which came out wistful.

"Caelum Black is a good name."

Severus nodded, leaning down to kiss the baby. Sirius, too, leaned closely to the Slytherin and his child, his arm looping around Severus' shoulder protectively.

He planted a kiss upon Severus' temple.

Whatever he went through, he was determined that Severus Snape will never have to endure again.

* * *

A/N

Hi

I'm sorry this is so short. My computer's busted, so I'm using my sister's which is why I can't spend too much time as I did with my own.

I'm afraid I might have to continue like this for a while. If you don't want short chapters like this one, I think I'll have to make you wait even further. But I don't want that because I've been making you guys wait for too long with recent chapters. So... from now on, chapters going to be short... Sorry...

Thanks for the suggestions you've posted. I loved them all. I contemplated a lot and I found that Caelum was the one many people find nice. I thought Caelum was pronounced Si-lum, at first. So I didn't want this name but after a few researches, I've found out that Caelum can be Kye-lum, which is not bad. In fact, it's quite brilliant. This is how I became to choose this one. lol I love it. Caelum Black isn't bad, is it?

Oh, I'm sorry if you think not using Severus' last name is bad. I imagined Severus would want to change his name if he hated himself so much as he used to. And using his name on his child would be horrifying, considering how his father treated Severus. So... this has nothing to do with the fact that Severus is bottom in this relationship. Just his desire to be happy.

Anyway, I have to go.

Bye!

Thanks for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

29.

"What-" a disbelieving croak passed Remus' gaping mouth.

To say that Remus Lupin was in a state of shock would be a poor statement to describe the current situation. Never had he imagined, not even in his wildest dream, this could happen. The idea that this was even possible was absurdly crazy but what he was seeing was unmistakably a newborn baby.

The sound of clearing throat came from his behind, "Moony, meet Caelum Black, my son ", and Sirius Black spoke with a nervous air.

" _Oh Merlin_" gasped Remus.

When Remus Lupin was awaken by the nervous looking Gryffindor in the five a.m in the morning, telling him that he and Severus needed his assistance, he did not expect to see a real-life baby.

Although Sirius warned him for a big shock, but how on Earth could he have prepared himself for this?!

" Wha-, _HOW_? " Remus stuttered, his mouth gaped open quite ungracefully, pointing at the bundle held in Severus Snape s arms.

Severus scowled, offended by his rudeness.

Remus quickly put his hand down, ashamed at his own inappropriate reaction. But he could not hide his astonishment fully. The tall Gryffindor boy turned to his mate, practically pleading for explanation with his eyes.

" Calm down, Remus. I told you I 'll tell you everything. "

And every word came out from Sirius' mouth sent a renew shock through Remus.

* * *

Meanwhile, Severus was in a tiny room much like the one before it changed into a new one which had a little spare room apparently made up for actual nursery. The entire chamber looked as if built up for a married couple, considering the nursery. Severus grew more and more curious about the identity of this room.

But for now, he had a baby to feed.

He unraveled his shirts front and revealed white chest. He took his baby's mouth near his nipple which Caelum took hungrily. Severus and Sirius both were quite in a fit of shock when they found out that their plan to make formula for the baby was in vain. They didn't know why and how, but somehow Severus was able to nurse his baby.

The feeling of a tiny mouth suckling his nipple was strange and embarrassing as much as amazing, and a little hurt too. But as he stared at his a day-old baby, Severus felt never happier.

The Slytherin boy looked up from his child and gazed at the closed door. Cross the small wooden door, there was Sirius telling Remus Lupin about their affair. Of how Severus got pregnant with his child, of how he managed to fool everyone about it and of how he and Severus became friends. And of course, Sirius was convincing Remus of their endeavor to keep the baby in the dark for his sake and asking for his help in doing so.

Severus frowned in concern.

He didn't like the idea of telling the truth about his child to anyone, especially _Gryffindor_, but Sirius was adamant that they needed more help.

'Mimny alone cannot take care of Caelum. She's loyal but she's not yours. She belongs to the castle and the duty it requires her to do.'

Severus was wary of anyone, an animalistic instinct warning the danger of exposure.

But Sirius persuaded him, more fervently than ever.

'I know you are scared. But you've just delivered a child and you need a rest. And don't forget that we are still students. We have classes to attend, and even though we have different schedules, we can't always make time for Caelum as much as we want to. If you want to keep Caelum a secret to the castle, we need more hands to take care of him whenever we can't.'

And Sirius thought his friends were the best choice they've got.

Naturally, Severus refused with the intensity even Sirius hadn't expected.

In the end, the Gryffindor boy had to come up with a compromise. That said compromise was sitting in a chair in the main room with Sirius.

Severus had to admit Remus Lupin turned out to be resolute and discreet when he has to. With the amount of time Severus tried to make him give up, Lupin was steadfast.

But what really made him relent to Sirius' persuasion was his words.

'Trust me if you can't trust him. I would never ask you to do this unless I am certain of him. Sev, do you trust me?'

_Of course he trusts him._

* * *

As Remus tried to take in Sirius' story about the entire affair starting from the potion he brew to the subsequential incident and the episode how he found out about the pregnancy-Remus had to wince at this part- and of how he helped Severus deliver the child. Only thirty two hours ago, right in this place.

Remus paled in horror.

His green eyes gazed the closed door to his left. Inside that small room there was Severus and a baby called Caelum, the product of Sirius' recklessness.

Remus Lupin thought he went through a lot in his youth than others, but clearly he was not trained for such peculiarity.

Sirius gulped nervously as he witnessed Remus face turning pale to white, white to blue, then back to white. He of course prepared himself for such reaction but imagining how he ll react was not enough to deal with real.

However, he was desperate and therefore absolutely determined to confide in his friend so that he could gain all the help he could get. It took hours and hours to convince Severus that they were in need of desperate help to get through the remainder of school days. Persuasion was not Sirius forte and it was extremely difficult to get a yes from Severus.

After naming their son, Sirius opened up about his thoughts with great difficulties and care. For a quite some time, Sirius pondered upon their plan and tried to fix some of it to keep the secret safe. Severus was adamant that this child must be kept secret in this castle but Sirius failed to see how they can manage such huge task without getting any help.

Severus told him he shall nurse the baby in between the classes while having Mimny to take care of other matters such as changing diapers. Newborns sleep most of the day for at least a month or more, he said. That should help them continue their school routine while not risking the baby. At graduation ceremony, he will have Mimny to take the baby to Sirius house and wait for the two to get there through school train.

However, Sirius did not miss the flaws in his plan. Firstly, Mimny was not Severus house-elf and therefore, she cannot stick around for twenty four hours. Secondly, there can always be unexpected occurrences that will hinder them from returning to their baby in time. They required more hands than that of house-elf.

They needed someone who could trust with the secret and the baby. Sirius had the last Quidditch match with the Slytherin next months. If he want to bail it, he could. But Severus thought that would draw suspicions. And even though Severus had little classes than Sirius, he was unfit for athletic challenge as to walk up and down the dungeon dozen times a day.

Severus had to agree with the fact that the two alone, even with the help of a house-elf, cannot take care of the baby while going about their own routine.

So, after a long, heated debate, the Slytherin agreed to ask for help. Remus Lupin was the first they came to agreement(Sirius wanted the entire Marauders but Severus refused).

And he really needed Remus to snap out of his shocked state and start paying attention to him. Because, if Severus comes out in a minute and sees Remus gawking at him, he will probably call the whole thing off and hex the pants out of him and Remus.

"So you pulled your baby out from Severus' body, at this very place, without any medical help?"

Completely scandalised, Remus couldn't held back his agitation. It worsened when Sirius guiltily nodded.

" Siri-" he yelped, his stomach churning in shock. But Sirius hurriedly shushed him gesturing the nursery. Remus followed his gaze to the carved mahogany door with grim expression.

Male pregnancy. Of course, it s a wizarding society. There can be anything in this world. Hell, there are people with afflictions that turn them into a ravaging monster every full moon. Why not twist up the general scientific conception that only women are capable of carrying life? Why not make up a potion or a bizarre room that somehow combined together resulting in a new life formed in the belly of a man.

Honestly, why not?

Remus buried his face in his palms, a heavy sigh ripping out of his body. His head started to pound. He rubbed his temple with the heals of his hands to alleviate the ache. This was no time for a joke but his brain couldn't catch up with the situation.

A baby.

A real life baby.

A real life breathing and living and crying baby.

Oh for the love of Merlin. He knew there was something dangerous about that damn potion. He should have stopped Sirius before he actually drank the concoction. He should have put a brake on his recklessness as he was expected to.

Once again, he failed. And he didn t even know he failed his duty until the situation has gotten this far.

How are they going to raise the child? They were only seventeen. Even worse, they are still in school!

Remus jerked himself up, face rigid with decision, and gazed his friend determinedly.

" We' re going to Professor Dumbledore ", stated Remus.

Sirius rolled his eyes in exasperation. " We can' t" , Sirius returned.

Remus didn t even flinch, " Yes, we are. I don t care what you think, but you need help. "

Sirius rose to his feet, meeting the green eyes with equal determination. " Yes, I am asking for yours. We re not going to Dumbledore. We 're not going to anybody."

" Don 't be thick, Sirius! You need help from grown ups, who can actually help you! Who know how to deal with situations! " Remus countered, with a scandalised voice.

Sirius coldly replied, " My son is not a situation."

Remus winced, startled by the venom in his voice. Bowing his head, Remus quickly composed himself. He didn t mean to insult him or the baby. Breathing deeply through his nose, the taller boy met the grey eyes, this time with more composure.

" I' m sorry. But Sirius, you know that you cannot do this alone. Babies are not a toy or pet. He 's a real living thing and it s going to take lot more than you can ever imagine. Why are you so determined to keep him secret? What could possibly go wrong when we tell the headmaster? He wouldn 't take your child away. "

" No he wouldn t. But the more people are involved, the harder it is to keep the secret" , said the calm voice from the mahogany door.

Sirius turned to looked at Severus who was adjusting his gown as he came out. The Gryffindor drew chair from the near table and offered it. Severus sat down watching the two Gryffindors. They followed suit and settled down.

Remus gazed the boy with an odd expression before quickly hiding it with concerns. He leaned forward and said with an earnest voice, " are you alright, Severus? Was the ...the delivery too painful? "

Severus rolled his eyes. " I am as well as any other people going through labour. Thank you for asking. "

Ignoring the sarcasm in his voice, Remus started, "Severus, thank you for sharing this with me. But I must ask you to listen to me. You and Sirius and your baby need help. From people who can actually take responsibility of a real living child. I am flattered that you think I was capable of helping you and I will help you as much as I can but-", Remus sighed, "you need someone who can take care of you and your baby both. You must see Madame Pomfrey for yourself as well as the baby. And Professor Dumbledore will help you with your child while you go through N.E.W.T. You know what I am telling you is true. You must go and talk to headmaster …..."

Remus trailed off as he witnessed the adamantine look upon Severus s harsh features. He compressed his lips as he felt defeated without hearing any word from Severus.

Severus tutted, pitying the boy.

" Let me ask you, Lupin ", Severus eyebrow rose suggestively, " before Sirius told you about my son, did you know that men can have children on their own?"

Remus didn 't reply. But Severus read the answer from his face and went on.

" Do you know what will happen if the words get out? Did you ever think that this knowledge could be fatal to my child? Have you ever pondered about the possibilities what will You-Know-Who do if he finds out about this?"

Unable to counter his cascading questions, Remus fell silence. Well, he didn 't think about that. But-

" Professor Dumbledore can- "

" He is but one man. Albus Dumbledore cannot control everything." Severus cut him off coldly.

Remus fell silence again. He wanted to press on the matter once more, but he knew his defeat without being pointed.

Sighing, he relented.

"What do you plan to do?" Remus asked the two.

Sirius and Severus looked at each other for a second before turning to him. Remus, despite the circumstance, all but laugh at their resemblance. So, this was their big secret they 've been trying to cover. He smirked inwardly.

"We want you to- "

And so they started with their plan.

* * *

A/N

Hi!

I'm sorry this is so short. I tried but as I told you my computer... ...hasn't been revived yet. I'm using my sister's and couldn't write down a longer piece.

So! I've finally let Remus know what is the secret between Severus and Sirius. Imagine the shock he must have. My condolence to his fragile(?) heart.

You know, it's one thing to keep a pregnancy a secret and another to keep a real life baby a secret in, as you mentioned, a boarding school. They need more help than that of a house-elf who has to work ferociously every morning and noon and dinner.

And Remus Lupin's on the way.

Thank you for reading! And I am reading all of your reviews, smiling like a goon, happy to know that my story is worth your time.

Once again, thanks for the baby Caelum's name! I loved it!

And if you have any other suggestions or perhaps scenes you want to see, or characters you want to see, let me know! (though I am not so sure I can manage to write them... sorry..)

Remember that you guys are my inspiration!

Bye!


	30. Chapter 30

30

In Monday morning, students skittered around to attend their classes, resuming to their routine after well-rested weekends. The first years and second years were practically skipping in excitement as another day filled with magic awaits them. It was not the same with the seventh years, unfortunately, due to their impending N.E.W.T. They slumped their shoulders with the pressure it burdens them, face glum and serious with anxiety and tiresome.

Especially for Gryffindors and Slytherins, as they had Potions as their first class. Potions, in the morning, was like a nightmare to all students. The two never work well with another, like water and oil. In their barely-waken state, most students hardly have their lids open during classes.

However, this was not the case for Lily Evans. Lily was exceptionally talented at potions, or so Professor Slughorn believes. In truth, the most part of her talent in potion was owed to one particular Slytherin boy called Severus Snape. Severus was, in Lily's view, the genius in the art of potion making. It's just that some snobby people failed to see through his appearance.

Lily was glad that the morning class was Potions with Slytherins as it meant that she could see Sev finally after a long time seeking for the boy. The redhead has been trying and failing to encounter Severus Snape, as though he was avoiding her. Or someone was hiding him from her. Sirius Black was her suspect, but he cannot hide him from her in classes, now, could he?

So, with the hope bubbling up in her stomach, Lily settled down in the front. She turned her head back to the entrance so that she could see anyone entering after her. A bunch of students wearing green and silver ties came in, but none had long black hair with a prominent hooked-nose. Lily tried not to disappoint.

And in came was a dark haired boy wearing Gryffindor tie who went straight for the teacher's desk and handed out a sheet of parchment.

"Ah, Mister Black, what is this?" Professor Slughorn asked in curious voice.

He looked down at the parchment and soon later, his eyebrows lifted in slight astonishment. "Merlin's Beard! What had he gotten himself? Better not serious, I hope-," the old professor gasped.

Sirius Black shook his head in dismay, "I'm afraid he needs a proper care to get well, professor. Madame Pomfrey insisted that he rests well in his room."

"Of course, of course." Professor Slughorn nodded his head in approval, "if he needs anything from me, just tell me, my boy, and do not worry with the classes, I shall inform the other teachers."

Sirius Black smiled in wistfully, "thank you, professor." And he turned to a table near it, sitting down as the old professor waved him.

Lily frowned in confusion. Who were they talking about? Better not Severus. She noticed Black was alone, meaning the other marauders weren't here to join him. Perhaps, the Gryffindor boy meant his friends, not Severus. Lily tried to ignore the tinge of guilt and worrisome as she so blatantly dismissed her ex-boyfriend. Well, James is a strong boy so it couldn't be such a bad thing if Sirius Black meant James.

But as soon as she thinking of him, James turned up with Peter Pettigrew, hurriedly skipping through the crowds and settled down next to Sirius. Lily's frown deepened.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Pete's been annoyingly stubborn this morning." James whispered.

Sirius smirked, "What have you been doing last night, Pete? Something to do with that mysterious girlfriend of yours?"

The bespectacled boy covered his mouth, but his eyes glinted with amusement.

Peter Pettigrew reddened as he scowled and punched Sirius at the arm. "I told you there was nothing."

"Aww, Pete, are you sure you can manage alone? I can help with ladies." Sirius smiled wickedly.

The chubby boy didn't response, trying to calm his over-heated head but his round face was still too red.

Lily turned her head away from those three, trying to find Severus but the class had started and entrance was closed. Still not sign of Severus Snape. Lily grew worried. What on god's name happened to him? Black sounded like Severus was seriously ill.

And Lily remembered perfectly clear the rumors hung around the castle for quite some time at first semester. Severus Snape, gotten himself a serious illness from filthy Muggle-town, was a ticking time bomb.

The pretty face of the redhead paled ghastly white at the thought.

She shook her head. No, no, it can't be. Severus was not dying, of course. And if he had such serious illness, he should've been in Saint Mungo's, not Hogwarts. But the already-sprung worry grew faster, consuming her nerves.

Lily whipped her head around to glare Sirius Black. She didn't know what was going on, but she was certain of this. Anything that happened to Severus happened because of that wretched boy. Even while she was dating James, she never liked that boy. He was far too dark and far too reckless, even for a marauder. And now, he had finally gotten hold of her dear friend and had done something so terrible that he couldn't even show up in his favourite class.

"Now, class, we are making Amortentia, a love potion. Anyone could explain what this potion does?" Professor's booming voice rung the classroom.

Lily was pulled out of her reverie at the masculine voice and raised her hand.

"The love potion makes the drinker feel keen affections towards the giver. It clouds their judgment and ability to rationalize, creating reckless and dangerous obsession," Lily spoke in mechanical voice.

Professor Slughorn smiled, "and why, Miss Evans, this potion can be the most dangerous potion?"

Lily calmly replied, her green eyes glancing coldly at the particular Gryffindor, "because obsession without discreet and restraint will only cause damage to both parties."

"Indeed", the old wizard agreed, "take five well-earned points, Miss Evans."

The rest of the class went as well as expected. Lily had to sigh in disappointment when Severus had not appeared. She shook her head, breathing deeply, and went about to her normal routine. Severus was in this castle which means she and Sev will, eventually, meet at some point during the day.

Remus Lupin had not shown up either, which meant that it could have been him that the marauder mentioned, not Severus. It could have been gigantic coincidence that Severus hadn't shown up while Remus Lupin was sick. She was sorry if the nicest marauder got sick but she was hopeful that she could see Sev soon.

But her hope was betrayed by the empty seat at the Slytherin table in Defense class. He was not in the Great hall at lunch, and the only overlapping class she had with Severus was the Defense against the Dark Arts. She grew worried, her bright green eyes searching the class room for any sign of the Slytherin. However, all she found was that Sirius Black was not in the Marauders table with the others and Remus Lupin was there.

She frowned in incredulous look. She suspected he was very sick. Yet, the boy looked never been better, laughing as James Potter hexed Peter Pettigrew.

Well, he will show up at dinner, she thought to herself. He must.

But he didn't. And Lily Evans couldn't be feeling worse.

After being discharged from the hospital wing, she had been dying to see Severus, to tell him how she feels about him. Yet, the boy refused to show himself above the ground, hiding in his dungeon. Then, when he did, he never left the side of Sirius Black. Lily couldn't approach Severus when he was with the Gryffindor boy. He seemed… so happy, relaxed. She had never seen him like that before. He was nervous and agitated, constantly fidgeting and at unease, whenever he was with her, afraid that she'll abandon him.

Seeing the look on Severus' face when he was with Sirius Black made her stomach churn with rage and jealousy. It made her doubt what she realised about Severus' true feeling. It made her anxious that she might have been too late.

But she was a Gryffindor. Bravery suppressed the urge to run away from the fear. She shall face Severus, and find out whether she was wrong or they've still got chance.

However, day after day, Severus was absent from every class and every meal, as though he was vanished.

Her anxiety grew even worse and she had to repeat to herself over and over that everything was alright and Severus will show up.

* * *

Few weeks later, there was a meeting among the school staff and head boys and girls. Despite her reluctance to attend such tedious routine, she dragged her feet to the meeting room.

Inside, there were a group of teachers and prefects, as well as head students from each houses. Lily noticed there weren't any wearing green and silver ties.

"Miss Evans, please take a seat."

"Yes, professor."

As she was sitting down, the door behind her swung open, revealing the handsome looking Gryffindor chaser. Lily felt her heart sink in guilt as she met his hazel eyes. There were rimmed with dark circles.

"I'm sorry I'm late", said James, panting.

Professor Mcgonagal knitted her eyebrows in dislike as she nodded to him. "Take a seat, Potter."

James obliged, hurriedly crossing the floor and taking a seat next to Lily. Lily felt his breathe ghosting over her, as the boy struggling to catch his breath. She winced inwardly, cursing the protocol that each houses must sit next to each other for the sake of arrangement.

She purposefully fixed her gaze at her front which happened to be a hapless Hufflepuff girl. Lily can feel the hazel eyes staring at her momentarily before he, too, turned his gaze else where. She bit her lip, stealing a glance through lustrous curtains of her hair.

James looked somewhat different. His handsome features were there but it seemed blurred by inexplicable dark look. His eyes were rimmed with shadows and his mouth was thinned into a line, even his unruly hair seemed drooped down flat. When he noticed her gaze, he quickly lightened up his features with trademark grin.

"Now, as I said the security is the number one priority, and therefore, Quidditch matches should be annulled. It is the most unfortunate thing to happen yet the headmaster and I came to conclusion that-,"

"-_what_?!" James cried in shock.

Professor Mcgonagal frowned, perturbed at being interrupted.

"You can't cancel Quidditch! You simply can't!" James, gawking at the old witch as if she was insane, shook his head in strong disapproval.

"Yes, _I can_ when there is a dire situation at hand, endangering the safety of students." Professor Mcgonagal smoothed out her face and said in a stern voice.

James gaped his mouth, completely bewildered. "B-but you couldn't-,"

"Mister Potter, I thought you would understand, considering the situation you witnessed yourself, that the safety of the students is the utmost important priority above all." The hearty woman spoke with a monotonous voice yet there was hidden message in it.

James immediately stilled, his protests dying quickly.

Lily sympathized him.

"Quidditch this year will be ended with the last match and the house who've scored the most shall be rewarded with the Quidditch cup. This is final, and there will be no reversal in the decision", Professor Mcgonagal finished with an emphasis on final.

James slumped, feeling gloomy.

The house who've won the most score was fucking Slytherin, which meant the snakes will be the one winning the last Quidditch cup. This happened due to the unexpected absence of Gryffindor's most talented seeker, who was ill at the time drinking poisonous serpent blood. He couldn't make it to the last match and the Slytherins won their game big time with the Ravenclaws afterward.

Lily stared at the boy depressing with a pity which turned into a mixed feeling. She knew it was cruel and cold thing to ask whether he knew about Severus Snape's whereabouts. She got the feeling that Sirius Black was behind all this hidings and James' his best mate. Surely, he knew of the dark Gryffindor's plan.

Yet, she couldn't bring herself to ask what she was dying to know. Even though she messed up a lot, but she knew of limits and decency. So she pursed her lips tightly trying not to indulge into her anxiety.

The meeting was over smoothly afterwards and the crew left the room. Lily lazily got up and walked up to the door when a gentle voice stopped her.

"Are you doing alright, Lily?"

Lily turned her head to see James staring at her ruefully.

She didn't response as her voice caught in her throat.

"You seem a bit agitated", James muttered, his gaze dropping.

Lily bit her lip before she croaked, "I'm good. And you?"

"I'm…," James paused, "I'm doing well."

"I'm sorry for the Quidditch match. Will the Slytherins going to get the cup?"

James' face fell, reminded of something he'd rather forget. Lily mentally kicked herself for being so careless.

"I suppose so. Well, I think it's about time for some charity, don't you think? After all the time they've lost…" James trailed off awkwardly.

Lily chuckled nervously, "Yeah, I suppose so."

"Well, I'd better go, Remus- wants me to do something for him-, um", James stuttered and hurried to the door.

It was clear he was making excuses but Lily was glad he was. She was feeling the awkward atmosphere becoming more and more unbearable. The redhead heaved a sigh as she left the room giving the Gryffindor time to disappear. She was grateful to her own temperance.

When she left the room and climbed the Gryffindor Tower, Lily found the familiar figures who she recognized immediately. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. She couldn't hear what they were talking about but the looks on their face gave away that it was important.

And immediately, she thought of Severus.

Somehow, she knew they were talking about Severus. Lily quickly got out of the portrait hole when the taller boy bid goodbye to Sirius Black and made a step towards the entrance. Remus was climbing down the stairs, his gazed fixed upon the air as though he had purpose for his walk before dinner.

She drew her wand out and cast several charms to make her steps lighter and quieter, and to make her blend into background. Feeling the cold feeling as the charms washed over her, she followed the boy in silence.

Luckily, the boy had not noticed her as she followed Remus down to the entrance hall and down to the… dungeon?

Lily clasped her hand over her mouth, trying not to make a sound at this.

So, she was right! They were behind all this. Though she was unware of Remus Lupin being involved in this shenanigans. Her brow furrowed in anger, feeling betrayed by the once-believed to be nicest marauder.

Lily quickly hid herself behind a pillar when Remus turned his head. She worried if he noticed being tailed, but it seemed he was merely checking, as he continued on his walk.

He strode down pass the Slytherin dormitory entrance and headed to a deeper side of a long corridor. At the end of the corridor, she realised, was nothing but stoned walls. She frowned in confusion.

"Wha-," Lily muttered to herself.

But when the redhead started to question Remus' sanity, the Gryffindor boy drew up his wand and tapped the stoned wall three times. And the wall smoothly glided open without a sound. The boy went inside, where Lily swore she heard Severus' voice.

She contemplated whether she should get inside or wait. As if to snicker her hesitation, the stoned wall started to glide, closing down. The redhead couldn't hold back her gasp. Her jaw dropped and her green eyes wide open, she walked up to the wall. Across this wall, there was Severus. With Remus Lupin.

What was he doing? Was he being held captive? Why would Remus and Sirius Black do such a thing? What is this place?

Numerous questions that cannot be answered to on her own spun inside her head. Lily just couldn't figure out what was going on. She touched the stoned wall, feeling the rough surface with her palm. It was perfect metaphor for her current situation. A gigantic wall between Lily and Severus, which opens up to someone else that wasn't her.

But this will not go the way as before. She will come back. She will have Severus.

* * *

"Hey, there little man", Remus smiled as he picked up squirming Caelum from his bed.

"Hi, did you sleep well?" The Gryffindor boy kissed the baby Black on his forehead as he cooed him.

Only a few weeks old, Caelum was still spending his days in sleep. When he was not sleeping, he was crying at the top of his lung, or sucking from the very tired Slytherin. Remus gazed at the mahogany door. Across the door, in the main room, Severus was taking well-deserved rest after wrestling with baby Caelum in between studies.

Remus clicked his tongue, sympathized with the boy's current situation.

He didn't like that he was the only one helping Severus and Sirius, and their baby. There must be more people involved to take care of baby while Severus can have his moment to study. For god's sake, it was only a few week ago he'd delivered a child and he barely sleeps.

Caelum made a noise as if to draw his attention. Remus smiled again, smoothing out frowns he didn't realise, rocking the baby gently.

"You've made your papa tired, have you? You little mischievous boy", he pecked kisses on the baby's chest, who squirmed amused.

He couldn't help himself, the baby was too adorably not to. Really, he was. Baby Caelum had black wisp of hair, blue eyes, which might turn into something else as he grow up, chubby cheeks that you just want to bite, and a little button nose. His hands were so small, curled up in gentle fists, and plum.

He never knew he loved children, as he never had the chance to meet one, but Caelum was something special. Perhaps it was because Caelum was Sirius'. Being his best friend's child makes it more special, he supposed. But even so, he was very lovable.

"Hey, Moony," a whispered voiced called him.

Remus turned to find Sirius closing the small wooden door quietly as he can.

"Hey."

"How long Severus' been sleeping?" Sirius asked.

"Not for long. He's been very exhausted, Mimny told me he was studying before I came", Remus whispered.

"Ah", Sirius nodded with a small frown.

"Caelum's doing great, though", Remus said, looking down the baby affectionately.

Sirius' face melted into goofy grin immediately, closing his distance between Remus and him. He stared at his baby, lifting his hand to gently touch his hair. It felt so soft under his callused fingers.

"Hey, baby Black", Sirius whispered to his son.

Caelum rolled his head and eyes to meet his father.

They gasped in sync, when the baby twitched his lips into something that very like a smile. The two stared at each other before quickly dropping their gaze to see Caelum who just returned to normal face.

"Did he just…?"

"No, no, he can't be. Babies don't smile until two months old. That was just reflex smile", Remus politely countered, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Yeah, but-… Wow. He just smiled at me, at my voice", Yet, Sirius had to grin like a goon, feeling the overwhelming warmth washing over him.

He wished Severus was awake to see this. The Slytherin would have been the most proud.

For the past few weeks, Severus has been staying inside the nursery to take care of Caelum as well as himself. They managed to fool Madame Pomfrey to give them a permit for Severus. And since then, he was here, trying to recover from the child labour and to care for his baby.

Which turned out to be one of the most demanding things he ever had to go through.

Caelum, although he stayed most of the day sleeping, was demanding a lot from Severus. Severus had to wake up every two or three hours to nurse him and calm him whenever he woke up sporadically. Of course, Sirius and Remus, as well as Mimny were lending their hands. Yet, as Severus was the one spending the most time with Caelum, he was exhausted at the end of every night.

Sirius felt bad about not being with him all the times. He wished he could, and he even pledged to be with him. But Severus just snorted and said no.

Caelum's cries snapped him from his train of thoughts. Remus tried to calm the baby, worried they might wake Severus up, but the baby won't stop crying. Sirius hurriedly took his baby from Remus and started rocking his baby gently. He eyed the door worriedly.

"There, there, Cae, it's alright, I'm here, it's alright", Sirius whispered.

But the baby wouldn't stay quiet, even though his wails subdued a bit. Sirius carefully placed him down a tall table which they use as diaper changing table. When he unraveled the baby's bundle and clothes, the two Gryffindors scrunched up their nose at the odour.

"Oh dear," Remus waved his wand out to clear the air.

Then, he handed a new clothed diaper to the father, who gave an appreciative nod. Sirius grabbed Caelum's feet and held them high, taking the diaper off the baby. Remus quickly whisked his wand and the dirty diaper folded itself and dumped into a laundry bin. Sirius held his baby's feet high again, this time to put the new one in before wiping the baby's bum clean. When they finished changing a diaper, Caelum fell droopy again. His eyelids opened slowly and slowly before they closed completely.

Sirius chuckled, adoring his child.

"I think he's good for another few hours, don't you think?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, I believe so", Remus answered.

* * *

Lily glared at the marauders from their behind. She made up plans to go back to that weird place. But to do that, she needed to know when will Severus be left alone. It was hard thing to figure out because Sirius Black and Remus Lupin took alternates.

But after a few more weeks, Lily finally figured out when would be the best time for her to find Severus.

It was Friday night, when Remus Lupin had to go home as his mother was sick, again. And Sirius Black was called by Professor Slughorn who wanted some help with the ingredients. That was unusual, but Lily was grateful.

Lily took a deep breath before she drank a bottle of Invisibility Potion, diluted enough to last only a ten minutes. And she dashed towards the dungeon.

Her heart was pounding. She could feel her breathe as she panted madly. Hope mixed with eagerness and joy, and fear and worrisome all bubbled up in her stomach, she didn't know whether she was feeling glad or scared.

After a long, agonizing wait, she was finally seeing her true love.

When the redhead reached to her destination, the potion wore off and Lily was revealed again. Lily took a moment to catch her breath. She didn't want to look like a giant hot mess when she finally meets Severus. Stroking her long red hair with her fingers and smoothing out any wrinkles on her clothes, Lily tried to look presentable. She mentally chastised herself for not bringing potions that could make her look flattering.

She chuckled.

What was she thinking? She needn't any of such potions.

Severus, with his unbearably straightforward love, wouldn't care about her messed up hair, sweating forehead.

She only needed her true self, and bravery to confess her sorry, and her genuine feeling.

Severus will forgive her, she knew he would.

Taking another deep breath, Lily embraced herself as she tapped the stoned wall three times with her wand.

And the stoned wall started to glide open as before.

The ravaging beat of her heart was pounding against her ribs.

This is it.

And the sight before her make Lily Evans froze in utter shock.

"Lil?"

"_Oh my god_"

* * *

A/N

Hi!

I'm doing what Koreans call 'Mol-com', lol. Doing computers in the night without your mom knowing what you are doing, is what it is. I couldn't help it if I wanted to upload this. I have no time. I had to use night hour to write this and upload it.

I wanted to write Siri changing diapers, so bad.

And Lily. You all wanted to know, or anxious to find out what she will do to Sev. But really, people, she's a girl in love with a boy, she wouldn't do anything to Sev. But I'm not so sure she won't do anything to Sirius, though, lol.

I'm happy that I made this so far. Child labor was the major goal, along with another. Like I said before, this is only half over. You know, there's more. Like... what is this room? or why Sev got pregnant or what Regulus wants or Voldy wants. Such things shall be unraveled ... soon... I hope.

Bye!

Thanks for reading! Love all of your reviews! Thanks Thanks Thanks!


	31. Chapter 31

31.

"_Oh my god_", Lily cried.

There he was, Severus Snape she had been dying to see, holding a newborn baby wrapped in a white blanket. The red haired girl gaped her mouth in utter shock, unable to speak or move. The baby he was holding squirmed, burping, which prompted Severus to sway the baby gently. To her horror, Severus seemed so natural at doing it as though he had been doing this for quite some time.

Seeing the lose gown and nightwear he was wearing, it appeared the Slytherin boy lived in this very room instead of the Slytherin dormitory. The furniture inside the room was convincing enough and the bed with majestic headboard and an exquisite canopy.

Trying to process what she was seeing with difficulties, Lily Evans finally opened her mouth.

"Severus, what is all _this_?" she asked in whisper.

But the boy simply baffled by her presence, awkwardly stealing glances in between rocking the baby to calm him. When the baby stopped squirming, Severus gave an incredulous look towards Lily.

"How did you find me here?"

Lily snorted, "-how did I find you here? What is this place? What are you doing here and who is that baby? What- why Black's keeping you here?" And the redhead started to unload all of her confusion in desperate voice.

However, the boy did not answer. Instead, he looked at the baby in his arms and then her.

"Would you like to sit down?" Severus paused, gesturing a cherry wood chair near him. "If you want an explanation. I have to put Caelum back into his crib."

Lily opened her mouth to argue but she quickly closed it without speaking and nodded grimly. When the girl tentatively took a step towards the chair, Severus moved towards a small door she had not noticed there was and went inside.

Lily stared at the door fixedly, fidgeting uncomfortably. Her mind was completely blown away by the unexpected situation that she could not even process any logical thoughts. She simply pressed pause and waited until the Slytherin boy come out.

And finally, the boy came out, heaving a heavy sigh. His dark eyes met her green eyes straight. Lily felt a shiver running down her spine. He never looked at her eyes straight, always the stolen glances like that of a covetous child stealing sweets. It felt so different to look at the bottomless black eyes right in front of her, never avoiding her gaze. He looked different, even.

Severus always hung his head low, hiding his face in the curtains of black hair, his dark eyes avoiding any gazes. The boy walked straight to the redhead and placed a chair in front of her. He used to walk like a twitchy little spider, his shoulders hunched, his hands fidgeting nervously. It was so strange to see him like this.

Lily swallowed hard.

There was a pang of guilt and regrets that went straight to her heart. He changed. It was so crystal clear that Lily had to bit the inside of her cheek to swallow bitterness. Severus Snape had changed and grown so much that she barely recognised him. Of course she should be happy for it but the wicked part of her mind grieved at the loss.

"You look different", without moment to stop herself, Lily blurted out.

Severus gave a wistful smile, "it's been a while you've seen me."

Lily also gave a rueful look at that.

"Can you explain what is going on? Sev", Lily chewed on her lip nervously.

Severus paused, momentarily savouring the way she used to call him. It has been so long they've been apart. Though Severus was no longer helplessly alone as before, he was glad to see her.

"It's… _complicated_", the Slytherin boy sighed. "How did you find me here?"

"I've… I've been following Remus and Sirius Black. They've been acting so strangely and you weren't showing at classes or mealtime, so I…." Lily trailed off.

"You wished to see me?" Severus asked incredulously.

Lily Evans fixed her gaze upon Severus' dark eyes, and gave a firmed nod.

"Why?" Severus immediately asked, unable to believe that to be true.

The red haired girl lowered her gaze, staring at her hands fumbling her skirt, looking ashamed. She took a moment to arrange her thoughts, and to choose right words for her mind.

Lily looked up, biting her lower lip.

"I am sorry, Severus."

Severus' eyes widened.

"I'm sorry for not trusting you, Severus, I am sorry for letting us apart-,"

"-No, that's, Lily, that was my fault", said Severus, interrupting Lily's apology. "I'm sorry for calling you mudblood, I'm sorry that I didn't see what I was becoming of. You were right, I chose my path and I chose the wrong one."

"Oh, Sev", Lily sighed. "I heard you with Regulus Black few months ago. I heard the conversation and I realised you've made the right choice, eventually", Lily said, leaning towards Severus.

She reached her hand and placed it upon Severus' thin hand and squeezed.

"I am so proud of you. I wish I could have put more faith in you like I always did but I was scared, Severus. Everyone was telling me you were going to abandon me for You-Know-Who and I was scared. But none of these make a good excuse for leaving you to the dark. I just-," Lily bit her lip, unable to put her feelings into words.

"You were frightened that you already lost me", Severus whispered, as though he realised something.

Lily nodded her head grimly.

Severus looked down at their joined hands. He caressed the back of her white, plum hand with his thumb. How much he wished he would be able to hold this hand once again. How much he missed her. Severus met her green gaze in adoring way. So many times in the past he blamed and hated the girl for leaving her, and for choosing Potter, he barely remembered any of those moments. He used to blame the girl for leaving him all alone in the dark miseries he was living in.

"It's alright, Lily. I'm fine now", Severus said.

Lily squeezed his hand once more, before sitting up straight in her chair.

"Now please tell me, what is going on." The redhead repeated.

Severus swallowed a sigh and met her gaze.

"Last summer, before the break-, there was incident between Sirius and I", Severus started with a determined look adorning his feature.

Even though he wanted Caelum to be kept as secret, but he wouldn't lie to Lily. He trusted Lily to be discreet.

Lily's eyebrow twitched at the way he called the Black boy with his first name but remained silent.

"He… Sirius drank some potion he had found out from an old book. And it made him do things, things he would have not done in his right mind."

"What kind of things?" Lily asked, feeling the chill running down her spine. There was a horrible feeling stabbing at her heart like an ice.

"I think you can guess what happened", said Severus.

It had been a while Severus recalled that night started all this. Curiously, it felt hurt but not as hurt as before. The night Sirius forced himself upon Severus used to send an icy dagger to his heart. Yet, surprisingly, Severus felt much easier telling about it now. Perhaps the joy of having Caelum overwhelmed the horror, or perhaps the sincerity of Sirius and his new found emotion faded the scar.

Whatever it was, Severus realised with a slight surprise that the nightmare haunted him would never hurt him again.

Lily froze.

Her entire body started to spasm as the green eyes asked for confirmation on her theory. Severus gave a short nod in respond. Lily gasped, covering her mouth with her hand in horrified look.

"Oh, Severus-," Lily sobbed.

"And after I got back from Hogwarts that I realised I was carrying his child", Severus calmly continued his story. "I could not erase the life inside me so I decided to let go of what I used to think was the only resolution to my life. I chose my child instead of the dark path. That's what happened. And Sirius Black found out the truth and regretted his action. He started to help me go through pregnancy as well as the labour. He will be accommodating me and my child, in his flat when we graduate-,"

"You are going to live with _Sirius Black_?" Lily interrupted, her eyes widened, horrified.

Severus paused, studying the girl's face who looked absolutely disgusted at the idea.

"Where else would I go? My father's? You are perfectly well aware of that horrid man's-,"

"Sirius Black raped you!" Lily spat, her eyes glaring dangerously.

Severus was taken aback. He hadn't expected the girl to utter the word. More than that, he has never seen such a look upon the pretty face of Lily Evans. Her face contorted as though in agony, her eyes wild with fury and her mouth twitched and flexed. Never had he even imagined she would make such face.

"He apologised for what he did, he had sworn to me that he will never harm me", said Severus after a moment of silence.

Lily snorted, outraged. "And you believed that?"

Severus frowned, perturbed by her tone. He slowly nodded.

Clenching tightly around her skirt until her knuckle turns white, Lily breathed through her nose deeply.

"You're not going with him", suddenly the girl spoke decisively.

Severus quirked his eyebrow, "what?"

"You're not going with that monster", Lily gritted out, "you'll be staying with me and my family as well as your baby."

"What?" Severus repeated dumbly. It was all he could do as his brain froze in shock.

The girl's face flushed in blotchy red and her eyes glistened.

"Severus, I'm so sorry for what happened to you." A tear fell, rolling down her cheek. "I'm sorry I was not there for you when you were in need of help. But I won't let you go further down to that monster's trap. I won't let you walk into a dark path, not this time." Lily declared, her voice trembling with sob.

It took a brief moment before his brain could process what was been said and Severus chuckled faintly in bewilderment.

"Lily, what are you talking about?" Severus asked.

"He did something to you, didn't he? He must have given you a potion or cast a curse on you", Lily ranted.  
"Otherwise, why would you be here?! With Black of all people! How can you spend a second with that wretched boy? How can you stand to look at the man?!" Lily bellowed, leaping to her feet in fury.

Severus stared at the girl with the most bewildered face. In the back of his mind, he was worried that Caelum might be startled by her voice, but he was immobilised in his seat.

Lily waited for Severus to say something, but when it was clear the boy was speechless the girl breathed out a sigh mixed with sob.

"Severus, please, get out from this hell and come with me."

Lily stepped closer to the still form. She lifted her hand and brushed a stray strand of hair from Severus' eyes. The bottomless black eyes stared at her with unfathomable emotion. The redhead frowned, saddened that she no longer recognised his feeling. But it was not late. They were not late.

She caressed softly down his cheek, lowering her head and their lips met.

As if broken free from a curse, Severus pulled away his face from her lips, jumping to his feet. The Slytherin could see the palpable shock in the pretty face of Gryffindor. She was not to be blamed, it was shocking as hell even to him.

He covered his mouth and took a step back, distancing himself from the bewildered girl.

"I'm sorry-," he breathed out.

* * *

Severus was astonished when he saw Lily Evans at the stone entrance. It was late in the Friday evening and he was patting on Caelum's back to make him burp. The shock at seeing the Gryffindor girl where supposed to be a secret place was profound. However, it was incomparable to the one upon Lily's face.

Frankly, there were moments in the past when he imagined himself confiding in the redhead with the secrecy. He often pictured a scene where he tells everything happened to him and the girl would listen and comfort him. In his imagination, Lily was perfectly understanding and supportive, trying to help him in every possible way.

Yet, when he told her the truth, the reaction Lily Evans gave was rather _different_. It was quite unlike her to shout when there was a child next door resting. The girl he knew wouldn't use the word 'rape' in front of an actual rape victim. Such callus words lacking sensitivity were below her. To call Sirius Black a monster? Though what he did was terribly wrong, the girl he knew would have at least tried to understand his benign intentions.

And most of all, the girl he knew wouldn't act like a helpless child before she comprehends the whole situation.

The look on her face was so alien to him.

And _the kiss._

The kiss was like a blow to him, realisation striking him like a lightning bolt. Severus would have chuckled if he could. 'The girl he knew'? Did he really know her? Or was it that Severus made up a fantasy over the girl?

There was a small river in Spinner's End. Over the river, there was a little town where people living in colourful houses. There, people would laugh and smile at little things, always happy and content. It was like a different world for people living in Spinner's End. True enough, Spinner's End was dark and gray, and dangerous. Grim and dirt were all over the town and people never smile. Sporadic screams and horrific wails were the background noise in Spinner's End.

The small river separates the two towns and no one ever crosses it from Spinner's End.

It was only natural for Severus Snape to feel like Lily Evans was from a completely different world from his. In his dark, cold, gray world, a girl so brilliant and colourful, such as Lily Evans was like a different creature: a goddess, perhaps. She was noble and beautiful, unlike Severus Snape who was ugly and low.

In truth, the only difference between them was that she has been loved and he was not.

But Severus Snape knew nothing about love. Abstract knowledge of love twisted up the truth and made him think, perhaps in unconscious mind, that Lily Evans was just a different being entirely. In his mind, Lily was a holy person who would forgive and never forsake. She was the one can understand his darkness and pain, and embrace him with all his sins.

Such empty belief created a person who did not exist in his heart and Severus Snape clung to her.

In truth, Lily Evans was only _a girl._ A perfectly ordinary girl who was pretty and sweet yet she cries when hurt, rages when angered.

He loved a fantasy he created in his mind, like a child making up an invisible friend when lonely.

Perhaps that was why he was so devastated when Lily called him 'Snivelly'. Because he thought she would never forsake him whatever he does.

Perhaps that was why he was being so shocked when Lily couldn't understand his choices.

The girl he thought he knew would have embraced all of him yet, a girl he was facing could fail to understand.

After all, it was exceptionally extraordinary thing to have a child. You would never know until you have one.

Severus could see it now why they had to fall apart. They were never meant to be together. A love should base on equal ground but what they had was never been equal. It was always Severus who craved more and was desperate to reach her. And she was always on top. Severus always had to look up on her, hoping to reach where she stood. That was what made it impossible for them to be together because he placed her where he could not reach.

Upon realising this, Severus felt the aching part of his heart where he missed the redhead sorely disappear.

He needn't miss an illusion for it was only in vain.

On the other hand, Sirius Black was very real from the first. Though he tried to put Severus down at first, he came to realise his own failure and placed himself besides Severus. There was no single moment in their relationship when they would idolize each other. Neither of them worshipped one another. They are simply the same: imperfect and immature yet striving.

He always felt anxious when he was with the girl, scared that he might not be able to reach to her level. He would always petrify when she was staring at someone else, afraid that he might lose her someday. Severus was never happy when he was with her.

But he was, when he was with Sirius.

He would make him relax, smile. A comfort he feels when Sirius was near was something he never felt with Lily. He felt like as though he finally found his place when he was with Sirius.

The ordinary Lily Evans wouldn't understand it but there was something sublime force in the world that makes impossible possible. He grew to love Sirius Black, despite all his sins.

Severus spoke in firm voice, "I am sorry, Lily. But I cannot follow you."

Lily's face fell miserably.

"The first time we met, I was alone. I was always alone whenever you see me. But, Lily, things have changed", Severus stated. "There are people now I care about. My son Caelum", Severus swung his arm to the closed door, "and Sirius Black."

Lily stiffened at the name. She opened her mouth to speak but Severus held up his hand to stop her.

"I forgive him for what he did, Lily. And there is no potion or spell forcing my choices,

My choices are my own and I chose Sirius Black." Severus said solemnly.

The time seemed suddenly stopped as heavy silence fell upon them. Severus waited for the redhead to accept his choice. But Lily was quiet for a long time before a drop of tear rolled down her cheek. Severus held back sighs, feeling sorry for the girl. Tears started to fall more rapidly until the girl was practically sobbing without making sounds.

"Lily-," Severus tried to wipe away her tears but Lily stepped back.

Her head was lowered so he cannot see he face. "Lil?"

Upon calling her nickname, Lily jerked and dashed away from the room.

* * *

Severus Snape waited for Sirius to come back yet the night grew darker without his return. The Slytherin felt anxious for the boy as he waited patiently in his bed. The confrontation with Lily Evans gave him a huge realisation towards the depth of his feeling for the boy. He wanted to let Sirius know of it.

Severus pressed his palm on his chest where his heart beats loudly at the thought of Sirius.

Of all the miseries the world had bestowed him, this particular one came with unexpected happiness. The night when Sirius forced him was dreadful and horrible, indeed. But he cannot deny that that night had resolved his resentment to the world and to his life. Those heartaches and loathing dissolved and faded away and the warmth quickly filled the vacant.

He now no longer tumbles and falls, waiting for someone to lift him up. Severus learned how to stand on his own feet and walk. And to wonder since when did he learn such simple thing, the answer came the moment he found out about Caelum.

And so, his forgiveness for Sirius Black, who had been awful to him, came rather easily. Lily didn't understand how he could forgive the boy who 'raped' him but that's because she knew not of the joy of having a child.

Of the fulfillment of standing on his own and reaching for more happiness.

He wanted to tell Sirius of this revelation he had. He wanted to thank him for it.

But Sirius was getting late. Severus watched the stoned entrance with worried look. As he began to ponder on whether he should go looking for him, Sirius slowly emerged from the entrance. He walked into the room with an air of heaviness and hesitation.

Severus frowned.

"Sirius."

The Gryffindor boy did not meet his eyes and was staring at the floor, his features rigid. Severus worried there might be something wrong. He leapt to his feet and approached the still form of Sirius Black who jerked slightly when Severus touched him on his arm.

"What's wrong?" Severus asked in soft voice.

Clenching his fists, Sirius slowly looked up. A pained look darkened his handsome feature.

"I understand", Sirius muttered.

"What?" Severus tilted his head in confusion.

Sirius took a deep breath before adding, "I understand whatever choices you make and… I respect it."

"I'm sorry?" Severus's frown deepened as his brain failed to register his meanings.

"I said I respect your choices, Severus, whatever they may be", Sirius gritted out as if every word hurt him.

Severus now was dumbfounded than ever. He didn't understand a word Sirius was saying nor the meaning of his talk.

But the Gryffindor boy missed his bewildered look as he avoided Severus' dark eyes and fixed his gaze upon anywhere else.

Severus waited if he would explain what was going on, but no more came.

"What are you talking about, Sirius-," impatient, Severus opened his mouth to ask.

"-I saw you with Lily Evans. I heard you two talking. And she-," Sirius stopped his rant as if to swallow a curse. It took every patience Sirius had to calm himself. His jaw clenched and unclenched before he opened his mouth to continue. "Evans' right, I am a monster and you have a right to choose. If your choice is her, then I-…" Sirius couldn't finish.

Finally comprehending his words, Severus clutched Sirius' arms. "No, that's not what you think. I don't-,"

"You don't have to explain. I get it. I hurt you and she-," Sirius paused, as though something caught in his throat.

The usually cold grey eyes not filled with turmoil of intense emotions. Severus tried to soothe his arms, reassuringly.

"You are mistaken, Sirius Black. Whatever crosses your mind, you are wrong about it." Severus spoke with an air of urgency.

Sirius said nothing. For a moment, Severus thought the Gryffindor finally starting to grip his senses and listen to him.

"You don't have to do this for Caelum, Severus." Sirius spoke in a hoarse voice. Then, he wrenched himself away from Severus and left the room with decisive steps.

Gaping, Severus stared at the boy leaving the room. He saw tears in the grey eyes. His heart gave a sharp warning. Sirius was meaning it. No. No, he can't let him. Severus took out his wand and waved it.

After all he went through, he won't lose it.

And a blazing white light was produced from the tip of his wand. It charged at the Gryffindor boy, shaping a form in four-legged and large animal. The Patronus struck Sirius Black and quickly blocked his way. It was a dog.

Sirius gasped at the most majestic creature he had ever seen. Radiating a breathtaking light, the patronus stood before him like a knight, doing its lord's bidding. Loyal and graceful. He needn't to be told to figure out what this patronus is or whom it belonged.

Sirius slowly turned around.

Severus was glaring at him in front of the stoned entrance, holding out a wand. Severus. He wanted to call him but he wasn't sure he voiced it.

The Slytherin boy took a deliberate step and spoke, "If you are going to eavesdrop, listen till the end of the conversation."

Sirius winced involuntarily.

"I didn't choose Lily. Nor will I ever going to."

The Slytherin slowly closed their distance, carefully taking his steps.

"What?" Sirius asked dumbly.

"I will not go with Lily, Sirius," Severus repeated firmly, "because I choose you."

"_You're lying_", Sirius croaked.

Severus silently walked up to him until they were so close that they could feel each other's breath ghosting over them. Severus raised his hand and Sirius winced. The cold, white fingers touched Sirius' cheek and covered it, making Sirius realise this isn't a dream.

"You, _Sirius Black_, have always tormented me. From the first time we met on that train, you insulted me and humiliated me. You've always loathed me for what I am and chose to despise me. In the end, you forced yourself upon me against my will." Severus listed all of his sins as though he was listing potion ingredients for making draught of living death. But every word penetrated into Sirius' heart and wrung it cruelly.

As his beautiful face contorted in agonized look, Severus gripped his chin and kissed him.

Sirius, for a long second, could not register what was happening before the soft kiss broke.

"But you gave me the most wonderful gift I could never imagine. So I forgive you, Sirius Black. I forgive you for what you did to me and I thank you for what you have done for me. I will never choose Lily Evans over you, because I've got _you_."

Sirius attacked his lips, unable to suppress the swelling happiness in his heart. He gripped Severus' waist, pulling him closer as his other hand took the boy's head and fixed it there. Severus, in shock, opened his mouth. The Gryffidnor greedily took the opportunity and slide his tongue inside, feeling every inch of the smaller boy.

If their first, a peck of kiss, felt like a warm breeze of summer days, this was much better. It was a promise of more to come.

Sirius slide his hand from Severus' head and caught the boy's chin in between his fingers and placed another wet kiss.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked before Severus' tongue rushed in and out. "I'm not going to set you free once I got my claws on you", said Sirius breathlessly pulling himself away slightly.

Severus lunged himself up, meeting Sirius' lips. "Never let me go".

And he felt his lips again and Severus knew he made the right choice. He would never feel this way with Lily. This contentment. Perhaps he might have waited for this all his life. This, warm feeling washes over them like a blessing.

Love.

This was what they've been craving for and they found it from each other.

* * *

A/N

Hi.

...I decided to edit the last part, after pondering upon you comments. Thanks for concerns and thanks again for being gentle with me. I appreciate it.

I'll confess that I wanted to write a smut. I guess I might have been pushing a bit. I should've waited for the right moment but that would be much later than this according to my plot T^T

I'll fix the last part later, to make it more... Sev and Siri-like.

But with them falling in love is what I planned for and therefore, no change in that. They are in love, period.

Bye! Thanks for reading!


	32. Chapter 32

32.

A boy with lustrous black hair calmly drew his luggage to the train. People inside the King's Cross were fussing about each other as they bid their children farewell, but all his mother did to him was staring at him with her cold grey eyes before turning her back and disappear into the crowds. The boy didn't feel disappointed, after all, he hadn't even expected his mother to be here to bid him goodbye before he goes to Hogwarts for the first time.

Sirius Black felt liberal, instead. For the first time in his life, however short that may be, he was finally free to do whatever he want to do without his mother's glare.

His parent, no doubt, anticipate him to enter the Snake's pit, but Sirius was solemn never to enter such vile place on his own volition.

"Ouch!" a man cried.

"James! Oh for heaven's sake!"

"Sorry, mum-"

Sirius saw a perfect picture of family he wanted, but never clearly imagined, as he never had experienced it. But when he saw the unruly haired boy grinning apologetically at his parent while they lightly chastised him. They just melted into goofy grin when the whistle blew, and the boy gave into their tight hugs as if there's nothing more natural than that.

Sirius never had been hugged.

The boy with unruly hair sticking in every direction waved his hand again before he pushed his trolley towards the train.

"Whoa-", Sirius didn't know why but he didn't moved away when the boy accidentally crashed with his trolley.

"Sorry, mate-", the boy cringed and pulled back a little.

Sirius mimicked the smile the boy gave to his parent earlier, and said, "Yeah, me too. You alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Are you going in?" The bespectacled boy asked, gesturing the train compartment behind Sirius with his jaw.

Sirius turned around to check the compartment and gave a nod.

"Do you know where we put these luggage?"

"I dont' know", Sirius shook his head.

The boy twisted his lips and sucked on the lower lip, his brows knitted tightly. Sirius found it funny that he should worry about such trifles so seriously.

But the bespectacled boy's concern was solved when they met another boy who struggled with his luggage. He had light brown hair and deep green eyes, with gangly lean figure. They all managed to put their luggage up the train and tried to find a compartment which were basically full before they found one. A red hair girl weeping and a black haired boy trying to soothe her were the only occupants of it. Sirius was suddenly struck with reluctance to get into the compartment but the unruly haired boy was simply happy to find a room after all the journey they've took to find this one.

He had to get in without complaints when he saw the bespectacled boy's face.

"I'm James, by the way, James Potter", the unruly haired boy spoke.

Sirius grinned in response, "I'm Sirius, Sirius Black."

They shook each other's hands, rather in adult way before turning to their third member who bashifully murmured, "Remus Lupin".

"And what about you two?" James Potter asked the red haired girl and a scrawny boy in front of them.

The girl flinched, a bit stirred.

"Lily Evans, and this is Severus Snape", said the girl gesturing the skinny boy with rather dirty hair.

Somehow, everyone's eye followed up her hand and examined the boy for a moment. An unmistakable flush at the sudden attention glowed the boy's pale complexion. His dark hair was clumped in lock with grease, his hooked nose prominent than other feature, the boy called Severus Snape was utterly ugly and disagreeable. His eyes, Sirius noted, were dark and bottomless like an endless tunnel that reminds him of something he suppressed in himself.

He grew restless at seeing those eyes and turned his face to Potter, who in comparison, instantly made him forgotten what he reminded of.

James Potter waved his arm as if to make a spell, "Where would you want to be in, if you could choose?"

When Sirius couldn't grasp his meaning at first, James smiled brightly and thrust his arm upward, like a knight thrusting his arm holding a sword before charging at the enemy.

"I want to go to Gryffindor! Where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad!" With such childlike innocent and radiant, James declared.

Sirius smiled, feeling the cheerfulness of the bespectacled boy influencing him.

But James's face fell into irritation when he saw the boy in front of them scoffed. "Got a problem with that?"

"No. If you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

"Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" Sirius interrupted, throwing the boy off guard, out of indignation for his new friend.

James giggled and the Snape boy reddened.

Snide comments and sarcasm were one of the inherent qualities. Sirius felt satisfied at succeeding shutting the boy up. He didn't like the boy at first sight and now he was growing to hate him.

Something about him made Sirius sick.

It took him some time to figure out what it was about Severus Snape that makes Sirius go so wild. But even before he realised he hates Snape, the admiration and affection for James led him to commit some bad things.

He adored James. He admired James. Everything about James Potter was so fascinating. It might sound like love, and it might have been at some point but in essence, Sirius wanted to be like James.

Everything James Potter had, his family, his personality, his interests, was something Sirius couldn't even dreamed of having.

His miserable life inside the Grimmauld place was bleak and horrible when James and his life in Godric's Hollow were bright with happiness and love.

James Potter was cheeky and arrogant but he was bright and humorous, always smiling confidently. He had goodness in his heart, and love whereas Sirius couldn't even think of a moment in his life that were so brilliant as James describes his own.

And the more and more Sirius hears about James' perfect life, the admiration for him grew bigger. It was, as he realised now, the start of their dangerous relation.

Admiration may be compatible with friendship but in Sirius' case, it was too excessive to be.

He followed James like a loyal subject does to his king. And Sirius liked it like so much that it didn't even felt like a submission. He wanted to make James happy because it made him happy. Even for a moment, Sirius could pretend that he and James were the same when they were laughing heartily together.

And all these led to his sins: Severus Snape.

He perversely enjoyed pouring out his misery at the helpless boy because it made James happy and because it helped Sirius to relieve what was inside of him.

And just so conveninetly, Severus reminded of his family. It wasn't just about the colour of his tie. There was something about Severus that made Sirius scrunch up his face in disgust.

He didn't realise what it was till he figured out how far he had went with Severus.

It was himself that made him loathe Severus. Like himself, Severus was damaged and hurt, brooding dark emotion inside that skinny body, glaring at the world with spite. His dark, bottomless eyes bored emotions that mirrored his own.

And Sirius was disgusted by himself and punished Severus for it.

He begged for forgiveness afterwards, if not by words but by heart. Sirius wanted to be absolved of his sins and for a moment he thought he could be when the baby came to the world. That little creature brought profounding happiness not only to him but to Severus. When Sirius saw that in those black orbs, he almost convinced himself that he had been acquitted. That Seveurs ascended above vile memories between them and came to love him.

All these foolishily selfish thoughts turned into a metal sharp blade that stabbed him in his heart. A conscience brutally beated him hard.

Lily Evans was right. He was a monster.

Sirius had to come late to the nursery Frieday night because of professor Slughorn who somehow found Sirius as suitable substitute for Lily Evans, 'the assistance'. He had to chop and cut down twigs and herbs which must be labeled and then organized into different shelves. When Sirius was finished, exhausted and agitated, he dragged his feet to the nursery to find unexpected redhead with Severus.

Shocking as it was to see the girl inside the nursery, he was even more surprised that Severus was telling her everything between them. What came across his mind, he cannot remember now, but the hot jolt of jealousy boiling up was vivid, even still. Then, he saw Lily Evans bolting right up from her chair, bellowing in rage. Every word she said, even though his head protested strongly against, punctured into his mind.

A monster.

That was what he was. He could not deny that.

He thought, he hoped, perhaps things that happened between them would be forgotten someday. Things he had done to Severus. Foolishly, he sought forgiveness of his sins from the boy whom he had tormented despicably.

The notion was there, all along. Sirius just pretended not to notice.

A pang of guilt mixed with envy was sharp in his heart as he took in the scene where the girl lurched forward to kiss the Slytherin. It tore his inside so brutally that Sirius had to turn his head and fled the scene.

Of course his desire to be forgiven was reckless. How can you forgive someone like him?

Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to forgive him if he was in Severus' shoe. During all this time he spent with the Slytherin, Sirius felt his guilt growing and growing. After Severus gave birth to Caelum, he started to open his heart to Sirius. His sharp tongue no longer directing at him, he spoke with less sarcasm and more humor. He no longer gets easily irritated and he showed little reluctance to be neared Sirius. Sirius noticed Severus' change in attitude long before the birth, but the changes were more tangible afterwards. One night, when Sirius and Severus was lying together, Caelum fast asleep in between them, the fragile boy started to speak of himself.

Severus spoke of his family and his life at Spinner's End. It was bleak and horrid, dark and grim. The more he spoke of his life, the more guilt Sirius felt. He felt as though there was a lump throat and lead in his stomach.

Sirius felt like the worst bastard in the world when he heard the boy told his story.

He tormented this guy, ever since he met him on the train. Severus Snape was already being abused by his own family and Sirius added another misery in his life.

The Gryffindor boy could swear he never felt such self-loathing directed at him in the past.

How he must have felt. How much he hated Sirius.

How stupid and craven Sirius was.

Which is why the words of forgiveness and promise of future were so much astonishing to Sirius.

When he realised the extent of his own sins, Sirius was ready to give up his own desire for Severus' happiness. No, maybe not ready, but he forced himself to be good. He wanted Severus to be happy, the boy deserved to be.

But Severus bestowed to him that Sirius thought he had lost: a promise of more.

A future together.

His heart swelled with pure glee at hearing that. Sirius doubted his hearing when he heard Severus said he chose Sirius over Lily Evans but the determined look on those black orbs assured him it was not a dream.

And this moment, when his heart was returned with same feeling, was much more greater than the ones where he absent-mindedly mimicked James Potter's childishness.

He was sorry for what he did, and he shall never forget the things he've done to Severus. He shan't, so that he could spend all the remaining days to make amends for his heart.

* * *

The castle of Hogwarts were in deep sleep as the dungeon in beneath the lake. The soft sound of breathing was the only noise filled the air until Sirius Black bolted upright glaring at the dark room. Severus stirred awakened as he felt the bed spring moved.

"What is it?" A soft voice filled with sleepiness asked.

Sirius did not answered for a moment as he tried to detect any sign of movement inside the nursery.

"Sirius?" Severus called him with worries.

Sirius, taken out of his reverie, jolted, "hmm? Oh, uh, nothing. I thought I just heard-"

"Is it Caelum?"

They waited to see if the baby's stirred but no soud came from the smaller room.

Severus scoffed, "N.E.W.T taking over you? You haven't slept much these days."

"Well I was needed in so many different ways these days." Sirius countered before he snorted and pecked a light kiss on Severus' lips.

"I wonder who would want such dolt like yourself?"

"I wonder that", Sirius chuckled low as he deepened the kiss.

Their relationship gotten more deeper and stronger after 'Lily Evans incident' and they were having the happiest moment in their lives albeit hectic.

Remus found out about them the very next morning and congratulated them. Although…. he did find it peculiar why the sudden change happened.

After few months, Severus was able to attend classes and topped Potion and Herbology, effortlessly. Somehow, Sirius felt like he had topped the class.

Lily Evans never came near Severus or Sirius, nor did she speak about anything ever happened between them. She simply pretended that all of this never even occurred, which was frightening Severus. Though he decided he should follow suit, since Severus didn't want to upset Sirius.

Time flew so quickly and when Caelum started his first babbling (which sounded like 'da' and 'eh-bu'), Severus and Sirius both managed to pass N.E.W.T safely.

Severus, to his own surprise, passed it with more than four Os. Considering the lack of time he'd spent on studying, Severus was quite sastified with the result.

But what's more surprising was the fact that Sirius Black gotten all the requirement for becoming an Auror. Although he hadn't mentioned he would become one, but Severus knew he was delighted with the result.

And when the weather gotten more and more hot, the graduation day came nearer.

Severus grew so worried as he tried to pack all his belongings. His constant stares at the nursery door didn't go unnoticed and Sirius made sure Mimny got the address right.

The loyal house-elf assured them again and again that she knew what to do and where to head.

But it wasn't the lack of trust that made Severus anxious. It was general fear for what might happen or not. The fact that he have to be apart with his baby made him sick in the stomach.

"Don't worry, nothing will happen." Sirius assured him, repeatedly.

Severus glanced up at him before turning his gaze over his shoulder. Sirius sighed and wrapped his arm around Severus, bringing him closer.

"Hey, you're shaking." Sirius said, worried.

Severus leant against the taller, stronger body without a word.

"Severus, it will be fine. Mimny knows what she's doing." Remus offered comfort, pitying the Slytherin boy.

Sirius pecked a kiss on Severus' temple, "Yeah, she got the address, she'll get there alright."

Severus looked up at the taller boy, finding the grey eyes calming his nerves, he gave a nod.

"Snape?"

A voice came from behind.

The three boys startled, and turned to see a brown haired boy standing behind them.

An inquiring look adorned Severus' feature.

"Professor Dumbledore wants to see you. He's at the headmaster's office." And with that, the boy took off as though he've done what he came for.

The three of them frowned.

* * *

A/N

Hi.

I want to make a sincere apology for making you guys wait for so long.

I'm sorry.

Even though I had excuse for being late but it doesn't make me feel better about the amount of time I've made you wait. And I'm sorry again that this isn't a long chapter.

This chapter is about Sirius and how he used to be. I wanted to delve into Sirius' childhood life, especially his home life. Though I omitted home life to save that for later but I enjoyed writing this part. I wanted to show you how I feel about Sirius and his relation with James Potter. Somehow, for me, Sirius had more than just a friendship with him. lol He seemed quite devoted to James, isn't he? I wonder if James can return the favor.

Lily's not given up, by the way. She might be doing some things, later. Might be.

Anyway, it's late and I gotta go.

Thanks for reading and love ya!

P.S. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you guys, so, thank you for that!


	33. Chapter 33

33.

The three of them frowned. It was not to be blamed, as the headmaster had seldom shown interests in the Slytherin boy. Or rather, never.

This got them wondered, has he found out about their secret? Of course he couldn't have figured it out, they made sure no one ever does. But it is extremely difficult to keep things secret in this castle and Dumbledore has a means of knowing things.

Severus bit his lip, his hands curled into fists. Sirius laid his hand upon the chalk-white fist, giving an assuring look even though he himself grew worried.

"Hey, We'll just wait outside, come quickly, okay?"

Severus gave a nod, finding the two Gryffindor boys smiling at him. He took a deep breath, and headed to the headmaster's office.

What does he want with Severus? Surely he couldn't have figured it out. Please let him stay oblivious.

His heart was pounding madly in his ears, and perspiration started to wet his hands and forehead. If he was worried sick before, he felt like he was going to die out of heart attack. What happens if Dumbledore knows about his secret? Would he be appalled by it? Would he try to take Caelum from Severus?

Severus clenched his fists.

No one will take his child away from him. Whatever Dumbledore means to do, there won't be anything happen to Caelum. Mimny would have gotten to the place Sirius told her. She would be waiting for them to come, taking care of Caelum meanwhile.

Nothing will happen.

Severus forced himself to convince that.

Severus glared at the door determinedly. He felt the dent on his lower lip when he licked it. Wiping his clammy hands on the cloak, Severus tried to calm himself. Embracing himself for whatever to come, Severus knocked on the door.

"Enter."

When gentle voice gave permission, Severus pushed the door and got inside the office. The room was filled with the antiquities and queer objects. Shelves by shelves, there were various things occupying them, making the space quite packed but not quite messy. Yet none of them attracted Severus' attention but the owner of this place.

"Mr. Snape, come," lines around his eyes wrinkled as the old wizard smiled friendly, who gestured a chair in front of his desk. "Please take a seat."

Severus obliged.

"You asked to see me, professor?"

He sighed inwardly as his voice came out calm and neutral.

The old professor nodded his head and smiled at him with his usual twinkle in his blue eyes. Such look on his face made Severus' stomach churned. Those sky blue eyes, although quite attractive in their colour, concealed so many secrets. Albus Dumbledore may be a professor in a school, but he was not a man to be underestimated.

He never fails to hide the truth in those gleaming blue orbs.

"Indeed I did, my boy."

Severus straightened himself, preparing himself for whatever that may come.

"Would you like a cup of lemon tea, my boy?"

"What?" Severus blurted out, quite put off with the older wizard's question.

Yet the man simply smiled, cocking his head slightly to the side, "Lemon tea, it's quite tasty I can assure you. It's a bit sour but delectable. It helps with your appepitite."

Severus shook his head.

"Oh, but you wouldn't mind me drinking it?"

"...No", Severus muttered.

Dumbledore lifted his wand and waved it. Then, the set of tea things flew over and started to make the drink on its own.

When the teapot poured the tea, the old professor took a sip, his blue eyes never leaving Severus'.

"So, how are you?"

Severus frowned despite of himself as he couldn't grasp the meaning of question.

"Your head of house informed me that you did splendid job in your studies. I congratulate you, my boy, Horace is a generous man but he does not give false assessments. Especially not in Potions.

But I wondered how things are with you in general sense? Is your health returned to your usual state?" Professor Dumbledore asked in a very light tone.

Severus tried to smooth out a crease between his brows, but he cannot help but wonder if there was anything hidden in that mundane question.

Eventually, he gave a small nod, "Yes. I'm quite alright now, professor."

"Good, that's very good. You are too young to realise, child but your health is your asset that nothing in the world could ever truly replace." Ridiculously, Dumbledore made rather serious look while uttering this pep talk.

"Indeed." Severus agreed absent-mindedly.

"I remember a man in my days who had poor status in his vigor, and-" The old wizard started, stroking his long white beard.

He spoke of a man who was very ill yet very rich, and the tale of him failing to 'buy' his health with so many potions and charms and eventually fallen into bleak death. Severus let the story passed through him without really taking it seriously.

When the professor refused to give true purpose for this meeting, Severus grew restless and impatient.

He tried to hold himself as much as he could but the thought of his child waiting for him in a strange place pushed him over the edge.

"Why did you want to see me, sir?"

The question put a stop to the endless talk Dumbledore was making. He halted altogether and stared at Severus with an expression that the Slytherin boy cannot read its meaning. A flicker of sudden fire shown in those blue orbs before it was concealed by usual twinkle.

"I am sure you remember Runespoor incident at the Hogsmeade street, Mr. Snape?"

Severus managed to stay still without flinching but he cannot help his face paled at the word.

Professor Dumbledore nodded as if he understands Severus' emotion.

"It was quite terrible and unacceptable that there should be anyone being attacked so ruthlessly on their way to the castle. Did Mr. Black suffer any lingering side-effects from the poison?" The older man's eyes penetrated into Severus'.

Severus gulped. He cannot see the reason behind the man's question so he stared at the older wizard waiting for any clues.

Dumbledore gave a knowing look and took another sip of his tea.

"I ask this question merely because it appeared that you have developed an interesting friendship this year. As I understood, you and Mr. Black used to brew an ill-feeling towards each other, have you not?" Dumbledore said, a hint of mischief in his voice.

Severus still said nothing but the old wizard seemed unperturbed as though he wasn't expecting an answer.

"It is quite unusual yet wonderful to overcome an animosity, supposing that was what it was between you and Mr. Black, my boy, and to establish true camaderie with your old foe. Such things are so rare that seldom occur. I wish you and Mr. Black to continue this wonderful change and develop further intercourse." The man continued his talk regardless of Severus' anxiety growing stronger as it did.

"Mr. Black, despite his flaws, is quite magnificent Gryffindor. He truly dwells on the brave at heart, disdains all injustice inflicted on innocents." Here, Severus had to frown, as he couldn't quite agree with the last statement. Yet, oblivious to his facial expression, Dumbeldore said, "Should he desire to fight for the victims of such infliction, he would be a great warrior."

A fist gripped down on Severus' knee, as he struggled not to stand up and leave. He knew the man to be an odd coot, but he now realised the man can be quite incoherent with his talk. Or was he simply trying to stall time so that Severus could spill the bins out for him?

"A man such as him, requires a friend whom he can trust." Dumbledore stated.

Something came like blow to Severus. He cannot point his finger at what it was but somehow, he knew he won't be liking where this conversation leads to.

"He has friends." Severus muttered.

Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkled, smiled, "Indeed he has. But I was talking of friends that may help him in more realistic sense."

Severus frowned, "what do you mean?"

"Mr. Snape, you are exceedingly talented in magic. Horace has been extremely proud to have you as his student, I am sure you are aware. He emphasized on your singularity in potions, which outstands above all the other. And your Defense against Dark Arts teacher informed me of your ingenuity in spells, as well."

Severus blushed for a moment, unease at hearing compliments, before another shock came through him. He met the older professor's stare with a dawning realisation.

"Such talents should be more than enough to aid the boy's desire to help others."

The man wasn't trying to prod on his secret; he was trying to recruit him as his soldier.

Severus may have left the dark side but he knew, like everyone else, that the man in front of him is the only person in this world who could match the Dark Lord in real sense. The Dark Lord fears only one person and Albus Dumbledore, the old coot, is the one. And it is not difficult to predict that this is the only man who would try to fight off the Dark forces. But Dumbledore was no fool. He would know he cannot fight alone and it's easy to think that he would try to recruit as much force as he could gather to build a countering force.

Severus knew not of the existent of Order of the Pheonix but he could guess at it.

Cold sweat in his forehead seemed to dry off as his heart pounded in different emotion. It was ridiculous. It was hilarious.

Of all these years, the man never gave Severus a sliver of interest and now, he wants him to be his pawn for his chess.

"Of course, I do not imply that Mr. Black would be on battle fields any time soon", Dumbledore interluded, probably because he noticed Severus had gotten his message. "I merely congratulate on both of you for ascending above all negativity and became true friends."

"Thank you, sir", Severus replied rather mechanically.

"Well, I musnt' keep you so long, child. It is your graduation day. It would be a memory to keep after years to come, Mr. Snape, off you go." Dumbledore eyed on the door.

Severus stood up without hesitating and left the room, after giving a short nod.

When Severus came out of the castle, he was immediately approached by two Gryffindors. Sirius protectively covered his arm around Severus' shoulder, his grey eyes filled with care and concerns. Severus had to smother his smile creeping up, as he was reminded of a well-bred dog trying to please his master.

"What did he say? Did he….?" Sirius couldn't finish his words.

Severus shook his head side to side, "Later."

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.

When they were at the lake side, the three of them had to part as each head of house were waiting for them in respective posts. He saw Sirius and Lupin joining with the other marauders, whom welcomed them with wide grins. Suddenly, Severus was overwhelmed by the thought of having to take into a boat full of pre-Death Eaters. Silver and green colours penetrating his sight.

He used to love these colours but now they have turned into painful reminder that they are no longer safe for him.

But just as when he became petrified with fear, professor Slughorn boomed as he got nearer.

"Ah, Mr. Snape. Now, now, stands here, with these ladies."

He gestured a pair of girls Severus knew only by their surnames and he got into the boat with them. Severus felt awkward at being with girls but it seemed they didn't even realise he was with them, preoccupied with their conversation. It always is easier for Severus to go unnoticed so it didn't matter to him they ignored him.

A magically magnified voice rung around the lakeside. All eyes focused on to one man wearing a deep blue velvet cloak and lots of tiny pink ribbons tied in his beard. Albus Dumbledore was giving the last speech to the graduates, bidding farewell and wishing their luck on their future.

Students listened with a perplexed feeling. They all felt relieved to be rid of stresses that exams, studies and assignments but to be rid of Hogwarts, meaning they would never have to come back, somehow made all of them equally emotional. Hogwarts, despite many things happening inside, was magic itself to them.

Severus felt no different.

As bleak as his childhood was, Severus longed to enter this castle as long as he could remember. Those days when he told young, oblivious Lily about this place, mixed with imagination due to lack of knowledge himself, were still vivid as if they were yesterday. His desperation to be with Lily at all times in this castle, the moments when the two studied Potions together, fighting with the Marauders and the yearnings to become a greater man than James Potter. It was only thirteen, when he decided to join the Dark Lord's force.

Severus couldn't begin to explain how desperate he was in those days, how scared and how chased he felt.

Life was a misery to Severus and he always felt like someone would hurt him again and again. He would have done the same thing to anyone, brutally inflicting agony to anyone, as life had done to him.

Was it because of that? Was it because of his twisted, ugly desire to pour out his own pain to others that turned things to where it is now?

The moment when he was raped, the moment when he walked into his own death, such things were too horrific to say that they are a gifts, but they did stop him from where he was heading to. Severus only managed to stop himself when something maimed him, obstructing his steps towards the Dark.

Perhaps it had been a punishment. A punishment given from the castle itself, to thwart Severus from doing the wrong things that he so desired to commit.

Perhaps, like a organic creature, this castle wanted to protect and punish and play with its residents.

Do not go there, do not let yourself thrown into the pit. Perhaps, it was giving a warning to Severus, pressing a pause to all the horrors Severus going to lash out at the world. It was awful thing to endure to have himself drag down to the bottom but than again, Severus can see now that he would have done the same thing to himself.

It was indeed, brutal and merciless lesson Hogwarts inflicted upon Severus.

But it stopped him.

It stopped him from tearing himself apart in bitterness and loathing.

It stopped him from falling into the darkness he sentenced himself to.

And for that, Hogwarts will always be his home. He shall miss this castle, for as long as he remained alive, for ever.

* * *

A/N

Hi fellows!

This is not the end, don't worry.

I am sorry this is a bit short, but I had to cut it here.

Thanks for reading!


	34. Chapter 34

34.

James Potter was glaring at the piece of paper laid in front of him. Then, a pair of beautiful hazel eyes turned to the black feathered owl which had brought the paper to him. Large, fine feathers were black and beautiful, its golden eyes piercing and intelligent. His hands clenched into fists and he started re-reading the letter. Every word written in that piece of paper made his frown deeper. No matter how hard he stared at it, none of the words changed into something different.

It said, simply put, Sirius _cannot_ join the Order of Phoenix.

And what made things worse is that he wouldn't give him a reason for his decision. James Potter was furious. He felt cheated and betrayed. He was sorely disappointed that his old friend, whom he thought he could count on his back for anything, should abandon their goal to defeat the Dark side, all the while, keeping secrets from him.

That is the worse part of all this. Sirius, keeping secrets from him.

He tried to understand Sirius, Merlin knows he did. But how was he supposed to let things unravelled on its own when people are dying outside every day. Innocent people. And to see them suffering, the only thing James could think of is how he should be out there fighting for those people.

But he cannot do this alone. He needed help. He needed help from someone he can trust. And Sirius Black is the one James can count on his back.

Or so he thought.

Sirius said he couldn't possibly join the Order for now because he has this mysterious reason holding him back for while. Whatever that reason is, James could no longer wait for it to be solved on its own.

He's going to help Sirius to resolve whatever the fuck is holding him back.

The bespectacled boy rummaged through his desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment which he started to scribble something upon.

He will do whatever it takes to do.

* * *

"Are you sure about this, Prongs?" Peter muttered uncertainly.

James simply thrust Omnioculars into his hand, nodding. "Make sure to record every single thing, Peter. It will work just as it does for Quidditch games, got it?"

Peter nodded, though he still looked very unsure about the idea of stalking Sirius Black while in his rat form, all the while carrying a pair of large brass apparatus to record everything.

"Are you sure Padfoot's with Snape? I don't think this is a good-"

"I told you, that snake is up to something and we are going to find out what exactly going on between them. This is important, Peter. Very important. The safety of your friend and mine is in your hands. You understand?"

James solemnly swore the boy's life and the safety of the continuation of the Black family's lineage as well as the safety of the entire wizarding society is held upon Wormtail's little hands, -or paws. After hearing his swear, Peter grew more unsure and at unease. He did not voice it, but James could hear the chubby boy's protest and doubt out loud.

He snorted inwardly.

It was really ridiculous to have Wormtail of all people to spy on Sirius. But he knows no other than him who could turn into a small animal that could crawl around the earth to check up on someone without getting caught. Being an animagus is a hard job, after all.

Besides, he knew Remus wouldn't back him on this particular project. Mr. Let's Play It by the Rules would never approve his plan to sneak up on their best mate.

But he has to know. He really needs to know why Sirius is refusing to take on the great cause to save numerous lives. Innocent lives.

James was not comfortable with this idea either but he couldn't just wait till Sirius to come out of whatever shit he put himself into. People are dying every day and every moment is a stifling fear that consumes them. He has to do something. But he can't do anything without his best mate.

And besides, it is so unlike Sirius not to show up for a very long time without any real explanation.

James was worried.

Successfully justifying his own action, James Potter nudged Peter towards the alley where he knew Sirius shows up time to time.

* * *

"Fucking Severus Snape", James spat out almost unconsciously.

The footage he found in the Omnioculars proved once again Snivelly is the pesky vermin deterring his noble plan. In it, he saw Sirius coming out of a building with the pale Slytherin boy, uncharacteristically besotted.

What could possibly make his dear old friend appear so if not the Snape boy's wickedness?

Breathing through his nose, James glanced up from the apparatus.

"Is this all you've got? Has there been anything more suspicious?"

Upon asked, Peter flushed. James raised an eyebrow.

"What it is?" James prodded.

"Well…", Peter opened his mouth uncertainly. He looked agitated as if worried he might get scolded again.

"Well what?"

"Well… It just that I… I couldn't follow him into their house like there was some-"

"-Spells to repel you, I'm sure. They are not idiots. But what are you trying to say?" James cocked his head arrogantly.

Peter gulped, embracing for the other boy's retort. "Well, I heard a baby's cry."

A moment passed with James frozen in his seat until the bespectacled boy burst into a fit of laughter. Peter flushed, dugging his head low in embarrassment. When James managed to compose himself somewhat, still giggling, he questioned the boy's integrity.

"Are you sure you went to the right spot? I told you there were lots of buildings look similar." James, not even bothering to hide his condescending smirk, snickered.

Peter frowned, balling his fists.

"Well, I would recognize a wizard's place when I see it. I just told you, I couldn't entered the place because of the repellent spell."

"If you couldn't get in, then how the hell were you able to hear it?" James pointed out.

Peter blushed, "well, I- I don't know, but-", stammering.

"Did you really follow Sirius into the building he always disappear, right? You couldn't possibly missed it, not even you."

"I-I did!" Peter said, solemnly. "I did follow Sirius to the place you've told me to follow. I just heard something weird. There was a baby's babbling and then a cry, Sirius disappeared too quickly that I couldn't catch him but I am sure of what I saw." Wormtail balled his fists indignantly.

James eyed on the boy's chubby hands curled into fists for a moment before he looked up to meet the watery blues. It was clear that Wormtail knew what he was saying. He wasn't just making things up.

James rest his face on his palm, placing his elbow onto the desk.

Why would a baby was in that house? The house in which Sirius might be held captive by an evil Slytherin.

After a moment of silence past, James stood up suddenly, scaring the chubby boy.

"Where are you going?" Peter asked.

The other boy looked down at him, his face neutral but the hard line in his lips gave away the contempt.

"Go back home, Wormtail. I'll send you an owl later."

"Prongs?" Taken aback, Wormtail hurriedly got up. But James left without further words, leaving the chubby boy stare at the spot where the other boy Disapparated.

Expression changed into more bitter but a crooked smile appeared on the round face. It was always like this. But never had he gotten used to being left out. Thin lips curled inside as Wormtail tried to oppress the bubbling anger inside. When he finally managed not to lash out on the spot, a small round object flew near him. It was a very small owl with a pair of very large eyes. It landed on the table Peter was sitting before with James.

Peter Pettigrew knew what it wanted. He hurriedly searched inside his jacket and pulled out a piece of parchment rolled into a tiny scroll. The owl extended his leg. Peter took out the message tied in its leg and dexterously tied his own.

"There you go."

But the owl wouldn't leave.

Peter frowned and looked down at the plate full of biscuits.

"He didn't even pay that", mumbled the grumpy boy before picking one to handed it the owl. The owl took it happily and flew off.

_Things will change from now on_, thought Peter as he paid the waiter for the snack. It has to be.

And when it does…

The boy left the facility with a determined look.

* * *

A/N

...please don't kill me...

I am sorry. I am soooo sorry. I didn't mean to make you guys wait this long but I just couldn't write this. I don't know what the hell triggered this extreme writer's block but I just couldn't write it.

And so sorry for being so short.

I am sorry and thank you all of you for not giving up on this story and waiting for me. I will not disappoint you... though I think I already have.

By the way, I read some of you think Sev loving Sirius sounds so weird considering that their relationship started as a forced one. I totally agree. It's weird and wrong. Wrong in so many ways. But if you could hang in there with me, I will try to unravel the story as much as I can.

Thanks again!


	35. Chapter 35

Remus Lupin smiled graciously at Mrs. Potter when she handed the basket.

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter. I'll be back after dinner so you wouldn't have to worry about me."

"Oh, you need to do a lot more to make me worry about your behaviour", Mrs. Potter answered with an emphasis on 'a lot more'.

Remus chuckled.

With a smile, the brown haired boy left. Mrs. Potter noticed the boy has grown quite taller than before. He used to slouch, unsure of himself. But now the boy is growing into a man. She felt very proud.

It was very hard for her to have a child. She and her husband tried every method to have one, Merlin knows they did. Those days of seemingly endless wait made her son ever more precious, including every friend he got.

Remus was a very good boy. He had suffered a lot in his childhood which made him a more mature and thoughtful child than her son ever could be. She knew the boy was constantly helping James to pull his head out of his arse.

She just hope that he'd succeed in his task soon.

Mrs. Potter narrowed her eyes when she spotted James Potter suddenly sprinting out of his bedroom.

* * *

A loud wailing of a child would have waken the whole building if not for the numerous charm they had put on Sirius' flat. Instant groans escaped Severus' lips as he struggled to get himself up only to pushed back by a gentle hand.

"I'll go", Sirius whispered, "you go back to sleep."

Severus thought he nodded but was not sure, as he fell back to sleep even before Sirius finished his sentence.

Sirius got out of bed as quietly as possible and headed to the small nursery room they've created right next to their bedroom. The room was painted in light grey and filled with a new set of furniture Sirius purchased.

He did bring the crib from Hogwarts as a reminder.

Inside the beautiful cherry wood crib, their beloved boy was wailing loudly. Sirius hurried to the boy and gently picked him up from the bed. The baby squirmed and cried but Sirius was patient. He soothed the boy, whispering in soft voice. After spending hours and hours of taking care of his son, Sirius learned a few things about child rearing.

"It's only a dream, Cae. Just a nightmare."

Caelum's cry slowed down as he continued to coo him.

"I won't let anything happen to you, Cae, I will always be there for you."

Sirius looked at the sweet little boy drowsing in his arms. A pair of bright grey eyes soon was covered as Caelum fell back to sleep. They were beautiful. He was so beautiful. The thought of this sweet creature belonging to him never failed to amaze him.

Despite all the horror involved in having this child.

Sirius looked up from the boy now soundly asleep and stared at the direction where Severus would be taking much needed rest. He gave the sleeping boy a kiss and went back to their bedroom.

He slowly opened the door where he watched the other boy sleeping.

As he climbed onto the bed, Sirius pushed a strand of dark hair away from Severus face so he can see better. Small frown etched on in between the brows, Severus looked as though passed out rather than resting.

The Slytherin boy haven't been sleeping well lately.

Caelum would wake up in the night, either in hunger or fear of his own dreams. Sirius helps, of course, but there are times when Caelum just needed Severus to calm down.

It did not make him feel bad about him being not enough to Caelum but it did make him feel sorry for Severus for the extra works he has to do.

The skinny boy is getting skinnier and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looked so exhausted even in his sleep.

Poor boy.

Sirius, when it comes to Severus, cannot help but feeling anxious around him. He didn't want to make him go through any more hardship than he already had to go through. More than Sirius already imposed on him.

Three months have passed since they've finished their school. And in those days, spending time with Severus, raising Caelum together, Sirius went to hell and heaven at the same time. It was so happy, peaceful - albeit hectic -, to be with Severus and their son.

But in those happy moments, the memory of his past attacked him ruthlessly, unannounced. The one he thought it was a dream, a bad dream. He remembered being on top of Severus, ripping his clothes apart, pinning down skinny wrists.

They were so fragile under his grasp. Like branches.

Sirius hands ghosted around where Severus splayed his limbs around. Nothing but bones felt under his fingertips. Weights the other boy had gained during pregnancy were lost postpartum. He thought people put on more weights after giving birth but somehow Severus didn't.

It's not that it mattered how Severus looks, but it worried him deeply as it showed how Severus' having difficult time.

Sirius stretched his arm around Severus' waist, spooning him snugly.

He thought having him here would make a difference, but somehow Sirius cannot help but to think this is not enough for Severus.

Or maybe it's just Sirius wallowing self-hatred and disgust. Whatever hardships Severus is going through as he stay here, he hadn't shared with Sirius, if he had any.

It's just that…

Sometimes, even with Severus in his arms, he cannot believe that this is happening.

He raped Severus.

That, will never change. No matter what.

So how was he supposed to believe that the person he had inflicted unmeasurable pain would stay with him here, for ever?

In some nights, Sirius would just wake up and make sure none of them had left him. He would just hold tired Severus in his arms for hours and hours before he finally doze off. Because, at some moment in their mundane routine of battling child rearing, the memory of the night would be reminded somehow. And it burns his inside like a liquid fire melting him down.

The funny thing is, in this whole fiasco, he cannot let Severus go.

He can never let them go.

* * *

"Don't you think it's getting a bit hard, here?" Severus asked as he pressed his finger gently on Caelum's lower gum. "I've felt it few days ago for the first time, and it's getting harder."

Caelum tried to shake himself away from his touch, whining.

"Is it bad?" Sirius asked, stepping closer to them.

Severus looked up to meet his grey eyes before chuckling, "no". He then cooed his son, adjusting his hold on the boy.

"I think he's teething."

"Teething?"

"Yeah, his teeth are starting to grow. Remember from what we read?"

Sirius had to take in for a moment to process. He felt dumb for not understanding it right away but it was just...

"Wow."

...surprising at the least to see how fast his son is growing.

Sirius smiled goofily as he watched his son toying with Severus' long hair. It was just so magical and surreal for him. All of this, all of this moment was everything he wanted but never thought he would have a taste of it.

It was the most potent magic he have ever witnessed in his life: to have a family of his own.

And no matter how much it scared him to death, Sirius, for the first time in his life, was truly happy.

* * *

A/N

I know, I am so late. I am sorry.

I just want to tell you guys that I am so grateful that you haven't given up on me and this story. So much to thank for, really.

I really appreciate for your patience and I will try to my utmost best not to disappoint you.

And, this is not me trying to excuse myself, but I am kind of busy with all the school works and they are really getting me. And I would like you to know why I am so being late these days. I don't want you to think that I've abandoned this story and your expectation. I would never do that knowing that I made all this way all thanks to all of you.

So, I am sorry and I am so thankful to all of you out there continuing to read my story, waiting for it, commenting on it, praising me. Thank you!


	36. Chapter 36

Remus came over to Sirius' to witness the war going on with all the child rearing fiasco. He hurried in and took charge.

"Oh, Sirius."

He all but said that he was really the son of Black family for not being able to perform a tiny task of cleaning the kitchen table. Of course, Remus knew better not to say the 'b' word in front of Sirius.

The tall boy pushed the latter out of the way and flicked his wand over the table. Spilled milk and crumps disappeared and with another flick, cups and plates organized themselves on the shelves.

"Thanks, mate", Sirius heaved a sigh of relief. He didn't know why, but cleaning charms are always difficult for him. He simply couldn't make thing neat and clean like Remus did.

Remus ruefully grinned.

"Sev, give Caelum to me and you go ahead and eat. I've brought some pies for you two." Placing the basket Mrs. Potter gave him on the table, Remus reached over for the baby.

"Is it Mrs. Potter's work?"

"Yup."

"Great." Grinning widely, Sirius took Caelum from Severus' tired arms and handed him over to the taller boy.

The two exhausted parents plopped down.

"Thank you", muttered Severus, reaching for the basket.

Remus grinned, sending a sympathetic look towards them. Baby Caelum knew nothing of the trouble he was giving to his parents, simply oblivious and happy.

Remus kissed Caelum on the cheek, feeling the soft and tender skin. Caelum made happy noise as Remus teased him on his side with a long finger. He glanced the two boy having their first meal and it was 11 am.

Poor guys.

"You little mischief boy, giving hard time to your parents", Feigning scorn, Remus nibbled Caelum's small hand lightly, which the baby found it somehow funny.

"Like father, like son", muttered Severus, agreeing.

"Hey", Sirius protested, indignantly.

Remus chuckled. They seemed quite close, now. Actually, the couple have been quite close to each other ever since they started this weird relationship and getting more and more connected. Especially true when it comes to Severus who was currently displaying pure affection towards the former enemy. Just the look on Severus' face shows that they belonged to each other, that what they have here was a complete family.

It was so perfect that Remus cannot help but feel a little jealous, though.

But he was mostly happy for them.

They have finally found what they have been seeking. Contentment was all over their faces, which has been rare before all this. The change was so significant that it never failed to amaze Remus. It also made him keep hope for himself, as a matter of fact. It made Remus that there might be hope for himself, that he might be able to have some sort of happiness as they are having now. If not as perfect as they are.

And really, taking care of Caelum had him change as well. The pure happiness and the lack of worry that are radiating from this little guy changed Remus in a way that he no longer felt sorry for his existence. No more brooding, moping, wondering why his life is such a misery. It was like feeling the warmth of sunlight blanketing him all over.

Remus kissed the boy again, admiring of his magic.

Yes. It was so magical that such a little thing as the baby could do so much wonder all around them.

When the boys finished their belated breakfast, the taller boy ushered the smaller boy into the bedroom. Severus did not protested as he was too exhausted to argue. Remus pitied the boy for a moment before seeing something on his best friend's handsome face.

A dark emotion was clouding the perfect face before Sirius quickly suppressed it as soon as their eyes met.

Remus eyed the boy carefully.

"Er, do you want me to take turn?" Sirius mumbled, uncertainly.

Remus rolled his eyes. He walked up to the sofa and gestured the latter to join him. Sirius tried to smooth out his frown and act nonchalant.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"I think I am the one asking that question", Remus challenged, adjusting his hold on the baby. "What is it?"

"What is what?"

"Come on, spit it out before you give yourself a stroke", Remus ordered.

Sirius chewed on his lower lip, carding his fingers over his long black locks. "I'm fine." He muttered, though he knew he wasn't being convicing.

Remus sighed, wrapping his fingers over Caelum's hand when it tried to yank buttons on his shirt.

"You know you can tell me. I am not going to say anything to anyone. You'd trusted me with your biggest secret, why not this one?" Remus spoke in a low, soft voice.

This time, Sirius heaved a sigh. He eyed his son, trying to play with Remus' worn-out sleeves. Then, the mini Sirius reached out for his father, lips curling and stretching as if to call him. Gentle smile automatically lit up Sirius face and he took his son in his arms. He buried his face on the baby's belly.

"Sirius… is everything alright?" Remus asked worried.

The dark haired boy stood up, walked straight to the baby's cradle and placed Caelum inside. He flicked his wand to make the mobil hung up on the ceiling move. When he came back, he was no longer avoiding his stare.

"Everything is not alright." Sirius said.

Remus shifted in his seat, facing his friend. His deep green eyes filled with worries and concern.

"Tell me."

Sirius braced himself once more before starting to unload all of his worries. Of his doubts, regrets and fears. When he was finished, Remus heaved a sigh as well. This was something he should have thought before but he overlooked because of the current development between the two. It is not always 'all's well that ends well'. But…

"Did Severus ever talk about it?"

He thought Severus forgiven him for what happened.

Of course, the start of this relationship was so messed up and violent but he thought they've gotten over that. Severus seemed quite unperturbed by Sirius' touch, hell, he seemed to long for it whenever there's a chance.

Sirius merely shook his head. Remus couldn't tell he was trying to say Severus hadn't talked about it since or simply he didn't say anything about it.

Remus placed his hand upon his mate's. Squeezing gently, he spoke.

"You know you should talk about this. You should know how he thinks, feels about it. To me, he seemed to recover from it but you need to hear it from him, not me."

Remus could see the panic rising in those clear grey eyes. The dark haired boy sucked a sudden breath. He firmed his hold on the boy's hand.

"What you do want to do? Are you intending to leave?"

Sirius shot up, glaring at him for even suggesting it.

"Then, you should go and talk to him. Tell him you're sorry and you wish he isn't hurting because of what happened. Tell him what you want. What do you want?"

"...to be with him. I want to be with him, forever." Sirius replied, his voice so small yet the certain in his wish.

Remus nodded in approval, pressing the issue once more. "Talk to him."

But the other Gryffindor boy did not response.

Suddenly, Caelum yelped in annoyance. Remus sighed and hurried to retrieve the baby boy from his cradle.

* * *

"So, I'll be back tomorrow morning. Same hour, alright?" Remus beamed, waving at little Caelum, who yawned in his father's arms.

Sirius and Severus nodded, bidding him goodbye. When the brown-haired boy took a step to leave, Severus stopped him.

"What is it?" Remus cocked his head.

Severus eyed Sirius and said, "go and tuck him in, would you?" Sirius nodded, "Alright. Bye, Moony."

Remus stepped closer to the smaller boy, curious as to what he wanted to tell him.

"What did you two talk about today?" Severus started without a warning.

Remus, taken aback, fell silence. He had no idea the Slytherin boy was listening to their conversation.

"Er…" He hesitated, wondering if he should tell him or let the couple resolve with each other on their own. Severus saw he was holding back something and prodded on. "I know something is going on. He won't tell me what it is. What did he tell you?"

The worry was palpable in Severus' dark eyes. Remus tried to rethink about his decision but screw it, he knew Sirius was dead scared and was not going to talk about it on his own. Which meant that it will worry Severus too and that is not a good thing to happen.

Sometimes, these two are so alike.

Bracing himself for future retaliation from his mate, Remus opened his mouth.

"He said… he is worried about you", Remus started.

Severus frowned, "why?"

Remus paused, trying to come up with a better choice of words but failing at it. "He thinks what happened between you might haunt you still…"

The frown on Severus' forehead gotten deeper, as he was confused.

"Severus… I don't know how to go around with this. So I'm just going to say it bluntly." Remus heaved a sigh before spilling it all out as frankly as possible. Damn, he didn't realise how much ineloquent he was.

"You were raped. Sirius thinks that you'll be repulsed by the thought of associating with your attacker. Romantically assoicating, that is." Remus finished somewhat lamely. He was at unease to discuss such delicate subject in front of the actual victim.

Hell, it was exceedingly weird to talk about it at all.

It just reminded everyone of the bleak, violent start of this relationship.

But it had to be dealt with.

After all, if Severus was too confused and scared to rationally think about the whole thing before, he should be given a moment to process it all again.

Feeling the tension and worry arising, Remus prepared for the worst.

A soft chuckle broke out, confusing Remus at first. Remus quirked an eyebrow. It was surprising to see the smaller boy smiling in amusement.

"Er… Sev?" He asked, tentatively.

Severus was now giggling as if he was trying to stifle laugh.

"He was quite serious about it, Severus. I think if you have something to say about it you should talk to him." Remus suggested, still unsure if Severus' laugh was what he thought it was.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right." Severus nodded, as though he just noticed Remus was still there. "I'll talk to him."

"Great." Remus felt relieved.

Severus chuckled once more before going inside "Thanks", he said, turning right before he closed the door.

Remus nodded, "my pleasure."

He eyed the boy carefully, as he closed the door shut. He titled his head, wondering about the boy's attitude. It appeared nothing negative. Remus hoped for the best, as he went outside to get back to Godric's Hollow.

* * *

James was furious as he unable to follow Remus Lupin inside the building without an invitation. The building's entrance simply did not appear in front of him. A set of strong charms to ward off intruders was utterly powerful.

Fucking Snape was fucking good at hiding in his snake hole.

James could not help but to retreat in defeat.

* * *

That night, when Caelum fell asleep soundly, Severus approached the taller boy who was fumbling with his night clothes. He figured Sirius overheard what was being said between him and Lupin.

Or he could have assumed.

Either way, it was quite sympathetic to watch the usually graceful boy failing with his buttons.

Severus cleared his throat. Sirius jumped.

Pitying him inwardly, Severus spoke. "I have some thing to tell you."

"Oh, yeah?" Sirius feigned indifference.

Severus walked up to the boy and sat down on bed next to him.

"I am not going to leave you", Severus declared.

Sirius froze, doubting his hearing. Detecting the skeptism written all over the handsome face, Severus looked through the pool of icy grey.

Voice firm and clear, he repeated. "I am not leaving you."

The fair boy swallowed, hands dropping down.

"I am not leaving you", he repeated again, "I want to stay here with you and my son. I like living here. This is where I'd like to think I belong. This is the only place I've ever felt completely happy and safe." He paused, trying to convey his truth as much as possible.

He hoped his sudden lack of eloquency didn't diminish his truth.

"This is the place where someone I love is in, where my baby is in. I want to stay where my family is." Severus stared at the frozen boy in front of him.

He lifted his hand to smooth out a frown marring the handsome face of his… whatever he is to Severus.

"I like it here. I don't have to worry about my father's beating, I don't have to worry about being hungry, I don't have to worry about anything. I just… I can stay…" Severus bit his lip, trying to choose a better word. "I can stay happy, when I am here, with you and with Caelum."

Sirius' frown melted away under Severus' gentle touch. Grey eyes glistened in moisture, as he heaved a shaky breath.

"Why would you think I would leave you? Leave here?" Severus leaned closer to the boy, trying to show that he means to be closer to him.

"Do you want me to leave?" Severus whispered his question, as if it hurts to ask.

Sirius jumped, "No!", shouting immediately.

"Of course not! I don't want you to… Why would I… I would never want you to!" He stammered.

Severus cut him in mid-sentence, kissing the boy's lips gently. Sirius stopped his babbling, shocked at the contact.

"I know what you did to me." Severus spoke. Sirius sucked in a breath, frozen. "I would never be able to get rid of that night."

Sirius' face fell, all misery and worry coming down at him once.

"I wish I could say something different but this is the truth. I can't let it go that easily. It's not really that easy to do that, even with Caelum beside me." Severus shrugged.

Sirius was now shuddering. Severus raised his pale hand to rest it upon the shaking boy's cheek, hoping to calm him.

"But I cannot leave you even with the memory imprinted on me. I tried to hate you, so many times, believe me I did. But I couldn't." Severus shook his head.

"I just… need you." Severus confessed. "I want you."

Sirius placed his hand upon Severus', pressing it on his cheek, face contorted in a mixture of emotion. His beautiful grey eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"You said you wouldn't let me go. Don't let me go. And I would never let you go." Severus swore.

Then, without knowing who did first, they collided in deep kiss. Sirius attacked Severus' soft lips viciously, punishing those lips for making him cry. He could feel the smaller boy melting against his body, accepting his rough emotion.

Who knew, the silly Snivelly had a knack for stirring him so.

Severus' lips felt deliciously soft, wet, and a little salty. Sirius dimly noted that was because of his own tears. He would be ashamed of crying later but for now, he was overwhelmed with happiness and relief.

"I am so sorry Severus," Sirius breathed out when their lips parted before his tongue darted out to invade Severus' mouth. Soft wet noise filled in the air as their lips smacked to each other's roughly. "I am so fucking sorry"

In between kisses, Sirius whispered his sorry again and again, pouring his heart out on every word.

He wished it never happened. He wished he never had hurt Severus. But he did. And he had to live with the fact for the rest of his life.

But perhaps he should live the rest of his life to atone for it, not wallow himself under it.

Sirius cannot let Severus go and if Severus wanted him, he would give all of him to the boy. Every single part of him belonged to the boy. For he was _his_ now from the day he had taken the boy.

And he will be for the rest of his life.

* * *

A/N

Hi I am back!

I am so glad to be back with this chapter. I know you guys would worry that I might be dragging this whole, 'I regret what I did' thing. I probably should, to make this story more sensible. But that would take a lot of time and I know I don't want to wait that long. I am so waiting for writing Voldy part badly.

Love you! Thanks for reading! Comments are super appreciated! Really, I read them everyday and every single night. Comments make me happy!

Let's hope that I finally finish what the heck James is up to, so that I can move on to Voldy part.

Oh, by the way, I have this weird desire to write Twilight saga fanfiction, featuring Charlie Swan. I think I've gone mad. There are way too many school works for me, including the impending exams as well. Don't get me wrong, I am not a fan of the book. But somehow, I want to write things about how Bella's father would think of his own daughter and what if he was in the situation where his daughter is. Is that weird? Yes, I suppose it is. Oh well, I am not going to write anything until I'm done with this one. hehe.

Anyway, thank you so much!

Bye!


	37. Chapter 37

In a dark, dank basement, a young man who barely escaped his puberty shuddered in cold and horror. His chubby cheeks tremoured as he taken in the view of a man in front of him. A handsome face marred with waxy complexion that made him look inhumane was facing the chubby man. He whimpered as the perfect face twisted in disgust before quickly masked with fake hospitality.

What he felt was just the opposite of hospitality.

Watery blue eyes lowered down to the hem of the man's long robe. He'd rather not watch the man by his face and he was sure the superior man would not appreciate his staring.

A light movement of the robe caused the whimpering man quiver in fear.

"Do you understand the importance of this work?" asked the man.

It was so unlike him to speak with such plain words and direct question. The man's usual tone was rather more elegant and contained much more sophisticated euphemism. It was as though the man considered the shivering mass knelt before him was too ignorant and inferior to understand the technique.

The chubby man knew, of course he knew, that this man would never treat him as equal. Yet, he came to this man on his own volition. He gave most of the things he owned to the man just to become a personal toy soldier. However, he also knew, undoubtedly so, that this man would allow him to be in his circle of power for the rest of his life.

A secured, solid connection.

That is what was offered before him.

That is what he chose above all the other.

That is what he traded with what he had.

"Y-yes, my lord. I know," he stammered his answer. He cringed visibly at his own ineloquence. He so desperately wanted to be able to speak like the man before him. Elegant and graceful, yet cunning and piercing.

He wanted to become someone who does not stutter like an idiot and who does not fear anything.

And he knew. He knew this man will help him to become one. To become what he desires to be. Of course he can. He has everything. He was so powerful and so great. He could do anything.

"Do not disappoint me."

* * *

Remus was out again. He was out yesterday and he was out today. He was out the day before yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.

He has been going out for… almost since the day they've graduated from Hogwarts and never once mentioned where he was heading. Apparently, that does not bother anyone but James Potter.

He suddenly felt like he was the one who was acting strange and weird. Maybe he became paranoid without him knowing. But what the fuck does that matter when there is substantial evidence that there might be some thing going on between Sirius and Remus and… and, and that Snape boy!

He has been trying and trying to figure out what was going on. This is not just about him being left out. James started to worry deeply about his friends. Is there something significant going on? Something that could be dangerous?

Or maybe it's not about Snape boy at all.

Maybe it's something to do with… whatever it is they have gotten themselves hooked up with.

He tried to deduce from all the weird business going on yet there were no concrete lead that might lead him to a conclusion.

So James gave up.

Oh Merlin help him, he gave up.

James Potter, the guy knew no such word as 'quit', gave up on spinning his wheel trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. Evidently, they were clever enough to cover their tracks. They obviously wanted their secret to remain as it is. And if that is what his friends needed, then he should, at least, try to respect that.

So instead of stalking and prying them, James decided to confront them so that he can explain his desire to fight against the dark side and his wish to have partners whom he can trust.

Starting with Remus Lupin.

As he was the only one he can actually meet face to face.

James waited until the hour has late and his friend to arrive. His mother gave him an odd expression but he ignored it. Reading books and newspapers to pass the time, James got bored.

Later in the evening, though, someone finally paid a visit.

It would have been so nice if it were Moony, though.

"H-hi, Prongs. Could we talk for a sec?" Wormtail asked.

Typical daily luck of James Potter. He rolled his eyes. He could feel the chubby boy cringing, as if afraid James might hurt him. Though he would never raise his fist against his friend, but the taller boy rather enjoyed the sense of superiority whenever he sees Pete's fear. It made him feel like a better, greater man than the latter.

It just felt too good to know that it's wrong.

"Yeah, come inside," James gestured the inside. Peter got in silently and sat down on the couch next to the fireplace.

"What'd you wanna talk about?" asked the taller boy.

Peter crushed his lips together and then opened, and then closed. His eyes were darting everywhere as if unsure of something. James frowned at the boy's weirdness.

"Look, I have some things to discuss with Moony. He'll be back any time soon and if this is not at all important than we might-"

"My grandfather died," Peter blurted out.

James went silent. His face suddenly serious and dark, the dark-haired boy questioned the blond again.

"What did you say?"

Peter's watery blue eyes were welled up with tears and he was fumbling his hands. James could see that he was shaking rather badly.

"M-my grandfather… you know, my dad's side of… he died," Wormtail spluttered out as he could not hold his breath well as he spoke.

James was lost for words. "I-, I'm really sorry for that, Wormy. How did that happen?"

"There was this… hunting, going on in a Muggle village. Not really a big one to make it to the Daily Prophet. But… he was living there and no wizards were near. My dad's pretty shaken up and… um…" The chubby boy was now sobbing.

James felt like a heavy stone pressing down his chest. Difficult to breathe, he looked away from the sobbing mass in front of him.

He knew, obviously, that someone was going to hurt in these time of days. Someone dying and getting killed is not exactly a news to anyone. But someone he knew or someone his friends were close with, related to any way, was just too much to handle.

"I just came here… so that I can ask you whether you've found a way to get into Sirius' house. So that I can ask Sirius why he wouldn't, couldn't fight with the dark side. A man with talents like himself shouldn't be spared. There should be enough numbers to fight with-" Peter ranted on, but James could not hear it any longer.

He held up his hand to stop the boy.

"I know what you are saying, Pete. I do."

Peter seemed startled to hear his own name by James.

"Look, I haven't figured it out yet. But I am going to ask Moony about it. Telling him that we need men in the field, and we need Sirius to count on our backs. I swear to you Peter, I promise that I will help to stop this war. To stop this horrible nightmare, so that we can have peaceful days," James fervently promised.

He meant every word he said.

James was going to do whatever it takes him to do to stop this war. He will fight against the man who claims himself to the one to rule the world. The man who wrecked this country up and down.

Because he can no longer sees this happening. This miserable, horrendous, nightmarish days with endless fear.

He did not know what held Sirius up and he was not sure whether Sirius would be able to fight against the dark side now. But James was going to. And if he cannot have Sirius on his side. Well, that's a shame but that won't deter his determination.

He just wants to make sure about Sirius' opinion on this.

* * *

After a few more hours of waiting, the two Gryffindor boys finally saw Remus Lupin entering the door. James embraced himself for whatever it comes.

"Hey, I didn't realise you are here, Wormtail," Remus smiled, putting an empty basket on the table.

Peter returned the smile, wryly. "Hi."

"What are you guys doing here?" Remus gestured around the living room where Mr and Mrs Potter were gone, off to somewhere private for themselves.

James followed his hand and looked around his house. A large place filled with expensive furniture and decorations. He remembered a particular vase, grecian pattern ingrained on it, laid on top of a shelf. Its delicate patterns were exquisite, beautiful almost. His mother was particularly fond of it because it has magic that makes people around it happy. The Potter heir could not recall the exact price of it but he was sure that it cost a fortune. Yet, such extravagance was never his interest.

His interest was doing what he have been taught to do. What he have been taught was right thing to do.

There were thousands of lives on the risk just because one man and stupid, gullible people thought having no magic means that they are inferior enough to be murdered for sports. Those murderous monsters are like children pulling a wing from a dragonfly just because they can.

James cannot have that.

He simply cannot let that go on forever, when he can do something about it. He may not be the hero who can change this world, but he was not a coward who backs out when there were people needed him. Albeit how small his help can be.

James knew that he alone can't do much but with Sirius' help, with Remus' help, he can do so much better to stop this massacre.

If Sirius can't offer his help, however, he won't stop and wait for his friend. Because every second and every minute he spends on waiting, there will be people who are going to be perished by brutal murderers.

James made up his mind. He just wanted to know what were theirs.

"Is there something you wish to tell me?" Remus frowned, sensing something's going on.

The dark haired boy slowly got to his feet, facing his friend.

"I want to know where you are going these days," said James.

Remus, taken aback, opened his mouth but was stopped when James held up his hand.

"I don't want to hear about your lies or excuses. I want to know where you are going and where is Sirius and what he's been doing all this time," James Potter said in a very firm voice, conveying his determination. "I want to know all of this, because, I need to know."

"James, I-" Remus was lost in his words, dumbfounded in James' fortitude.

The bespectacled boy drew a deep breath and continued, "There is war going on, Remus. People are dying outside, every day, every hour and second while I seat here and do nothing. I cannot have that. I want to fight. I want to fight for the people who are dying just because they are not a wizard. Because I can't stand another day knowing that there are people who are dying and I am not doing anything to help them."

Silence fell as the Potter heir paused to take another deep breath. His emotion was high as he thought about all the horrible murders he have read from articles. He had to do something. He had to do something.

James held up his chin to gaze into Remus' green eyes. The rich colour were darkened with conflicts, he noticed.

"So I need to know whether my friends will be at my side."

His last words were almost like a whisper but there was undeniable pull that made Remus open his mouth.

"James…"

The taller boy knew that this was it. He could no longer hide what is going on. He had to tell the truth. He had to show this young man who is up to do the right thing yet so oblivious to what is going on.

The brown haired boy tried to smile, be optimistic about it, but all came out was rather rueful one.

"Follow me, I will show you the answer."

And so, the three Gryffindor boys went to a flat hidden among muggle's residential buildings. They entered the building with pounding hearts that were beating dramatically with unpredictable future ahead of them.

All three of them couldn't even guess at what would happen next.

When they entered, they were met with a dark haired baby with big grey eyes and parent who were cooing their child.

And every thought that crossed in each person's mind was 'Oh Merlin.'

* * *

A/N

Hi!

I am back!

Thanks for all the nice reviews, I've been reading them over and over. I know you guys would be worried after this chapter but I can't help but stop it here.

I will try to come back as soon as I can. My exam is over and there are few things still left but I finally have some quiet moment that I can spare for this fic.

I won't say any further, lest I might spoil every thing.

But we are finally getting closer and closer to the climax. Sort of.

Bye!

Love you!

Thanks for reading!

Thanks for your reviews!


	38. Chapter 38

There were no words for describing what James Potter was experiencing at this moment. He could say he was in shock but Merlin help him, this is something he never had before.

A baby.

There was a baby in Severus Snape, his mortal enemy, who is currently cradling a baby while his best mate standing extremely close to him.

His mind was in turmoil, screaming and shouting but no sound escaped from his dropped open mouth.

"...is that…? Is that a… a…"

When he finally found his voice, he stuttered like a baboon, unable to form a proper sentence.

Only thing that was relieving his nerve is that Sirius was doing exactly the same. Eyes wide open, gawping like a stupid.

"Oh for the love of… Both of you, get a grip." Remus interjected, standing between the flabbergasted parent and the equally astounded two boys.

Clearing his throat, Remus gestured Caelum. "James, Peter, meet Caelum Black. Their son."

Another bomb dropped right on top of the two boys. And this time, James did yelp.

The sound made Caelum laughed, whom obviously found it amusing to watch a stranger screaming. Severus was brought back from his shock and started to adjust his hold on Caelum who tried to escape his arms.

"Shh… Stop it, Caelum, shh." The Slytherin boy tried to calm his son but apparently, his baby boy was ecstatic to see someone other than his parent.

"Oh for the Merlin's ball…"

"Shush! No bad language in front of a baby, Prongs." Remus chastised.

"Well, then, tell me what the… I mean, what is going on? Who is that child? What is Snape doing here?" James ranted, still unable to come out of his shock.

His brain simply refuse to process what he is seeing, completely shut down. Remus heaved a sigh at the immature attitude of his mate.

"Calm down, I'll explain. Sev, why didn't you put Caelum to his bed? I thought the hour was too late for him," the brown haired boy reached for the baby who eagerly threw himself to his arms.

Severus scoffed, "tell him that."

Affectionate smile rose immediately in Remus' face. He liked it when Caelum being a challenge. It gave him so much more work and time to spend with the baby.

"Come, I'll help you tuck him in bed," said Remus as he strode towards the baby's cradle. Severus followed silently giving a look to Sirius.

And the three boys were left to their own devices.

James gulped, watching the two figures disappearing into a dark room. He looked at his friend, who looked exactly the same as him.

The bespectacled boy cleared his throat, trying to wake up from his state.

"So… Er… Are you going to tell me what is going on?" James managed the question.

Sirius nodded, heaving a heavy sigh but looking determined.

* * *

After half an hour of confiding the truth, the three Gryffindor boys sat silently. No one dared to speak up. They didn't really know what to say.

When they sat like a statue laid on the leather couch, Severus and Remus came out of the room. Walking straight towards the couch, Severus sat next to Sirius and Remus stood behind them, leaning against the furniture.

Severus, who looked rather unperturbed by the discovery, locked his gaze to James' hazel eyes.

"If you have anything to say, say it now." Cold and indifferent voice made Sirius winced but he did not mention about it.

James' hazel eyes flickered back to Severus.

"Well, firstly… I-I am sorry for what happened to you," was the first thing he could think of uttering.

And he did mean it. He may not like the Snape boy but he was no monster. Sirius was clear when he said it was all his fault and James still remembered the potion Sirius brew. It made his cheek burn with embarrassment as he thought of the things he'd done to Remus because of that damn potion.

The bespectacled boy swallowed, "and I am sorry for the things I've said to you while you were going through… this."

After that, he couldn't come up with better words. The shock he felt after seeing the situation still lingered in his brain. Combined with mutual animosity he shared with the Slytherin boy, James was utterly at lost to what should be said. Or what should be done in this situation. Should he start to like this guy from now on? Or should he still hold grudges against him when he clearly meant special to Sirius Black.

"Thank you," was whispered in low voice that showed little hostility.

James was rather surprised to hear such tone coming out of Severus Snape. He found his mate smiling affectionately as well as approvingly towards the smaller boy. A strong hand found a pale, skinny hand of Severus Snape and gently enveloped around it. The simple gesture conveyed so many things that James felt a pang in his chest.

He really does like this guy, doesn't he? James thought to himself.

Affection, caring emotion, and love were palpable in the grey eyes. Feelings that were not so much unfamiliar with James. He remembered those feelings well. He remembered how those feelings warmed his heart and then broke his heart apart.

Lily chose this guy over him and look where things have gotten.

Yet, for unknown reasons, James found that that's alright with him. He felt sorry for Lily and for himself but he was happy for Sirius.

He loved his friends, he truly did. And all this time, James knew of his friend's problems. He knew how lonely Sirius is. Now, he can clearly see Sirius have found the one for him. So, how could he hate someone who makes his friend complete and happy?

As hard as it was for him, he realised that things will change from now on, significantly.

* * *

All three of them had to leave as the couple needed rest. In the next morning, however, James found himself accompanied by Remus Lupin standing at the doorway of Sirius' flat. Peter was busy with his grandfather's funeral. So he had to come here alone with Remus. As much as he hate to admit it, but James was rather nervous.

"Hey, don't worry. Caelum's a sweet boy, he'll love you," Remus said in an encouraging way.

James gave a nod. Embracing himself, he knocked on the door. And was met by Severus Snape himself holding his baby.

"Oh, it's you," Severus muttered, not so enthusiastically.

Remus chuckled, "Hey."

"Hey to you, too. Sirius' on the laundry duty, you might want to help him with that." Severus gestured a laundry room with his head.

Immediately understanding the implication hidden in the words, Remus grimaced. He looked at James and patted on his shoulder.

"Well, I am going to go there and try to stop Sirius make a mess. You stay here and help Severus, alright?" The taller boy grinned.

Grinning is not what he needed, though. James needed more time and space between Snape. He was determined to let go of his old habbits but it's not like the guy's all friendly block at all.

"Er… so, what do you want me to do?" The bespectacled boy asked.

Severus slowly extended his arms towards James, handing Caelum over. James awkwardly took the boy in his arms, rather surprised at the weight of a baby. He thought babies were supposed to be feather-like but Caelum was more real than that. The weight of flesh and bone was quite more realistic than feather. More lively, he supposed.

"While I make meals for him, take care of him. There are toys you can use to distract him," Severus said.

Then he went off to the kitchen.

James must say, that he couldn't quite take things so casually as the Slytherin boy did. He thought that perhaps, the boy might try to strangle him while no one's watching. But obviously, the former rival considered him trust-worthy enough to trust him with his baby. He wondered how the Slytherin boy managed to change from loathing him to trusting him. It was hard for him even to muster up a courage to come here, volunteering in rearing the child for the moment.

But the answer came to him straight away.

It was Sirius.

Of course it was Sirius.

Severus was doing this just because Sirius asked him.

A sad look adorned the handsome feature before quickly replaced by happiness. They really have changed a lot, haven't they? Although it was hard for him to swallow that his mate have gone through so much change behind his back, but he was glad for him.

"Ah- boo-" the baby Caelum reached out for James' glasses.

The Gryffindor boy stopped his hand quickly, saving his glasses. A chuckle came out of his formerly grimaced mouth, turning his facial expression into that of much happier one.

"For Merlin's beard, you really do look a lot like your father," he muttered.

Caelum yelped in happy noise, as if understood his words. Rounded face with chubby cheeks and big grey eyes that were so clear like crystals were so adorable. He could tell that the baby inherited Sirius' handsome face.

"Well, miniature Sirius, let's play," James said as he pecked a kiss on the baby's forehead.

Caelum babbled happily.

* * *

"Hey, there gorgeous," Sirius whispered in his ears as he climbed up to bed next to him.

Severus turned to face Sirius, drousy with sleep. "Hey."

Sirius kissed the boy on his forehead and then slid down to cheek, and then chin, planting chaste kisses on his way. They've started this sort of display of affections for a while. They've grown to love it. Severus felt so warmed whenever Sirius worshiped his body, and Sirius felt so happy whenever he could cherish the boy in this way.

"Thank you," Sirius whispered, "for today."

Severus paused to think about what happened today and was brought with a memory of a particular Gryffindor boy. James Potter was someone he wished he would rather not see in anytime soon but… Severus noticed how happy Sirius was when he finally let his friend into his secrets. He seemed to welcome even that tag-along guy, Peter Pettigrew.

And whatever makes Sirius happy… Severus would be lying if he said it would make him happy as well, but at least, he could endure it through.

Moreover, it is always welcome to have extra limbs to help him. Child rearing is not a joking matter.

Although, Severus surprised himself with how he acted along. He was sure that he wouldn't be able to swallow up the situation pretty well as he did today. There were so much hate laid between the Potter heir and himself.

He found himself rather composed while in the company of his former enemy.

And the reasons he could do so were not only he had Sirius at his side, but also he no longer felt the hot headed jealousy he used to hover whenever he saw the Gryffindor boy with Lily Evans.

Perhaps, without him knowing, Lily became less of what she was in his heart.

Maybe Severus no longer hover any feeling towards the girl, or why else he wouldn't be so mad at this?

Of course, he did care much about the girl. He wished for all the best for her. But not to the extend that he had to have her at his side or to the extend where he finds it difficult to see her with someone else. He would be alright with it, if it comes to that. In fact, thinking about it, he wished Lily would find someone suitable to her so she can feel what he feels right now.

"What are you thinking?" Sirius asked, nuzzling in the crook where Severus' neck meets the shoulder.

That tickled.

Chuckling, Severus rolled on top of Sirius. He planted a kiss on Sirius' plum lips and smiled.

"I was thinking, let's not talk about James Potter in bed," a rather wicked smile adorned Severus' thin lips as he plunged himself down to Sirius' lips.

Mirroring the smile, Sirius eagerly returned the kiss with passion.

Severus' lips felt so warm and soft. He was sure he would never get tired of tasting them.

* * *

A/N

Hello everyone!

I am back! though it's rather short but I just wanted to make sure you guys wouldn't feel anxious if something might happen.

Thanks for reading, and review! I love to read your reviews!


	39. Chapter 39

"...!"

A loud cry woke the tired couple from deep slumber. They were both exhausted from the earlier exertion. Sirius groaned as he tried to push himself up from the comfort of bed, however, Severus hold him back to the mattress.

Kissing him on the chin, Severus whispered, "I'll go, you stay in bed."

The Gryffindor boy smiled and kissed the latter on the lips, whispering back, "come back soon."

And the smaller boy went outside to coo the crying baby and tuck him in bed. Closing his eyes, Sirius buried his head on the soft pillow. Drowsy with sleep, the handsome young man nearly fell asleep until he felt the other side of bed empty. The sheet felt cold under his palm.

The drowsiness escaped from the dark haired boy instantly.

He quickly stumbled out of his bed, reaching to the nursery where his lover and his child were supposed to be struggling to sleep.

No one was there.

The room was empty.

* * *

_He did it! He finally did it!_

Peter felt gloriously proud. He never felt proud, but he was now. And no one, not even James Potter, was going to say he messed things up. Because he, Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail, did it!

The chubby boy scuttled around the captor and the captures, whom struggle in the grasp of the captor. A baby was crying in another captor's arms and Snivelly was trying to get to his baby. His baby. What an abomination. Gross. Peter made a face, completely taken by the horrific notion of man carrying a child in his belly and giving a birth to it.

All those researches on male conception were extremely grotesque and horrific. Even thinking about it made him want to puke but he had no choice but to follow his mater's order.

His master, for some unknown reason, has taken interest in the subject.

Evan Rosier dragged the struggling boy towards the chair in front of their lord and tied him there securely. The unknown spell to Peter bound Snivelly tightly to the chair and soon, the skinny boy couldn't move an inch. His face was all contorted with pain and shock, his dark eyes darting from his baby to the dark lord again and again.

It was apparent that Snivelly wanted his abominable child back to his bosom.

The notion made Peter want to laugh hard.

Peter Pettigrew looked up to his great master, waiting for a compliment or a simple 'well done, Wormtail' to greet his smile. Yet, his master had fixed his gaze only to one person.

"Severus, what a delight to finally meet you again."

Regulus could not believe what he was witnessing. A child in Avery's arms and Severus Snape bound in chair and his lord smiling upon him. The minions were circling like vultures around them. It was as though he was the only one who couldn't understand what was going on in this ridiculous stage of act.

A shilling cry of baby brought him back to the reality.

Mulciber hit the child's face shouting at it to shut up, which made the child cry even harder. The dark lord glared at it with a contemptuous look. Regulus felt a horrifying terror that he might actually kill it in front of Severus Snape. The look on the latter's face made him realise the other was fearing that as well.

But then, the dark lord spoke in a soft and low voice.

"Regulus, take the child from Avery's arms."

The young Slytherin did as he was told, taking the baby swiftly from the elder's arms. It felt light and heavy at the same time. Light, as it was small but heavy as much as it was alive. He felt his usual poker face was hard to maintain at the sight of the child.

It looked exactly alike Sirius.

The bright blue eyes darted up from the baby and met with a pair of cold snake-like red eyes. The incredibly handsome man with inhumane complexion smiled gently.

"It is very good of you to visit us, Severus. I have been quite anxious to meet your son, Caelum."

His son? Regulus couldn't believe his lord.

"And it is very exciting to finally have a look on the miraculous borne; it seems to be very healthy."

Regulus looked down to the child again, who seemed to calm a bit in his arms. It did not scream nor cried loudly as it did in his peer's arms. The grey eyes resembled the ones he was familiar with looked right through his. A shiver ran down his spine.

Fearful of what his lord will say, the young Slytherin gulped.

"I imagine you'd be wondering how we came to get a hold of you and your child, my dear," the Dark Lord spoke in a silk smooth voice.

Severus eyed the clumsy Gryffindor fumbling next to Rosier. The Dark Lord noticed the direction of the boy's stare and smiled affectionately.

"Oh, I let it slipped my mind how smart you can be, Severus." His lord sneered rather mockingly. "Yes. Wormtail has proven himself useful for the last few months. He was the one who stole your lover's books, and the one who been following you and your lover for quite a while."

Quite a while?

How did such knowledge escape from his notice? Regulus frowned, perturbed by the realisation. No one told him of such operation being conducted under his nose. It made him at unease. Of course, he did not expect his lord to be foolish enough to put every egg in one basket. Yet, he cannot help but feel rather neglected and shunned.

"A-and why, may I ask, were we brought here?" The boy asked in a shaky breath, but holding himself embraced.

The grin in his lord's face deepened, as though expecting the question.

"You might be wondering, my dear Severus, how was it possible that a man could conceive a life in his body despite all the nature's setting." The handsome yet gruesome looking man cocked his head to side, flashing a brilliant but wicked smile.

Severus cringed, whimpering.

A male conception. Even with the amount of studies and reading Regulus manages everyday, he has never heard of such things were possible. Magic may be a powerful thing but it is not an omnipotent miracle.

It may reverse some of the nature's settings but not some things such as huge as conception. Making lives is beyond the hands of human. Some may claim to successfully produce a chimera but such creature is not borne by the hands of human. The thing is mended by already existed creatures, like a rag doll sewn together with pieces of cloths.

So how was Severus Snape able to conceive this child, who look a very much alike with his brother?

Regulus could not help but listened intently towards his lord's words.

A wax-like complexion making his smile look like an eerie slit in his face, the Dark Lord spoke.

"It is because you are the last heir of the Princes. The last breathing, living heir."

A confusion marred the perfect face of Regulus as he could not grasped the implication. The Princes? They have been dead. Extinguished. No living heir was founded, except….

All eyes focused on one boy.

Severus Snape seemed to feel uneasy at such attention, darting his eyes around, evidently frightened. He kept shooting glances towards Regulus. No, to his baby in his arms. Regulus felt the lump in his throat.

"Do you know the tale of the Prince family?" The Dark Lord asked, yet he did not wait for the answer, "your family are the decedent of Helena Ravenclaw, a rather long list of family trees but still… the Princes are the last living decedent and you, Severus Snape, are the only surviving blood of the Princes."

A sharp inhale of breath came from Regulus' side. With a glance, the youngest Slytherin boy realised this was also news to the others. Regulus looked down upon the child in his arms, who, despite the horrible situation it has been trapped, seemed perfectly tranquil.

If this is true, if what his lord is saying is true, that this child is the union of,

"Helena Ravenclaw is your ancestor, child."

The Dark Lord spoke and everyone fell silent, all eyes concentrated on one person. In the center of attention, the dark haired, pale faced with dark eyes stared blankly at the man before him. His bottomless dark eyes blinked as if unable to comprehend the words that have been spoken.

Frankly, neither Regulus could understand where this conversation is heading towards.

"A thousand years ago, Helena Ravenclaw had an admirer during her days in Hogwarts. She never allowed the man to be near her yet, the man was persistent. He used the woman's scholarly interest as his advantage and lured her into his room. They've established a strange relationship in which started as a terrible one but developed into something rather… peculiar," a small twist in the corner of his mouth displayed his disdain.

"Helena, together with her admirer, created a room inside the castle which could produce a miracle. She believed the magic is about creating a living organism, purely through magic's own power," another snicker adorned the perfect face, "of course, her belief is to be betrayed as no magic in the world could create a life."

It was true. Magic, despite its power, is not equal to the magic nature creates. The matter of life and death is beyond the scope of magic could distort with its potency. One may delay death through elixirs and stones, or dark magics. But nothing could eventually allow one to escape the death itself in its entirety. One must die, one way or another. Trying to fight over death is impossible and the result of such foolishness would be devastating. Likewise, creating a life through magic only is just as stupid. No one and no magic can create a life. That is how things are made. That is how things are planned.

So, when the Dark Lord said the woman actually believed this admirer, telling her to create a life through a room, Regulus could not help but doubt her sanity.

"However, things have turned out disastrous, as I am certain you can imagine," a hint of amusement glint in his dark red eyes.

"The secret of the room was revealed, Ravenclaw was devastated that she was unable to create a potent magic with her brilliant mind. She stole one of her mother's charm in frustration and ran. She was not to be seen afterward until…"

The Dark Lord paused and took a step towards Severus. The young man shuddered as he met the pair of red eyes with catlike slits as pupils. He gulped when the ghostly white hand reached his chin.

"Like I said, the admirer was persistent man. He chased her down to whatever place she was hiding. He asked her to return to the castle, to the place they've built together."

A low, silky voice whispered smoothly.

"Helena refused, she said she could not trust the man anymore." The hand that was holding Severus' chin traced down the boy's neck where large veins were. "The admirer stabbed her in a fit of rage."

Regulus suddenly felt ill upon hearing this, quickly fastening the child's blanket over its head. He tightened his hold on the child.

"Her blood gushed out of her, tainting the man. He was soaked with her blood when she collapsed to the cold forest ground. Can you imagine what happened next?" His lord tilted his head in a rather mischievous manner.

Severus Snape could do nothing but stare.

A sly grin split the man's perfect face.

"He killed himself," whispered the Dark Lord.

His white hand now wrapped itself around Severus skinny neck. He smiled, a genuinely brilliant smile, and lowered himself over the boy.

"But not before finishing off his task in his room. You see, child, he did not constricted the magic to the room, unlike Helena believed it to be. He laid the magic upon their blood, chained its potency to their flesh and blood so that anyone with their blood could produce the magic they've created together."

A low whisper filled the silent room, ringing in their ears. Regulus felt sick even more. He could see that Severus was about to go into a state of shock, his thin body shaking madly.

"The magic is to create a union of the two, a union which the admirer could not attain in his life but he wished he would have one through his blood. Now, I have told you that you are the Ravenclaw's last living blood. Who would be the admirer's?"

Like a teacher giving out a simple yet amusing quiz, the Lord's voiced was laced with amusement. Now all the eyes in the room went to Regulus Black.

With difficulties, Regulus managed to brace himself unfazed. But inside, he was screaming with disgust.

"The fruition of the admirer and Ravenclaw would be an excellent trophy to my cause. The admirer put all his power into its creation and therefore it contains a potent magic within its blood. It will be of great use to me, in every sense of the word."

The Dark Lord flashed a brilliant smile, his red eyes now focused on Regulus. The youngest Slytherin felt the urge to retreat, sensing the danger in his position. He prayed the man's words did not mean what they seemed to imply. Right before Regulus gave himself to the urge to run, his lord turned his gaze back to Severus Snape.

"And what a coincidence it is that I have every thing needed to create another fruition."

A miserable sob escaped the prisoner's lips. It was the long period training to withhold emotions that kept Regulus from doing the same.

"Regulus, take the child to the care of your mother," the Dark Lord suddenly addressed him without raising his gaze from the captured boy.

Frozen on the spot, Regulus could not do as he was bid. The large pair of blue eyes were widened in horror. He looked at Severus, who was shaking and looking up at the Lord transfixed.

"For the sake of decency, I will not harm your bastard child. However, the boy is an encumbrance that I cannot have it here."

The smile disappeared in his face, which was not in complete placid and cruelly blank. He leaned forward once more, whispering something in Severus' ear. No one seemed to comprehend what the Lord has spoken but when he straightened himself, a fat drop of tear ran down on the captured's cheek.

His Lord gave a warning glance towards Regulus, whom was awakened by the threat underlying. With a polite nod of surrender, the youngest Slytherin walked out of the stifling room with a child in his arms. The baby suddenly started to cry as if to realise he was being taken away from his parent. Regulus waved his wand to muffle the sound, hurriedly escaping the manor.

Once he was out, he could not held his guard anymore and collapsed into the ground, his whole body shaking with horror-stricken cry.

* * *

A/N

Hello everyone.

Finally, Voldy's part!

I hope this is not entirely off putting. This is something I have been planning for so long time, but that doesn't really guarantee the quality.

Anyhow, I have to go!

Thanks for all the nice comments and suggestions! I love reading every single of them. Thanks for reading!


	40. Chapter 40

Every part of his body was shaking madly. Regulus wanted to lift himself up but couldn't dare to try, in fear of dropping the baby. The baby… Oh it was so small and fragile in his arms, crying loudly, desperately for its parents. It looked so familiar with his brother… Regulus buried his face in its belly, feeling the warmth of its body radiating.

Biting down the inside of his cheek hard, Regulus pulled every ounce of self-restraint he could muster and stood up. Covering the child securely in its blanket, Regulus disapparated.

* * *

His heart was pounding madly in his ear, his head felt like someone was squeezing hard. There was a lump in his throat, he could not swallow. The lungs were deprived of air, and Sirius just couldn't stand any of this. His eyelids fluttered shut, he had to cover his mouth before he would scream at the top of his lung.

_What happened?_

_Where are they?_

For some weird reason, he always feared this would happen at some point of his life. Severus, leaving him all alone. And he would find the house emptied of their presence.

A hot stream of tear trickled down the pale cheek.

Sirius forced himself to breathe, trying his very best to think straight. No, no, no, no. Severus didn't. Severus never would. He promised. Severus would never.

Then, where are they?

Where are Severus and Cae?

He looked around the room, it was so clean and tidy, exactly the way the room was. He doesn't remember charms in the flat being breached. It would have made him awake, but nothing happened to the protection charms.

The realisation led to another horrific truth.

One of his visitors led whoever took his family. Remus, Peter and James. One of them. It blown his air away, making him doubled over.

Panting, or sobbing, Sirius dropped to the floor, his forehead scraping the carpeted floor. It smelled of milk. Severus accidentally spilled it here. They tried to wipe away, but the stench left. Even the air smelled of them. Milk, powder and something very sweet. So palpable he could almost taste them and yet they are not here.

Sirius could not believe they are not here.

"...fuck…" he sobbed, lifting upright.

Suppressing down the urge to bellow, Sirius stood up straight. Staggering towards the bedroom, the devastated young man carried his wand in his night clothes. Then, the disapparated.

* * *

"Mmph, wha-, Sirius?" Startled awake from his sleep, James jumped from his bed. In his blurry vision, he managed to see it was Sirius but failed to perceive how disheveled and distressed the boy was.

"Wake up, where's everybody?" Sirius yanked away the duvet, making James shivered as the chill crept upon him.

"What everybody…?" Drowsy with sleepiness, James murmured but was quickly awakened as he put his spectacles on and saw his mate's face.

"Remus, where's Remus? and Peter?" The look of sheer urgency startled James. Pacing around the room like a nervous dog, Sirius asked again, "where's everybody?"

Trying very hard to repel his slumber away, James shook his head.

"Er, I don't, erm, Remus' in his room at the end of the hall. The right one."

Before James could finish his sentence, Sirius stormed out of the room, heading straight towards the one he told. James quickly got out of his bed, covering himself with a burgundy gown. As he followed the other Gryffindor boy, he realised his friend was in his nightgown, his feet bare. He was clutching his wand very tightly.

Something's wrong.

James did not know what is but something was definitely gone wrong. Sirius twisted the hand knob without knocking on the door and when it didn't open, he banged on the door. No matter how rude his mate is, James never saw him in such state where he would just outright ignore manners.

Groggy with sleep and tiredness from spending the entire day watching over Caelum, Remus appeared. There was deep frowning mixed with annoyance in his face.

"What is it…, Sirius?" He questioned, startled to see Sirius.

His deep green eyes darted from Sirius to James in the back and went back to Sirius, who was obviously in certain state.

"Wh-what is going on? Why are you here?" The brown haired boy stuttered.

A fist slammed on the door hard, making a loud noise. The two boys jumped in shock. Sirius let out a deep sigh that was mixed with a sob. When he looked up, devastated, there were tears streaming down on his perfect cheek.

The two Gryffindors went silent in shock before they warily started to ask questions.

It was obvious that there was something wrong, a big time.

"What's going on? Why are you here? Where's Sev? And Cae?" Remus stepped outside of the house, looking in vain for the Slytherin boy and his child.

Sirius let out another sigh before he composed himself enough to speak. When they heard everything, there was no word left from them to speak.

_Betrayal._

Oh how sting the word is. How dreadful and painful, and how maddeningly infuriating the word is.

"W-we don't know anything yet. Let's just go find him and if he's not there-"

It hurt so much that for a second they wanted to believe there must be something else.

But even as Remus uttered those words, they knew the chances were slim. Yet, in an effort to search for Sirius' lover and his child, the three boys hurried to the hearth where floo powder was.

That moment, Mr and Mrs Potter, who heard the noise rang through the hallway, scurried out of their room to look.

"My dear! What is going on?!" Mrs Potter shrieked, completely taken aback by their urgent looks.

Impatiently, Sirius quickly made his manner to say hello to the Potters. Mrs Potter strode towards the restless boy and grabbed his hand gently.

"Oh, dear, what is going on? What are you lots doing in front of the hearth?" Her hazel eyes brimming with concerns and adoration for the boy searched his face.

Sirius got even more impatient, and he tried to step inside the hearth no matter what she thinks of him but Remus knew better.

"We need to find someone, er, actually two people, a boy and a child. We are in a hurry so we tried to use the floo to check in someone's house. We have enough reason to believe that that someone's involved in the missing of the two we're looking for," Remus finished somewhat lamely, but he couldn't think of a better way to put things right without mentioning names.

But it seemed enough for the auror, who was alerted by the explanation.

"What reasons? Whom are you talking about?" The man asked.

Remus' green eyes peered Sirius, who seemed to be more and more agitated. But it was him, not Remus, who spoke about the reasons.

"I need to find a boy name Severus Snape, he is my boyfriend and we had a child together."

At this notification, Mr and Mrs Potter's eyes doubled in size. But the anxious boy had no time for them to sink whatever the shock into their system.

"Please, I need to find my Severus and Caelum. They were gone right before the dawn. I was sleeping in my bed while Sev tried to tuck Caelum in bed, and I realised moments later he was not in my bed. So I went to look, then, there was no one."

"And this person you are suspecting…?" Mr Potter asked in a professional manner.

"Peter Pettigrew, he's our friend. We," James gestured around his mates, "are the only ones who have access to Sirius' flat. The place's got Fidelius charm and Remus' the Secret-Keeper. No one else knows about the place." When he finished explaining, there was grim, and dark look on his face.

Mrs Potter laid her hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him but in truth, she was just in shock as much as the trio was.

A moan escaped Mrs Potter and Mr Potter was frowning so deeply that his forehead crumpled in many lines.

"Stay here, boys," Mr Potter spoke in a low voice.

"But!" and Sirius immediately protested which was thwarted by Mr Potter's firm look.

"Stay _here_, I will search the place. Tell me the address of your flat, Sirius, and I'll form a team to look for your family." The man commanded in a do-as-I-say tone.

Remus quickly conjured writing things and scribbled down the address. He handed the piece of parchment with the note on to Mr Potter. The man strode back up to his room, possibly to change and arm himself with wand. Whatever he did, he did not reappear.

Sirius stared hoping and waiting for him to return with his family safe and sound. He wished he could follow Mr Potter, he wished. But in reality, all he could do was to let Mrs Potter sit him down the couch and make some tea for him to calm the nerve.

How can he calm his nerve?

His life has been ripped away from him.

Peter… Peter…. But rage against the boy whom he thought of as friend was so vague and fragile compared to his worries and affection for his family. If he could get them back… If only he could get them back….

But Sirius was not the only one who was in turmoil. Remus and James had their own share of worries and shocks. Remus as well as James, both thought they contributed to this situation in some way or another. Seeing the formerly cocky and rebellious boy so distraught and desperate, their heart ached with a pang of guilt.

If only they didn't bring Peter to his flat, then he wouldn't have… He wouldn't be able to…

Remus felt sick in the stomach as he imagined what could go wrong. He prayed, and prayed again that there would be nothing wrong with Severus and Caelum.

He'd die out of regret and self-hatred if something happens to the two. James' would die out of remorse if he'd done anything to the happiness of his best friend.

The three boys sat there staring dumbly into the air, hoping and praying.

* * *

It was afternoon when Mr Potter returned, accompanied by an old wizard with flamboyant purple gown.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Sirius muttered.

But he was even more shocked to see his brother at his side.

"_Regulus_?"

His brother's face was ghastly white, his eyes bloodshot. The younger Black looked as if to fall down in any moment, completely distraught. He didn't know much, but Sirius could feel the warning inside his stomach telling him that something really bad has happened to his family. Something really bad, and it involved the one whom you must not say his name.

In a shaky voice, Sirius approached his brother. "What is going on?"

"Sirius-", his baby brother whimpered, blue eyes filled with tears. Sirius was taken aback by the sight of his brother showing vulnerability, which was rare during the past ten years.

"What is going on, please tell me," Sirius could feel his own tear welling up. He suppressed it as he did not want to interrupt his brother.

"Let us sit, Mr Black, before the boy could speak. I am sure you are in a hurry to listen but we may need the comfort of being seated." Dumbledore interjected, gesturing the furniture gracefully.

He could not care less about the comfort of being seated, but he could see how distraught the boy was. Sirius let himself be dragged to the couch and sat down. His brother did the same and sat down in front of him. They eyes met. Sirius saw his brother swallow, nervously.

"What happened?" Sirius repeated, his voice cracked.

Regulus glanced the old wizard who gave a firm nod. The younger Black finally opened his mouth, his hands fidgeting.

"I have your child, Sirius."

Sirius leaped from his sit, his grey eyes burning in rage. "What?" He was about jump on the boy when the old wizard along with the auror held him tightly.

He glared up at them, whom gave firm looks to thwart him.

Eventually, Sirius had to sit down so he can hear whatever the fuck his little brother has to say. And what followed after was the most devastating and shocking news to all of the occupants in the Godric's Hollow.

No one dared to speak and the room was filled with heavy silent except for the sobs Regulus failed to hold back.

Sirius gazed his brother, whom staring back at him with everything that he wanted to see in him. The apologies, regrets, realisations and fears. He was telling him how much sorry he was to Sirius. Of how scared and shocked he was. And no matter how enraged the elder Black was, having his brother back in his arms was something he desired for so long and so hard.

Sirius could not help himself but to approach his brother so he can pull him into a tight embrace. Regulus burst into cries, in a litany of sorry.

"I-I am so sorry, Sirius… I am so…" Regulus muffled into his shoulder.

Sirius felt his own eyes burn with tears, holding the boy closer.

"It's alright, it's alright, brother. You came back, you came to me…" He shushed the boy, whispering in quiet voice to soothe him.

It has been such a long time that it almost felt like it was the first time he ever held his brother in his arms. In a dire situation such as this, it gave him at least bit of hope.

* * *

A/N

Hi I'm back again!

I'm sorry if I made you worried. But, you know this was going to happen anytime. I mean, c'mon, you all knew this would happen. right? lol

Anyway, I have to go!

Bye!

(PS. Anyone who would like to translate this piece, they are welcome to do so, if only they inform me where would this fiction will be posted and when. And if they make sure this is written by Sunmin4530 from , I have no problem with it at all. Thanks for your interest!)


	41. Chapter 41

41.

Dumbledore waited long enough for the two Blacks to settle down, before he spoke in a rather alarmingly low voice.

"As much as I glad that Mr. Black had the courage to defy his lord's order and seek for me, I must be honest with all of you that I do not fully comprehend the intention behind Voldemort's action," he held up his hands to quiet Sirius from uttering, and continued, "But I do have some suspicion regarding the room."

Sirius tensed at the mention of room.

The desperateness of the young man did not go amiss in the eyes of old wizard. He clasped his surprisingly strong hand on the older Black's shoulder and squeezed.

"I must go back to the castle to confirm my theory," said the wise wizard.

Sirius looked horrified and immediately opened his mouth to protest, accompanied by his best friends yet Dumbledore silenced them with stern look.

"It is true that Mr. Snape is in captivity but I have reasonable suspicion that Voldemort is not seeking to harm the boy."

At the unconvinced looks of the young Gryffindors, he added, "at the moment, at least."

Regulus stepped forward, his pale blue eyes filled with dread and worry.

"Would you share that suspicion with us, professor? I also have reasonable suspicion that Severus Snape is in danger just by being a captive of, _of_," He could not utter the name as much as he would like to.

"Voldemort won't be a gentleman and we all know that, professor." Sirius spat with venom.

Mr. Potter was about to reprimand the young man's attitude when Dumbledore nodded as if he did not notice the venomous tone.

"Indeed," he agreed, "however, it is also true that we cannot simply walk into the mansion and snatch Severus away from Voldemort without casualty."

Regulus almost snickered at the bluntness of the old wizard's comment. He could not agree more yet the way Dumbledore spoke made him frown.

"But we have to try-", Sirius indignantly interrupted.

Regulus winced at how fervent his brother was, feeling the pang of guilt in his heart.

The old professor squeezed his hand firmly, trying to calm the older Black.

"Of course, we must. We must try to save Severus but we cannot risk to fail, Sirius. If we are going to confront Voldemort, we must not be careless about it. If Voldemort wanted Severus, he must have reasons. And he will be prepared to protect him from the outside. Try as we may, it will be fruitless and disastrous if we were not prepared to destroy Voldemort as much as he would be to destroy us."

Silence fell as the boys found sense in the older wizard's words. As much as Sirius hate to admit but it was only suicidal to ambush the Malfoy's mansion without proper precaution.

If one is to take something from a man whom deemed as the darkest and greatest wizard of all time, one must be prepared.

Trying to suppress the urge to scream in frustration, Sirius met the deep blue eyes.

"Tell us what to do."

Dumbledore smiled.

* * *

The old wizard told two things: take Caelum from the Grimmauld's Place and put him under the protection of Mr. and Mrs. Potter and act normally until he contacts them for further instruction.

This include Regulus going back to Voldemort's rank as well, much to dismay of both Black brothers.

But Sirius learned Regulus' true heart and his mistakes in not believing his brother. So he let his baby brother go. Surprisingly, Regulus found this not so terrifying as he thought he would be.

The greatest relief was that, though, they were able to fetch Sirius' son from the grasp of Walburga's hands.

This was not even a challenge, considering the woman didn't even realise the baby was in her house. Regulus placed Kreature as the babysitter, whom oblivious to Caelum's parent's identity, took care of the baby quite attentively just because Regulus told him to do so.

The first time Sirius saw his son in the Grimmauld's place, he nearly burst into fit of cry. All he could do was not to make a sound but he couldn't hold himself any longer when they were in Potter's house.

He was so _scared_.

He never been so scared.

But he was afraid, no, petrified that something might happen to his family and he'd failed to be there for them.

Seeing his son, drinking in the sight of the squirming little creature that looks just like him, made the Black's heir a crying mess.

Caelum was alright, though. He seemed to be adjust to the new environment quite well. Mr. and Mrs. Potter absolutely adored him. They did, however, chastise Sirius for being careless and cruel, and reckless. But Sirius was forgiven for having such an adorable and lovable son.

They were delighted to take care of him.

However, situations with the three Gryffindors and the young Slytherin were not the same as them. Sure, saving Caelum from the evil hands of Walburga was a success. But the idea of having Severus left at the mercy of the most evil man in the world was just…

They were all suffering in each ways.

Guilt was the hardest to endure.

Every day goes by, and Sirius felt like he was abandoning his lover. He feared the resentment and disappointment Severus might be growing in his heart. He feared the agony his lover might be enduring because he failed to come and rescue.

It was torturing him.

It was wrecking him hard.

Sirius wanted to see him, to break into that fucking mansion and to find his lover so that he could held him tight in his arms, telling him how sorry he was, and that Caelum is alright.

And he'd kill anyone trying to stop him.

James and Remus were not doing so good, either.

Their share of guilt was too great to be ignored. The constant stream of ifs, plauging their minds, squeezing their hearts in an iron-grip of guilt, was driving them mad.

If Remus had refused to let Peter inside the flat.

If James hadn't nagged Remus about Sirius…

If they hadn't intruded the young lover's private life…

If they just waited…

The thing about ifs is that no matter how hard you regret, in the end, you have no choice but to accept that you've already done it.

The water's already spilled. You can't turn back the clock. What has been done is done.

That was what was killing the two.

The fact that they might be the one triggered this crisis.

The fact that they might be the one to destroy their best friend's happiness.

They could not live with themselves if they did.

Regulus was having the hardest time waiting. He could not stand the idea of waiting whilst Severus Snape was in captivity, though no more so than Sirius himself but still. He couldn't get the image of the older Slytherin boy bound to a chair, trying to get to his child.

To think it might have been prevented, had he been less stupid and stubborn, was killing him from inside.

Of all this time, he only thought of provoking Sirius and Severus instead of actually trying to figure out what was really going on. He thought they were together, and that was all to their secret. In a foolish attempt to provoke his brother, he simply wanted to tear the two apart. Hence, the loitering, the presents, the pretense of offering friendship. When he cared nothing of the boy in terms of his well-being, he pretended he was interested in Severus, trying to get his brother on his knees.

The petty feeling of jealousy and hatred drove him to concentrate on battering Sirius down so that he could taste of what Regulus has been tasting.

Loneliness and fear.

Regulus Black hates his brother Sirius Black. This is undeniable truth, but it is only half right. Regulus Black hates his brother Sirius Black because he feels lonely and scared in a clusterphobic chamber in the Grimmauld's place. He is lonely and scared because there is no one in his house, in his school, in his life that cares about him.

He thought Sirius was the one to take care of him. He should've been the one to take care of Regulus, and he might have been at some point during their childhood until he stopped being one.

The constant nagging of their mother and the cold, callous indifference from their father were sucking them dry. Regulus would imagined his heart'd be like dried out lands, like a desert. Completely deprived of emotions, it was drained and dried until he felt nothing but dullness.

Sirius got out of their prison before their parent could drive him completely mad, but Regulus, the stupid, weak Regulus left behind.

He waited and waited until his brother comes back to rescue but now he sees it.

It should have been him who rescue himself.

Sirius was just as young and weak as Regulus was. Though Sirius apologised for not helping him, Regulus could see the truth.

He placed too much on his brother. He expected too much on his brother and when he couldn't do what he wanted him to, Regulus started to hate him for it. And then he tried to wreck Sirius' life, albeit unknowingly.

Regulus should have seen more than the two boys closing distance, he should have seen what was going on outside of their circle.

But he failed to do that.

All because he felt jealous of Severus receiving gentle touch from his brother. All because he envied the poor boy for stealing his brother's affection.

* * *

Finally, a letter to summon Sirius to the castle arrived.

They, Sirius, James, Remus and Regulus, went to Hogwarts at once to hear what Dumbledore have found.

What he have found was utterly shocking.


	42. Chapter 42

42.

The tale Dumbledore discovered was something none of them had imagined. Their initial suspicion was that Voldemort was trying to make Severus conceive another child for him to use as a new weapon of some sort. Yet, revelation the old wizard brought about was something entirely different as it was appalling.

"He wants _what_?" Sirius stuttered, unable to believe what he just heard.

A vessel for a soul, the magic to create…. _what_?

Dumbledore nodded in understanding manner, as he realised this was rather shocking for himself.

"As much as I'd like to tell you this is a horribly fabricated falsehood, Mr. Black, I have concluded it is, with no doubt, truth." Sirius' paled feature gone ghastly white, his fingers clasped tightly around the arms of chair.

Dumbledore shoot a sympathetic look on those chalk-white fingers before he continued.

"The ghost of Ravenclaw house, known to you as the Gray Lady and the Bloody Baron of Slytherin have confided in me. They were the Ravenclaw's daughter and the Baron in Voldemort's story and they, indeed, have built a secret room within these walls where they intend to generate a conception through magic," the old man stroke his long beard absent-mindedly as he explained. "She, Helena Ravenclaw, told me that she thought the room was to create a perfect child through only magic alone, without the biological process involved. However, the Bloody Baron conceded that he could not create a spell which creates a life. And that he attempted to create a room that contained spells to create a perfect child."

"_A perfect child_? What does that means?" Remus interrupted, confused.

Dumbledore took a sip from his cup before starting again.

"It is their theory that the child conceived within the room would be perfect in every sense because it has been created with the aid of great magic and not just created as a natural course of biological process. Of course, the magic requires two people involved, but the creation of life would be aided by potent magic, creating a child that is both magically strong and physically durable."

The adjective he used concerned Sirius deeply.

"So, Voldemort wants Severus to create a vessel for his…." He trailed.

"His soul, yes." Dumbledore supplied, nodding. "He means to create a child who could contain his soul after his own body deteriorates."

A huff of breath tore out of Sirius' lungs. He was so glad that he have his son back that Voldemort couldn't put his dirty fingers on him but the larger part of him felt like all his blood is draining from him.

"But how could he do that without the room? I mean," Sirius grasped for last hope but Dumbledore shook his head in dismay.

"If only things were that simple, child. But no, the Baron confirmed to me that the magic will linger upon the user once the full conception went through. Severus now carries the magic within himself."

"Severus…" The name of his dear one escaped from his lips like a sigh.

He missed his lover, he wanted him back right now, right at this moment so he can hold him tight in his arms. To think the worthless freak who calls himself a lord trying to misuse Severus in such a foul way…

"We need him back, Albus. I need him back," Sirius begged.

James and Remus placed a hand on his shoulders, squeezing gently. Regulus stared at his brother painfully aware of his struggles.

The old professor nodded in agreement, and said, "of course we need to have him back at once. But first, you need to know the full story behind this magic, child."

The young lads tensed up in a horrible realisation that there are more to this.

"What is it, professor?" Remus prompted him.

Dumbledore gave a rueful smile at Sirius' direction before asking, "Are you aware that your lineage, the House of Black, came from the Baron himself?"

Both Black shared a surprised glance, and shook their heads.

"The Bloody Baron's lineage is from far distance of Slytherin's blood. As such, the House of Black is another distance, very distance descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself. The only known legitimate lineage is the House of Gaunt, the one died away years ago. This means that the only Salazar Slytherin's descendant, at least in the form of distance cousins, is the Blacks."

Sirius grimaced, as if the very idea of being descendant of Slytherin offends him. However, he recovered quickly and prodded the old professor to continue.

"Sir, I do not know why is that important."

The blue orbits turned a shade darker, as the old man sighed.

"It is importance knowledge, Sirius, because the magic only serves to the descendant of Slytherins and Ravenclaws. The House of Prince, the House of Blacks…"

"The House of Gaunt." Regulus whispered.

Dumbledore gave an approving nod.

Regulus gasped. All the other boys tensed, confused.

"What? What is it?" James prompted.

Regulus' pale blue eyes were filled with such horrors that Sirius felt sudden churning in his stomach.

"The Dark Lord…, Voldemort, he is the son of Gaunt family. The last living heir of Salazar Slytherin."

And just where they thought things couldn't get worse, Dumbledore finally gave in and supplied all the remaining knowledge.

"It is my theory that Voldemort did not spare Caelum for no reason. I have reasons to believe that he wanted your child in Walburga's custody so that he could use him should his plan to create his vessel through Severus."

"But why would he want to create another child if he only wants a vessel?" Remus interjected.

"Ah, that could be explained through his pride, I suppose." The old wizard sighed.

"His pride?"

"Yes," he nodded, "Voldemort is too proud to use something that has no connection to his own self. He wants… in a way, to create his own reflection, his own… heir."

The room filled with silence as the boys tried to digest what they've been discussing. It was horrifying. It was atrocious. It was, perhaps, not so surprising that Voldemort seeks immortality through vessels to contain his souls - the very idea is sickening itself - but to have Severus used as a leverage to create that said vessel turns their stomach.

Dumbledore already filled them with knowledge of Hocruxes and how they came to creation through murders. He also theorized, judging by Regulus' description of Voldemort's inhumane complexion, that Voldemort's body is deteriorating fast as a result of splitting his own souls to shreds. Too many hocruxes have been made, too many times his souls been torn apart. It was bound to have consequences. His body was the consequence yet as brilliant Slytherin as he was, Voldemort sought out a means to avoid the consequence.

And all this time, he had his eyes and ears inside the castle to spy on Severus, so he can be assured whether Severus can in fact, create his child for him.

Sirius leaped from his seat, his face now contorted in pained expression.

"We need to get to Malfoy's. I need to-"

Dumbledore raised his hand to stop him, "Please, Sirius, do sit down."

"But professor-!" He bellowed, completely horrified.

Yet, the old professor was stern in his composure, gesturing for him to sit down. Sirius flopped down, his body shaking in uncontrollable rage and worry.

Dumbledore opened his mouth, "I understand your urgency, and I do not blame it. However, there are priorities at hand to ensure the safety of our Severus. Which is to ensure the death of Voldemort."

A breath caught in Regulus throat, as the notion of killing the Dark Lord seemed surreal for him. But when he glanced at his older brother, he realised Sirius was ready for anything to come.

And so, the old wizard laid out plans to kill the darkest wizard of all time. They agreed that this must be kept among themselves as the more people involved, the harder it would be to keep the information secret. Dumbledore admitted he will need more information regarding Voldemort's hocruxes, of which he must extract from their potion master, Horace Slughorn.

Dumbledore required all four of them to get the memory from Slughorn, give it to him the instant they acquire it.

Sirius said they should all just bust into the old man's office and urge him to hand the memory to him. To which, Remus snickered and said if that would work, Dumbledore would have gotten hold of that memory in the first place.

Then, James came up with a plan.

It involved his ex-girlfriend.

Everyone agreed that Lily would work when it comes to the potion master whom held high of the redhead. James volunteered to get the girl to cooperate, promising Sirius of his success. They've all watched him leave for the memory.

After a long and weary waiting moment for James to succeed, he'd finally brought the memory to the headmaster. The old wizard promptly poured the memory into the stone basin to which he had them joined to share the information.

When they rose from the basin, they were utterly shocked for many reasons. The image of young wizard, whom became to be the most dangerous man in the world, was unnerving. But the exchange between their potion master and the young wizard was rather detestable.

The palpable desire… ambition to avoid death and live forever was alarming. And to plan seven murders for his own selfish purpose.

Yet, their shock and disdain could wait for their plan. Dumbledore immediately set up a plan and assigned each to retrieve Hocruxes. Regulus was appointed to get a hold of Riddle's diary as he had every access to Malfoy's mansion. And the marauders were assigned to get Hufflepuff's cup which, according to Dumbledore's source, was in care of Bellatrix's Lestrange.

Obtaining the diary was rather easy as Malfoy seldome cared about his visitors' where about. On the other hand, the cup was quite tricky as Bellatrix was extremely paranoid about the cup. They did manage to infiltrate her vault somehow, without the knowledge of everyone else, and acquire the cup. James' uncanny ability to sneak into places without no one knowing it helped a lot.

Then, one day Regulus found his dear friend gasping for air while completely soaked, popping out of no where.

When he heard the story which told of Voldemort hiding an object in cave, Regulus wasted no time to inform the others.

Regulus decided that he and his friend, Kreature would be ideal to steal whatever item Voledomort's item. His journey to steal the locket could have been a disaster had Remus failed to follow him through.

At last, they were able to obtain most of the Hocruxes. And Dumbledore fished out a ring and a diadem from his desk. He confessed Helena was in great favour to undo her own wrong-doings.

The assembled Hocruxes were then decided to destroyed by James and Remus while Regulus and Sirius decided to infiltrate Malfoy's mansion to rescue Severus.

Dumbledore agreed, for he knew that Voldemort hadn't finished with his plan to create two more of them.

And now, Sirius was here.

This was the closest to his lover since he had been taken away from his arms.

And his heart was pounding crazy in longing.

Determined to beard the lion in his den, they marched into the Malfoy's mansion.

* * *

A/N

Hi, this is nearly the end of this story. As you would imagined, the next chapter will the final of this. The last chapter will take some time for me to finish up. So, it'll take a few more days, perhaps a week to finish. I wanted to wait till I finish the last part before uploading this but I suppose I'm making you wait too long, and you'd be wondering what's happening. So I decided I'd just post this first and then finish up the last part.

Thank you so much for following through this long story where so many errors (not necessarily in terms of grammar) are present.


	43. Chapter 43

43.

"Shouldn't we stay out of sight before we go in? At least for a while until they..."

"No, we'll eventually have to confront him, won''t we? And besides, he wouldn't leave Severus' side no matter what," Sirius stated.

Regulus stared at his older brother before giving a nod.

Malfoy's manor was a huge elegant building with spacious garden where white peacocks are strolling around leisurely. It was beautiful, but also quite dark and gloomy. Perhaps, the people inside making the atmosphere bleak and dangerous.

But his brother seemed unfazed by the dark look of it. Regulus held his own breath, mustering courage he had forgotten before.

This was the only way to make up to his brother. To make amends of his sins. He was ready. His brother was ready.

They stormed into the mouth of devil.

* * *

"Can't you just… I dunno, just Reducto them?" James asked.

Dumbledore chuckled, "as much as that sounds like a fun, Mr. Potter, I'm afraid they are too resilient for such minor spell."

James' face fell, confused.

"As a man of meticulous nature, Riddle made it abundantly sure that no mere distructive spells could destroy a part of his soul." The old wizard explained.

"Then, how do we? I mean, Sirius must be already there and we have to help him-" Impatiently, the younger wizard protested.

This time, Remus did not look at his friend in a scolding manner. Dumbledore smiled, his blue eyes twinkling.

"No worries, my gentlemen, here's a solution."

* * *

Regulus led the way, past the entrance and hall. The place was empty in which a marble staircase was set across the hall. The Blacks climbed the stair up to a sitting room where Regulus knows Lord Voldemort often sat down.

The door to the sitting room suddenly opened as they approached.

Sirius, despite his efforts to stay calm, cannot help but gasped a little at the sight of his long lost lover.

Inside, near the hearth, Voldemort was seated at a large armchair, Severus on the floor next to him. Shaking lightly, his lover seemed to be afraid. Yet, Sirius caught the glimpse of hope and gladness in his dark orbits as their gaze locked. Peter Pettigrew, who flushed and stuttered something incoherent at the sight of Sirius, was on the other side of the dark wizard. And Evan Rosier was there too.

No Malfoy.

No other scumbags guarding him like a guarding dog.

It appears Voldemort gave so little credit to Sirius and Regulus. A muscle in Sirius' jaw twitched in annoyance.

No matter.

It'll be easier, he thought to himself.

"Sirius Black, I presume," a silky voice spoke. It sounded very polished and smooth, quite fit to the gracefulness the man was displaying.

But his face was starting to lose humane characteristic that the beauty of his voice sounded eerier.

"Yes," Sirius answered.

A crisp line split the man's face into a slit-like smile, "It is always a pleasure to meet a man of highest rank. And of purest blood." His blood red eyes smiled as well when his gaze fell on Regulus for a moment.

Regulus stood tall and straight, trying to compose himself.

"I'm afraid the house owner is not present at the moment, such a shame."

Sirius glanced at his lover at the corner of his eyes while the man spoke in a silky smooth voice, talking general greeting. Severus looked very tired and exhausted, perhaps even sick. Yet, Sirius cannot spot any conspicuous sign of injuries or illness. Still, his lover apeared as if something was wrong.

"I am not here to see Malfoy." Sirius returned.

A red glinted in Voldemort's eyes. He smiled yet again.

"And whom do you seek in this manor?" He questioned.

Sirius couldn't stifled his sneer at the petty attempts of Voldemort's to play it cool.

"I came here for my boyfriend, Severus Snape." Sirius declared, glaring at the captor.

A gasp escaped from Severus lips but he quickly stifled his mouth when the Dark Lord stared. Voldemort's cold glare landed on Severus before turning to Sirius, to whom he sneered rather uncharacteristically.

"I see," he said, unsmiling.

The blood red eyes met the icy grey ones. The two men locked their gaze steadfastly until Voldemort flashed a crooked smile.

"What a shame that Severus cannot leave," he spoke, sneer palpable in his tone, "for he is mine already."

An amusement lit his face as if he was anticipating a dog to perform a little trick.

"Bullshit."

He saw Evan Rosier, who's been quiet the whole time, stepping forward as if ready to attack. But the Dark Lord stopped him with a wave of his hand, face blank as though bored. And returned to Sirius with his amused grin on check.

"Why don't you hear it from Severus himself?" he said, and gestured Severus, who's been at unease, anxious to be near to Sirius, to rise.

Severus did as he was told to and slowly rose from the floor. His face was contorted in a fear. Sirius felt like immediately lurching forward and taking him in his arms, but suppressed the urge quickly. Recklessness won't do any good here.

But just seeing him in such state…

Severus looked completely shaken, scared.

Don't worry, he mouthed when their eyes locked again. To his surprise, Severus appeared even more frightened.

Voldemort caught Severus' hand and gently pulled him closer. Kissing the back of his hand - Sirius had yet again to suppress his urge to point his out and shoot a curse in his direction- Voldemort commanded, "tell him, child."

_Tell him what_?

Sirius looked into the black orbits, which was brimming with concerns and fears, and gave him an assuring nod.

Severus burst into cries before whispering, "I'm with a child."

And like that, Voldemort flashed a victorious smile at Sirius and Regulus.

"What?" Regulus stuttered.

The Dark Lord explained to him once more, in a very kind voice, "he is with a child of my own, Regulus. Do feel free to congratulate me for my success."

The younger Black paled, shocked and disturbed by the revelation. He looked at his older brother, who was, surprisingly, unperturbed.

When Regulus realised his brother's calmness, Voldemort did too. He was not pleased with the lack of reaction he desired, or at least expected.

"Your success? I think you've lost all your marbles, Voldemort," snickered Sirius, "I don't care what the fuck you think but I am taking Severus with me, you crazy son of a bitch."

"Sirius!" Regulus bellowed as he lunched forward to block away a curse Evan Rosier shot. The dark haired Death Eater was raging as if he was the one insulted, and took another step to attack them again.

With that, the fight started.

Sirius flashed a curse towards the Dark Lord, who blocked it away effortlessly. Evan Rosier and Regulus started dueling in bright red and green sparks, and Peter Pettigrew, who cheered when Voldemort sent a curse to Sirius, had to dodge when the resulting impact flew across the room.

Sirius glanced at Severus, checking whether he was unharmed. Then, he quickly shielded himself from a fiery curse Voldemort sent.

"How very courageous and very conceited of you," the Dark Lord gave a polite smile which appeared almost sincere.

Sirius inhaled deeply as the impact of the curse hit the shield, causing him to sway a little. A gasp was heard in Severus' direction. He saw that his lover was held by the traitor in firm grasp. Unconsciously, he bit the lower lip.

It was rather maddening that his opponent seemed perfectly at ease with the duel.

He embraced for another impact when Voldemort flung his arm gracefully, sending another deadly curse. Then, another. And then another.

"You shall not claim any further ownership of Severus, child, for he belongs to me in every sense of the way," said the Dark Lord, effusively joyous as if watching a game already won.

Sirius frowned, sweats beading around his forehead. Biting down his lip hard, he lunched a great fiery beast, sending it towards the dark wizard.

Voldemort swung his wand, and the beast fell down to the floor as if struck by an invisible sword.

"Your claim was a false one, Sirius Black, as it stemmed from a false emotion," uncharacteristically glee, the darkest man in the world spoke.

"The room," he grinned maliciously, "was not just about procreation, but about capturing a woman the Baron coveted."

The beast died out and was turned to a enormous bundle of smoke which clouded Sirius' vision. Sirius quickly swung his wand to clear the view, checking again Severus was unharmed.

He glared furiously at the Dark Lord.

The man flashed otherwise brilliant smile, "it was built to create fabricated affection, so that the victim who fell prey on the magic shan't dream of escaping the Baron. So, you see, Black, your emotion as well as Severus' does not count as real."

A hiss of frustration escaped from Severus lips when he failed to wrench himself out of Peter Pettigrew. Out of sheer size difference, he couldn't free himself. But he wished. He wanted to keep Sirius from hearing further.

But the Dark Lord was merciless.

"Your love for Severus Snape is false as much as his love for you," Voldemort lifted his wand. Flashing a brilliant set of white teeth, he drawled in a dangerously low and silky voice, "he does not love you and you him. Instead, _He belongs to me._"

"_Fuck you_!" Sirius bellowed.

To his later amusement, Sirius saw Voldemort's eyes rounded in astonishment.

He growled like a vicious predator, and flung his arm to send a spark. "You obviously do not grasp the concept of love, Voldemort, but no magic can create a real love!" He shouted, enraged.

That smug face turned to sour at that, apparently fazed by his unfazedness.

Sirius snickered, "I _am_ in love with Severus and I will take him with me when I'm done with you."

A slight, but unmistakable frown marred the handsome but inhumane features. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was suspended and Sirius countered him.

"But before that, I'll have some fun killing you."

That ticked him off, making the dark wizard to send a bright green light to kill Sirius.

"_Sirius_!" Severus shrieked.

And everything after that went so quickly that none of them remembered correctly. Regulus, who managed to knock Evan Roiser out, stepped in front of Sirius. Voldemort howled in pain suddenly, his whole body went rigid. It was as if a lightening bolt shot him from head and went all the way down to his toe, causing the man to convulse and then paralyzed.

A bone-white skull ornamented wand dropped to the floor and rolled across the floor.

Regulus collapsed, his limbs sprawled.

Bellowing in fury, Sirius lurched forward and in a wolf-like motion, he landed on top of Voldemort. The enraged brother punched and punched the immobile man again and again.

"You! You!"

Severus saw the bone-white wand, and he used all his might to push the fat boy away, and lunched himself towards the wand. He clasped his hand around the wand, turned, shot a Stupefy to Peter Pettigrew, and pointed it to Voldemort.

He remembered that man's hand on his body. He remembered the foul things that man whispered into his ears. About him. About his lover and his son. He remembered that man had taken his son away. He remembered how devastated he was, how pained he was.

The thin, chapped mouth twitched opened, "_Avada Kedavra!_"

* * *

**Epilogue**

It was Christmas, which means Severus Snape had loads of things to do. He had to cook, he had to clean the room, and he had to make his children listen to him to behave…

All sorts of things that every parent do in holiday.

It was a relief that Sirius was always there to help him out. He kissed the man he loves on the lips, before handing a plate filled with foods.

"Scrumptious," Sirius grinned.

"Where are the children?" Sirius asked.

Sirius shrugged, "y'know, with Reg and Moony. Oh, by the way, James' going to be here, with his wife."

"I know, you've told me last night." Kissing him again, Severus gave a small smile.

James Potter has became somewhat of his… Well, Severus still wouldn't use friend just because it sounded so close but they have, at least, overcame with their common animosity. It was hard. But as it turned out, forgetting the past grudge was a possible thing. And the fact that James was rather handy when it came to taking care of children made it easier for Severus to endure his presence at close range.

Really, the man was really good with kids.

"Did I?" Sirius, lost in the sweetness of kiss, asked dumbly.

Severus bit his lower lip, not enough to cause pain but to alert him, "go and get the table set. I have to wait for the desert."

"Right, um-hmm."

When he got to the dinner table, it was a chaos.

"Harry! Harry, come, look at this! Ary, come and show it to him!" Caelum shouted gleefully and skittered around the table.

"Hey, Cae." A boy who was called Harry greeted shyly.

He had the exact hair of James Potter and face, but with the exception of deep blue eyes. He appeared no older than Caelum but around the same age with Ariel, Severus' second son. Ariel was about six years old, had dark hair and bright blue eyes, and was the cutest thing on Earth according to James.

Ariel dragged a large wooden piece across the floor and smiling politely, handed it to Harry.

"It's a broom stick!" Harry shrieked happily.

The boy absolutely adored flying, and already in possession of similar broom as Ariel have. Harry prompted Ariel to climb up and Caelum helped his younger brother.

And the three boys skittered around the flat trying to take a fly with the new broom stick.

"Boisterous, your boy." James grinned, shrugging out of his coat. His pretty wife giggled in agreement.

"Hey, Prongs. Hi, Trisha," Sirius greeted.

"No more so than yours, James." Remus said, coming out of one of the rooms, his arm around Regulus' waist.

"Caelum's the worst, and the best." Regulus agreed.

One of his arms was slung down heavily. No movement was there, since it gave out the moment it countered the killing curse. Though the curse was incomplete, due to the fact that the initiator was distracted with his souls being destroyed, it maimed the limb. But Regulus was alright with it, was glad that he could give his arm away in exchange of his new life. So everyone else was, too.

And the strangest thing happened, as well, with his arm being maimed. Remus volunteered to help Regulus, as Sirius couldn't. With Severus carrying a child, he simply couldn't spare time as much as he wanted to, or needed to. Thus, the werewolf was the one to help him get through the changes and ordeal, all the while oblivious to a faith that tossed them into something very intimate relationship.

They are now the happiest couple together, and Sirius was all for it.

They all went to the dinner table where Sirius and Severus worked on hard to fill it with foods. Children ate while boisterously chattering, and the adults enjoyed the meal, exchanging news about them.

It was good.

It was great.

It was something Severus never thought he would have in his life, but something he had finally got used to.

The war ended when Severus Snape managed to strike down the evil, and they've returned to their normal lives. Sirius was adamant that whatever happened in the Malfoy's manor shall not hinder his love for Severus. That got him through with the hell he had to endure during captivity.

When the Dark Lord died, Mr. Potter and professor Dumbledore flocked into the manor with a crowd of aurors. They've taken care of the situation when Severus and Sirius cried in each other's arms, relieved that they finally found each other.

He still have nightmares, but Severus was alright.

They have convinced themselves that the child Severus carried was the result of their love-making instead of the horrific incident. They might have been right, too. Ariel was nothing like, like…. Severus couldn't speak his name even still. But Sirius could. And someday, he will as well.

Ariel was adorable little boy, with lock of black hair and blue eyes, pale skin and rosy cheeks. Sometimes his excessive beauty misleads people to think he was a she, but other than that, he was great. Polite, composed and well behaved that Severus always says that Ary was more like him than Sirius.

So, all in all, they were alright.

They've been damaged by the war, like everyone else, but was recovering, and healing.

So it was alright.

They were happy.

All of them.

* * *

**A/N**

**Behind stories that was not included in the story.**

1\. Whether Ariel is Sirius' or Voldemort's, I leave that to you to decide.

2\. Dumbledore apologized to Severus about his desire to recruit him, oblivious to his situation.

3\. James Potter got married a year or two later after Voldemort's death. He met his wife in Hog's head.

4\. Harry does not have a scar.

5\. Severus and Sirius do love each other, no magic can create love.

6\. Caelum got into Gryffindor, Ariel got into Ravenclaw, Harry got into Gryffindor.

7\. Caelum and Ariel is about two years apart.

8\. This fiction started when I imagined about one of the marauders doing something that makes him regret so much about what he did to Severus while reading another Harry Potter fanfiction, which is not on here.

9\. The magic of the room Voldemort spoke is not entirely wrong but not entirely true either.

10\. Severus is a potion master, a well-known potion master that everyone's dying to buy his products.

11\. Sirius' not working. He takes care of the children.

12\. Regulus does not work, either. He has legacy that his parent left for him.

13\. Walburga was shocked when Voldemort died, and was even more shocked that his son was involved in the death of Voldemort. Soon after, she dies.

14\. Orion follows soon after.

15\. Mr. Potter and Mrs. Potter are still thriving and very happy with grandson, and friends of their grandson (i.e. Cae, and Ary.)

16\. They try to spoil that too much that Severus sometimes get into argue, but mostly, they get along well.

17\. Remus and Regulus seeks to have children on their own, too.

18\. Voldemort got petrified because right at that moment when he tried to kill Sirius, James managed to destroy Hocruxes. And the series of soul damage made Voldemort go into shock, and thus letting Sirius to use him as a punchbag. I tried to include this explanation but I forgot.

19\. Lily Evans got married to a muggle, an ordinary person with a good heart. She's quite content with her life, and regrets her childish youth and decisions. She and Severus never got to meet afterwards, though Sev thanked her for her help.

20\. Peter Pettigrew's in Azakaban.

21\. Evan Rosier and the rest of the Death Eaters are 1) in prisonment, 2) in escape - pretending they've been under imperius or threats, 3) died.

Thanks for reading. This has been a long journey for me which I couldn't have gotten through without all of you. I really appreciate your supports and all the nice comments about this fiction. I loved reading every single reviews, and I was encouraged to write further when I read them.

Thank you again.

I hope I can see you again, sometimes later.

Currently, I do not have any plans, but who knows?

(Anyone who seeks to translate this fiction into their own language is free to do so as long as I get to know where this fiction is uploaded. And as long as you make sure that this fiction belongs to Sunmin4530, from fanfiction dot net, you are welcome. Thanks.)

\+ I've added some more behind stories, which I forgot to include last night. hehe. Sorry if you wanted Lily to have a shitty life, but, that's not how I wanted. At least, Peter got what he deserved this time.


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